there are just some days....

My DH and I went away this past weekend. The girls stayed with my mom at my brothers house. My SIL is great with kids and they attached very easily to her. My report back from my mom was that they were perfect angels and completely happy while I was away. When I return they save all their naughtiness for me. The constant whining, fighting with each other, and just plain testing my nerves seems to be saved for only me. Am I alone in this or do you find that your kids are perfect when in others company especially when you aren't around? This is driving me crazy. I feel like I am comparing my mothering skills to my SIL :angry[codebox]<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b2.lilypie.com/uBd7m4.png" alt="Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a>[/codebox]

 

Kids act different in different environments with different people.

An expert/author once told me at a parenting event: If your kids "act up" at home, you are a good parent, providing a safe environment for them to grow and learn. It means they feel safe enough with you to explore and be themselves. This often means they are little raving lunatics seeking control and power. But that's what toddlers are about.... trying to communicate and figure out what they can control.

My advice: pick your battles. There are so many things that I just don't fight them on at this stage. And then again there are many, many things that I don't just give in on. The best way is choices: do you want an apple or a pear? Do you want to wear the red or the green shirt? etc. You have control, but they get some choices and don't feel powerless. Make sense?

BTW I also find that whenever something changes (relatives visit our home for wks, we go away for wknd, major changes in their routine, etc), there is fallout. They act out more and then gradually things calm down.

Sam is going through a really bossy/pushy phase. I just keep reminding myself that most of this stuff is phases and they'll be another challenge soon enough.

 

I agree with the pp. They feel safe around you and can test their limits (which is what they are supposed to do). Try not to compare how they act with someone who sees them infrequently and probably spoiled them with unending attention (because her laundry, house cleaning, cooking, bills, etc. could wait until you and your DH picked them up on Sunday). :hug99:

 

I feel like mine save it all up for us. Their school and daycare say they are angels and so well behaved...they never act up. But for us, they test, refuse to clean up, etc. Yesterday was one of those days. They knew they were bad with me and apologized over and over again, but that didn't stop them from not listening.

 

I agree with the PP. If they feel safe and loved, they are little devils when they get home from being away and having to be "good" They are tired, possibly cranky, had their world view altered for a timebeing, you love them will comfort them, set their limits and still love them when they push those limits..again and again and again and again right after you tell their brother or sister not to do something they will try it!

 

Safari hit the nail on the head, IMO.

 

QUOTE(Safari @ Apr 11 2008, 02:22 AM) [snapback]716387[/snapback]
Kids act different in different environments with different people.

An expert/author once told me at a parenting event: If your kids "act up" at home, you are a good parent, providing a safe environment for them to grow and learn. It means they feel safe enough with you to explore and be themselves. This often means they are little raving lunatics seeking control and power. But that's what toddlers are about.... trying to communicate and figure out what they can control.

My advice: pick your battles. There are so many things that I just don't fight them on at this stage. And then again there are many, many things that I don't just give in on. The best way is choices: do you want an apple or a pear? Do you want to wear the red or the green shirt? etc. You have control, but they get some choices and don't feel powerless. Make sense?

BTW I also find that whenever something changes (relatives visit our home for wks, we go away for wknd, major changes in their routine, etc), there is fallout. They act out more and then gradually things calm down.

Sam is going through a really bossy/pushy phase. I just keep reminding myself that most of this stuff is phases and they'll be another challenge soon enough.


Excellent advise. It's hard to take sometimes but it really does mean your kiddos feel safe and comfortable with you. I used to tell new adoptive parents of older kids who exhibit the same behaviors : "hard as it is, take it as a compliment!". Not easy, I know.

 

Thx folks. Every once in awhile, I share a nugget of advice and feel like "wow" I sometimes actually know something! Instead of just feeling constantly exhausted and challenged.