This is gross...I am angry...I need help

Hi Friends,

I am so at a loss right now. My 3 1/2 year olds not only won't potty train- they play with their poop all the time now. I just don't get it. They will pee on the potty when told them must, but won't tell me when they need to. We've done rewards, hugs, parades, phone calls to Mimi, stickers- we have tried everything. They have NEVER voluntarily pooped on the potty- only when I have caught them mid-squat and ran them into the bathroom in time.

Today I got called out of a kickbox class at the gym because one of my gals had an accident. I was irritated (2nd time this has happened) but tried to remain encouraging and not show my irritation. But, I can tell they aren't either listening to me or just don't get it.

I have been trying to let them run around in panties instead of pullups while we are home thinking that with panties they won't be as apt to just go in them but...I am wrong. for the 3rd day in a row, one of them not only pooped in her pants but then smeared it down her legs and I walked in as they were smearing their toy cars with it! I was out of the room for 10 minutes trying to cook meals for the next couple of days...And of course this is AFTER they have had their evening baths so.....ARRRGHHHH!!!! I am SO SICK of poop and changing pullups and messy panties- but when it goes even further with the smearing on themselves , etc- I feel like I am going to lose it. The whole house smells like poop and I just don't know how to get through to them that even if they don't make it to the potty- THEY CAN'T PLAY WITH IT!

I ended up putting them to bed early tonight because I am angry and can't deal with being upset with them anymore. I hate it when days end like this....

Can you offer me any advice? Please?

Lisa

 

Hi Friends,

I am so at a loss right now. My 3 1/2 year olds not only won't potty train- they play with their poop all the time now. I just don't get it. They will pee on the potty when told them must, but won't tell me when they need to. We've done rewards, hugs, parades, phone calls to Mimi, stickers- we have tried everything. They have NEVER voluntarily pooped on the potty- only when I have caught them mid-squat and ran them into the bathroom in time.

Today I got called out of a kickbox class at the gym because one of my gals had an accident. I was irritated (2nd time this has happened) but tried to remain encouraging and not show my irritation. But, I can tell they aren't either listening to me or just don't get it.

I have been trying to let them run around in panties instead of pullups while we are home thinking that with panties they won't be as apt to just go in them but...I am wrong. for the 3rd day in a row, one of them not only pooped in her pants but then smeared it down her legs and I walked in as they were smearing their toy cars with it! I was out of the room for 10 minutes trying to cook meals for the next couple of days...And of course this is AFTER they have had their evening baths so.....ARRRGHHHH!!!! I am SO SICK of poop and changing pullups and messy panties- but when it goes even further with the smearing on themselves , etc- I feel like I am going to lose it. The whole house smells like poop and I just don't know how to get through to them that even if they don't make it to the potty- THEY CAN'T PLAY WITH IT!

I ended up putting them to bed early tonight because I am angry and can't deal with being upset with them anymore. I hate it when days end like this....

Can you offer me any advice? Please?

Lisa

 

I'm so sorry that you are having a rough time. I hope some one has some good advice.

The only think I can think of is try with only one of them. This way you can give her all of the potty attention. Then when she is potty trained, you can work on her sister.

 

Would it make a difference if you made them help you clean it up? I would think at that age that they could understand and it would be gross enough to deter them! Of course I'm not there yet, so I'm not sure. I feel awful for you though! That would be miserable!

 

wish I could help!

 

We're in the exact same boat. They refuse to poop on the potty - and only pee on the potty when prompted by us. We went the underwear route and never used pull-ups. But after 2 months, we are exhausted and they are sick of us nagging. We've tried candy, treats, stickers, surprises, calls to Nana - EVERYTHING. We've decided to give up for the time being and started using pull-ups, which cost an absolute fortune here. We can't handle being angry at them. And the locals think we are nuts. No developmentally normal 3 y/o in this country is still in diapers.

Please TSers, help Lisa and I potty train these 3 year olds!

 

quote:
Originally posted by Mellizos:
And the locals think we are nuts. No developmentally normal 3 y/o in this country is still in diapers.



That's another thing! I hate to compare but when we are at story time, the park, the gym- we are the only ones at this age in pullups- it makes me feel like a bad mom- I hate this.

 

My 9yr old wore a pull up to Pre K - come to find out he had
bowel problems and had to be put on medication. after we got that straightened out - that kid NEVER EVER pooped or wet on himself!!
My pediatrician told me that the age of the child doesn't matter -
kids don't go to kindergarten in a diaper - I was beginning to wonder but sure enough - he didn't! and as a pp said - involve them in the clean up! GOOD LUCK!!

You are not a bad mom!!! some of those kids probably still have accidents and all kids are different not everybody does things at the same time (or even close) - they will train when they are ready!

 

First...if you are showing anger or frustration...then they are feeding off of it. If it is happening regularly, then I'd stop potty training for at least two months.

When we potty trained the boys...my oldest was 3 and my youngest was 2 1/2. We had to take them to the potty regularly about every 30 minutes to 1 hr and have them sit. Before and after each meal, each errand...everything. And this went on for months. They have to have it become a habit and that takes time. And you cannot day and night train simultaneously. Go for day training only.

Right now Hannah is showing like she could be ready for the potty. Not Livvy. So we are going to start with her soon. I'm all for one at a time. Lead and follow. I think it will work best.

If they are playing in it, then they need to not have access to it. By that I mean no pull ups. Make them wear a diaper and use duct tape if you must.

IMHO, it sounds like you have lost your sanity and they are not willing participants. Take a break and try again.

 

I don't know..I didn't go through this, but it sure sounds like a power struggle to me. They're old enough to understand, even if they can't make it to the potty, they certainly should know not to play with it. I think I'd put them in pull-ups for a few months and totally forget about the training. If they play with their poop I'd put them in timeout.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds horrible. Hang in there.
Janet

 

Not a whole lot of advice here. We had a couple of issues with Isabel a few months after the babies were born. She had diarhea and then got constipated and it hurt and was refusing to go on the toilet and then having lots of accidents. She was really upset by it. We could sense when she had to go and we'd sit with her at the toilet and read a book and make sure she was really calm. It didn't always work, but when we took extra time in there, she would "explode" in the toilet rather than her pants. Our Dr. suggested putting her back in a pull up and not forcing the issue for a month or so and see if it got better. We didn't try that b/c she had been trained for many many months and didn't want to revert. I sure hope that this is just a phase for them and they start wanting to use the toilet.

 

I may be in the minority here, but I firmly believe that kids "potty train" themselves when they are ready and the more you push, reward, punish, nag, etc. the longer it takes. I bet if you just laid off it, put them in pull-ups/diapers and just didn't talk about it, they would be going on the potty by Christmas. If they are playing in it and doing it at the most inconvenient times, I think it is attention seeking behavior. Take away the attention and I bet the problem will fix itself. Just my opinion, take it for what its worth.

 

I have to agree with jacob+twinsmom above, back to diapers if u have to and then one day it will happen, usually becoz they are uncomfortable with "pooh" in their diaper.

My girls were 3 yrs 2 months and really just did it themselves, I have a friend whose boy woz 4 and now he's in school and its all forgotten although a problem at the time. I did no "training". Just when u need a wee wee or pooh pooh go on potty or toilet (with seat) put underwear on and they did it. I believe (just my opinion), if u are asking all the time or catching them to do potty then they're not ready.

Oh and try not to feel pressure from other parents I know at our playgroup there woz 2 year olds who were potty trained and parents would comment on it "oh they're not yet and they're 3" but I tried to ignore, or just say they're not ready

Good luck I know its hard.

amanda (mom of jorja and jessica 3)

 

I agree. Put them back in diapers and leave it alone. My oldest was the same way. He would not go poops on the potty. (He never played with it, but that is is because he has sensory issues) I drove him NUTS trying to train him, and he was feeding off my frustration. He is s very strong willed child and kind of liked seeing me get mad. Anyway, I gave up. I washed my hands of it and let it go. About a week after his fourth birthday, he woke up and I heard him say he had to go potty. He ran to the bathroom and did it. It's been pretty smooth sailing ever since.

He has some neurological issues and still wets his pants often (he's 6) but I think he will eventually outgrow that too...

For what it's worth, let them be, and put them back in diapers. Don't worry about what other people say, I know I used to feel like I was the only one with a four year old in diapers. But you know what, I realized that I was the one having to change him, not them, so who cares what they think? They will train when they are ready.

By the way, my pediatrician told me his son wasn't trained until he was four, and now he is a college student at Yale!

 

quote:
Originally posted by Cristina:
Don't worry about what other people say, I know I used to feel like I was the only one with a four year old in diapers. But you know what, I realized that I was the one having to change him, not them, so who cares what they think?

By the way, my pediatrician told me his son wasn't trained until he was four, and now he is a college student at Yale!


Thank you for saying this!!!!!
Lisa