they laugh at all our attempts at discipline

We've been using the words: "no", "don't touch", "no hitting", etc for months. We've tried different tones of voice. They think it's hysterical. They come over and smack me in the face so they'll get my reaction and laugh!

Also, they love to be chased (especially Sydney). (unfortunately the babysitter contributed to this behavior so she and I are going to have a long talk when she returns from her trip). Syd runs away from me (down the street!) laughing and giggling. It's downright dangerous, but they still think it's funny.

I've tried time outs too. But that's not helping either.

Most of the time when they are "fighting" with each other they are laughing at that too. hitting, tackling, chasing each other... all a laugh riot.

The grandparents were here for 2 wks. Now it's me and DH (but me solo most of the time). They are ganging up on me. This has been building for awhile, but lately they are really testing me constantly throughout the day. tonight, I tried to kiss them good night, and got smacked in the face. Lovely little girls I'm raising, huh? I don't want to raise 2 little brats. We had decided that physical punishment would be used ONLY if they do something really dangerous - like run out into traffic. so far the only "physical" thing we've tried is grabbing an arm to stop the hitting. That's funny too.

How do I discipline them???? Please help!!!

 

I only have a second, but you might try using some positive discipline. For example, instead of saying "no touch" you might say "hands off". tell them what you want them to do rather than what you don't. If someone said to you "don't look behind you" you would want to look behind you right? Your girls are testing their boundaries and it's your job to teach them their limits...pretty normal stuff. hang in there!

 

At this age, it seems it's more effective to do what the previous poster said - positive discipline. Redirection is really helpful. "We don't hit people. If you want to hit something, hit this" and give them a pillow. They really don't respond to "no" consistently at this point, and it's pretty easy to burn the word out so it has zero effect whatsoever.

 

QUOTE(betseeee @ Jul 7 2007, 03:59 PM) [snapback]320814[/snapback]
At this age, it seems it's more effective to do what the previous poster said - positive discipline. Redirection is really helpful. "We don't hit people. If you want to hit something, hit this" and give them a pillow. They really don't respond to "no" consistently at this point, and it's pretty easy to burn the word out so it has zero effect whatsoever.



Okay, I totally do redirection and distraction. And we do praise ALOT when they do nice things (share toys, learn new things, etc). And I've been trying not to overuse no... like "don't", "no hitting", "don't touch", "hot", etc.

Here's my big question regarding both of your suggestions........ "We don't hit people. If you want to hit something, hit this" That's a long sentence. I can't imagine that they'd understand that or even be able to listen to that. That seems more like "reasoning" which I don't think they'd get. That's why we've been sticking to 1-2 word phrases.

Also, I think it's the tones I've been using. They obviously think that mommy getting mad or stern is funny. I think they like to get that reaction from me, so it's probably not the words as much is it us trying to be more firm. Then again, "no" in any voice gets them laughing.

still perplexed..........

 

I limit my no's or any correction for that matter. I have always been told that the more you say no, the more they get used to it and it doesnt phase them anymore. The rooms they are allowed to play are baby proofed but they still get to play on the changing table, computer desk, dining room table, furniture, fish tank, and their toy bin. Really the only time I have to tell them no is if they are going into the bathroom (someone forgot to close the door) or if they are hitting or stealing another toy. They respond very well to the word no, stop what they are doing and usually leave the situation themselves.

Maybe this is your problem, you are expecting them to leave too much alone and giving too many no's, don'ts, etc. Instead of saying no, just remove them from the situation and distract with another toy. Make sure their rooms are completely baby proofed, this way it limits your no's as well. If they seem to get told no in one room more then the other, limit access to that room until they get older and better understand.

 

Bea went through a phase of hitting and thinking it was funny. What worked was to just say "no hitting Mommy", and get up and move away from her if she kept it up. She would then do things like hit the floor or the couch and look at me like "I'm still hitting, what are you going to do?" and I wouldn't react. I find that keeping my reactions in check takes some of the fun out of whatever they are doing. At 16 months, I sometimes would just completely have to remove them from a room if they wouldn't stop touching things they shouldn't be. Our lower level (family room and playroom) is totally babyproofed, but the upstairs is not. It's ok for them to be up there for a few minutes, but too long and they are emptying the bookshelf, letting water out of the watercooler, etc. As for running down the street, Bea (Ainsley wasn't walking yet) would either have to hold my hand, or be in the stroller. We're still like that and it is an ongoing issue. If I am out by myself, I do have to keep them in the stroller a lot.

 

QUOTE(angie7 @ Jul 7 2007, 05:28 PM) [snapback]320908[/snapback]
Maybe this is your problem, you are expecting them to leave too much alone and giving too many no's, don'ts, etc.


Actually, No i don't think that's the issue.... The nursery, living, dining and kitchen are all babyproofed. There is only one thing left in that entire area that is a "no touch" lamp that I'm afraid it fall over on them. I guess I have to remove that too. Everything is else is baby friendly. (the rooms that aren't safe, they never are allowed into, even with supervision).

Honestly, the biggest problems are the hitting and running away. I can deal with the hitting like Snittens suggested.... But they still laugh.

And I'm really scared about the running away issue. I try not to take them anywhere alone that I have to put them down. But if it's even for a second, Syd is running away and laughing.

 

My DS thinks it's hysterical to touch things that I have said "no touch" to. He will go right for it/them, look at me, SMILE/LAUGH, then touch whatever it is.

We were just on vacation and he was fascinated by the glass doors on the fireplace. He wanted to bang his toys on them because it made a loud bang. I would say "no touch" and he'd just laugh and giggle. I would redirect and he'd crawl back over and do it again.

DD is different. You tell her "no touch" and she's done. She moves on.

I don't understand why some kids listen to it and some kids don't. I hope DS is just going through a phase. :blink:

 

The only possible thing I can add is that in 1-2-3 Magic, it calls for NO EMOTION from the disciplinarian. It's like a matter of fact type thing - like - "It's not really up to me, you broke the rule and I have to enforce it"

I think you have to be totally consistent and you should check that book out if you can!!

 

Oh my gosh! Its been such a long time since I've logged in!! I laughed so hard when I read this. I completely feel your pain. I also have strong-willed children that laugh at and hit me. I'm sorry I have no advice, I just wanted to let you know that I'm with you!

 

I'm very serious with my boys when they run into traffic or towards traffic.

If they don't listen, and continue. They automatically get a sharp swat on the butt. With the total mad mommy voice and have to have an instant time out. This is the ONLY time they ever get a swat on the butt. They know they have to hold onto my hands. The boys will stop at the end of the sidewalks and the driveway, they know the rules.

The running toward traffic thing is soooo scary! I can see where you'd need to talk to the sitter!

One of my boys laughs at my mean mommy voice and face. He also gets more time outs. But at 3, he's gotten better and more respectful of mommy's mean voice and face!

 

I know I'm not in the majority in my opinion, but....

QUOTE(Safari @ Jul 7 2007, 09:42 AM) [snapback]320867[/snapback]
Also, I think it's the tones I've been using. They obviously think that mommy getting mad or stern is funny. I think they like to get that reaction from me, so it's probably not the words as much is it us trying to be more firm. Then again, "no" in any voice gets them laughing.


My boys do the same thing. I don't feel that at this age kids are reacting this way to "get us", make us mad, or even be mischevious. They are at the age where they are learning about their world and having mom/dad react a certain way IS a fun game for them. It's no different (from their perspective) than playing peek-a-boo or pat-a-cake. Of course, that doesn't make it any less terrifying (or frustrating) for us as parents.

QUOTE(~* dfaut *~ @ Jul 8 2007, 11:00 AM) [snapback]321909[/snapback]
The only possible thing I can add is that in 1-2-3 Magic, it calls for NO EMOTION from the disciplinarian. It's like a matter of fact type thing - like - "It's not really up to me, you broke the rule and I have to enforce it"


I agree that using an emotionless voice is best in this situation (or even ignoring the behavior if safety permits). I find I get better results when I keep it matter-of-fact and don't make a huge deal out of it (b/c that usually instigates 'the game'). I also agree with you that distraction is most effective at this age. However, if I have to go through the 'no charade' more than 3 times I move us to a new room/activity (Yes, that means we move a lot).

However, I feel that a lot of the 1-2-3 Magic is just too early for 16-month olds (unless they have pretty advanced expressive/receptive language skills) and expecting to get textbook results may be a lost cause. That being said, I don't think it hurts to start early so long as you're consistent. We're planning to use 1-2-3 when we get older, but for now I'm resigned to my fate of repeating "hurt baby" and "no throw" about a kazillion times a day.

Safety is a huge thing not to be overlooked. For us, that means until we develop better listening/safety skills we'll be spending a lot of time in the stroller when it's just me. We've also decided to look into harnesses to give the boys a little more freedom/independence while still keeping them safe. Perhaps you could use the harnesses until the girls listen better? Or, at least have them with you in case Syd starts up with her 'game' and use it as an "oh-sorry-you-aren't-listening" consequence? (Again, I don't think she'll get the cause-effect at this age).

Okay, I'll climb down off my soapbox now. Good to see you on the boards, Safari. Hope you and the girls are doing well and enjoying your summer.