They are FIGHTING already!

I am the only child of an only child and have had...one child...for 13 years until now.

These twins are driving me and eachother CRAZY fighting with eachother!
I cannot believe at 9mos old, they are taking eachother's toys, climbing and sitting on one another on purpose and then they laugh when the other one cries!

It's to the point where they "chase" eachother by crawling when they want the toy, one crying and the other whining...

Is there a pulling my hair out smilie???

What should I do? At this age, I can't expect them to understand the concept of sharing, but they are hurting eachother! Should I intervene? Does that set a bad precident?

 

My twins are not that old YTE..But when my little boy was about 9-10 months old and started to get into stuff he was not allowed I would tell him no touch and move him away. SOOO I think they can understand more than we give them credit for. What my plan (of coarse in theory) to do with the twins in when they are being aggressive with one another or unkind is to tell them "we don't hit.. be kind" and remove them. obviously they will not understand my works but I think they will get the idea after 20 or more times..
IT takes alot of consistancy on our part but I think the younger we teach them that hitting, hurting is no acceptable the easier it is.

 

Mine started the hair pulling about a month ago - I don't think they do it to hurt each other - It's something to grab onto when they are trying to stand on each other. But even so - I say no - be nice - and show the child how to "be nice" ie. take her hand and rub the others head etc. It really hasn't helped to much - but theway they look at me tells me something is computing. They also go back and forth on who is the bully for the day. They take each others toys - I will again say no - so and so had this and direct the taker to another toy - sometimes it works - sometimes not. I think it's a human nature / kid thing - to always want what your sibling does - even if they have same exact thing in their hand - I've also hear that giving the "bully" all of the attention when they do something inappropriate just reinforces the behavior. I try to dole out equal attention when things like that happen - usually kiss the cryer / hurt one first - then direct attention to the "bully" showing her again - how to be nice etc. I think having twins - it will be a never ending battle until they really understand. hope this helps!!

 

My guys fight. It depends on what they're doing. If they are fighting over a toy and pulling it back and forth but not upset I let them have at it. If crying starts I tell the offender "Wait your turn" while I give the toy back to the defender. There's no hitting, pinching or yelling at each other allowed here so if that starts I pull them apart and then kiss and hug the defender and try to show the offender to be gentle.

PS - I'm the only child of an only child. I learned all my parenting strategies from my DH who is the 2nd of 5. I felt like I'd been hit by a freight train when my twins started crawling. Before then there was very very little fighting, even by my older 2.

 

Oh I am so glad you posted this. Mine just started the pulling up on each other and then the other falls down and cries. Or they want whatever the other one is chewing on and they just reach up and pull it right out. That sets them off every time. Argh!

Rachel

 

At this age, they don't understand cause and effect. They don't even understand that crying means he's upset. In fact, the FUNNIEST thing to my twins is when one of my big girls are throwing a fit - crying, etc. The babies will go into hysterics over that which makes the big girls even madder :rofl:

When my oldest DD was 2 she pushed down another toddler and when I asked "WHY did you do that" (furious) she answered "I wanted to see her cry!" I was about to lose it when my mom pulled me aside and reminded me that a 2 year old doesn't know crying means they are hurting. (She was not a mean spirited kid- this was out of character for her).

 

My boys "fight" all the time too. I usually intervene and give the toy back or get the one on top off of the one on bottom. When I'm doing it I will usually say "don't take", "don't hit", "be nice", etc. I know they don't understand me now, but I'm hoping if they hear me say it enough there will come a point where I will just have to say "don't hit" and they'll stop. (I know, I know, wishful thinking).

 

I follow pretty much the same pattern as Jenny. For a while now, I will take Lauren away from Emma (because Lauren is THE instigator) whenever she starts her "stuff" and tell her no. She now goes over to Emma and will look at me, while putting one hand on Emma's head, and I tell her "gentle" and she gives her a kiss. I firmly believe she grasps a little bit of what is right.

 

Sometimes I interfere, but mostly I try to let them work it out amongst themselves. Sometimes during the bath, they will literally take toys back and forth from each other, with no drama.

It does make me laugh from time to time, but I know it will only get worse...and potentially more painful.

Miriam

p.s. i love your photo!