They won't hold my hands! Help!

Hi!! I hope you can help me!!! My boys are 20 months old and they refuse to walk with me and hold my hands. I either have to hold them both or stand there while they throw themselves down on the ground. I need to hold their hands while we are in public and I don't know what to do. I end up pulling them up by one arm, which I know is horrible, but that's the only way we make it anywhere. I want to spank them, but that doesn't seem to work for them. Thanks so much for your help!!!

Oh, and we have tried the baby leash things and they both go in different directions and it makes it even harder. They end up falling a lot because I have to go this way to get this one and, well, you get the picture.

Constance

 

My son did that about that age also. I think he started it at around 18 mnths. Had to fight with him to get his hand then he would throw him self down and not budge. So id have to carry him and walk with destiny. (she was good about it and still is..) But at well almost 22 mnths he was back to letting me hold his hand. I just assumed it was a phase he was going through.

While he was going through it tho, i tried to make sure if i went to the store i parked to where a cart was so i could just put thm in it and push them into the store. Ive also used my wagon before at the store. I got alot of weird looks but it kept the kids quite entertained and i was able to use the cart for my groceries.

Good luck

 

I hold their hands when it isn't as critical, and they can have a little freedom/play. I hold their wrists when they have to stay with me - like in parking lots and such. We've been doing this for a few weeks now, and they understand the difference. They know Mommy is serious when I hold their wrists.

I always wondered about those leash things...

 

My guys are OK with the leash things; they learned pretty quickly how far they can go away. I only used them at the zoo and at parks and department stores and such though. When we're walking across streets or in parking lots, I maintain a death grip on their hands/wrists. If they try to go limp, I keep my death grip, pull them up and keep walking/dragging/carrying. The fun begins when both do that; my arms get quite a work out.

Now at 3, they are very good at holding my hands whenever I tell them 'safety issue'. I am having a problem grocery shopping with them though. Can't hold hands and my 6 yr old revs them up to running. They each end up in a cart by the last aisle which is the best one to run in as it's the freezer section and WIDE.

I did have a panic-inducing moment in a mall last month. Went to measure their feet at a shoe store and afterwards, David took off and ran into the main aisle which was crowded with people and kiosks. I COULDN"T FIND HIM. I was *this* close to tears when he came running up behind me. It's leashes at malls now too.

 

Use the stroller as much as possible. Keep trying the hand holding. We struggled too. But one of my girls NOW will NOT walk without holding hands! She got it! It just takes time and patience. I did the leash thing when desperate too.

 

I cant walk with my boys holding my hand. I have to put them in a stroller. That is our only option at this point. I cant wait until they can hold my hand.

 

Oh, I so know what you're talking about. I had three aged 2 and under and one of my boys would NOT hold my hand. He would scream, twist, go limp, fall to the ground, you name it. It was a royal pain, but I had to bring the stroller every time we went out (unless it was a place that had a shopping cart). I told him that if he would not hold my hand, he was riding in the stroller/cart. Then I would BUCKLE him in (if I didn't he'd squirm out). Of course, he would want out of the stroller/cart very quickly. I would talk to him about having to hold my hand or hold onto the stroller/cart. He would always choose the stroller/cart, but he was excellent about holding on. I don't know why he preferred to hold onto that instead of my hand except that perhaps he felt that he still had a little more freedom that way. And he may have liked that he had a choice. My boys just turned 2 and he's much better about holding my hand now. I rarely have the battle, but if I do, we go right back to not allowing him to walk AT ALL until he's ready to hold hands, or hold onto something else

I almost forgot; one day I had to take all three to church by myself. My church doesn't have a parking lot and we frequently have to walk a block or so. As I was loading the kids I saw one of our old dog leashes. I had just seen an episode of Jon and Kate + 8 where they led all the little ones on a rope of sorts and I decided to try it with my three. I grabbed the leash and when we got to church I unloaded the kids and had each one hold onto the leash. They LOVED it and walked all the way to church and then through all the people in the church back to the nursery. They did so well many of the people thought they were harnessed onto the rope. They were amazed to realize the kiddos were just holding onto a rope. Again, I think it was just the novelty of having another way of walking from point A to point B. We use this rope a lot when going from the car to somewhere. I tried it into a store, but that was a disaster. Too many exciting distractions. Just another idea.

I hope you find something that helps.

 

At that age, mine were always in the stroller when we were out. They really didn't know that they could get out of the stroller when we were out until they were 3. Around the neighborhood, they could walk as long as they stayed near the stroller.

 

I always seem to have one that'll hold my hand and the other one wants to run wild (they take turns, nice of them actually when you think about it :laughing: ). I give two chances of holding my hand, if on the second time they still throw themselves to the ground and wont budge, then I scoop them up in the football hold and carry them. They both absolutely HATE being held like that, so after a couple of minutes I can generally put them back down and they will hold my hand. We're still working on it, but I noticed over the weekend a big improvement in them walking and holding my hand.

 

this is an excellent post! I am learning lots of new ideas here - thanks!
Mine won't hold my hand either and the leashes are hard because yes they RUN in opposite directions and then fall on their hands. And I feel like a mean mommy. But one day it will work and one day they will hold my hands. But for now we have to use the stroller everywhere.

 

QUOTE(threebecamefive @ Feb 5 2008, 04:00 AM) [snapback]605895[/snapback]
Oh, I so know what you're talking about. I had three aged 2 and under and one of my boys would NOT hold my hand. He would scream, twist, go limp, fall to the ground, you name it. It was a royal pain, but I had to bring the stroller every time we went out (unless it was a place that had a shopping cart). I told him that if he would not hold my hand, he was riding in the stroller/cart. Then I would BUCKLE him in (if I didn't he'd squirm out). Of course, he would want out of the stroller/cart very quickly. I would talk to him about having to hold my hand or hold onto the stroller/cart. He would always choose the stroller/cart, but he was excellent about holding on. I don't know why he preferred to hold onto that instead of my hand except that perhaps he felt that he still had a little more freedom that way. And he may have liked that he had a choice. My boys just turned 2 and he's much better about holding my hand now. I rarely have the battle, but if I do, we go right back to not allowing him to walk AT ALL until he's ready to hold hands, or hold onto something else


This is what I do as well. Either follow the rule, or in the stroller you go. By the way, the reason that he probaly chooses the stroller over your hand is that is more comfortable for him. Most kids have to reach really high to hold mom or dad's hand and it is uncomfortable for them. I am really tall, so I learned quickly with my oldest that he prefered holding the stroller or other lower object until he got taller.

I mention this last part because this is a huge reason that kids don't like to hold hands and fight it. The other thing that often happens, I have caught myself when my kids are pulling away and have seen other parents do this, is when we are trying to "hold them close" we pull our own arms closer to our middle, there by pulling their arms up even higher and no doubt that is not fun for them and it is hard for them to keep up with our walking pace.

Best of luck, it will get better.

 

I am so glad to hear that other moms are having the same problem as me. We have been trying to teach the girls to hold our hands when walking in or near the street. I also have to walk with them from the daycare entrance to my car and am trying to get them to hold my hand on the way to the car. It has gotten a little better recently, but most of the time they still throw themselves down and I have to pretty much drag them to the car. I am trying to be persistent and am hoping they will catch on. Usually, the only time they want to hold our hands is if they initiate it and want us to follow them somewhere.