They turned 4 and the challenging one got easier...

Amy was quite a handful as a toddler, but started getting easier around age 3.5 and now is like a completely different person. She doesn't fly off the handle as easily, calms down more quickly when she does freak out, asks nicely for things (usually), apologizes spontaneously when she does something wrong, etc. It's delightful. :clapping:

Sarah, on the other hand, is discovering all the oppositional/defiant behavior she seemed to skip over at age 2 and 3! She has always had a stubborn streak, but now seems to go out of her way to be impossible. I try to find a compromise, or some way for her to get out of the situation gracefully, but it's like she's determined that whatever I want, she wants the opposite. (Reminds me of my little sister!) :headbang:

I guess I should be grateful that at least they're not both doing this at the same time. I just never thought there would come a time when Amy would seem like the easy one!

 

Welcome to my home!!!

My 'high maintence' (due to sensory issues) toddler is now much more pleasant. She has learned to tell us if noises is bothering her, to not run away if she is scared, and basically developed some wonderful coping skills for her quirks (she even tells us when she is tired most of the time instead of melting down). I LOVE IT!

My high energy, but sweet & sassy toddler is now DEFIANT!! If I say red she says blue. I ask her to get dressed, she will stop what she is doing (even if it was getting dressed) and state no or otherwise argue!!! ARRGGHHH!!! I give her a plate and she was a different one, or a bowl, or a napkin instead.....She wants to do it herself, she wants me to do it...on an on. Almost everything is a battle within days of turning 4. It is emotionally draining....

I keep repeating to myself---this too shall pass. It is a phase. Smile.this too shall pass. It is a phase. smile.....

 

It's funny. I was thinking this very thing this morning. Lauren, my "spirited" one is so pleasant now. She is very compassionate and listens so well. Mattie on the other hand, well she is :girl_devil:

 

This is like my singleton who is 4.5 now - he was ALWAYS our easy child - now??? Oh my, he is like Jekyll and Hyde!!!!! I call them the Horrible 4's......Terrible Twos, Impossible Threes and now...Horrible 4's...........

I have no suggestions, as I'm going thru it too - just wanted to say you're not alone!

 

Although mine are almost exactly a year younger than yours, the same thing has happened here. My once easy going, agreeable young son's favorite word lately is No! And Natalie has just become as sweet as pie. Family and friends have commented on the switch, too.

 

This describes it exactly, except that Sarah is the more sensitive one (always cold, easily frightened, says "dat hurts" all the time, etc.) but has still traditionally been more mellow (until now). Amy is the high-energy, sweet and sassy one. And she is still like that -- I can't count the number of times I say "Amy, please leave that alone!" and "Amy, please stand still!" But I can tell she's really trying to get control of her impulses, and she's getting really good at being a civilized human being.

Fortunately, Sarah can tell if she's super tired. Sometimes she just announces that she doesn't even want any bedtime stories, she just wants to go to bed! That's helpful, at least. It's when she's (apparently) well rested, and still being impossible, that I wonder what her problem is!

I've heard it called the F***ing 4's....

 

THe best way I have found so far to work with my 'difficult' child right now is to give her a false sense of power---or rather some control.

For example: E your choices are to wait patiently then we will go to the library after we are done (waiting in line) or to make noise. IF you chose to make noise/yell we are going straight home. Most of the time when presented this way she complies with the 'better' choice, but sometimes she does not and I tell her she chose to 'yell/fight/throw/etc. I am sorry she chose to do that, but this is what happens when you yell/fight/throw,etc"

It does not work all the time: but it is good for playing fairly, getting through 'cleanup/transitions' since she wants to do what is next, and/or bedtime (she does not want to 'chose' to miss a story by taking to long arguing about pjs, potty, teeth,etc.

THey use something similiar at PreK and it works fairly well. She has to take some responsibility for her actions and the 'loss' of toys/privilages/etc is then placed on her.


So far 4 is the WORST age, 2 & 3s were no big deal---but the month before and this past month! UGH!!

 

It was the same thing here, Bea was the tantrum-thrower, the toy-stealer, the colicky baby. But now she is the much more cooperative child, follows instructions very well, pretty much does what she is told. She does have her annoying moments, like she gets "ants in her pants" and get all hyper, can't seem to sit in her chair, etc. But overall, four has been a better age for her.
I think Ainsley discovered the power of pushing people's buttons. She's the one telling Bea stuff like not to sing, she can't wear a certain shirt, she doesn't want to play with her, stuff like that. And it will get Bea VERY upset. She also does not clean up when asked, until it gets down to threatening her with something, will be naked in her room playing, when she was supposed to be putting on pajamas. Again, only does it when there's a threat of taking away bedtime stories, will even take toys away from Caleb, which really bothers me. I don't know if she's doing it more to him, or because she knows it upsets me.

For some things, I've had to really be in her face about it. Like I can't just send them to get dressed, I have to follow them and "help" Ainsley pick out clothes. I'm trying to get Bea to not react so much to Ainsley's button-pushing, with minimal success.

 

Oh, and then Amy is constantly trying to mother Sarah, which drives Sarah nuts: "Sawah, can you pick out your clothes? Do you want to wear dis dress? OK, now can you take your pajamas off or do you want me to help you?" Or Amy will decide she's going to teach Sarah how to play a game. She means well (mostly), and if Sarah were actually Amy's younger sister, it would be cute -- but given that she's not, I can see why it infuriates her.

In terms of completing basic tasks, Sarah actually does better if we leave her completely alone. It just takes forever. But the minute we put any time pressure on her, the walls go down.

 

Oh no! I can see the beginnings of all of these same sorts of behavioral transitions in my boys already. Yikes. I better get ready!! Isn't it interesting how they each develop along their own path?

 

Same here! She tells Ainsley to speak up, we can't hear her. She's been really into having the two of them match lately, so she will tell Ainsley to pick out the same thing, then gets really upset if Ainsley doesn't want to match.

ETA - I have to be sneaky about helping Ainsley. Like if she's managed to put a shirt on, I'll say, "Oh, I bet we can find a really nice skirt to go with that!"

 

I am not alone! Peyton has really mellowed for me and really doesn't cause problems (her and daddy still have some issues). If I ask her to help, she agrees and does what I want. Paige has become DEMANDING. She gets something in her head and it must be done NOW. It could be using the paints, or going to the store because she wants Pom Poms. She will continues asking and pitching fits all day to get what she wants. If we ask her to clean up, she tell us that we are mean and it is stupid to have to pick up the toys. UGH.
But, Paige give in to what Peyton wants. She does allow Peyton to be the dominate kid. If Peyton wants to carry the flash light, Paige will give it to her and say that she doesn't want to carry it, Peyton can. Peyton wants Paige's game, she will hand it over and say here have fun.

 

Erin ~ I was just thinking the same thing with my two! YIKES!!

 

I'm in the same boat. I was surprised at how obvious the changes have become. We were praising Aidan (our difficult baby/toddler) for something he was doing really well about a month ago and he told us "I gave all of my rowdy to Amanda" :lol:

Amanda has gone from being a calm, laid-back, easy-going little girl to a needy, whiny, spoiled bigger girl. I thought I had another 10 years before dealing with a teenager but she's arrived early!!!!