Does anyone else feel like they are the only one that takes care of their twins?? My DH does not help me at all. I have to tell him to pick one of the girls up if she is crying. He works 2nd shift and even when he is home during the day I find myself in the bedroom with the boppy's set up feeding the girls by myself. I can't believe I am telling you all this, but I have no one to vent to that would understand where I am coming from. The girls sleep in our room and he doesn't cause he says it is " Too Hot" for him to sleep in there. So he sleeps out on the couch. He has really no interaction with them at all, and it breaks my heart. I get so mad when people ask him how it is to change alot of diapers, or how is it not getting much sleep? Why ask him?? He doesn't change diapers, and he isn't losing any sleep at night either. I don't know what to do. Sorry I just had to vent. Must be my day for a pitty party too. :mellow:
You are not alone! in the beginning, my dh went back to work when my girls were 5 days old and I breastfed so my day consisted of staying propped up in my recliner with one girl on each side. I looked forward to him coming home like a kid would a Disney trip! and when he got home, he would not even touch the girls but pass right by and either take a nap or go to his parents and I was SO TIRED!!. My DH is NOT a baby person. now that they are toddlers he is MUCH better but in those early days, the babies cried, I cried things were a mess! it has gotten much better I had a talk with him - he was afraid of the girls when they were so tiny - once we straightened that out he is a GREAT dad to the girls ! Can you just sit him down and tell him how you feel?? CONGRATULATIONS on your babies!!
Haha, I could have written this post! I know how you feel and it sucks! DH and I have such different opinions about how our twins should be taken care of that I just do it myself in attempt to avoid the arguing. I often feel like I am the only parent and I'm angry at him every day, for (what seems to me), not caring. We both work full-time so there's really no excuse. On the weekends, he sleeps in and I get up with them. He sleeps most of the day or else plays PS2 while I take care of the kids. He seems to want very little interaction with them and then cannot understand why they always want to be with mommy and cries when daddy's around!! He's never been gentle with them and I think his parenting style is rather harsh. He wanted to let them CIO at 1 month of age! I think this is what happens when selfish men try to be dads. Seriously, I try to get them out of the house on the weekends so they're not cooped up in the house all week but, I can tell DH that we are leaving at 1:30 and he's never ready to go. It takes him forever to get ready that we just end up ditching the outing because he's so freakin slow! Not to mention that anytime we go anywhere, I get me and the kids ready and we're still waiting for him. Don't even get me started on road trips! And I feel your pain when you talk about other people asking him how hard it is. I just want to scream when I hear him say, "yeah, I do this or I do that"... blah, blah, blah... you do nothing, I do everything. On top of it, I'm the one that cleans the house and pays the bills. It drives me nuts when he expects a pat on the back when he goes to the grocery store or even takes out the garbage. Sometimes I just want to smack him upside the head. So yes, I feel your pain. I keep hoping that it'll get better when they boys outgrow the baby stage but it hasn't yet and they're 10 months. I hate that I'm rushing them to get older for his sake! Hang in there! You're not alone!
Oh man can I relate to you! The first several months were like this for me too...I remember feeling so alone! I wasn't very tolerant of it either--I had two babies to take care of, I didn't need to be barking orders at him too. Things for us got better once the kids started interacting with thim and I was done BFing. I think he felt like he had more of a role caring for them. I remember feeling really disapointed in him as a father--I had such high hopes for how it was "going to be". I think it is more of a gradual process for men, which stinks because you kind of get thrown into the deep end of the pool when you bring twins home. Hang in there!
i would try talking to him. in the begining i often had to ask for help. now it is automatic. dont think that you need to do everything yourself. maybe HE has post partum...
I somewhat relate. My SO takes care of the twins during the day, while I work. But it feels like I have to be the one that does it all. He gets to stay home with the babies and sleep throughout the day. I have to wake up at 4am to feed them and go to work, I get home at 5:30pm and have to clean the house because he couldn't do it. I have to pump and feed the babies when I get home. On the weekends I get to do all that plus take care of the babies all day while he sleeps all freaking day, I haven't slept in in over 4 months. Or when he goes out because he "needs a break" On top of that I am the breadwinner so I get the added stress of not making alot of money and having to pay bills and rent. All in all, he's a good help but it would be nice to have more. Or to be acknowledged for all that I do. He says it's "my job"
As mine have gotten older my DH loves to interact wtih them. They can play now. SO hopefully as they get older they will be more funa nd he will want to play. I still have to ask for help but he is much better. He does work 60 hours a week at one job and is a real estate agent on the side so he is busy but he liked to hold, play with them now.
I am sorry you are not getting any help from him. That has to make it even harder to take care of two babies. Are you able to talk to him about it? Dianna
I think you definetly need to talk to him about it cause it isn't right. Either that or just tell him you are going to the store and leave the babies with him for an hour or so alone. It really bothers me when I hear about fathers not taking a part in caring for their children and leave it all up to the mom. They are BOTH of your children so BOTH of the parents should take care of them. Not to be morbid, but here is how I look at it. What if something bad happened to you...including death. He would HAVE to take care of the kids. Unfortunetly, you never know what life will throw you. He needs to start helping with the kids. April
It's like mom is always the "default caretaker" isn't it? Frankly I think men just need to be asked to help or told to help. I'm sorry he's not helping out the way you want. Definitely start asking for help before you get burned out.
In my case my dh was better at doing everything else. I simply told him the things that needed to be done and let him choose (and some days I choose, but mainly just wanted them to get done!). So grocery, vacume, dishes, bottles, baths, feeding, changing, cooking, etc were all divided up. I DID NOT accept the whole "SAHM does all the home chores" rule, if he didn't want to help with the babies then he NEEDED to help in other ways. And when I NEEDED a break he needed to understand. I would try and go to him in a rational way, men seem to respond to that better.
I just want to thank you ladies for all your replies. I plan on having a sit down with him this weekend. I hope things start to change, cause I am really starting to lose my mind. I love my girls, but it is really getting to be too much. Thank you again.
