The worst first year advice

What is the WORST advice you got in the first year?

- In the hospital, the nurses told me that I had to keep bottles, pacifiers, toys etc, separate to avoid passing germs from one baby to another. I was so paranoid at first that we tried this... I don't even have to tell you how ridiculous that seems now.

- A lactation consultant told me to demand feed so the twins could sort out their own schedules. I didn't even finish that appointment.

- A doctor told me I could treat mastitis naturally... and I ended up with a breast abcess.

- The pediatrician at the hospital gave me the general advice of not going out with the babies and/or letting people touch them. In my haze of PPD and anxiety, I ran around with hand sanitizer and wouldn't go anywhere for a long time.. it was terrible advice in retrospect, because getting out and about was so easy when they were little and it always did me a world of good. Plus I permanently alienated several people on the handwashing issue.

 

Off the top of my head, I think it was the constant nap when the babies nap. Um, yeah, unfortunately that never worked around this house!

 

Definitely the nap when the babies nap. Oh, OK...when which one is napping am I supposed to nap?

I also wish I hadn't listened when multiple family members told me to let them sleep in their PNP for as long as they did. If we had moved them to their cribs in their nursery earlier, I think everyone would've slept better much, MUCH sooner.

 

"You need to nap." I was so much less stressed out when I quit trying to nap all the time.

"When they start being awake more often [4-6 weeks], carry them around the house to look at stuff." Um, carry which one?

"Don't let them sleep sitting up." After a brief attempt at keeping them in their cribs, we let them sleep in bouncy seats till nearly 4 months. They are great sleepers (and no flat heads)!

 

Never wake a sleeping baby. Just let them each be on their own schedule. Uhm, YEAH RGHT! :laughing:

 

I'm in agreeance with the "nap when the babies nap" yea ok, like there aren't a 1000 other things that need done!

 

the lactation specialist and nurses at the hospital were ADAMANT that I ONLY breastfeed. It didn't matter that the babes were losing weight, couldn't latch etc....instead my husband spent HOURS getting 10 ml into my DS with a rubber tube taped to his finger .. WTF. I am all for breast feeding and I expressed for a couple of months after (the best I could) but HELLO, babies need to eat.. grrrr... I think back to that and cringe.


Oh and I regret listening to my mom and mother in law that I shouldn't go anywhere with the babes in the early days b/c of germs.. I was so isolated those days.

 

Hmmmm...I am having a hard time thinking of things-probably because I just did it anyways! LOL! Nap when they nap-I tried if I could... I went out regardless. I tried b'fing. I pumped for five months. I woke them. I took them out. We went out to dinner.

Hmph. Maybe no one gave me advice? :laughing: I find that REALLY hard to believe! LOL!

 

totally agree with the "nap when they nap" Mine were up every 1.5 hours 24/7 so what did that leave me..30 minutes of rest, if I could turn the on button off..ya ok :headbang:

 

"keep them up all day - then they'll sleep better at night" :crazy:

 

Exactly!
I could never find my 'off' switch even when I did have an opportunity to 'rest'. :laughing:
Rest when they rest often came from people who have never had twins too!!

 

oh yes....nap when they nap, never wake a sleeping baby, they will sleep better if they don't nap as much during the day.....definitely some of my favorites.

but i also enjoyed....
you need to make them enjoy their bouncy seat and swing. (how do you make a baby enjoy something?)
i was given conflicting advice on this one from the grandmothers.....one said that too much holding would make them spoiled and needy, and the other told me that if i didn't hold them enough they would end up being very clingy.
and my possible very favorite came from a nurse at the peds office. I called up there because i suspected that the girls had reflux and she told me these two things...all babies spit up and all babies cry alot. REALLY? i am explaining to you that my children seem to be in pain and throw up after every bottle and that is what you tell me? wow

 

Accept all help that is offered. Sometimes "help" can be more trouble than it's worth. I truly appreciate the offers but we should have turned down some of the help, or limited it in order to have time on our own to figure things out. We were so much more relaxed after family went home and we had the house to ourselves again.

 

Wow, where do I start? ardon:

"Try to get some rest. Sleep when the baby sleeps." Seriously, which one?
"Quit breastfeeding!" I've been told this sooooo many times. Mind you, after a while I began thinking stopping nursing would be the key to world peace. I gave in on a few occassions -you know, lots of pressure and an insecure first time mom- and let DH, parents, FIL & MIL experiment with EBM or even formula. It always turned out I was right. I still breastfeed and do not plan on giving up in the near future.
A variation of advices such as "Hold them like this", "Let them cry it out", "Try a paci", "Do not let them sleep in your bed". People always thought they had the solution to extreme fussiness, colic, reflux... Come on, I did and would've done anything to help my girls, but not things every inch of me felt were wrong, such as letting them cry if they were in pain. I was sometimes like "Right, why didn't I think of that miracle method before?"

I also agree that sometimes you're better off without help than with.

 

I always thought is was funny when people told me to sleep while the babies sleep. Yeah right! For one when which baby is sleeping? Also I have three other kids and I am already trying to deal with giving all the kids attention without adding naps to MY schedule. Plus I'm not a napper. I mean yeah sometimes I konk out but usually I would rather be doing something else or if I can relax just play on the computer. People actually act like I am weird for not wanting to sleep during the day. It's not for everyone!

 

The person who told me this had good intentions, but it was bad advice. My mom told me that when they were first born, before their umbilical cords even fell off, that they needed a bath every day. I was already so overwhelmed with 2 babies and so nervous about bathing them b/c since I couldn't submerge them in water they would always get cold and turn blue. I dreaded bath time!

Now that I look back I wonder why in the world I thought they were dirty enough to need a daily bath? However, most of the time I got my mom to do it for me. :laughing:

:rofl: That advice is cracking me up.

 

My MIL suggested suppositories when our 4 week old baby was constipated for a few days. We had already been to the pediatrician who suggested we do nothing yet and wait it out. Everything turned out fine. Um, no, I'm not ignoring the doctor's advice to give my newborn a suppository.

 

My MIL's advice: "To make lots of breast milk, you need to drink lots of cow's milk". When DD had a cold she suggested that I should take some cold medicine so that DD will get it through my milk . You can see her way of thinking, right?

 

I don't know if this really counts as advice, but I hated when people would say things like "Oh my children were *insert random number here* months apart so it was just like having twins!" Uhh.. no it's not!

In the hospital, the nurses tried to convince me to stay an extra day or two. I was begging to go home as soon as they were born. The nurses would give me that "you need to rest while you can" line. How am I supposed to rest when I'm hooked up to a machine that takes my blood pressure once an hour, plus every ten minutes another nurse comes in to check on me. And usually at shift change a nurse would come in to check my incision for the c-section that I didn't even have!! :huh:

People told me constantly there's no way one person can take care of two infants and that I should hire help. I DID do it all by myself.

 

I think the worst for me was never wake a sleeping baby, even though the NICU and doctor said that I should wake them every three hours. After that we were strict schedulers and it was a lifesaver, but did require that someone was woken from sleeping occasionally.

The worst for me before the babies came was to rest now, because you won't be able to when they get here. I agree that I should have appreciated it more, but as far as I know there is absolutely no way to store up sleep! Plus, there is no way to prepare yourself for what it is really going to be like until you do it, I think.

My mom was awesome and a big help, but even if we were just around the house she insisted that the babies have on hats, undershirts, socks (or feet sleepers), and then be bundled up. My poor babies were red and sweaty - they are hot-natured just like us and it was September in the South!

 

One of the nurses in the hospital would have me wash my breasts in between feeding babies. Not even kidding. I was in such a haze, I was just going along with anything and everything. So there I am in the babies NICU room dipping my breast under the sink and dutifully scrubbing it off 8/10 times per day. I would slap that nurse now if I had a chance :laughing:

Worst advice was all the sleep advice. I was so stressed out that I was going to raise my babies to sleep wrong or have flat heads, etc, etc. Life got so much better when I just started nodding my head and doing what worked for us. Lo and behold, they are great sleepers. I didn't ruin them!

 

Get your rest now before the babies come.

My mom always thought the babies were too cold and MIL thought they were too hot.

Keep them up during the day so they will sleep more at night.

Baby is crying so he must be hungry (he/she had a good feeding an hour ago).

 

I think the best was when someone told me I should absolutely bypass the pediatrician's advice about DD's slightly flat head and that I should go directly to a specialist or my child would need "skull surgery" at 9 months and that the only way to "fix it" was for her to wear a helmet 24/7. By the way.. her head is almost back to normal now..

My other favorite was when a friend told me that raising her single toddler was just as hard as having twins infants and that having 2 children 2 years apart would be harder than having twins... um okay... :laughing:

 

I love the napping idea, along with the "they must be hungry" every time they cried.

I also got "Give him water"...as one twin was gaining faster, my mother suggested this to prevent too much weight gain.

 

Me too!
I get to the end of the day absolutely fractured and want to watch maybe a little bit of tv before bed and unwind and dh says, "Well if your so tired, why don't you go to bed?!". It's the only 'me' time I get all day.

 

OMG that is hilarious! :laughing:

This is one of my favs. I have a friend like that 2 with a 2yr old and a 7month old. N.O. I.D.E.A! I would love to swap with them for just a day and see if they still think the same!

My MIL often suggests water, (I make plenty of milk!) and if they cry - they must be thirsty, tired or hungry. YOU try and get them to sleep! Grrrrr :headbang:

 

my MIL and mom were like this too - it was July in the North East!

 

Makes me actually sad to and tear up when I think about all of this. Especially in regards to the BFing. I was told that it was the best thing for the babies and even if they lost weight, at least they were getting BM. It stressed me to no end! I had no life, I didn't enjoy the first 2 months of their lives and in the first 2 months I MIGHT have expressed about 100oz!!! I couldn't even provide for one baby let alone 2! I just wish I had gone with my gut and done what was best for all of us.

I'm with you all on the "get rest, while the babies rest". But I had to pump when the babies rested, I had to clean and shower and maybe get in a meal.

 

I don't think I really got BAD advice, per se, but that is because I really didn't get advice. I think people assumed because of my age and profession that I knew exactly what I was doing. So the worst was the sheer lack of advice on breastfeeding. Its a freakin' miracle my kids are still nursing at 16 months because in the hospital all the nurses cared about was me learning how to tandem feed even though my carpal tunnel was so bad I could barely hold on to one baby and my DS couldn't latch for s@!t. Once I was home I had to call a LC that I knew from work and beg for help because it was taking me 20 minutes just to get him latched each time. Its no wonder so many women quit nursing with the bad advice/lack of advice out there!

 

Worst Advice I got
- You don't really have to breastfeed - 2 babies is alot you know and its probably not possible or good for you
- Try to relax (uh ......... yeah - ok - Can you define relax with newborn twins?)
- You shouldn't take them out in the car for drives. Its bad for them . (dont ask ...)
- Dont wake them up to keep them on a schedule. Babies dont need a schedule. (BAH HA HA HA )

 

All I have to say is "WHOAH!" to the washing the breasts! I think that is the winner!!