These singleton moms

A friend of mine had a baby boy a few days after my girls were born. When we came to the point of having to supplement, she pumped extra for me and there were many days when my girls were still getting almost ALL breastmilk! This lasted maybe a month to a month and a half. Then she went on vacation and didn't take her pump and that "extra" kind of got taken away from her supply. Well, I was okay with it...I mean, I didn't want her to feel obligated or anything.

Well, now this same mom is giving her son some formula! I'm so surprised. She says "I'm just not making enough for him anymore," etc. And she's already giving him cereal twice a day to fill him up more. I know she nurses some, but he probably gets at least 14 ounces of formula per day too...I think maybe a bit more than that.

Anyway, obviously she has the capability to make plenty of milk for him (she had so much extra at the beginning). So it's just sad to me that she would go ahead and give him formula. I think she's just having a hard time getting him on the "schedule" that she wants and she wants to be able to be very social, I guess. Oh, and she's also staying with her parents right now since her husband is in Military training...so she has tons of help! I'm jealous and upset that I'm trying so hard to give my girls what breastmilk I can and she really doesn't seem to care about EBF.

Oh, and I was talking to her a while ago about the challenges I've had and kind of going back and forth about giving up. She said "Well, they're probably old enough now (for just formula)." Kind of like they were past the point of breastmilk being very advantageous??

I seriously don't think I would have made it this far without the help of this board. Thank you ladies!!

 

I thought that it was OK to start cereal somewhere between 4 and 6 months? Four months is longer than some women bf. She's gotta do what's right for her and her family. How nice of her to help you out. Are you sure that you're not sad that she might be quitting becuase she won't be pumping for you anymore?

I've gotten the question numerous times when asked if I breastfeed the twins: OMG, is it possible to make enough milk for 2 babies? I say, "Obviously, they're healthy, happy, and growing." I think that most people who ask this never nursed even one baby before. People would be surprised at what they could do if they'd just give some effort and have patience.

Good luck with your babies. How long do you see yourself nursing? We're still nursing 3 x/day.

 

QUOTE(Don2worrybhappy @ Oct 6 2007, 03:32 AM) [snapback]438027[/snapback]
I thought that it was OK to start cereal somewhere between 4 and 6 months? Four months is longer than some women bf. She's gotta do what's right for her and her family. How nice of her to help you out. Are you sure that you're not sad that she might be quitting becuase she won't be pumping for you anymore?

I've gotten the question numerous times when asked if I breastfeed the twins: OMG, is it possible to make enough milk for 2 babies? I say, "Obviously, they're healthy, happy, and growing." I think that most people who ask this never nursed even one baby before. People would be surprised at what they could do if they'd just give some effort and have patience.

Good luck with your babies. How long do you see yourself nursing? We're still nursing 3 x/day.



Sorry, I know some people give their babies cereal before six months, but the AAP actually recommends waiting until 6 months. I understand people do what's right for their family, etc. I guess it just hit close to home because it's someone I know and someone who I thought was really into breastfeeding. She hasn't pumped for me for a couple months now, so no I'm not sad in regards to that. Yes, it was wonderful when she was pumping for me! I don't know how long I see myself nursing. Hopefully to at least a year (but I pump more than nurse). I wanted to nurse DD1 past 18 months, but I had two miscarriages in a row and was strongly advised to quit nursing (DD was 14 and a half months).

 

I hate when people assume that I cant make enough milk for two babies and say things like "I couldnt even fill up one baby let alone two" Most of the time I think moms give up during a growth spurt because they assume that the baby is not getting enough because they are hungry. I feel like we need to educate these people... or help in some way. I know that with DD #1 I knew nothing about growth spurts (yes that is possible LOL) I just assumed they were never supposed to eat more than every three hours and that she would get enough and I thought she was fussy because I wasnt producing for her (duh I wasnt nursing enough!!) ... oh how young I was. The worst part about it was that there was a great BF support group in my town that I didnt take enough advantage of. I totally put my PPD all on that situation. But I have had the best expeience nursing my twins and LOVE LOVE LOVE surprizing people by telling them I nurse two babies!!!

PS I started cereal at 4 months and veggies and fruits at 6

 

Obviously everyone has to do what is right for them, but I really do understand how you feel. I think because it is such a challenge for us to breastfeed and we have fought to do it this whole time, it just isn't as easy for us to "give up". I can't even begin to tell you how much beating myself up I have done over whether to stop or not. I have always felt like I just don't have enough for them. I finally found a formula that doesn't bother them at all and somedays I don't have to give them any, but there are days where I have to give them each two full bottles. I had to just come to grips with it because I was making myself crazy, not going places because I didn't have enough EBM or just constantly stressing about how much milk was in the fridge. I was a huge pumper and not a big nurser for a long time because I just felt like I never knew if they were hungry when they would fuss. I have finally put a little more faith in my supply and I usually nurse all day and then in the evening is when they need the bottle. OMG when I stopped obsessing about the pump things got so much easier. Anyways I think we put so much more thought into bfing than a lot of singleton moms just because it isn't always easy to bf twins so it is just something that is always on our minds. The important thing is that you have the most gorgeous, healthy little girls and you should just be proud that you can confidently say you have given them everything you are capable of. You're doing a great job :hug99:

 

I have a friend that the same thing happened. She started out nursing, then switched to mostly pumping and when pumping didn't fit into her busy schedule she wouldn't do it, then she got all suprised and upset that her supply "wasn't enough" and she "had" to switch to formula. I tried to let her know in nice ways what she could change but since she never asked for my advice nor seemed to want it I let it go. Frustrating, I know!!

 

I understand your frustration about your friend not giving her child breastmilk, but honestly, what does that have to do with being a SINGLETON mom? That has to do with her attitude, not how many children she had at her last birth.

 

Ok, I have only ever really been a mom to one child, however I have never had just one child in my home. I do have a home daycare, so I am quite busy!
There are many moms no matter how many children they have or if they work or are single parents. They make choices, and sadly most of them are selfish when it comes to breastfeeding. My SIL could only make it 2 weeks and then 3 with her second because she had a problem and rather than having a doctor and a pediatrician that would recomend she see a Lactation person they just gave her formula samples. I was so very angry and sad for her children each time. Not at her so much but for the children.
Breastfeeding any number of children is an investment of time, energy and love. Your not just giving your child your milk when you nurse them but also your love and attention.
You do need to take care of your body as well as your babies. Stress is a big factor in supply and many people don't take that to heart.
I am excited to have my babies, I am doubly excited to get to nurse them. My only fear is can I really give them each the attention from me at the breast that I gave my oldest.

 

That would totally drive me up the wall too! It is so sad that women are not better educated about breastfeeding. Sure, everyone has had it drummed into their heads that "breast is best" - but it seems like a lot of myths & misinformation still persist (like "BFing is really difficult" "It's hard to make enough milk" "Babies need to be on a schedule" "If the baby is hungry, you're not making enough, fill him up with cereal" and so on). Women need to be better educated about what it's really like and how to BF successfully - eating all the time is probably just a growth spurt, feeding on demand leads to good milk supply, etc etc. It ought to be "Breast is best - and here's how to do it."

I know that some women are really committed to BFing, and despite their best efforts it doesn't work for any number of reasons - genuine supply issues, etc. And it is tragic that these are the women who beat themselves up for not BFing, or for partial BFing instead of EBF. They're the ones who have done everything imaginable to try to nurse their babies, and yet they wind up feeling guilty --- while plenty of other moms don't even consider BFing, just go straight to formula without a second thought and never look back.

It is weird that we are in such a PC culture that everyone says "Breast is best - but formula is just as good." (And I have heard this from everyone, including NICU nurses.) Sure, moms have the right to feed their babies whatever they want, and their choice is nobody else's business, and they don't deserve a guilt trip. But is everyone SO sensitive that we need to massage their feelings by telling them that formula is as good as breastmilk when unanimous scientific opinion says that it isn't? Babies thrive on formula, but it does not have some of the unique properties BM does.

I don't think formula is Satan or anything. I don't EBF my babies, because sometimes I need a break and/or sleep, and it is just a lot easier for me to give bottles right before bed when I am totally exhausted from the day. Enfamil does make some money from me. But I still nurse as much as possible.

Anyway - I'm sorry your friend is driving you crazy, Melissa! And I'm sorry you haven't had the nursing experience you wanted with your twins, and that you have to work so hard at something that comes so easily to other people who don't even give a hoot about it. :hug99: But I think you are doing an awesome thing by giving them as much milk as you do! You are such a dedicated mom.

 

She may not have had the great support of the ladies on this board or another like it. Odds are her mom and everyone around her was telling her she needed to give the baby formula to get it to sleep through the night. Unfortunately formula use while breastfeeding can be a slippery slope. The more you give formula, the less milk you produce, and therefore you end up giving more formula. Once she started she may have ended up hurting her supply enough that she really isn't producing enough. If she is still nursing a couple of times a day at least her baby is still getting some breastmilk. I had a lot of outside pressure (read MIL and DH) to use formula with Brandon (which was silly since I pumped for the twins for 8mos without supplementing). But I was able to ignore them and do what I know was best for my child. BTW we started cereal at 5mos and other stuff at 6.

 

I'm so sorry if I offended anyone by this post. I probably shouldn't have titled it the way I did. You're right, Rosie, it has a lot more to do with her attitude, etc. I guess I was just making a comparison of feeding one baby vs. two. It really was a lot easier for me to nurse my first DD than it has been to nurse twins. I hope I didn't come across as being cynical...just a bit frustrated and confused.

 

QUOTE(~rosie~ @ Oct 6 2007, 08:33 AM) [snapback]438200[/snapback]
I understand your frustration about your friend not giving her child breastmilk, but honestly, what does that have to do with being a SINGLETON mom? That has to do with her attitude, not how many children she had at her last birth.



This was my question too. I also don't see why you are taking personally what choice she is making. I think you should be proud of yourself (I'm proud of you too , pat yourself on the back and move on. If she makes choices that you wouldn't make for your baby - don't discuss your frustrations with her because you'll get advice you don't agree with.

I love nursing, I want to do it for a year at least but I feel very very strongly that these are personal choices and we should tred lightly when judging another mom.

Best of luck to you!!

 

Nah, I get ya. (And thank you for your sincere apology.)

I know it has to be more challenging to feed two infants than it is to feed one. And it's really easy to be frustrated with other mothers who are "too busy" or "too tired" or too whatever to commit and stop making excuses. We all get a bit of the "Yeah, as if I'm not too busy and tired myself." I know it's easy to think "Hey, if I can feed my two, surely you can do it with just one." It's all good.

 

It is hard to see other women's choices sometimes. I have a friend that is weaning her twins just because it's easier on her that way. Her twins are a lot younger than mine and are gaining weight like GANGBUSTERS, whereas mine stopped gaining and have had to be supplemented. But I have come to find peace with the whole thing! There is no point to me envying anyone else (or judging them, for that matter). All I can do is the best I can do! What is my goal here? To exclusively BF? Bad goal for me to have, because that's not fully under my control. A better goal for me to have is to give all my babies as much breastmilk as possible. I am acheiving that goal, so I am 100% happy. It is a tough adjustment to think that way, especially for someone like me (recovering control freak). And formula is not poison... it is a special breastmilk-substitute to be used in special situations (yours being one of those!). Any woman using formula for what it was originally created should feel NO GUILT, and NO REMORSE.

Different moms make different choices and that's okay. I'm not perfect (the more kids I have, the clearer it becomes), and I try to give my fellow mom friends as wide of a berth as possible. Just as I hope they do to me if they hear me "losing it" with my 3 y/o at the grocery store!

 

We just spent several days with my husband's cousins and I was really struck by the fact that of six women in three generations, none of them had nursed more than a couple of weeks. They each had different reasons (one never wanted two, one got mastitis with the eldest and never tried to nurse her two younger kids, one was so worried by her son's time under the bilirubin lights that her milk 'dried up'), but it was so clear to me that the biggest reason was that no one else around them had ever nursed! How luck I am to 1) have a Mom who is supportive and relatively knowledgeable 2) have this forum!

In the end, I think it takes sheer stubbornness to continue nursing twins for the first several months. After that all the other good things kick in, but through the early endless feeds and pumping to supplement and cracked nipples and weight checks, the only thing that kept me going was a really cranky single-mindedness. And having made it this far, having been through all of that (not to mention having invested in a lactation consultant), I have all that extra incentive to keep going. Maybe it would be easier to give up sooner if I'd had only one baby to nurse - easy come, easy go? Not that nursing one baby is easy, either, but it has to be easier than nursing two!!

 

I'm sure that it's very dissappointing to you to see a friend blow off something that is so important to you; you know it's very important to you, and she is just taking her ability to EBF for granted. I'm sorry about that. I think becoming a mother highlights qualities and flaws that might not have been so obvious before children. I hope you can look at your friend and see what a picture of commitment and dedication to doing what is best for your children you are. Not that your friend is a horrible person or anything, but everyone brings a different level of selfishness to the table and perhaps EBF just wasn't working for her.

Hang in there, don't be frustrated by her; pat yourself on the back.

 

don't be upset with your friend - BF isn't for everybody - I pumpled for 3 weeks while my girls were in the NICU - they were 32 weekers. I never produced enough and they needed a supplement - I switched over to Neosure for the extra calories and gave up pumping. I know some of you may think that was selfish or wrong on my part but it was best for me and my girls. The were not gaining weight and needed the so many extra calories per feeding.

I used to not mention how I fed my girls because I did/do get criticied for formula feedings. My girls are 18 months and healthy as can be.

Your friend may need your support now more than ever - I am sure she is getting negative comments from others she knows.

 

Melissa-I am glad you posted this, TS is where we can come and vent about singleton moms, it may be the ONLY place I know I can- so IMO vent away :icon_biggrin: