Those of you with girls that have long hair

My DD is 7.5 yrs old and has long hair. It's kind of thick, but straight. I'm having such an issue with her right now because she wants me to brush her hair everyday. I can understand if she needs me to do pony tails or braids or whatever, but I keep trying to get her to learn to brush her own hair and she just gives up saying it's too hard. She does have a sensitive head (so do I). Am I being unreasonable to think that a child this age should be able to brush their own hair. She'll do the ends and then she neglects the middle and top and it looks crazy and is totally tangly. Maybe I'm just trying to make her do things that are too old for her, but wanted to come ask the "experts". Thanks!

 

I had very long hair as a child, and yes, I think she's too young to be totally responsible for it. At that age, I still had it. And I had a matted knot on the underside of my hair for at least a month because my arms just got tired trying to brush all of it out. I was 7 when my mom had my brother. She just told me and my sister that she now had him to take care off, so we were on our own for hair and some other stuff. I elected to get it cut-off after 1.5 years of trying to deal with it. I was able to do a much better job with short hair and then as it grew out again, learned how to do long hair.

Sarah has long hair right now. She's only 6.5, but she doesn't do any of her hair stuff except telling me how she wants to wear it. She also wants to grow her bangs out so I'm helping with hairstyles while we're in the awkward stage. She also wants about 6 inches off before school starts, so we'll probably do that. Maybe then I'll start working with her on brushing it.

Marissa

 

My oldest didn't start really doing her hair until this past year (she is 10). She tried brushing it but preferred I do it. I held onto it as long as I could because I knew then it was brushed really well. From talking to friends most started around 8-9ish with taking care of their own hair (depending on length). My oldest just about the past 6 mos started being able to put it up in a pony by herself also.
My five year old has very long hair and wants so badly to brush it herself but she doesn't get the whole head yet. She may fight me on it as she gets older so I think a lot of it is just their personality and if they truly want to do it?

 

Ok, I can see that I'm probably being unrealistic. I usually ask her to just start it for me and I'll get to it in a minute. But she doesn't even want to try and errupts into tears. I guess this might be an issue b/c she has been SOOOOOO emotional lately and cries about everything so maybe I'm getting more irritated with that than anything. I do everything else with her hair style wise eventhough she doesn't like a whole lot done to it. She had her bangs grown out. We use spray conditioner and she shampoos and uses a seperate conditioner. She can comb it well after her shower. But, I will continue to help her out since I know it's hard to get the whole head. Thanks for the feedback.

 

I don't think it is unrealistic to ask her to try and you to finish. I know for us to get our hair braided when we were older, we had to have it brushed out as best we could. Then mom finished and put the braids it. The crying and not trying would be a huge issue for me.

Marissa

 

I agree. But, I have to say that, even as an adult with long hair, it can be tough! Technique and tools make all the difference, though. Have you taught her to start at the bottom and get those knots out and then move up a little at a time? It really does help keep it from getting into horrible, painful tangles while you brush. Otherwise, you are just pulling one knot down on top of another and creating a mess!

Good conditioner also make as world of difference. If the ends start to split or get ragged, they snag against each other more and create knots. I love Dove and Mane n' Tail conditioners.

Also, the type of brush can make a huge difference. I've been through a ton over the years and have finally found one I love! It has both boar-hair bristles and plastic bristles. When I had long hair (very thick) it would take me 30 painful minutes to brush it out every day until I found this brush. After I started using this brush, it took a few painless swipes and I was done. I had my first one for about 7 years before I passed that down to my DD who still uses it and bought myself a new one. I'll never use any other type of brush again.

 

My DDs are only 4.5, but FWIW, I think a child that age should be willing to try to brush her own hair, but especially if it's long and thick, she might just not be able to. (Mine was like that, and I remember that I wasn't allowed to even START growing it out till I was 7, because my mother just could not handle the struggle of helping me brush it everyday.)

As long as she's trying, I don't think you can blame her if she just can't do it. It's your decision whether you're willing to keep doing it, or cut it off until she can do it herself.

I agree with Stacy too. Finding the right kind of brush was huge for me (I prefer the plastic ones with sturdy, widely-spaced bristles -- almost like a 3-dimensional comb). I also use Pantene "Healthy Curls" (I think that's what it's called at the moment) conditioner, which helps a lot even though my hair is not technically curly.

 

Annie is 7 1/2 and has been doing her own hair for the last year. It's about shoulder length when it's short, but she says she wants it longer. Until that is, it gets too long and she can't brush it. Her hair was always interesting and I had to convince her that "less is more." She'd go with barrettes, a head band, and a pony tail or 2. In the spring her teacher told me she was telling all of her other teacher friends about Annie: Annie would have a new hairstyle every time she came out of the bathroom.

Annie will also do her sisters' hair when she's in a good mood. They stayed at my dad's house in May and I told her she had to be in charge of hair!

 

Both my girls have hair below their hips - it is thick but fine. I have not even started asking them to help. It is easier & safer for their hair for me to do it myself. They will let me know when they are interested in combing & brushing, They have just gotten interested in putting in hairbands. Once they are interested in brushing their own hair, they can do as much as they like & I'll finish if needed. My oldest dd has super thick, wildly curly hair.....I was still taking care of her hair at 11 or 12. She grew up all right , so I don't think it is big issue unless you make it one.

 

yes, I have showed her how to brush it starting at the ends and work up. I also showed her how to pull it over to the side so she an get the ends easily. She uses a very large brush with plastic bristles that are far apart. This is the easiest one we've found for her hair.

I agree that she's probably not able to do it all herself, but was upset this morning when she went into the automatic sobfest when I asked her to the get the brush. I just want her to try and I tell her she's never going to learn to do it if she doesn't even try it out. She's been extremely emotional the last few weeks and I have NO idea what's going on with her. I mean I look at her and she's freaking out.

 

My daughter (7 1/2) has been brushing her hair and putting in her own pony tails for over six months now. I do help her brush her hair and I usually do her hair on school days but if we are staying home she wants to do it herself (at least put in a pony tail, which she does very badly) but I figure as long as she is trying then I am happy.

I would ask your daughter why she is crying. My daughter is very sensitive and cries a lot also. If she thinks I am mad at her, yelling at her, sister is being mean, it can even be she can't find something or that she lost something and thinks she is going to get in trouble for it. Sometimes things set her off easily and sometimes it takes a little more to set her off. One thing that we noticed is that if she is over tired then she will cry at a drop of the hat (even looking at her the wrong way will set her off). Has anything changed in the past few weeks that she could still be upset about?

 

Megan started brushing her own after I had the twins when she was 7.5. We cut to above her shoulders so she could more easily learn how to wash it and brush it herself. It took her a few months to get it but she did. She had periods (still does) that she gets lazy when washing it so she doesn't get the roots well but I send her back to the shower to do it again. The brushing was easier to learn. I also think desire plays a huge part in learning how. Until she was at least 9 I would brush after her if it was a school day.

The tears...could be lots of things. Girls start having hormonal surges well before puberty actually hits so maybe that's what's happening.

 

I've noticed and brought it to DH's attention that about every 4-6 weeks, she does become quite a bit more emotional and flies off the handle about everything so I wouldn't doubt that. Can I just stop time already? This is just happening way too fast!