Those Of You With No Hired Or Family Help, How Do You Do It?

My babies are almost 5.5 months old and for the past two months I have had hired help M-F. This will be ending at the end of this month (FIL and my mom are paying for it and can no longer afford to do so). Before my helper came on board I had help from my mom who came to stay with us for awhile.

While I have had to do so for brief periods of time, I am petrified at the thought of taking care of both of my babies alone for long stretches (like when DH is at work all day long), especially since one of my babies is pretty "high needs." She will never fall asleep for a nap without being rocked and rocked and then if I am lucky, I can gently place her in the crib and she'll nap for 10 minutes. Then the whole thing starts over again. <_< When I have my helper here, it's not a big deal, but now that I am going to be alone with them, this is a big issue. Sometimes when I am alone and they are both crying, I just sit on the floor with them and we all three cry together. It's very frustrating and invokes serious panic in me.

Any tips on how to manage alone would be very appreciated. Any toys you found especially engaging, creative uses of bouncy seats, etc. I just need to know that it is doable. I might mention that I am suffering from pretty serious PPD and am still waging a war with it and trying various antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds to get a grip on it.

 

You can do this! Do you have a swing (or two)? I had one baby that was pretty high needs for a stretch, and the swing was a lifesaver. Actually, mine both napped in their swings for a very long while. Neither of them were ever big on the bouncy seats.

 

Have faith....it can be done. Just stay organized....have bottles made in advance for the day, diapers in the basket ready to go, bibs by the high chairs, food lined up for the day per meal. Remember patience and you will get through!

 

My biggest advice would be to sleep train your babies while you still have the help.

As far as the naps go, after you evern tried putting them in their crib awake and letting them try to fall asleep on their own.

I had help for awhile and this is what we did...We would put them awake in their crib and then put a cd lullaby on kind of loud and after awhile, I think they related it to sleep. I also think that it made them forget about crying because the cd was on and they focused on that. It took about a week for this to work. While the cd and noise make were on, each of us would be by a crib and hum and pat that baby. As they got more sleepy, we woud stop the humming and just pat. I cant remember if we continued to pat them until they fell asleep or almost alseep ( i think until they fell asleep). You dont want to leave the room too soon because then they will get all worked up and start all over again.

Once you get the sleep thing down, the rest may not seem as difficult once the help leaves.

I rotated mine between an excersaucer the floor and the play gym. I also put on one baby einstein movie a day (2 on really difficult and long days!)

You can do it. It seems so scary at first but after you do it a few times you will do great!

And I just saw we have the same birthday!!

 

You can do this, try and have some faith in yourself, I know it's really hard to do with the PPD. :hug99: Like PP said, make sure you are organized. Have everything ready to go in advance so you are not scrambling at the last minute. Your babies are old enough for exersaucers or jumpers, have you tried those? At that age it is difficult, they are ready to do more things, but aren't able to do as much as they would like. I would rotate mine between the Bumbo, exersaucer, walker, swings, bouncies, and jumpers, and also gave them lots of floor time. Our naps were all over the place until about 6 months. When I started putting them in their cribs at the same time every single day, usually on a full tummy, they started sleeping better. Maybe you can play with your schedule a bit.

:banana: YOU CAN DO IT! :banana:

 

Thank you all so much! I appreciate the support and the cheering-on!

We do have an Exersaucer and a Jumperoo and one swing and two Gymini mats. I am pretty organized as far as having everything ready. I think the hardest part is the napping thing. They both get cranky and my little girl is SO hard to put down. I will try the sleep training and see how it goes. Is it okay to put them on their tummies to nap now? They both are able to roll over on to their tummies, but rolling back over on to their backs is still a work in progress. They do sleep on their sides pretty well, but like I said, my little girl is a total cat napper and then she gets overly tired, etc.

Thanks again for the support!

 

Just like others said, YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! It might be scary because you are so used to having someone there all the time...but once you get used to being alone with them and get a schedule going, things will be great!!
My ex-husband and I split up when my boys were 7 weeks old...they are just over 2 now and I have been alone with them for all this time! I did get help from my parents when they could but I have done most of it myself!! And I still smile each and every day!! People are amazed that I have survived twins by myself....sometimes so am I!!!!

 

I've taken care of my twins and an older child pretty much from the beginning. My dh was deployed when they were born and I did have my mom for a little bit but not long and then I was on my own. I agree with the sleep training lifesaver. It was HARD in the beginning and it's still hard at times but I just started the schedule at the beginning and stuck to it. And I let them sleep wherever until about 4 months old and they have slept nowhere else besides the crib except for the occassional swing and pnp if nothing else worked. You can do it just know there is going to be bad days. That helped me alot just knowing there is gonna be bad days and just dealing with it trying to get through it and knowing tomorrow is gonna be better. My dh is home now and will be for a little bit but come June he is going to be gone pretty much all summer and I'm on my own again....It really sucks to think about lol.
As for playing mine get bored so easy it kills me. We have an exersaucer and jumperoo and probably every toy for a 6 month old on the market. If all else fails I put on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and they are good so I can get a minute to fix lunch or dinner. I know it's tv but I will do whatever I can b/c I have another child I do have to care for and if tv is going to keep them quiet for 15-20 min then count me in.

 

You can do this!! My DH and I are all the help we've got and we both work full time and somehow we're making it work. Like PP said, stay organized! I have "stations" throughout the house for changing, napping, playing, medicating, etc. So, no matter where we are in the house, I'm just steps away from doing whatever I need to do. I too have one high-maintenance baby. She's got refulx and eats too fast and spits up too much. She just gets so fussy! She has to be held to be fed and she needs to sit up (be held) for at least 20 -30 minutes after eating. So, I try to feed mellow baby before her sister wakes up (that way we can get in some cuddle time). That doesn't always work though, so there are times when I have to prop mellow baby's bottle to feed her sister. It breaks my heart, but the cuddle time ends up evening out when their daddy gets home and we can both snuggle a baby.

I won't say it will always be easy or that things will always go like clockwork, cuz they rarely do. But, you CAN do this and you'll feel so great about it all when you do!

HTH! ~ Laura

 

you can do this!!! If you have cable TV you can get Sesame Street - mine have been watching since they were about 6 mos old and you know what - they laugh at Elmo, recognize music and if my daughter is standing up she will shake her little butt!
they take or leave the rest of the program but Elmo fixates them and I can get 20 minutes to pee, make a phone call or fold a load of laundry...

also something else to realize (and I'm not being horrible) - sometimes you may have to let one cry while you care for the other - its a difficult thing to realize and it took me a while but it doesn't kill them and most of the time the one thats crying will wind up picking up a toy and stop crying after a few seconds when they realize that mommy is busy with the other twin...

the exersaucers were a lifesaver once they got old enough - now they're used for time out places LOL

 

I am in your boat, but a little bit earlier...
My husband was "grounded" from traveling when I went on bedrest and now that the kiddos are here and doing well, the company is putting him back on 100% travel in 2 weeks. I am soooo scared! I too am suffering the evil PPD and have been so spoiled to him helping. With him leaving I have no idea how it will work out, but the one thing I do know is it will. One way or another we can get through this! I am relying on my faith, my abilities (they must be hidden in me somewhere), and TS!! We can cry through this together girl!!!

 

You will find strength you never knew you had! Just remember, there may be crying, there may be screaming, there may be total meltdowns, but the babies will love you no matter how you act.

 

Believe it or not, once you do it you'll wonder why you worried so much. Although it's exhausting, I find the days I'm alone with them I get more done and feel more confident than the days I have help (about 1 day a week my mom will come for a few hours).

For me the key is having a routine. The babies like it and I like knowing what to do next. I spend the first part of the day focusing on their naps and the second half of the day I am flexible. During the day I let them nap as long as they want, usually the first nap is 2-3 hours long. If one wakes up I don't wake the other unless it's the afternoon and I want to get out of the house. When the weather is nice I try to take at least one walk a day, sometimes two.

If your girl isn't napping well at this point I would seriously focus on that because without that your day will be much harder. I highly recommend you read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" for advice.

Other things I do to get through the day: I follow the routine of nap/nurse/play. As soon as they wake up I nurse them. Then we play, and that could be time on the floor with toys, watching me make breakfast & eat (they sit on a bouncy chair in the kitchen). Me feeding them (I give them very small amounts of cereal with banana or avocado, not for the calories, but just as an introduction to eating solids). Taking walks, either both in a twin stroller, or I bjorn one & put the other in a single stroller. If they seem to have lots of energy I make sure they do some tummy time and get some time in the jumper to wear them out. We also look at books, and I sing to them a lot. If one is alseep and the other is up we will walk around in the yard and I take the monitor with me. I also love to give them leg and foot massage and they love it too. Sometimes we look at books and I make animal noises - they love that. I also give them alone time to stare out the window or at the ceiling or whatever. I just watch them from afar.

 

You can do it! I got home from having the babies on a Friday and my honey had to go back to work the following Wednesday, so I was alone with them from the beginning. I was so scared to be alone with two babies but it all works out.

I've tried to keep them on somewhat of a routine from the beginning which helps. They both eat at the same time, play, sleep, and nap at the same time. I haven't mastered having them nap in the cribs - they nap in their swings and right now that's fine by me. I'll work on napping in the cribs later on. But we have routines which help keep the days flowing - they get up and I do the same thing - turn on the lights, turn on the mobile, change diapers and clothes, play a bit, leave them in the crib while I fix myself hot cocoa, then out to nurse. Then a bit of play before a morning nap, and the whole thing repeats all day long. If one of them only naps a bit and the other naps real long, or they both get really out of whack on their sleep, I will take them for an outing so they both fall asleep in the carseats at the same time. If I have to leave to go somewhere, I make sure they are fed and changed and we leave right around when they would have napped, so they fall asleep at the time they normally would have anyways. We don't have "set" naptimes or anything, they both catnap a lot during the day too, I just follow thier leads and read "sleepy" signs. During the day we rotate with the activity mats, Bumbo seats, crib, and swings and activity bouncies. When the weather is nice we go for walks too. At night at 645-700 it's bathtime, then quiet time, nursing and both in bed by 745-800. You can bathe both at the same time, just bring a bouncy or papasan into the bathroom and put one in it while you take care of the other, I was always expecting the one in the bouncy to start fussing but he never does, I think he just likes all the sounds and activity going on while I bathe the other.

Some sanity tips - it really is OK to let them cry for a bit. I used to always go running whenever they would cry, but sometimes you just gotta make yourself a sandwich or something and they can just cry for awhile until you can get back to them. And when both are crying and you only have two hands, that's OK too. I have one that's fussier than the other one and I worry sometimes that I give that one too much attention so I try to balance it out, but I also figured that if that were true, every single set of twins in the world would have abandonment issues!
Soemtimes you will have days where you really don't want to be the upbeat, energetic, lots-of-activity mom - you just don't feel good, whatever. Those days are fine too. Even if you spend the day laying on the floor with them, you might feel guilty but don't, they learn from everything they do and babies benefit from relaxing days too.
They love thier mama no matter what you do, say, feel ... and even though it gets so stressful sometimes, there are also moments when it's just you and your babies and they both grin at you and you feel so complete, so Superwoman, so loving and loved, certain feelings you can only get by taking care of the two of them all by yourself.

 

I really, truly appreciate all the advice and support here. I am just so greatful that so many of you took the time to post replies, and some very lengthy replies at that!!

I guess it's like that old saying "their bark is worse than their bite," sort of thing; meaning that my worrying is actually worse than what will actually happen (for the most part, lol).

The issue with napping and routines is a huge one, because right now there is NO nap schedule at all and when they do nap, it's hit or miss who will get up and what will happen. I will re-read the section in HSHHC about napping and getting baby to sleep. I know I need to use some tough love with my daughter when it comes to her crying and wanting to be picked up, we fell into that habit when she was just out of the NICU and also because she had such severe colic. Ugh, I dread doing this, but know it is necessary.

Again, thank you all!

P.S. to three_precious_girls ~ I look forward to reading how it goes for you. Please PM me or reply to this thread if you want to let us know how you do when DH returns to his travel schedule. Good luck!

 

You've gotten some fabulous advice from everyone. I couldn't help but chime in a bit. While my boys aren't as old as your kiddos, I felt the same way when my DH went back to work and my mom and mom-in-law couldn't come help me. I had a bit of a meltdown the night before, but ended up survivng my first day alone just fine! Now, I work part time and really relish the days I get to spend with them at home alone. It's a great bonding experience and it's amazing what tricks you can come up with to handle them both on your own! You'll be great!

 

I also just wanted to reiterate what you said on your last post....the fear is probably worse than actually being alone with them. I think all of us were terrified the first day we had to do it on our own, but you make it through and learn what works for you and them. Probably around 4-5 months is when I got mine on a pretty set schedule. Until then, I was feeding them separately, so their nap times were slightly off too. Once I got them both on the same eat/nap schedules, life was sooooo much better!

Good luck!! I hope you're able to get naps straightened out fairly soon. I'm sure you'll do great...yes, like someone else said, you will occasionally have meltdowns, but that's inevitable with 2 young babies demanding so much from you and PPD on top of it. You'll have a lot of great moments too!

 

I'm not sure what the weather is like where you live, but being able to go outside for part of the day has been a lifesaver for me. The babies love it. We have an exersaucer and porch swing out there. They spend a lot of time in those. When they get tired of those, we just go play on the grass. If you're wary of the grass, get a really big blanket and let them roll around on it. Babies love it outside.

I agree with trying to get a nap schedule down before your help leaves. Having a schedule is the only way I know how to do it. I have them nap and eat at the same time. Are you bottle feeding or breastfeeding? If you're bottle feeding, you can feed them in their bouncies at the same time with the bottles propped. There will usually be several times during the day when one or both are crying. I guess you just learn that it is ok when babies cry. It doesn't bother me anymore. I too have one baby that is more high maintenancy than the other. Luckily, its not both!

I'll try and think of more advice...