Thought this was a little strange

We went swimming over the weekend at the pool. My oldest son was swimming around the pool playing with two girls. The mother asked me how old he was and told me her daughter's just turned 4. She asked if I was having a boy or girl. When I told her I was having twin boys she said twins are a lot of work and that was it. I was expecting a comment of, "but they're worth it" or something like that. I just thought that it was kind of strange. I have two young boys and they can drive me a little crazy, but I wouldn't trade my life for the world. I am scared about caring for two babies, but I wouldn't think it would be that difficult when the get older and more independent. I guess I am just used to the support I get on this site.

 

I know I have said the "twins are a lot of work" comment to people, but I have always followed it up with something like "but they are so much fun" or "well worth it" of something like that. I've never just left it as twins are a lot of work. We all know they are, but she sounds a bit negative. Maybe she was having a bad day or something.

 

When we found out we were having twins - my whole neighborhood kept saying how much work and you will need help and better you than me. We heard it all. after a very hard pregnancy with a 6 week hosptial stay - I cherish my girls and yes, they are alot of work but so is my 3 1/2 year old son. All babies are work. Some people should just not speak.

We get no help from my husbands parents, my family is great and help when they can - they are 6 hours away - his parents are 30 minutes!! We raise them by ourselves and do just fine - I feel I have it easy when I compare myself to those of you with triplets and more!! I love my life and wouldn't trade it.

 

I am AMAZED at how many mom/dads of twins I run into that have such a negative take on it. Keep in mind that this is just another example of how everyone views life differently. As with Alison, I too say they are a lot of work and then follow it with lots of positive statements just to show I'm not bitter about having them just up front about the challenges.

 

I would just not pay it any mind. I have just stopped telling any strangers that I am carrying twins. I look huge already and when they ask when I am due I tell them next month even though it is a lie. I get tired of the comments too. I just feel truely blessed by God that he gave me two babies. My DR told me and DH at the beginning of this pregnancy that we did not need any more pregnancies after this one b/c my body would not handle it. DH and I really wanted two more kids. Well a couple of weeks after that we found out it was twins and we were thrilled beyond our wildest dreams. I do thank God all the time that he gave me this blessing. I know I can handle two at one time.

 

Actually for me, all of the comments that have come from parents or grandparents of twins has been positive ones!! I think I have gotten some "alot of work" from them, but all have said it was great and a lot of fun too!!

April

 

I agree she could have been having bad day.

 

when i found out i was having twins, the person whose opinion i most wanted was my aunt's. she had 7 kids when she found out she was pregnant with twins. her twins are now 30 years old. when my mom told her my news, her response was "oh, tammy is so lucky. it is such a special privelage to be the mom of twins. not everyone gets to do that."

whenever i get nervous about how we will handle the twins (plus our 4 year old), i think of what my aunt said. we are blessed.

 

a woman at the mall overheard i was having twins and shook my hand and said, "congratulations! you have a lot of work ahead of you, but it's such a wonderful thing." she has 18 year old twins and brought something new to my attention: her girls are both leaving for college in the fall (and she was heartbroken).... i didn't think about hte fact that they may both go away at the same time!

 

i agree with everyone else. someone is always going to have something to say about having twins whether they are a twin mom or not. i for one cannot wait for my girls to get here. it's really exciting having 1 baby but 2 at the same time! that is doubly exciting!

 

You know, if I had a dime for every time I heard how much work twins were or how fully my HANDS are, I'd be rich!!! I think a lot of people just don't know what to say and the first thing they think of is how much work they are. I don't know how other feel because the twins are my only children right now, but I would think that having two kids different ages would be challenging. At least my two are into about the same things, even if they are a boy and a girl.

 

She could have been having a bad day with them behavioral wise. I know when mine are acting out, I sometimes make comments like that and don't follow it up with something positive. I later do to myself though.

 

Twins are alot of work, but kids in general are as well. Don't think she meant anything bad. Just commenting.

People who I've come across with twins usually says its alot of work, then we compare odd things they do . Like one is dominant or quiet or shy or evil!

 

Maybe she was too tired to add in any more!! hee hee!!! I think any twin mom who acts like the first 6 months to a year is a piece of cake is just full of it... yes, they are worth it... but it is true that especially the first year is very difficult in comparison to just having one at that age. It's not so much the number of children total, but the fact that two of them are in that incredibly needy infant stage..and the sleep deprivation. She probably didn't mean to be too negative...just realistically stating her view on twin-infancy.

 

I've found that people suck and are negative overall. Thats why I am so thankful for this site!! I just hope those people realize the truth of it all one day!

 

I would say she might have been having a bad day (I know if I am at the beach or pool with just the twins.....it is a lot of work). Whenever I meet an expecting mother of twins or someone with younger twins, I always tell them how great it is....I think they already know it's going to be a lot of work.

 

They are a lot of work but it doesn't feel like work (well sometimes it does) it just feels like bieng a mommy and I LOVE it! They are totally worth it and now that I am through the first couple months, my life is wonderful. I want to eat their little faces they are soooo cute!! Also the joy that they bring everyone around me and our families is absolutely priceless. Everyone said dumb stuff to me but just know they will be the greatest gift of your life.

 

In all honesty I tell people mine are about as much work as one difficult baby would be. I actually had an easier time w/ the twins bringing them home than I did with DD#1 because I was just not as nervous about "baby stuff" w/ them. You will be fine. It may be a lot of work somedays but you get twice the snuggles, kisses and smiles... So it is WAY worth the work! Dont let 'em scare ya!

 

I mostly get comments like 'WOW, really, you're so lucky' and I know that's true, the only negative comments I've had.....like complete silence when I first told the only lady I know whose had twins. Then she said 'That's ok, you can do it'. lol. I think she was weighing it up in her silence and came to the conclusion that I was capable. She knows me pretty well. I KNOW I can do it. I think that's why you get chosen by god to have multiples, coz he knows you can do it. I am more worried about the money side of it. We are not especially financial at the minute!!
Everybody else - family, complete strangers ALL get very excited about it.
I think it's great coz DH wanted only one child - I didn't want an only child, I have two siblings and we have a very strong bond.....I didn't want my child to miss out on that. Now the gloves are off because we have no choice but to have two YAY!!

 

I had so many comments when I was pregnant. Most of them outrageous. A lot of times I had my 2yr old with me. Some were, "oh, you poor thing","your gonna have your hands full","better you than me","good luck". Just to name a few. I was so sick of talking to people about it so I started to not even acknowlege them when they would speak to me. I know it was rude but you just get tired of it. I never took it to heart though, if I did I would have been so down about the pregnancy and that was just not going to happen. So when they say things like that just brush it off. Of course it's going to be hard work. But it's so worth it! :wub:

 

The truth is, not everyone likes being a parent. I have heard people with just one child total make negative comments about parenting.

I had a mom of adult twins tell me not to breastfeed because it took up too much time and she lost too much sleep :icon_eek: She said she breastfed and she wish that she hadn't because she didn't think it was worth it. Luckily I had bfed ds and knew to just ignore her comment and chalk it up to someone who just didn't really enjoy the role they were in (and this was 30 years ago for her) and that didn't have to be my life.

 

Not to be the bearer of bad news but wait until they are born. The comments you will get then, oh boy! I heard a few "I'm sorry's and wow, they are going to keep you busy" type things when I was pg with my twins but now the comments are far worse then before. I remember not too long ago my mom and I were at Target with the girls (they were about 14 months old at the time) I was checking out and my mom took them to the food court to get us some cookies. Both girls were sitting in their stroller, being very well behaved. As I was walking up I could see my mom talking to 2 older women about the twins. As I walked up the one lady said "oh this must be the mother" I said "yes, I am" and she said "I feel so sorry for you, they must be so much work, I couldnt imagine being in your shoes, dear" I replied "no need to feel sorry, they are wonderful and I wouldnt change it for a minute" She then said "well I am glad that you have such a good attitude about it, I know I wouldnt" I was a little bewildered by her comment and was thinking to myself that this woman has steel b@lls to say something like that to a complete stranger...and believe me, the comments are much worse then this one.

Also you will get alot of "are they real twins?" A good one is my dh was out of town a few weeks ago and my aunt made him a shirt with an iron on pic of the girls . He said the waitress came up and this is the conversation:

waitress--"oh, you have twins"
dh--yes
waitress--are they girls?
dh--uh, yes (they were both in pink)
waitress--are they real twins?
dh-excuse me?
waitress--are they real twins, you know identical?
dh--yes, they are identical
waitress--oh thats good b/c my friend has fraternals but they arent real twins
dh--no comment just a strange look on his face as she walked away

My best advice, be prepared for ANYTHING to come out of people's mouths!

 

Unfortunately not all people with twins are friendly. I came across this while at a bowling alley a couple weeks ago. We asked how old her twins were and told her we had twins and she just answered our question and then turned her back to us. My husband then asked her another question and she gave us this funny look like we were bothering her.
I guess not everyone feels the twin bond with other people. And some people are just plain rude.

 

It is weird huh? You do expect positive remarks from twin parents. I was so excited to tell a mom I saw at a gymnastics class who had identical girls. She was the first twin mommy I'd met while preggo. So here I am just in a very mushy moment gushing "I'm having twins too!" and she looked at me and laughed snidely and said "good luck" She totally meant it like she hated her twins. I remember just being stunned!

 

I really hate some people. I know someone who just had a single baby and would CONSTANTLY make comments like "you will have to listen to them yell twice as loud" or "you will have to change twice as many diapers". Its like she is trying to make herself feel better by bringing someone else down.

I really do hate some people.

 

Well, DUH! Having one baby is a lot of work, but you already knew that too! Some people are just social idiots.
Besides, I think it totally depends on your babies. My aunt had 6 kids, the last two were twins, and she said there was almost no difference going from 4 kids to 6 kids. My girls were a lot of work at the beginning, but I knew that going into it! And now they are just so super-cute, they laugh all the time, they sleep really well, they make funny faces when they eat, and all those cute matching outfits... Everyone who meets us wishes they had twin girls. Seriously.

There will be days when you want to tear your hair out, but the good days definitely outnumber the bad. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You will have so much fun. There, now I've said all the stuff that woman should have said but was too socially challenged to express to a pregnant woman.

 

QUOTE(Janan @ Jul 10 2007, 06:46 PM) [snapback]324783[/snapback]
I really hate some people. I know someone who just had a single baby and would CONSTANTLY make comments like "you will have to listen to them yell twice as loud" or "you will have to change twice as many diapers". Its like she is trying to make herself feel better by bringing someone else down.

I really do hate some people.


Ha ha ha, what a silly woman. Your babies may cry really quietly, or less than her singleton. And the diaper-changing is really not that bad. It only takes a minute more. Paying for all those diapers is a different story...
I have friends with ONE child who was much, much more difficult than my twin girls. I also look at moms of two young children, say a toddler and a baby, in the grocery store sometimes, and I think to myself that they have it harder than I do. I do everything twice, but I do the SAME thing twice.

Of course it is sometimes harder than having just one baby. But often, it is also a heck of a lot more fun (well, I assume, since I never got to experience having one at a time!)