This makes me mad (venting)

The wife is home for another month with the girls. I am going to work everyday. But I get these people that I just want to open hand slap.
People say "Why are you so tired, isn't your wife getting up wit hthe kids?" Okay..yes she does..but we have two premmies that are 7 weeks old. I know staying home with screaming babies all day is not easy..and I would think that mothers of even one child would know this but people talk like she isn't pulling her weight and I'm doing to much..I don't feel this way at all. Example: I got home from work last night around 6:00....we both feed the girls and change diapers...try to play and entertain the little ones with signing and talking to them in our arms or swings. LAst night at 9:00 I sent the wife up to bed as she looked as if to have had a long day wit hthe girls. I fed and changed diapers solo and then did what i could to try and get them to sleep.swings and car seat on the dryer...worked a little for one then the other ..but never both at one time. So then the wife came back down around midnight and took the colic baby and i took the other..she stayed downstairs and I took the one up with me to bed. Battled on getting mine to sleep but eventually put her on my chest and fell asleep for a few hours.

Now people say doesn't your wife feel guilty upstairs sleeping while you are withthe kids..don't you need sleep for work...what do people think i am going to put work ahead of my family?

Also people say..don't you put the kids in the swing..that should put them to sleep and don't pick them up everytime they cry...I feel like people are trying to give me advise and not knowing or ever having been in my situation. We do let the girls cry for about 5 minutes before picking them up...so we are not spoiling the kids (can you even spoil a 7 week old???) I feel like people ask me how things are going so that they can judge my progress....and it really pisses me off. Itell people to come over to my house for 8 hours and show me how it is done..I will sit and watch and just take notes and you can show me how this show is to go...WHAT ARE PEOPLE THINKING (insert open hand slap here)

I am doing what i think is best for my kids and my wife to keep this team afloat. My wife needs to stay recharged in order to keep the house up and running as so do i...but atleast i get a reprieve by goingto work. I just feel that know one realy careswhen they ask...they just use the info for gossip. Today when I was asked how things are I told them..."The kids are almost 8 weeks old..they are sleeping 8 hours and eating solid foods..this is easy" then they say "no really" and i tell them "really, why what so you think is happening with twins..it is easy 7 weeks with out first kids and twins..we have this mastered...everything is going great, no need to ask me anymore" The I slap the cr@p out of them...or would like too.


Thanks i just needed to vent i think....SMACK!!!!

 

The wife is home for another month with the girls. I am going to work everyday. But I get these people that I just want to open hand slap.
People say "Why are you so tired, isn't your wife getting up wit hthe kids?" Okay..yes she does..but we have two premmies that are 7 weeks old. I know staying home with screaming babies all day is not easy..and I would think that mothers of even one child would know this but people talk like she isn't pulling her weight and I'm doing to much..I don't feel this way at all. Example: I got home from work last night around 6:00....we both feed the girls and change diapers...try to play and entertain the little ones with signing and talking to them in our arms or swings. LAst night at 9:00 I sent the wife up to bed as she looked as if to have had a long day wit hthe girls. I fed and changed diapers solo and then did what i could to try and get them to sleep.swings and car seat on the dryer...worked a little for one then the other ..but never both at one time. So then the wife came back down around midnight and took the colic baby and i took the other..she stayed downstairs and I took the one up with me to bed. Battled on getting mine to sleep but eventually put her on my chest and fell asleep for a few hours.

Now people say doesn't your wife feel guilty upstairs sleeping while you are withthe kids..don't you need sleep for work...what do people think i am going to put work ahead of my family?

Also people say..don't you put the kids in the swing..that should put them to sleep and don't pick them up everytime they cry...I feel like people are trying to give me advise and not knowing or ever having been in my situation. We do let the girls cry for about 5 minutes before picking them up...so we are not spoiling the kids (can you even spoil a 7 week old???) I feel like people ask me how things are going so that they can judge my progress....and it really pisses me off. Itell people to come over to my house for 8 hours and show me how it is done..I will sit and watch and just take notes and you can show me how this show is to go...WHAT ARE PEOPLE THINKING (insert open hand slap here)

I am doing what i think is best for my kids and my wife to keep this team afloat. My wife needs to stay recharged in order to keep the house up and running as so do i...but atleast i get a reprieve by goingto work. I just feel that know one realy careswhen they ask...they just use the info for gossip. Today when I was asked how things are I told them..."The kids are almost 8 weeks old..they are sleeping 8 hours and eating solid foods..this is easy" then they say "no really" and i tell them "really, why what so you think is happening with twins..it is easy 7 weeks with out first kids and twins..we have this mastered...everything is going great, no need to ask me anymore" The I slap the cr@p out of them...or would like too.


Thanks i just needed to vent i think....SMACK!!!!

 

Totally understand. One baby is totally different than two. Our twins are 10 weeks old. At this stage I had gone back to work with my daughter! Twins are a blessing, but THEY ARE A LOT OF WORK!!!

I say only really take to heart the things that come from twin parents! They are the only ones who really know what you are going through! With one baby you can put her in the swing and get about 30 minutes to shower. With two - you put one in the swing and take that 30 minutes to feed/talk to baby #2. Then that baby wants to relax while baby #1 now needs attention! Unless you have lived it, you have no clue! My Great-Grandmother had Identical tripletes back in 1920 (plus she had four children already!) I wonder all the time how she did it while hand washing all their outfits, no dishwasher, and working as a housekeeper for an apartment complex!!!!

If you do smack them let us all know so we can feel the pleasure of you doing it with you!!!

Angel

 

You have every right to vent, and it sounds to me as if you and your wife are BOTH doing a wonderful job!! Hang in there, it does get easier, it may seem overwhelming now to juggle everything, but like I said, you sound like you are doing a fine job, so pat yourself on the back Dad!! And pat Mom too while you're at it.

The best thing you can do when people give you their unwanted opinion is politely walk away..........believe me, I have done it, and it's easier than letting them get to you.

 

quote:
what do people think i am going to put work ahead of my family?


You are fantastic for saying this! I am so happy to hear a daddy with his priorities right! Way to GO! Being a Stay At Home
Mom is a really hard job and listening to screaming babies really takes its toll on you emothionally. I had a colicy baby that cried constatnly except for sleeping, eating, and the 5 minutes immediately following eating - it was so intense. Nothing works! But they do outgrow it - there is hope.

Giving your wife a few hours of quiet sleep is the greatest gift ever! Hooray to you for realizing it!

Working it also exceptionally hard when you have little sleep - make sure you get a few hours of quiet sleep too!

As for your co-workers. Everyone gives advise to new parents and everyone thinks their way is best! Just nod your head and say thanks for the advise and then let it go out the other ear! It might make them feel better to give you advise, try to ignore it. Don't complain or tell your baby-problemsor it will continue. Just say "fine" and move on!

It will get better - I promise! And once again I'm so glad you have your priorities straight

 

I know exactly what you mean except I was on the other end of it! I took 12 weeks off of work when the babies were born and my DH returned after 10 days. The minute he walked in the door from work, he was helping me feed, diaper, bathe, etc etc. We took turns getting up at night (or both be up as the case might be). Even though I was at home and not going to work, I was exhausted and not sure how I was going to make it through the next day. There were times that I was so tired I felt like I wasn't any good to the babies and I counted the minutes until DH returned to help! Various people would make snide comments about DH having to get up at night and go to work in the morning. DH would always respond - when is she supposed to sleep? Maybe you would let your babies be cared for by someone who is running on no sleep, but I want mine to have the best care possible and that means giving my wife some rest! He also said -I actually LIKE to spend time with my children and night is often the only time I can do that!

One comeback that we both love to use is "oh really? Is that how you did it when you raised YOUR twins?" This usually stops them cold.

 

quote:
One comeback that we both love to use is "oh really? Is that how you did it when you raised YOUR twins?" This usually stops them cold. Smile


I love it!!!!

 

people should applaud you!!! my girls are 2 weeks old - dh went back
to work when they were 5 days old - and does NOTHING -
I am sure he has a pity party at work telling everyone how hard it is - but nothing has changed for him!! the other day he was on the phone with a friend and the friend asked him how long the babies sleep - he said 5 hours at a time!! WHAT?? they have not slept that long yet!! but he wouldn't know!!! my hat is off to daddies like you!!
keep up the good work!! an added plus - you are bonding with your
girls and that is priceless!!

 

My husband experienced this too. Even one of the men had twins but it was 28 years or so ago. His comment was "my wife and I handled it no problem". But I'm sure that meant his wife did everything and he had no clue! I about smacked them too!People just don't get it!

Don't let them get you down... you're doing an amazing job!!!!

 

I think it is fantastic what you are doing for your wife. I wsh my DH would do that for me every once in a while.

Co-workers like yours are what made me not go back to work. Even when I go in for lunch I listen to abunch of crap.

Anyway, I am proud of you and think it is fabulous.

 

YOu are AWESOME!

I think its so wonderful that you see that it isnt all fun and games staying home. YOu are giving your wife a wonderful gift by letting her take a nap...I wish I had that chance.

Alot of husbands do just leave the nighttime stuff to the wife and its tough so tough, I know this first hand.

Im sure your wife appreciates your help more than she can even express.

As for the other people, I would want to smack them too

 

Oh man, my DH could have probably written your post at that stage of the game. Everyone thinks I do the bulk of the work with the babies, but he helps tremendously.

Just the other day his sister called and I had her on speaker. She asked what I was doing and I said I was cleaning up the dinner dishes. She asked "What's Joe doing" in a manner that insinuated he should be cleaning up the dishes instead of me, and I said "feeding Grace". That pi$$ed DH right off. His sister and his mom always assume he doesn't help very much and I do not know why. He gets so aggravated by it, and I don't blame him.

His boss thinks he should leave all the night time stuff to me, since I work at home. But I do have to work...and even if I did not DH would never leave everything to me, two babies are very hard work!

 

I have to say that I bet your wife is very grateful for you! My DH is involved like you are and I really couldn't make it without him. Kudos to you. As for unwanted (stupid) advice - we all get it, just ignore them. Or better yet make it a game, try to make it through a conversation using as few syllables as possible. (hee hee)

 

It is great that you are active in the raising of your children. My DH is involved from the minute he walks in the door.

My dd and ds are 11 months old and believe me it does get easier. YOu and you wife will actually have nights that you get more than 3 hours sleep in a row and it will feel wonderful!!

My dh and I joke sometimes when one baby is sleeping and the other is awake that this is how it must feel to have just one baby. Boy would that be a ton easier. In the same breath we couldnt imagine life with just one baby. My dh said to me the other night that if we have more kids he would really like more twins. I wanted to slug him!! I should mention that his great grandmother had 13 kids and of those there were 3 sets of twins. We both have numerous twins on all sides of our families!!

Just let people think what they want and know in your heart that you and your wife and doing what it takes!!!

Best of luck!!

 

It will get easier, it will get easier, it will get easier...(are you repeating this mantra yet........)

Hang in there. People have NO clue how hard it is.

 

What can I say, you are my HERO. I am sending your post to my DH (who is totally freaked out about how he's going to manage work while dealing with babies at night.)

You have EVERY right to want to do the old open-hand slap! And your priorities are clearly in the right place - WORK is just a place we go to earn income (sometimes), FAMILY is forever.

I love the pp's comment :is that how you do it with your twins?" I guess the truth is that nobody who hasn't dealt with it really knows what it's like, and for sure EVERYBODY likes to give advice (I get advice from strangers all the time and i haven't even had my babies yet -- i can hardly wait til they start telling me how to feed, swaddle, schedule, etc.. MY babies!)

Just know that you are doing the best you can and you are a champ. Is there any way you could get some additional help? If you have no family close by - maybe a church or synagogue group, just a few hours to take the edge off every once in a while?

Good luck - you are well on your way to being Twin Dad of the Year!

 

You are doing what should be done. No one should be expected to provide everything two 7 weekers need all by themselves if there is someone else there to help. I would ask those people, "You do realize we have two babies right?"

 

You are doing an awesome job by helping your wife out. DH's like you are hard to come by. I know I'm very thankful that I have a DH that will share the responsibiity with me. Granted,I still do some complaining, but he does help me A LOT!

Everyone will try to tell you how to raise your kids. Ignore them and go with your instincts. You know what's best for them. People have even tried to tell me that they know what I'm going through--- HELLOOOOOOO.... I have 2-2 year olds and 2-2month olds--no one except DH and I know what we're going through. I just let it roll off my shoulders, but I love the comment someone mentioned about "Is that how you raised your twins?" I'm definately going to use that one.

Anyways, hang in there. You're doing a great job! I love you're attitude.

Crystal