They dislike me--update (yay!)

I suppose this comes with being a parent, but it still hurts a great deal. My kids prefer everyone else but me. When they hurt themselves, they go to grandma or dad. When they want to cuddle with someone (which is often), same thing. Dad was in the shower this morning and Alex tripped and bumped his head (not hard, but it scared him)...he screamed at the bedroom door for Dad and pushed me away when I tried to pick him up. Just an example of what happens most of the day. Grandma comes over every day for a few hours to spend time with them, and I'm often left sitting on the couch, watching the three of them interact together. On the weekends, it's me watching Dad and the twins interact. If I try to join in, I get pushed away.

So I sat on the couch while the kids were asleep this morning and sobbed. I love them so much, and yet they don't seem to want me around. It's been this way for about 8 months now, and while my husband dismisses it as a phase, I had no idea phases could last this long.

Regardless, this still really hurts. Anyone else going through this too?

 

I suppose this comes with being a parent, but it still hurts a great deal. My kids prefer everyone else but me. When they hurt themselves, they go to grandma or dad. When they want to cuddle with someone (which is often), same thing. Dad was in the shower this morning and Alex tripped and bumped his head (not hard, but it scared him)...he screamed at the bedroom door for Dad and pushed me away when I tried to pick him up. Just an example of what happens most of the day. Grandma comes over every day for a few hours to spend time with them, and I'm often left sitting on the couch, watching the three of them interact together. On the weekends, it's me watching Dad and the twins interact. If I try to join in, I get pushed away.

So I sat on the couch while the kids were asleep this morning and sobbed. I love them so much, and yet they don't seem to want me around. It's been this way for about 8 months now, and while my husband dismisses it as a phase, I had no idea phases could last this long.

Regardless, this still really hurts. Anyone else going through this too?

 

I'm so sorry you're feeling like they don't like you. In reality I'm sure they LOVE and Adore you. My son went through a phase like that last year. When it was just me and the kids I'm great, I'm his everything. As soon as dad walked in the door, I got pushed aside. He wouldn't even want me tucking him into bed if dad was home to do it. The phase lasted a few months and now he is back to himself. In the meantime 's to you.

 

Thank you for the reassurance and hug...I really needed that!

Happy birthday to your little ones ;-)

 

Oh this makes me hurt with you. I can't remember my girls ever being this bad with me, but there were times when they saw me as being strictly business.

Your babies are pretty young yet, but you might try doing some fun activities with them...like coloring with colored ice cubes, applesauce or chocolate pudding. Make it a point to show them that mom is fun too. They mey not decided to snuggle/run for comfort with you right away, but at least you have some QT with them too.

Something I've done for my girls this year was to color about 25lbs. of dry rice with food colors and put it into a large, shallow, clear plastic bin for them to dig in (like an indoor sand box with sand toys). Yes, it gets all over the kitchen, but is easily swept up and put back again.

Meanwhile 's to you.

 

How are they when it's just you and them? My mother comes over almost every afternoon, and when she's here, they ignore me. It hurt at first, but now I'm like good, I can go get some things done. When Daddy's around, Bea totally prefers him. Ainsley is still very much a momma's girl, which hurts his feelings, but I'm sure she will grow out of it. My girls are also so much less whiny and better behaved when anyone else but me watches them. This still bugs me at times, but it also allows me the ability to let go and let DH or my mom watch them.

 

When it's just the three of us they will sometimes pay attention to me, but I've sorta stopped trying to play with them because everytime I do, I get pushed away. They tend to only want to play with one another when it's just me there.

Thanks for the suggestions; I'll keep trying

 

My dd did this with me. Except for the hurts. But the hugs had to come from dad and everything got dropped for daddy. Now she wants the extra attention from me, and I don't know how to give it!

My boys do what you describe to my dh. One doesn't care though.

Anyway, take the time when Grandma is there and do something for yourself. When you're alone, try some playdough (homemade) have them help you make it, as in dumping the ingredients in the pan, get a chair for them to watch (carefully) at the stove. Show them you are doing things for all of you.

Get out the markers and ALL 3 of you color (or crayons). I have a book that has homemade finger paint (although I'd much rather have the pudding kind ) but again, it's something you can all do together. When grandma and daddy aren't there.

When I get pushed away, I usually ignore it and go for a hug regardless or kiss the neck to make the giggle. There are some times that it won't work, but try to make it a "fun" push for the hug or kiss!

 

Im sure they dont dislike you...I think its because we are around them all day..if the roles were reversed, it would be the opposite...My son all day long its Daddee dadee daddee....I would not worry...take advantage on some of the time...and take a nice mommy moment! Hugs to you!

 

Thanks again for the suggestions and support. Really helps!

 

I'm popping over from the First Year Board today...my 2 yr old is always more excited for Daddy /Grandma time than Mommy time. What if you left for a while while Grandma/Daddy are there - it would give you some "me" time, you wouldn't be as upset watching their threesome, and I really do think "absence makes the heart grow fonder" for some kids...or what if you & Grandma/Daddy split the kids up sometimes. I wonder if it was just you & one of the kids if they would play better with you & then after awhile play better with the three of you together.

 

take them our for the day, go osmewhere they love just you and them.
show them that mum can be fun too!

 

I think they definitely go through phases of liking one parent more, etc. but it still hurts Is there any way you could pick a special activity that you do just the three of you (you and the kids)? Maybe something like a weekly story hour at the library or a Kindermusik class. Then at home you could read the books together that you picked out at the library or sing the songs from music class together. Something that would be a special activity just with you! HTH

 

I am so sorry. I think they are just taking you for granted right now because you are always there for them. That really su*ks!

My ds prefers his dad to me and that hurts me sometimes too. I am with him all day long yet the minute dad comes home he screaches and runs to him and wants to snuggle with him. I never get a greeting like that. I can be gone shopping for hours then come home and they never notice i have been gone.

 

One DD prefers me and one her dad. It's always been that way -- it's like they teamed up with us. Yesterday for just a couple hours they switched for the first time EVER and it was awesome. I don't know why. They later switched back and Jade was refusing me kisses, and Mel followed suit and refused her daddy kisses. Oh, two year olds!

At least one likes me at all times. Two year olds!

 

I think they go through phases. When you are alone with them try getting on the floor and rolling around with them and laughing a lot etc. It will make you feel better

 

Sorry that I haven't read all of the other responses. One thing that helps me with this situitation is to try to spend some time with them individually. Can you take one fo them out (for a walk, an ice cream , story at the library?) alonw while Grandma watches the other one, even if just for 1-2 hours? I always feel closer to my girls whnI can spend some time alone with them, and i think they feel sloser ot me, too. Give it a try, if you can!

 

Just wanted to share an update...

They've been much more interested in me lately. I spoke briefly to my pediatrician (ran into him at the store and he asked how they were), and he reassured me that this is pretty normal to some degree and it will go back and forth...they will always prefer one parent over the other, and then it will switch. He also suggested the same things, and also said to try and mimic some of the things that Dad and/or Grandma do when it's just myself and them together. As odd as it sounds, it worked like a charm. Alex came over to me several times today to snuggle and give me his version of a kiss, which was awesome.

In any case, just wanted to share and say thank you. I was feeling a bit down about this, but am feeling much better now.

 

That's GREAT news Marianne! I'm happy that you were able to find something that works! ((((hugs)))) although, those little one hugs are MUCH more important! LOL

 

Yippy That's awesome!!! So glad that things are going better.

 

I was so happy to read your update! Way to go mom!

 

Glad to hear things are going better

 

I'm glad things are going better for you too.

I only really experienced one really bad time when we went to their sports group with mil. She lives 2 miles away and comes once a fortnight ! While we were at sport they refused to let me help them on the equipment and just kept saying "Oma"(German for Grandma). I was so hurt. I walked over to the other mums and left them to it but couldn't hide how upset I was. She doesn't even deserve their attention.

I started work again two weeks ago and now they go to Creche in the morning three days a week and spend the afternoon with dh or dh's aunt. When I come home we have tea together and then the others disappear so I'm alone with them. This way I get them all to myself and there is no chance for them to want to spend time with the others.

On the two mornings a week when I'm home, they tell me they want to go to creche to be with Kerstin ! But somehow it's easier when it's not family though. I know they get quality time at creche that I can't offer them. But I know who loves them the most. And one day they will understand that.

Please don't ever think that they dislike you. No matter what they do or say you are the most important person in their lives.