They just dont talk in public!

Hi ladies, I am coming back with another issue. My kids have been going to daycare for 9 months. They have been talking so much at home. I dont know where they learn all the vocabularies and sentences. Their sentences are usually 3-6 words. They actually can have conversations. They know how to use past and present tenses. They have nicknames for everything, ppl they know. And we dont teach them anything. However, they never talk in public. At school, their teachers said that they never talked???!!!! I was like "REALLY". Seriously, everyday I have to tell them "quiet time please." They didnt even talk on our play dates. My friends thought that I was a lier when I told them that my kids talked so much and gave me headache. Yesterday was their first day at their gymnatics class. when the teacher asked what their names were, they didnt response???!! I took my son out for a hair cut last week. before we left, I told him to say thank you to the lady. He never said a word. I insisted but he didnt. But when we were in the car, he said thank you!!!???? So what can i do to make them talk in public? at least answer ppl when asked., say hi, sorry and thank you, simple words. Thank you so much!

 

Ugh I wish I had an answer for you. My 4.5 yo still barely talk in public. They also refused to sit on Santa's lap when he went to school etc...

 

I think it sounds like they are naturally shy children, and I don't think pushing them to talk in public is going to change that, and it could in fact be detrimental to them. They talk at home because they are comfortable at home and feel safe and secure there. They are uncertain elsewhere and it shows by them being shy. Model the behavior you want (saying please and thank you, hi and goodbye), encourage them to say it, but don't try to force them. Encourage them at home to say those same things. There's a very good chance they'll outgrow it in a few years. But there's also the possibility that they will be shy for a very long time.

My oldest is 10 and he's still very shy outside the house. He tends to get a silly grin on his face and fold his arms behind his back when someone talks to him, even someone he knows fairly well. He's a very smart kid but he has this shy streak in him. My daughter (who is 6) will talk to anyone about everything! :lol: Two totally different kids!

 

I agree with this. Both of my twins are shy but my daughter has been in treatment for social anxiety disorder for almost a year now. It wasn't so much that she wouldn't talk in public (she wouldn't) but that she would also not talk to family and friends that she has been around very often. For her it kicked in around 2.5 and at 3 it was very apparent that outside of our house or with my mother or one SIL, she was very uncomfortable around other people. To the point where she could answer simple questions in front of them, she would shut down (have a far away look on her face) if I left the room and she was with an adult or another child that she was uncomfortable with. All of this is not to say that your child has social anxiety...just these are the behaviors of my daughter's that went beyond shy.

In your case, I would do exactly what Danielle says. Model the behavior you want to see in public. Most likely they will outgrow it. Roleplay for them speaking to the teachers and other students.

 

Thank you so much ladies. I know they are nevous and uncomfortable around people they don't know. But as soon as they get comfy, they start talking and talking and talking. They have to see someone or be at some places for at Least 3 times before they feel comfy. I guess I should be patient. We always say please, thank you, hi,.. At home. In the morning, they always say "hi chelle (short of Michelle according to Nolan)/Nolan, you are the sunshine of my life" lol. It just bother me when they just don't talk and ppl might think I didn't raise them well, u know what I mean.

Thank you ladies! Have a wonderful Wednesday

 

You might want to look at some websites for selective mutism for ideas on how to encourage them to talk more in public. One thought that came to my mind would be to see if their teacher would be willing to do some visits to your home, where they feel most comfortable talking. Lots of 2 year olds are shy in public, but not talking at all at daycare after 9 months definitely goes beyond shy. You could also print out some suggestions for the teacher (never forcing them to talk or shaming them for not talking, rewarding any response even if it is just a whisper or nod, etc). Good luck!

 

They only go to daycare for 2 days/week. I started worrying. But today was their first day at their preschool class (same school). And they talked and interacted so much. They came home so happy. Their teacher told me it maybe because they hang out with big kids now. The younger class room is for 18-30 months, but lot of kids don't talk. They run around with pinkies in their mouths constantly. We'll see how they do.. Thank you so much!!!