they are pushing me over the edge

I am finding things to be very challenging lately. My husband and I are mostly both home with the boys. It seems like maybe there is just way to much focus always on them, etc.. for good or bad.

Lately it seems like they are just constantly trying to push my buttons. It is not fun to be around them at all. They don't listen AT ALL when we ask them to do something. They will not leave things alone if I ask such as a water facet, climbing up on the counter, climbing on the table. I cannot do a project with them as they will not focus or follow instructions. We tried to paint with them and I could not even get things set up to do it before they were knocking down the easel, tearing the paper, and ultimately just smeared the paint all over themselves. (We have painted successfully before).

If I change their diaper, they are smearing the cream everywhere if they get a hold of it, etc, etc.

I am loosing my patience. I feel like all we do around here is reprimand and should out commands at them. It is no fun and I am even getting sick of my husband. He is doing the same thing.

I know that I need a breather sometimes. Yes, just take a break. But, I feel hopeless and feel like we have done things all wrong.

In the meantime, I have a 5 month old baby and she is a breath of fresh air. She is great.

I would love some suggestions or stories that give me hope. Thanks!

 

:hug: to you! I think we all go through this at some point...you just feel like you're chasing your tail, nothing you're saying is sinking in and it's chaos despite your best efforts. Mine just turned two and they're b/g twins so I know the ages and dynamics are a little different, but one thing DH and I do is praise, praise, praise when they do something we like. I know if I get tired of correcting/disciplining, the kids must really get tired of it. I feel like that encourages them to pay attention more and obey more and gives us a break from "stop!" "no! and "don't do that!" If your boys aren't into projects, maybe they need more rough house/activity/outdoor time to burn off some of that energy. I noticed you live in Vermont so I'm guessing playing outside this time of year isn't too practical - any indoor play places/bouncy house places near you? Maybe a gym with childcare nearby so you can have a break and they can too? My lo's always seem to get into "trouble" more often when we've been cooped up for a few days in a row. We go to the park or in the yard and have a lot of races - yes, we literally run the energy out of them. They love it. Hang in there and set the rules and let the boys know you mean business. Do they have a favorite toy/tv show/movie you can take away as a consequence? That already seems to work with mine, just a thought. Be consistent even if you feel like it's not working. ..it's probably just the age and stage and NOT that you are doing things the wrong way.

 

oh UGH! I was at my wits end when the twins turned 2, then by 2.5 I couldn't count the days quick enough until this parenting seminar I'd signed up for came. Seems that in the last couple of months most of the time things have gotten a lot better for us.

Here's the info on the book... "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline".
Several things she mentioned was to (1) play with the kids for 10-30 min. every day without interruptions. Like maybe even setting a timer and telling them that mommy is playing with you for the next "x" minutes. This was especially geared for parents who work outside of the home and for them to spend some time with the kids before the whole dinner/bedtime routine started.

the idea was the "fill up their emotional banks" so that they feel loved & appreciated.

the other big thing was to tell them what you WANT them to do, NOT what you Don't want them to do... so instead of "don't climb on the counter", you say "put your feet on the floor" and then praise them when they do it. I do usually start by saying "don't climb", but quickly follow up with what I actually want them to do.

Another big thing was to offer 2 positive choices. like for brushing their teeth, 'we're going to brush teeth now, do you want to squeeze the toothpaste or do you want mommy to?' or "do you want to walk slowly to the bedroom or hop like a bunny"...

She talked about making the tasks to do fun, and how if it was something fun to do, they would be more inclined to do what you want...

good luck! this year has been the most trying for me! having two babies wasn't ever as hard as two tantruming toddlers!

 

It sounds like you have it harder than we ever had with girls. The girls are more into emotionally stressing me out by crying, whining, fighting over toys, taunting eachother, etc...

When they do seem to be out of control, I try to drop everything and do an activity with them with 100% of my attention. Some of our favorite are:
1) "Music time" - we get all of our musical instruments out and put on a good music CD and dance and bang away. It seems to get some energy out of them and they have a ball.
2) "gymnastics" - i set up a little obstacle course of climing, tumbles, jumping, tunnels, etc... and again put music on and they have a ball

I agree with PP, I always tell them what I WANT them to do, and I praise A LOT, while trying not to compare them to eachother. Boys seem harder, good luck!