They have serious "mommy only" issues

Yikes, Jack and Lily will not go to anyone else (except DH) without a fight. More importantly, they will not eat for anyone else. They will be 3 months in 5 days and they will scream and scream until I get them from whomever may be holding them and then they stop instantly. My parents were here for a week and they did this the entire time. We also just had a nanny start and they are doing the same thing. It is almost physically impossible for me to just stand there and not grab the one that is upset but that is exactly what everyone keeps telling me I have to do. I physically left the house this morning to let the nanny straighten it all out (they already know her as she was our night nanny three nights a week for the first 2 and a half months). Anyway, when I got home they were all screaming and neither had eaten their bottle and I had to take them each upstairs and feed them and put them down myself.

I try to let them be for a bit when they are crying like this when the nanny or someone else is holding them but when they start screaming it just seems ridiculous to stand there and watch and not help.

What am I going to do? I work from home and I HAVE to start getting some work done but they also HAVE to eat and sleep. I makes me nuts to know that if I just go over and hold them and feed them myself they will be both happy and fed but I know this is not what I am supposed to do. My dad kept saying how "spoiled" they were and it really made me feel badly as I am just trying to do my best and love my children. My nanny spends more time folding my laundry and washing bottles than watching the children.

Has anyone else had this happen so early? It has been going on for awhile now and my mom said it was too early for babies to only want their mom or dad...am I messing up?

THanks,
Amy

 

We went through the same thing at the same age. I took them to my MIL's 65th birthday and you have NEVER seen such a cryfest. They hated every single guest except me. Things improved for a couple of months but now we're teething and I'm seeing it again, not to the same extent. Now it's just me who can sooth them to sleep (not convenient - I can't be in two places at the same time and it's tiring!).

 

I don't know if this is the same but we are having issues with my mother in law getting them to take naps. So far my husband and I are the only ones who can get them to take naps. I don't know if it is because t hey are so used to us. My guess is that she isn't going to put out the effort to get them to take a nap. Oh well the joys of mother in laws babysitting my babies. Hopefully this is just a stage that they are going through. good luck missy

 

I went through this BIG TIME with Ainsley! DH couldn't even hold her, it started to give him a complex. This was from about 3-8 months, then it gradually got better. I don't know what to tell you. I was a SAHM, so I didn't have an issue of going to work, but there were times when someone else had to hold her for a little while so I could go do something. She would scream the entire time. It was a very challenging phase. I hope they grow out of it soon. At least I only had one doing it, I can't imagine both.

 

I don't have this problem, but I just want to say that there is NOTHING you are doing wrong. You cannot spoil babies at this age. They need all the love and attention they can get from everyone - and most importantly - their mama!!

Furthermore, just like adults have different personalities and quirks, babies do too. I think you can see that when you have twins, and even siblings, who are raised by the same parent in the same way, yet have completely different dispositions and quirks. It's nothing you are doing, so don't beat yourself up. Picture perfect parents can have colicky, finicky, picky babies and rotten parents can have perfect angels. You are doing everything you can do do your best with those things that are withing your scope of control - the rest may just be out of your hands.

Best of luck!
Suzi

 

QUOTE
My dad kept saying how "spoiled" they were and it really made me feel badly as I am just trying to do my best and love my children.


I'm sorry your dad isn't more supportive. :hug99: FWIW, I think his remark is total bs and that you are doing a GREAT job. You can't possibly spoil a baby. Babies cry because they need stuff. And needing hugs and holding and cuddling is every bit as legitimate as needing food and clean diapers. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I think you're being a great mom by responding to your babies so well!

 

We are going through this but just with Alyssa and sometimes Daddy isnt even good enough it HAS to be mommy... even worse... they REFUSE to take a bottle at all THUS it has been 5 months of 24/7 mommy only care!! I need to get away!! Okay that is really only how I feel some of the time... much of the time I really dont mind it being "all on me" but I do know how frustrating it can be. Hang in there mommy!

 

From what I've always heard, what you all are going through is completely normal. My family calls it "mommy-itis". My girls had it too. And sometimes still, but mostly when they're tired and not in the mood to hang out with anyone else. A funny story, I was so tired and we were at my father's house. One of my girls just would not settle and someone was trying to calm her for me, but she just kept putting her arms out to me....so someone said, "awww....how cute, she just wants mommy." I said, "Yeah, it was cute for about one day, but now? Not so cute." Hang in there....

 

You sound like your doing a great job and unfortunately your Dad doesn't see this, Have him try to do YOUR job 24/7! I have this problem at their bedtime routine when my Mom comes over to give me a break, but they are safe and they get over it. You can't spoil them at this age (IMO). They will get better as soon as they figure out that Mom needs to do Mom stuff and that's that.

 

:hug99: I can't imagine how hard it is for you to work n the home while this is going on. What if the nanny took them for a walk at naptime? they are likely to fall asleep in the stroller - and at least you could work uninterrupted.