The constant fighting and hitting must stop!

I'm feeling like a terrible mom the last couple of weeks. So much so that I just want to cry at the end of some days and do. My LOs are awesome and we generally have great days together. My DD's vocabulary is 3 times superior to my DS, which I think is partially the problem when they fight over things and get on each other's nerves. They are both strong willed and will fight for what they believe is theirs, no matter what. For what seems like a while now when they argue about little things they start to hit each other in retaliation and someone always ends up hurt. When I get to them before it gets out of hand, then one that didn't get their "revenge" gets angry and wants to hit me for stopping them. I am tired of time outs because they just keep doing it. Lately we've been battling the no throwing things, as this could really be dangerous.

Please tell me I'm not alone! I am worn out emotionally most days and I do uderstand my DS is frustrated because he can't communicate as well as my DD and my DD knows to talk back because she can. How do I make my children understand that hitting and fighting is BAD?! Is this just a phase while they assert themselves and become their own little people? I really do undertand the whole issue, but how can you get it through to them in a way they will understand? I am tired of being angry and frustrated, since I adore them so very much. I've gone from scolding to trying to be patient and understanding and I still end up feeling bad. Am I the one that needs the attitude adjustment?

 

I feel for you, it must be harder with opposite sex LO's. My girls fought a LOT during that time frame, i think it's just the age. As they approach 3 there is a lot less fighting and more sharing.

have you tried using a timer to mediate a fight over an object. Try telling them when someone has something they want to come to you to "get the timer", usually they are so distracted over the timer and playing with the timer that they forget about the object. But using a timer has helped my girls understand that someone will get the item for a certain period of time and then they will get it. It seems to have helped them be more patient in waiting and diffused the initial aggression to try and get the item because they know they will get it eventually.

i know, you can only punish in time out so many times in one day before it seems to be meaningless. is there some way you can help DS find the words he needs rather than getting physical?

 

The timer idea had actually crossed my mind a while back, but I wasn't sure if it would work. At this point anything is better than doing nothing at all. Trying to talk to them right before they hit each other is like stopping a bar fight and telling the people to "calm down", which just seems to make them even more angry!

I've tried everything I know to calm them down and it was somewhat successful today, but once they are tired they don't listen to me. I've just tried to redirect them and ditract them from the situation, which has made it better for me.

Thanks for your input, it's good to know the fights will lessen!

 

Definitely teach them time/turns. My daycare/preschool does this especially for the toys being fought over. The teachers told me that often, kids give it up before the timer goes off. Also, I know it is tiring but redirection works great. If Jacob has a toy that Henry wants, I will tell Henry to go get something completely different and he usually does it.

 

Oh, boy, do I remember this well! One thing that helped us is once the timer went off, the one waiting would call "trade" or "switch" and they would swap toys. This helped give my kids some simple language that they could use.

Also, not that I have to tell you, but being consistent will pay off big time in the long run! Good luck!

Oh, forgot to add, we used "Can I have a turn when you're done" and "My turn" (not mad, but in a polite voice...model this for them, and they will catch on.)

 

We also redirect (ie distract) a lot still and if that isn't working the toy goes in time out. No one gets to play with it and when I reintroduce usually 1 will play with it and the other could care less.

 

yes, i also use this by giving the choice back to them and I'm very clear, the choice is either to share the toy or mommy takes it. and I will repeat this over and over until they verbalize the "choice" to share the toy

yes, i also use this by giving the choice back to them and I'm very clear, the choice is either to share the toy or mommy takes it. and I will repeat this over and over until they verbalize the "choice" to share the toy

yes, i also use this by giving the choice back to them and I'm very clear, the choice is either to share the toy or mommy takes it. and I will repeat this over and over until they verbalize the "choice" to share the toy