They're driving me nuts!

Yep, I still need to vent, even after 2.5 years of this insanity called twin parenthood. I'm a newbie to single parenthood, however, and it's really taking its toll on me! :cry:

One of my sons in particular is sooooooooo stubborn! All I want is for him to listen to me in case of dire need, or when we are doing a few routine things. I understand that he's 2, and I think my expectations are very reasonable. He makes it his life's mission to ignore and defy at every turn. Despite that, he has the sweetest little heart. Anyway, bedtime is the latest challenge. He refuses to come to me and runs from me when I try to get him dressed for bed. It's a very routine thing, and he just is not motivated by praise or anything other than being in charge, and stalling the bedtime process. I try to make him feel like he's in charge but he refuses to buy into it. Yes, I could chase him around every night at an all-out sprint while he giggles around the house, but that only reinforces his defiance, KWIM? Tonight, after several minutes of trying to entice him to come over to me, then taking away the privilege of the morning "treat" (a small piece of candy at snacktime - go ahead and judge... I'm desperate and it works like a charm for one of them!), I threatened to take away his bedtime back rub (the main feature of our bedtime routine). He laughed, hid, and despite several reminders of the consequences if he did not comply, he still refused and pretended to ignore me. So, I took away his back rub. I gave him nice hugs and big kisses, then told him that I hope he will cooperate tomorrow night so that I can give him a back rub because I would really love to. He is still screaming his head off 20 minutes later (I went in once to reinforce my initial stance but that's all I plan to do), and I am sure it's worse than CIO ever was. I just don't know how else to gain control! I also feel terrible for his poor brother who is laying in the crib right next to his.

To top it all off, they also tried to kill themselves 3 times in 10 minutes this afternoon with a roll of tin foil, a glass bowl that they broke, and a 400 degree oven! There were also several incidents earlier in the day that I don't even remember. :gah:

:cry: :cry: :cry:

 

Your little dears? Devil children?

I am so thankful that my two love to sleep. They were doing that for a while but I moved the bedtime back an hour and they both go willingly. But listen? The walls listen better than they do.

Royce. Royce. Royce. Uh, helloooooo? (And of course, the dogs are all like "you said boys? That's US Bark bark bark bark bark). Royce come here. I'm lucky if I get a "No."

Alice is just as bad. Actually she's worse.

 

:hug: Erin!
My DD fights bedtime (and naptime) harder then a brick wall. I think it is good that you are being consistent in taking away a bedtime treat. I think once he realizes that you mean business and I think he will want that back rub back. I am beginning to realize 2 is all about how far they can drive Mommy over the edge :wacko: Hope he starts realizing what a beautiful thing sleep and backrubs are!

 

:hug: Erin.

I have done with some success 1-2-3 for them running from me when its time to get dressed. Usually I hit "1" and they come back most of the time but mine have a few months on yours. Hang in there. You can do this. :grouphug:

 

:hug: :hug: :hug: Tons of hugs for you Erin!

I think it's the age. At least, I hope so. We have hit a rough patch here, too. Somedays I think I might just go insane. My saving grace is knowing that my DH will be home (eventually) to help. :hug: :hug: :hug: for going it alone. I am sure it is extra rough on you. Especially to have difficulty at bedtime, when you are exhausted from all day of it. I think you did good with the loss of privilege (back rub). That is similiar to what I have done with Cooper. He gets to pick a toy to take to bed with him. If he gets out of bed, he losses it. Just stay strong and stay consistent! :youcandoit:

 

I have no advice, as my two haven't started this-yet. But I came to offer hugs :grouphug: as you are always an awesome cheerleader to me, and others!

Good for you for sticking to your words. I would, and do, fail miserably at that! I'd offer more advice-but I'm afraid you've done what I would try!

 

I agree with PPs about consistency and if you threaten to take something away, do it. They learn fast how to push all of our buttons. It is a rough age and soon they will be onto something else .

Have you tried positive rewards such as a sticker chart or let him play with something he normally is not allowed to have? At that age, mine loved to look at framed pictures of themselves. If layed down for diaper/PJs, they got to hold a picture. They also really liked tubes of medicine. Sometimes I was desperate enough to give them an unopened one, but most of the time they were happy to get the empty box.

Best of luck!

 

:hug: Erin. Its so difficult having these little people trying to exert their independence. One thing I've found is when the girls push back on me at bedtime ("we want 3 stories not 2!"), if I'm firm about what the rules are ("sorry, its 2 stories for 2 girls."), they go along with it. The rules are not be being bossy with them, they are just the rules.

Can you get him involved in the process for getting PJs on? I know Meara will sometimes fight me, but then I started having her get herself undressed and let her pick (from 2 choices) which PJs she will wear. Things have been better since then.

GL and :hug:

 

:hug: Erin!!! I think everyone here has given you great advice! You are an awesome mom!! :hug:

 

Hi Erin,
You always come through for all of us and I sure hope we can all come through for you.

First off, the single parent thing. Kudos to you for staying strong and doing this by yourself; I hope you have some sort of break and that your XP or someone takes the kids off your hands once in a while so you can get some very deserved R&R.
I do this with my DH and it is still the hardest thing I have ever done and everytime it's too rough for me to handle I think about all you single parents out there doing it.

Oh and the candy. Who's judging? BTW marshmallows and lollipops offer huge bribing revenue. (just an fyi)

Ok, the bed time struggle. I have one who also has to feel like she is in control, so, we make her feel like she is in control. At dinner I will say "Lilah, which jammies are you going to wear tonight your nitegown or your footies." Then soon after dinner "Lilah, are we going to change your diaper on the floor or on the guest room bed" and then once up stairs "Lilah do you want a Dora book or or a different book"
So, although I am giving her options that I am ok with SHE feels likes she's making the decisions. Each girl has two different tooth brushes and there are two different tooth pastes, they choose.
We have a little box of "puckies" (pacifiers), they choose.
I'm not saying that we NEVER have issues with this "They Choose" strategy but it does help A LOT.

Ok, one more thing. When my girls are being stubborn and strong willed I think to myself "Of course they are stubborn and strong willed, I'M stubborn and strong willed" and, I want to raise two human beings who can make a decison for themselves, who have an opinion and who will stand up for what they believe in so although it is not always convenient for me, I'm actually (in the back of my mind) glad to see it.

This too shall pass and it will be on to the next phase and the next challenge.

Stay strong and do something nice for yourself!
Leslie

 

Yep, in the same boat here! I am going INSANE. It doesn't help that it's god awful cold outside and we are all going stir crazy from being inside!!!
I have one SUPER easy guy who is at the moment laying quietly in bed for naptime as his brother in the crib next to him is standing there screaming at the top of his lungs because he threw his lovey out. I went in there once and gave it back but I've learned my lesson. He's been screaming there for about 1/2hr and will stay there until nap time is over. This has been going on for a week now and it's making me crazy. He also used to be really good about sitting in time out for the 2 min when I put him there. For the past week I have to literally drag him there, getting kicked and hit the whole way there and then he refuses to sit so I literally have to stand there and block him from leaving for 2 min.
God (or whoever) help us all! please??!!

 

oh yeah, we bribe them too!

Alice when you get dressed for school (our biggest issue) I'll give you a chocolate chip/chocolate milk/juice box.

 

Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate your support and encouragement!

I have great news: last night, Jackson cooperated!! He wanted his bedtime back rub, and he wanted his morning treat. So, he complied! :banana:

Yes, it's blatant bribery, but they need something to motivate them! And, most importantly, it works.

 

Wow Erin! First off, you are not alone! And yes, much of this has to do with age! My boys are 4 now and boy have things changed the past 2 years. I just got back from the library and was reflecting on the way home how hard that would have been even a year ago. Now they actually will "mind" me etc. (not all the time, but so much better!) We had the bedtime battles as well. We tried EVERYTHING we could think of and what others would suggest to us. It's a good thing twins are so dang cute. It definately saves them from us getting too mad LOL! It felt like everytime I began to get a handle on something, they would think of something else. Their bedroom was stripped of almost everything (I locked all toys, clothes etc in the closet) and one day I went to check on them at naptime and to my horror I found them up on the edge of a crib, pushing their blankets and stuffed animals out the 2 story window in which they had pushed out the screen!!!! (of course, I thought the window was locked!!) They were giggling and having so much fun YIKES!!! I swear they have guardian angels! I have to say, the supernanny techniques are awesome and helped us tons when we started watching that show! I studied it like a college class! LOL If you have access to cable, look for it. The bedtime was is hard and grueling at first but definately worth the effort!!! (and when I say effort, buck up for a very hard time at first the battle of the wills will begin but you MUST prevail in order for it to work. ;o) I don't know what I would do without my hubby so when I think about you doing this on your own, I am sending big hugs your way. Hopefully you have a good friend, mom or someone that can lend you some support. If I think of any other ideas, I'll let you know. Hang in there, I PROMISE it gets easier and better (but it will not happen overnight!) Hugs, Mary

 

:clapping: Jackson!! I'm so glad that last night went well! You are an awesome mom!
I'm a big fan of the bribe. My oldest is 9 and I still love when he gets a new techy toy because I know it's one more thing to take away when he's being naughty. It works like a charm here :good:

 

:hug: Erin. You are not alone. Some days I feel like I have the 2 most stubborn children who have ever lived. I followed someone's advice (I think Leighann) about offering them a choice of clothes, and that actually works a lot of the time, especially at night.

The other thing that sometimes works is asking "who wants to get dressed first, come run to mommy!" and most of the time one of them yells "me!" and comes running. That one backfires sometimes though b/c they just shout out sister's name.

 

Big Hugs Erin!!! Hope everything gets better soon. Mine have been fighting and it is awful. They take turns with this.. whoever is mad will run across the room with their mouth open and try to bite their sister. It is awful. Raising twins has been one of the hardest and most rewarding things I will ever do in my life. I couldn't imagine doing it without my spouse(even though his help is minimal at times). You are doing a great job with your children and I wish you were closer so we could have playdates.

 

Thanks - you are all so sweet! :grouphug:

 

:hug: Erin! Glad Jackson cooperated last night! :Clap:

This twin thing, it can just be downright hard sometimes!!