she talks "thru" my babies. "i'm hungry." (no, she's not. she just finished eating) "this outfit is too small on me" (not really, and she's changing out of it in a few minutes). "we want to sleep in our crib, not the swings" (no, they don't, and they can't right now because they are so absolutely congested the doctor said they need to stay upright). and i know i've vented about this before, but she is STILL SO OBSESSED with how much they are getting to eat. they came over teh other day and were talking about rice cereal. i walked inteh room and said, "they don't need rice cereal. they are just fine. my bm is just fine for them right now." and she said, "yes, they look content." okay, then stop talking about it! aaaah! so when they come over i get all stressed out because i'm sick of the passive/agressiveness and the feeding questions/comments, and now they feel like they can't come over (i guess they could see it on my face). i'm also really sick of being followed around the house by MIL. she follows me when i change one or walk around with one. why? i don't get it. ALSO, a few weeks ago, she fed one and put her in the swing, and since she was still wide-eyed i figured i'll put her on the floor and do tummy time with her. MIL looked totally offended, and left a few minutes later. i don't want to feel like i need permission to handle my own babies. i just needed to vent. again.
You can stop apologizing for venting - we've ALL been there and can empathize. I think it's really challengng, esp. as MIL relationships are challenging. Sometimes I think the best thng is to be really clear and direct. Maybe you can sit down with a free m inute (HA!!!!) and just TELL her that it really bothers you that she keeps pushing solid food on them, that you (and their father, make sure he backs you up on this) have decided to adhere to the WHO standards taht say that BM is the perfect and sufficient food for babies, and to please stop talking about it. I find that people are so unused to direct commun ication that they are often flabbergasted when they get it. And i don't mean do it with anger or bad attitude; just look her in the eye and tell her she needs to stop that. And ask her plain out why she's following you around - perhaps she's not aware of it? There is a point at which you have to stop being polite, YOU are the mother of two infants, and even though she raised your husband, she doesn't get to raise YOUR babies. fyi, my mil who is mostly great, says things like "i'm calling child protective services, this sleeper is too small" - that crap drives me BAT mad!!!!!! good luck and feel free to vent whenever you need!
I agree, my MIL does the same knid of stuff, and after a year of it, I finally started standing up to her. I didn't really want to argue with her, but I had no choice, I needed to let her know that I make the decisions for my babies, not her. She has calmed down a little, but sometimes I feel like I'm just wasting my time, because when I stand up to her on one certain thing that shes giving me problems with at the time, she stops bringing it up, but then starts in on something else, untill I finally have to tell her again. Sometimes I hate even going to her house, I dont like being somewhere where I feel like I have to constantly defend myself. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
No advice but I go through the exact same thing with my own mother. And the CPS thing...yep, sends me over the edge. :love0028:
MIL sounds like a real piece of work. I think how MILs behave is one of those mysteries in life that we never solve until we reach that impasse ourselves..when we ourselves become MIL, maybe we'll look back and say, "Oooh, that's why she acted so crazy!!" I'm sure it's hard for some women to accept the fact that their own kids are now having babies...and even harder to accept that those same kids who are now parents actually KNOW what they're doing. I've never myself given my MIL any reason not to trust me, but she thinks I'm totally incompetent. But she'll say "I don't know how you do it..." while I'll be thinking, "According to you, I don't!" I have found that with my MIL you have to fight crazy with crazy. :lol: And I've made a sort of game out of being on the lookout for her less than flattering comments towards/about me...and BOOM right then I give it right back to her. It's a win-win situation for me, because she sometimes gets the hint and STOPS, AND I keep myself totally entertained when doing this...it's hilarious! For instance, when your MIL is following behind you so closely wherever you go..you should just stop short and let her run into the back of you!! Maybe that'll curb the behavior next time, and if not at least it's funny as ****!!! :rotflmbo: When she starts talking thru the babies...talk back... She says, "I'm hungry"...You say, "No thanks, I'm trying to cut back!" She says, "This outfit is too small on me.."...You say, "Does this onesie make me look fat?" She says, "We want to sleep in our cribs, not our swings.."...You say, "It's not the size of the boat it's the motion of the ocean!" Or something equally as stupid! :icon_biggrin: That way if you are entertaining yourself at the same time she's annoying you...maybe you will eventually look FORWARD to her visits..if nothing else, then just for a good laugh! ha! Don't let yourself get too bogged down with her "talking through the babies" or not complimenting you...they are yours, you do with them as you like..as long as they are happy and healthy then you know in your heart you're doing the best job you can NO MATTER what meddling MIL says.
heartofdixiemama... LMAO!!! those are great suggestions!!! and i have ANOTHER thing to add, while i'm on a roll here... when we first found out it was twins, we were super stoked. we told DH's parents and the FIRST thing that MIL said was, "oh. that is sooo risky.... " are you kidding me??? then later she was like, "that is such an ego trip for the grandparents, having twin grandkids!" first off, SHE didn't have anything to do with it, and second, you just rained on our parade by telling us what a risky pregnancy it is.... the fact that we live 2 minutes away from them really does not help matters. i love my alone time with my girls during the day, but DH wants her to be able to come over during the day to play with them. i dont' want someone here everyday. i feel really stupid singing to them and reading to them when someone is here watching me. kwim? i'm going to lose my mind.
Wow in reading your post I really thought you were talking about my MIL! She does the exact same thing!!! And it drives me absolutely crazy!! I wish I had the magic answer for you, but if I did my life would be a lot easier as well. Good Luck, let me know if you find anything that works!
yes, heartofdixie mama, i, too am howling! as for not having her over every day; frankly that's something i'd discuss with your husband; make it clear that while you welcome her presence in their lives (ok, maybe that will be a stretch, but it's the kind and compassionate thing to do), you also have to have some boundaries and some time where it's just you and the babies, and people (his mother) are not welcome to just come by ALL the time! i keep repeating this so i know some are sick of it, but i think it bears repeating: Nobody gives us permission to have boundaries. Good luck.
Ahh, MIL drama. I think we seriously all have this. I went through a lot of the same things with mine during the first few months. She stayed with us off and on for the first 6 weeks, and then when they were 12-16 weeks while I was waiting for the babies to get into their daycare. She lives a 10 hour drive away so now she only comes for weekend visits and I can handle her much better because I know she is going to be gone soon! But, back to the OP. When she says something about cereal, tell her that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no cereal until 6 months. I had to do this with my MIL because she pushed cereal on my babies too. Or, you could "try" to give the babies cereal in front of MIL and when they push it out of their mouths, say "Oh, it looks like they're not ready for cereal yet." (That is one of the readiness signs for solids.) As far as the talking "thru" the babies, geez that is hard. I know my MIL does it too. I just ignore her mostly. I figure if she can't get the guts to say it directly to me, then I don't need to bother with a response. One other thing I did when my MIL was staying with us those first few weeks was to ask for her to run a lot of errands for me so I would have alone time with the babies. And I also had my DH ask her to leave the 3 of us alone some days so we could bond better.
QUOTE(Jordari @ Dec 26 2007, 04:28 PM) [snapback]546730[/snapback] as for not having her over every day; frankly that's something i'd discuss with your husband; make it clear that while you welcome her presence in their lives (ok, maybe that will be a stretch, but it's the kind and compassionate thing to do), you also have to have some boundaries and some time where it's just you and the babies, and people (his mother) are not welcome to just come by ALL the time! Be careful with that conversation, it has been a HUGE issue in our house since I was prego. My MIL talks in 3rd person to me. As in: my DH, MIL and I are standing within feet of each other and she will say to my DH "If she needs me to come over" or "If she wants some company". I feel like screaming " I AM RIGHT HERE - RIGHT HERE - SEE I CAN HEAR AND TALK FOR MYSELF" It started when I went on 48 hour hospital bedrest and she sat in the room with me and didn't talk unless my DH was in the room and has progressed from there. DH and I got in a huge fight over me "not making his mother feel comfortable in our home". Can I just say that 6 week post-delivery and struggling to nurse twins is NOT the time for an otherwise super man to show his "momma's boy" tendancies. Actually, I have some issues too because DH and I decided not to know the sex of the twins. I asked my mom to go to an ultrasound so of course had to ask my MIL too (can't leave anyone out you know). At the end of the unltrasound my MIL stayed in the room, closed the door and asked the tech what the sex of the babies was even! That takes a set of steel balls if you ask me. Not sure why it has to be that way with MILs.....hopefully I'll remember is when my DS gets married! Any way - cautionary tale that that conversation (while needed) may get ugly.
