Things I'm Jealous About

Hi Ladies, (and the occasional gentleman)
I'm going through a fairly rough time with our soon to be 2 1/2 year olds and lately I have been thinking about the opportunities that parents of singletons have that we don't have.
We all know the WONDERFUL things that come with having multiples and I do feel blessed to have my two girls but sometimes when things are rough I can't help but think what it would be like if I had one at a time.
These are some things I think I miss. Please share yours too, after all, who else can we tell?

1. When when wakes up screaming and the other one wakes up and now I have two kids to comfort but I am only one person and I cannot give them the individual comforting that they need at that time. One child, one parent, equals holding, rocking, soothing, bonding, comforting. I could not do that last night with TWO screaming kids from 11:45pm till 2:30am.

2. I take the girls to music class and I see all these mom's of singletons. They are laughing and playing and looking into each others eyes and bonding and enjoying each other. I am making sure two kids are in eye site, I am holding or playing with one while making sure the other one is safe and/or not running off or, or , or, or..

3. I try to run errands with the girls and live our regular everyday life but when there are two I am often discourged from doing so. Getting them in and out of the car is a challange, one wants to puch a cart, no go in a cart, no push a cart, no go in a cart, no, not THAT cart. And when my husband and I split up on Saturday mornings and I have one child it is SOOOOOOO easy and it's ENJOYABLE. I hear my moms of singletons friends telling me they went here and there and did this and that and I cannot do that and it makes me sad and makes me long for it.

(sounding sad and pathetic yet?!)

Anyway, those are the things that have been bothering me a lot lately, the big things anyway.
I do feel like I am wallowing in self pity and I am ashamed at myself for thinking like this but it is my reality and like I said, who else can I tell but you guys.

Thanks for listening, now tell me yours so I don't feel like the only pathetic soul out here..

 

I hear ya! I have definately gone through singleton envy during our rough patches. I can relate to all the above!

One I have really been trying to figure out lately.....all of the moms in our moms group are going to be doing a swim class with their kiddos. I really want to do it. The prob. you need one adult per child. I'm outnumbered and it is during a time that my DH works. Unfortunately, the friends I would trust or want ask to help out either work or are participating with their own child. It's a real bummer!

 

I made a similar thread a few weeks ago... I totally agree. Even going to the children museum, if we each keep an eye on one kid, we also have to keep an eye on each other so we don't spend 30 minutes finding each other at the end, and it's really not fun.

 

I totally understand!!!! Swimming is huge! I did however find a program that the kids are in there with an instructor. I would have liked to have participated in *my choice* though instead of having to do this one.

 

ANYTHING around water is a huge bummer for me that we can't do it just the three of us. I absolutely LOVE the water but it is impossible to manage both of them by myself.

Being able to "just run in" somewhere... anywhere (post office, drugstore, gas station) is a huge production so I avoid it most of the time.

Getting takeout is difficult. I see people come in with one toddler and do just fine, but it's chaos if I don't use a stroller and try to order tacos at Moes for instance. And there is no way I could carry a pizza and hold everyone's hands!! Our favorite chinese takeout place is GREAT to us though. They love to see the kids and will even put our food in a bag with handles to make it easier to carry.

Vacuuming!! They both scream and cry when I vacuum but are ok if I hold them while I do it. It's always been this way. I cannot hold both of them and vacuum!!

 

1. Being able to just run in and out of places. I still feel like a roadie for a rock band at times :faint:
2. Not getting to enjoy as much one on one time with my kids as I would like to.
3. I hear ya on the swim classes. Or any kind of child activity where each child needs a parent with them. Automatically excludes my two because all the other family is working during the day and friends who are home, are home with their kids.
4. Sully, my two loathe the vacuum too. I have to vacuum after they are in bed most of the time.

 

1. Swim lessons definitely
2. Special time with one kid without having to do chaos control of siblings or child having to compromise due to sibling's desire at that time.
3. Even though my twins are more laid back and better listeners that big bro, they still find ways to destroy the house sooooooo quickly.

On a side note, those of you who want to go swimming (not swim class) - I highly rec these swim devices - they are approved by coast guard for life jacket. They really do keep the child's head out of the water completely. I was able to take my almost 2 year old twins and 4 year old brother (none of them able to swim) to the pool on my own and have a relatively relaxing time. I have seen them cheeper in Target stores and at BJ's Wholsale for about $15
http://www.target.com/Deluxe-Stearns-Puddle-Jumper-Jacket/dp/B0019BSYXE

 

1. Totally understand the not being able to just "run in" anywhere! When mine were still babies I remember my sister talking about going just about everywhere with her baby. I just couldn't fathom doing all the things she was doing on my own with two!
2. Coming and going to daycare is an absolute nightmare sometimes.
3. Definitely the fact that they wake each other up!
4. It's just harder to supervise two!
5. If there is just one child, there is nobody to copy. In our house, if one does it, so does the other one. If Hannah throws food on the floor, before we can even say anything, Hailey throws hers down, and so on...

Yeah, there are some things I'm a bit jealous of singleton moms. But I wouldn't trade my two girls for one any day! I think the pro's far out weigh the cons. That said, sometimes it's just good to get those jealous thoughts off our chests!

 

Mine are almost 3 1/2 right now ... and honestly ... I am happy that I am not the mom who's now having their third ... So many of my friends had our first around 6 years ago, then the second when I had the twins ... and now they're having their third ... I only have 1 age difference, they're out of diapers, we travel, they all go to school ... there is light at the end of the tunnel! So no longer jealous, after 3 1/2 years I can say it's easier to have 3 this way then going through it 3 times and walking around with an infant again. But yeah, it took 3 years! Haha! And I admit, having live-in full time help makes life a lot easier. We love it here, but I hope to return one day to the US, I'm jealous of my friends moving to the city I love so much!

 

Our kids are slowly getting 'errand trained' at the moment. In the afternoons they might walk to the bank and a nearby store with Daddy. The thing is you can't buy anything that wouldn't let you hold two hands on the way home.

I have a hard time getting gas for the car. I run around town looking for a place where I can pay at the pump with a debit card (not credit) because the hassle of unbuckling two kids and taking them in and having them try to pick up every candy in sight is too much. Around here most people still get their gas and then go into the store to pay so debit at the pumps is not available everywhere.

I'm jealous when I see singletons in cute trendy clothes. We live mostly on hand me downs and gifts. When stuff goes on sale, I can't seem to get two of anything in the sizes I need.

 

I totally feel all of you all on this...but I will say...life has drastically improved for me in the last, I'd say 3-5 months. Seriously, I can get the boys out of carseats, holding hands, and into and out of places with minimal effort. We've also learned if I have one hand/arm occupied, I hold one boy's hand and he holds bubba's hand. They also listen ALOT better. They also like going on errands so they know they have to follow the rules. I know this won't be applicable for everyone, but seriously, it was miraculous to a degree turning 3 because it made some of those things I was jealous about much, much easier.

When I get jealous, I try to think about the things that "singleton" mommies don't experience because we have twins...double hugs...double "love yous," watching them play together or chat with each other and you have no idea what they are talking about, etc, etc.

 

This is how I feel too. I used to be jealous about not being able to run quick errands, etc, but now my girls do fine with that.

 

I still feel envious of most everything on here at times--- the whole being able to run somewhere quickly without a stroller and the whole parent/child one on one bonding are what gets me most. BUT within the last few months, I do appreciate that they play together and enjoy each other. If it were just one of them, they'd be at my feet constantly. So while I"m not entirely sure it's a good trade off, that is a benefit our singleton friends don't get.

 

I have 3 under 2.5 yr old. I get envious of my only twin days, but I still wouldn't dare take the twins out alone these days. (I KNOW BETTER) I do have one day where I only have a toddler and a baby and wow those are an easy day for me. The baby -- ok she is 12 months -- but she is happy to sit in the stroller and look around and the toddler is happy to walk. I have one other day where the twins go to daycare and I have the baby all to myself. This has helped me deal with the singleton envy or twin envy somedays too. It really is so much easier to just have one baby !! I can get so much done around the house, errands, activities, socialize with other moms.... it is great. If you can afford to put them each into daycare one day a week, I'd highly recommend it !


Heather

 

I'm so with you on this! I have 2 older boys born 2.5 years apart and I used to take them everywhere. With the twins now? No way! I feel bad that they hardly ever get out of the house. I'm so jealous of my mom friends who can take a same age toddler along with older kids to the mall, amusement park, soccer games etc. Sure they can cause they only have one baby to chase. I have two running in two different directions. I'm afraid to even try.

My other big regret it bedtime rocking and cuddling. It's a madhouse trying to read a story to both wiggly girls. They fight over my lap and someone always feels left out. My more passive girl will always choose her dad over me because the other twin won't fight her for Dad's lap.

 

Ditto, what you all have said. It's so hard sometimes.
The basic fact is - we are outnumbered. NO FAIR, lol.

 

I've been lurking for the last 3 years, but this one touches home so much that I have to comment! I feel the same way often-- it makes me really sad that I'm not having all those nice experiences with my babies and they're not having them with me. We spend so much time and energy on survival (i.e. making sure no one runs into traffic, falls over playing on the chair, etc. etc.) that we don't have much left for savoring life. I get frazzled trying to keep everything under control and then the kids act up even more. Sigh. I just hope that the positives ultimately outweigh the negatives. They do play together very nicely sometimes...but it seems like they fight even more often!

It is so terribly easy to handle one alone, but we rarely split them up. Maybe we should make that more of a priority? But then neither my husband nor I would ever get time fully off duty....

 

Ditto on all the above, especially on running quick errands. Classes were never fun for us because they feed off of each other and hate it. If I had just one I could maybe talk him into how fun it is, but w/ 2 they just decide it's not for them and that's that. Swimming they were just now able to do w/ a teacher at 3, but it wasn't easy for the same reason as above.

I am always jealous at playdates how the other Mom's get to chat and bond not only with their children but with each other. Meanwhile, I am being a referee or constantly making sure I know where they are.

Potty training has been simply awful with 2.

 

Not knowing if I would do it if I could, but traveling. My DH's neice is a flight attendant and takes her son on planes all the time by herself. She started when he was a few months old. She will be coming here in a few months for a wedding and it's a good 3+ hour flight.

DH's family is always telling me "you're welcomed anytime to come and visit" and can't understand why I won't get on a plane alone with two 2 1/2 year olds. :crazy:

 

i'm jealous that i couldn't bond one on one with my babies when they were newborns. and that i couldn't hold them more, cuz there were 2 of them,and i wasn't allowed to carry them both at hte same time for 6 weeks post c/s.

i don't think i'm jealous of anything else. this past weekend we were at a HUGE bridal shower (300 women?), and the girls were up in the front dancing by themselves, and everyone was just drooling over them. it's stuff like that that makes me think OTHER PEOPLE should be jealous of ME!

 

Now that mine are 4.5, I just want to give all you ladies some HOPE!!! I promise that it does get better. I have felt just about everything listed over the years. But, now, even errands aren't a huge problem. They walk nicely by my side if my hands are full or one will hold my hand and the hand of the other kid, making a chain. I don't know that there is anywhere I can't go with two that I could go with just one, now. They can also both sit nicely on my lap (although they are nearing the point where they will be too big for that) and read a book together.

Just about the only time having twins causes logistical problems now is when I am trying to gather them up after church to leave. My hands are always full (purse, Bible, papers from Sunday School, ect.) and the kids are off playing with friends. I'll find one kid, but by the time I weave my way through the crowd to find the other kid, I have lost the one I already had because they are off playing again.

But, all-in-all, having twins actually makes a lot of things easier at this age. I never have to worry about them being entertained and can do what I need to do while they play together. Also, they always have a friend on hand to pass the time in the car or the cart at the grocery store.

I definitely know all of the difficulties you all are facing, but wanted to give you some hope that it does get better!