This SAHM thing is A LOT harder than I thought...

I never thought it was going to be easy to be a SAHM mom to twins, but I never thought it was going to be this challenging!!

Today is the first day that I am home by myself with the girls, and I am ready to cry. Please tell me that this gets easier! I feel like they have both been screaming all day. I cant feed, change or hold them fast enough. And as soon as I get one settled the other one starts up!

I am hoping that it wont be too long until we can get a good routine down. Right now I am just flying by the seat of my pants. To all of you SAHM's my hat goes off to you. You are amazing!

 

You are at a tough age! I think most of us felt like crying at that point! It will get easier, hang in there. :hug99:

 

I've been feeling like that for 3+ months AND I have a toddler!!!! I know what you are going thru and it does get easier. I have never had any help so it's been choatic since day one but once you get into a routine and know what works best it will get better. I'm sure it's nice that you've had someone else to help. I've always said "if I just had another set of arms to care for the other baby I wouldn't need anything else"...lol. You'll do it and you'll do great. Take it one day at a time and know you are only one person.

 

if you are feeding changing and holding them then you are doing fine, it will get easier, but it might get worse before it gets better, sorry. :vava:
do you have a sling or other similar theng you can use, I think I remember your avatar with both of them in one...now is the time to use it!!!

we are here for ya! :hug99:

 

QUOTE(AWerner @ Dec 27 2007, 01:03 PM) [snapback]547886[/snapback]
if you are feeding changing and holding them then you are doing fine, it will get easier, but it might get worse before it gets better, sorry. :vava:
do you have a sling or other similar theng you can use, I think I remember your avatar with both of them in one...now is the time to use it!!!

we are here for ya! :hug99:


Unfortunately the picture of the girls in what looked like a sling was just a single blanket over the 2 of them as they were laying on DH's chest. Do the slings work? Can you reccomend one?

 

You are just getting to know them. It takes time to figure each other out, hang in there :hug99:

But for me personally I learned I was not SAHM material, lol, I did it for 6 months and now work part-time and its a good balance for me.

 

QUOTE(Kyrstyn @ Dec 27 2007, 03:50 PM) [snapback]547858[/snapback]
I never thought it was going to be easy to be a SAHM mom to twins, but I never thought it was going to be this challenging!!

Today is the first day that I am home by myself with the girls, and I am ready to cry. Please tell me that this gets easier! I feel like they have both been screaming all day. I cant feed, change or hold them fast enough. And as soon as I get one settled the other one starts up!

I am hoping that it wont be too long until we can get a good routine down. Right now I am just flying by the seat of my pants. To all of you SAHM's my hat goes off to you. You are amazing!


I agree with a previous post, use a sling or wrap. www.childrensneeds.com. Beate is WONDERFUL help in choosing a wrap that works for you. I used a sling for my twins ALL DAY. They even nursed in the sling. They would start bobbing their little heads against my boobs when they were hungry! LOL! I remember sitting down on the couch like I was still pg and take a nap while they were napping.

I have twin boys that will be 5 on Saturday. I remember your days well. My husband used to say that a diaper change could ruin a perfectly good day. :8714bumper:

Just keep taking care of them. You are doing a good job.

And yes, you are right, it is one thing right after another. And yes, it will get better. :love0028:

Take Care,
Andrea

 

It does get easier, the last 3 days it seems like things are finally starting to fall into place, I hesitate to say that b/c it may all go to heck, but I just about had a mental breakdown from weeks 6-10. I've been home alone with the twins since they were 1 week old, you get used to it, and once you get a system down it helps. My biggest tip is that I always change diapers before bottles. The babies have associated a diaper change with food coming, so even if they are screaming they will quiet down and wait during/after the change.

 

I have no advice just that you will find your routine and things will fall in place and it will get easier.... hugs and congrats on the awsome ability to be a SAHM....

 

It is rough, it felt like groundhog day, only it was every 2-3 hours...Becca turned a good corner around 3 months, jake took a little longer.

First, it's ok if they are crying while you ..fill in the blank (eat, go to the bathroom, cry yourself)...

Second, do whatever you can to make your life easier - paper plates, bottle liners (if that works for the girls), not getting dressed, WHATEVER you need to do.

Third, it will get better and these days will pass

Fourth - if you can afford any kind of help, or if you have friends you trust (I know you have to be extra careful with the girls since they were born so early). Even if they can't help with the babies, maybe they can do laundry or dishes...

Fifth - it will go faster than you think.

Hang in there
Miriam

 

:hug99: I feel your pain! Your post really brings back memories. When I was first home alone with the babies, I was flat-out terrified. Two of them, one of you, and they don't understand "Just wait a sec, sweetie..."

Ditto pps - get a sling or a Bjorn asap! That way you can have your hands free while keeping at least one baby happy. I've also seen pictures of moms wearing two babies at once in the Moby Wrap, and though I haven't tried it myself, it looks great (and the Moby can be worn a million different ways, so when they get too big to wear at the same time, you can still use it).

At the clinic I went to for PPD, there was a great poster that said "Your job is not to stop the crying. Your job is to COPE WITH the crying." (Ie of course you do all you can to make the babies happy, but when nothing works, it's ok, just let them cry on your shoulder and do whatever you have to do to stay sane. And if it's just too much, if all their needs are met - fed, changed, warm, and in a safe place like the crib - you can just walk out for 5 min and take deep breaths, whatever it takes to calm yourself down.)

Get ALL the help you can. If you don't have friends/family who can help, check your budget and get as much help as you can afford. Doesn't have to be a nanny - just getting groceries via Peapod, sending out for pizza, hiring a maid service, even hiring a mother's helper for a couple hours a week will make a big difference.

Rest whenever the babies are sleeping. I could never do the "sleep when the babies sleep" thing, but don't use those rare breaks getting housework done - do something for yourself instead. Sleep if you can, or surf the web, read a book, listen to music, call a friend...

It is scary and unbelievably difficult, but YOU CAN DO IT! Even 5 minutes can seem like an eternity when you're home alone with two newborns, but it won't be long before you are a total pro at it.

 

I definitely ditto the above sentiments...especially feeling like it was Groundhog Day every day. I think at some point, I decided I felt more like a hamster on a wheel! :lol:

I'm on the "other side" (they're sleeping through the night!) and I can tell you that it does definitely get better, and I also have a toddler so you know things are nuts around here. We've discovered that our boys need to be moving in order to stay happy. So, there's a lot of time in the swing, the vibrating chair, a wrap or sling or rocking with me in the chair. Once you get to the stage where they are awake a little more, but hungry less, it truly does get easier. During the most difficult parts, there just wasn't much that got done around the house until after everyone was in bed.

Hang in there! :hug99:

 

It doesnt necessarily get easier, but you get used to the madness. Mine are about 10 months now and some days are good and some days are awful! You do get some sort of routine down and find a nice balance to make it all work. Give it time and yours will come too. Its a wild ride, but sooooo worth it!!

 

I still remember the first time I was home all day with my infant twins and my 20 month old. I felt sick to my stomach the night before. I had such dread of getting up each morning. (I was up all night....but along with dh...it was the wake up at the official start of the day that I dreaded). One thing that dh did for me was to get me some comfort food. For that phase it was muffins from Wegman's. Honestly! Those muffins really helped me face the day. I would feed the babies on boppies...I had one bf and one bottle fed...so one would be up on the boppy with me and the other on the boppy next to me on either the couch or the bed...my glass of milk and muffin would be right next to me (dh would set it up before he left for work) and it just made me happy to face the day with that muffin. yes, it did take me a bit longer to shed my last 10 pounds...but it came off as soon as the babies got moving!! LOL! Anyway, I know the feeling and I did cry many times. Put on some happy music, find something that makes you happy...if it's food or a hot shower when your dh gets home....whatever..do these little things for yourself b/c it really makes a big difference. And know that it will get better. Rejoice in each feeding, knowing that each bottle takes you one step closer to bigger babies who sleep longer. (or have the potential to sleep longer with a little CIO nudging...) And if you do feel good about CIO around 5 months adjusted age, then mark your calender for when you know for sure you'll be getting better sleep. I always did what I could until then...and for 2 out of my 3 babies they needed a little "encouragement" to learn how to self soothe and fall asleep on their own. In the meantime, until 5 months, I did whatever i had to. There were days that I put the twins on the floor and laid down with them to nap. Other times they napped in their swings....don't worry about bad habits, so long as you are willing to do CIO down the road there is no bad habit that can't be broken then.

 

It will get easier!!! It is definitely hard with twins especially when they are that little. I remember at points during the first 3 months just sitting in the recliner crying as Iwas feeding one child as the other baby was crying. It was a frustrating time. Remember to ACCEPT all help offered and to communicate well with your DH. Good luck - it will get better!!!

 

:hug99: You are going through the toughest time right now! Those first few months are so tiring and insane. The sleep deprivation alone will do you in -- you are doing a great job juggling it all Mommy! :hug99: I promise it will get easier -- the sleep will help.

 

Ditto to everything - this is a VERY difficult time. Use whatever you can to soothe them/keep them occupied - don't worry about people who say they will get addicted to swings or bouncis or whatever; ESP since yours were so early and they are still so young, WHATEVER soothes them and makes it easier is fine.

and yes, get whatever kind of help you can: for me i had a difficult time finding time to eat, literallY 9actually, i still do but...); make sure your dh prepares food that you can eat with one hand w/out having to do anything else to it. Get friends to come over, and if you're not comfortable w/them being w/the babies, they can do laundry or whatever.

FORGET having a neat house. it just doesn't matter. Breathe, sing (the babies will love it) and yes, really try and rest when they are. i made the mistake of trying to do things and burned a lot of time that i could have been resting (hmm, spent a lot of time on THIS forum!)

and - remember, the time WILL pass, and i promise you that someday very soon you will look back on thsi and hardly remember when they were so little (so take lots of pics!). And remember that just getting through a day is a major accomplishement and you're doing a great job.

 

It does get easier in that you start to relax, and they change. I'm not saying you aren't meetin gtheir needs at all, but I think that those first days alone are hard.

My dh was home a week, and his mom was here that week and an additional week.

I told her the first day home from the hospital that I did not want her help. She could assist in duties that dh would do when he was home after work OR if I asked specifically but I needed to learn right away how to handle it all. It gave me confidence I think.

You'll do it. I agree with a pp that it's OK if they cry.

 

Thanks for all of your kind words and advice. It is nice to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. My DH got a late call, so he still isn't home...its been a long 16 hour first day of being a SAHM. Things are quiet at the moment, Im just enjoying the silence...no TV, no radio...just silence!! Thanks again!

 

QUOTE(Kyrstyn @ Dec 27 2007, 08:50 PM) [snapback]547858[/snapback]
I never thought it was going to be easy to be a SAHM mom to twins, but I never thought it was going to be this challenging!!

Today is the first day that I am home by myself with the girls, and I am ready to cry. Please tell me that this gets easier! I feel like they have both been screaming all day. I cant feed, change or hold them fast enough. And as soon as I get one settled the other one starts up!

I am hoping that it wont be too long until we can get a good routine down. Right now I am just flying by the seat of my pants. To all of you SAHM's my hat goes off to you. You are amazing!

i felt the same way and cried alot .. and ocming on this website helped me so much.
My twins are 9 motnhs on wednesday and it DOES get easier... you will be so much stronger at that point and look back and say how do i do it everyday.. trust me its gets better.
hang in there