The first year was SOOO easy....

Wow, compared to most I thought the first year with twins was a breeze. DH and I piggy-backed each other, took turns getting up at night, etc...

Now - well now what?? The twins are 15 months old now. We both work full time, when we're home in the evenings, I can't be away from DH and the kids more than 10 minutes (aside from making dinner or peeing) w/o him yelling 'Where'd you go?? When are you coming back?" okay by 'back' he means back to the teeny-tiny bedroom he has taken up root in (it doubles as both a playroom and guest room right now) and won't LEAVE for some strange reason. He takes the girls back there as soon we we get home, expects them to eat dinner back there (no table/highchairs, just eating on the floor picnic style) and on the weekends we have no sh** sometimes spent an ENTIRE weekend in that room w/o leaving. Unless I say I have to get out of the house, then everyone packs up and goes to Wal-Mart or the Mall (I'll make up something to buy just to LEAVE)

They have TONS of toys in the living room, which is a HUGE 30 feet long by 15 feet wide. They're little toddler table is out there that I TRY to serve meals at, and I try my DARNDEST to keep everyone THERE instead of in the back room, or outside if the weather is nice....

Anyways I main vent is DH not letting me have ME time anymore. I tried to make a dish the other morning, it did take me 2 hours, but about every 20 minutes I'd hear, "are you STILL cooking that stuff?" If I come into the office to check e-mail, 10 minutes later he's asking 'where are you, so and so want to know where you went'. But yet it's OK for him to just 'disappear' for 30 + minutes (I usually find him in the living room watching TV) or for 3+ hours at night to do some home remodeling project. I don't say ANYTHING to him, sometimes we just need some childfree time to ourselves....

I just get overwhelmingly frustrated that it seems as of late my time goes missing...... Oh and did I mention I'm 26 weeks pregnant and EXHAUSTED after a couple of hours either chasing crazy babies around or dealing with cranky ones??

He expects me to do everything I'd do non-pregnant (and for the most part I do anyways) but sometimes I need a break too! I've refrained from just ripping him a new one becuase, well, I don't want the kids to hear us argue. That, and no matter how nice (and I do try sometimes) I say something to him, he ALWAYS gets defensive and cops an attitude so being nice is really pretty pointless.

And the most important question: WHY, at 15 months, can my kids not entertain themselves for even 30 minutes??? We can not leave them alone, no matter WHICH part of the house we're in, and no matter WHAT activity we have set up for them....

 

Well, I can't say that I thought the first year was easy, but there are definitely differences from when they weren't mobile to once they became mobile. Most weekends, I still try to get up as if I'm going to work, so I can shower and get ready before we get them up. Otherwise I'm trying to sneak away, so they won't stand at the gate to our bedroom and cry. It's definitely become more difficult to get some things done because they want to be wherever I am. Do you think your DH wants to stay back in that room because it's small and easier to deal with them there? You should probably just talk with him and let him know how you're feeling and that you need some time for yourself. Can you sneak away for a pedicure and a quick shopping trip while they nap? That's usually what I try to do on the weekends, so I can have some alone time.

Good luck with things. I know it must be difficult while also being pregnant. You've done a great job juggling everything, but just make sure you don't take your own needs for granted!

 

It sounds like you have a DH problem, not a kid problem. It's pretty normal for 15 month olds not to be able to entertain themselves. Mine did, a little, but it required frequent (like every 2 minutes) intervention to defuse fights, deal with whining, etc. This does not really improve until sometime between 2 and 2.5.

But this thing about DH not wanting to leave the back room is just strange. And him expecting you to do every single thing (pregnant or not -- but especially pregnant!) is just not OK. Sorry, I don't really have any good suggestions, since you have already tried to talk to him, but I just wanted to point out that he is really behaving like a baby. :hug99:

 

You're lucky that the first year was a breeze! Mine was a nightmare, but luckily it's more of a blur now. You really should sit down and talk to him about how you're feeling. It's hard enough caring for 2 babies, and being pregnant, you shouldn't have to worry about getting some time for yourself too. My dh and I have always found that we work best if we each have some sort of outlet outside of the family. For me it's my girlfriends, and getting out with them every so often. For him it's either playing soccer, or his band. (He's got way more "me time" than I do) But I can't complain, I actually enjoy an evening or two without him home.. and if I need to get out, he's very understanding. Good luck!

 

Wow, I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with all of that - and 26 weeks pg! Not to be rude/mean, but - i agree with pp who said you have a Dh issue, not a kid issue. I would definitely MAKE some time for you and he to talk; even if it means hiring a babysitter and getting out of the house.

It's very tough when they get all defensive; sometimes I find that if i state upfront that there are some things on my mind and i'd like to TALK about them so i don't end up angry and snapping at him, then that puts him in a place where he can actually listen and HEAR me.

Not sure what the business about staying in the back room is - but i'd definitely ask (as opposed to telling him he's being a complete dork by staying in there, which, while perhaps true, is generally not conducive to open communication and expression!

As for expecting you to do everything you did non-pg, well - THAT has to change. I have found that the single biggest issue in our relationship (or ANY relationship; personal, professional), is when there are expectations, often unspoken, instead of clear and explicit AGREEMENTS. Addressing that has made a huge difference in our lives.

And - yes, you are both entitled to some childfree time -especially you as you carry this third baby and anticipate a newborn. And he needs to work with you to make sure that EVERYONE's needs get met.
Good luck!