The Best Advice Another Twin Mom Gave Me...

I see a lot of posts about how to deal with twins when you're alone. Many twin moms say things like "It gets easier," or "This stage will pass."

I thought it would be nice to post, in just a few sentences, what the BEST advice another Twin Mom has given you.

The thing that has helped me the most is:

"It's okay to let one cry. Sometimes, one will just have to cry!"

I used to lose my mind trying to juggle both in my arms, trying to rock both with my feet//arms//limbs//anything...then I'd stress about feedings, naps, etc.

Once I accepted the fact that I'm not SuperMom and that I only have TWO hands, this bit of advice helped a lot.

Your turn!

 

Always remember that even though they are twins, they are still individuals. Each baby will do things differently, and at their own pace! That has really helping me when I find myself constantly comparing them!!

 

i agree! it took me a long time to accept the crying, but now that i have life isnt so stressful. i dont like the whole, it gets easier thing. i dont FEEL like its gotten any easier (yet).

 

My father in law, who raised identical twin boys, one of which is my husband told me the first year is hard and challenging but it gets easier after that because the babies have each other. They can entertain each other--a built-in best friend. That makes me really happy.

 

Don't worry about keeping everything separate (spoons, pacifiers, etc), because as soon as they're able they'll just swap back and forth anyway.

Double-layer their beds when you make them (fitted mattress pad, fitted sheet, flat mattress pad, fitted sheet). Then if the bed gets soaked in the middle of the night, you just strip off the top layer and don't have to remake the whole thing. I think I did this until they were 4!

 

i found this quote early on & posted it on my fridge: "During this day, i will do the best i can to be a mother to these children with the informatino, wisdom, and energy i have at this time". when i find myself spinning out, i read it & it reminds me that i'm doing the best i can, and that that's just fine.

 

I love what you said, miss_bossy! Today was one of the days I needed to think that, lol.

 

I was told "Your job the first year of twins is the keep them alive. That's it"
Some days that was all I could do!

 

I agree completely. I had a hard time with the crying at the beginning but I have learned that sometimes one will have to cry and that is OKAY!!

 

One set of parents told me ... "Keep a sense of humor. Some days, you are just doing triage....and that's okay." I LOVE THIS!

 

I had so many people tell me at the beginning that I wasn't giving myself enough credit and they couldn't imagine what it was like to raise twins. I always felt like I wasn't doing a good enough job. Raising twins is hard. I got to the point that I realized feeding them and changing them was all I had to do in the beginning and that was ok. I always felt guilty about not spending enough one on one time with them, but they don't know any different. How many people can say they raised two infants at once? It's an amazing job. Also, letting them cry and not feeling bad about it has helped a lot. They will survive and not be in therapy over it. I keep telling myself that it's helping them learn to self-soothe.

 

This is a great post. I was told during my pg that organization would help immensely with multiples. So, I try to be as organized as possible. I'm sure that's hard to tell some days by looking at my house (like this morning) and that's okay!

 

QUOTE(miss_bossy18 @ Nov 19 2008, 09:55 PM) [snapback]1078114[/snapback]
i found this quote early on & posted it on my fridge: "During this day, i will do the best i can to be a mother to these children with the informatino, wisdom, and energy i have at this time". when i find myself spinning out, i read it & it reminds me that i'm doing the best i can, and that that's just fine.


I love this! And I'm going to post it on my fridge. :good:

 

Right before I had the babies my best friend sent me this lovely e-mail about how happy she was that I was going to be a mother, that she did not know what life would be like with twins (she has singletons) but she said this to me: "Never forget that you will be the best mother these children have ever had. Never expect perfection, just give love."
It was what I needed to hear at the right time

 

I had three things that helped the most in the first months.

One came from my big sister here and it was to take shifts at night. The 4-5 uninterrupted hours of sleep was much better for me and DH than 2 hours at a time. With DS1 and his colic, I think it would have been much harder on us had we not been able to make that work for us.

The other was "They are babies, crying is part of what they do." OK, no one wants a fussy baby, but it really helped me be alright with the crying when dealing with one or the other. Obviously I still try to minimize it but I don't get too stressed when it happens.

Slow down, step back and watch your babies. My mom, I think, told me this and I'm glad she did. Especially with two it's so easy to get caught up in the scramble of feeding, baths, naps, etc. I needed a reminder to sit back and watch them. I still do this as they play around me in the play room and I'm still amazed at my little boys and all they've learned and how absolutely adorable they are when they are sleeping.

 

One more: TS old-timers may recognize the phrase "this too shall pass."

 

It was a comment that someone left on a twin mom's website about her after viewing her video. This simple thing has been an inspiration to me for the past few days since seeing the video myself. The Mom in this video has twins who are only 2 days old. She is obviously loving, capable, ingenuities and resourceful". She is an inspiration to me.

The comment that was left is the following- this is what made me think....


"what a wonderful mother ; so calm and capable "

This is the website and the mom. I think she is a twinstuff Mom! If she is reading this, thank you!

http://www.dropshots.com/wraparoundjoy#dat...-05-27/21:28:30

 

I had a hard time, emotionally, when I was pregnant with the boys. I didnt feel like I was going to be cut out to be a mom of twins. A friend of mine told me that God gave me these boys and that I am the best mom for them! That has helped me so much, that God saw fit to give me them and that I am the best mom for them!

 

For me two things helped a lot... That it's ok if they cry, at least they're breathing, and to try to keep them on the same schedule. I would have gone insane without some free time during their naps (which is getting less and less, lol).

 

my favorite is, "no one ever died from crying."

 

QUOTE(piccologirl @ Nov 20 2008, 02:04 PM) [snapback]1079281[/snapback]
my favorite is, "no one ever died from crying."



Love that one!!!

This is a great thread.

I have another crying one...."The worst thing that your babies can/will do is cry." Of course, it depends on what point in time....before I know it...the worst thing my babies will do is back the car into the garage door. LOL

 

Its OK to make mistakes, they still forgive you (thinking about when I cut DD´s thumb by mistake when trying to cut her nails! )

I try to put words to the crying when it gets tough. I took DD to the hospital today for tests (she has reflux) and she cried A LOT. I could just imagine her saying to me "GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!" It helps to have a sense of humour even through the tough times.

 

This isn't advice from another twin mom -- it was actually from my dad -- but it was one of those things that I tried to remember when I was feeling like everything was awful and I was doing a terrible job! "If one baby leaves you with 20 percent of your formerly free time, it doesn't follow that two babies leave you with 10 percent of your formerly free time -- they leave you with negative 60 percent!"

OK, my dad is an engineer -- can you tell? But his point was that if you feel like you have no time and you must be doing something wrong -- you're not! It's simple math.

 

two things that really helped me:

1 take shifts!!

2 from a friend who had trouble conceiving and finally had a baby. she was asked when the baby was a few weeks old how things were going and responded "thank G-d we get no sleep." i've been repeating it ever since when i'm very tired.

 

QUOTE(cottoncandysky @ Nov 19 2008, 08:17 PM) [snapback]1078061[/snapback]
i agree! it took me a long time to accept the crying, but now that i have life isnt so stressful. i dont like the whole, it gets easier thing. i dont FEEL like its gotten any easier (yet).


I also agree, I dont find it has gotten easier, its just different. Every stage they go through has difficult moments. My husband and I have just learned to have a lot more patients, I find I often coach myself in my head when a bad situation takes place and Im alone! Maybe Im just going crazy, crazy people talk to themselves LOL!!!

 

The one thing that a twin mom told me that made it so much easier was "Its not as bad as you think its going to be, just enjoy it" And that for some reason has carried me though it all.

 

I was told "God never gives you more than you can handle" by quite a few people. I was also told schedule, schedule, schedule and it has helped us immensely!

 

I was told a few things that really helped me:

Feed them at the same time
No one ever died from lack of sleep (I am referring to parents here)
6 wks is peak fussiness time - you will live through it
Babies can only be awake for 1.5hrs at a time before they need to go down for another nap - this was the biggest and best piece of advice I got!

 

What helped me most in those first few months was " You are giving them the best you have and it's the best start you could possible give them." I was trying hard to nurse both babies and it was such an emotional and trying time. It means the world to hear someone appreciate how much work it is to nurse twins.

Another one was enjoy them while they are little. They grow up so quickly. - With 4 other kids you would think I would not need to hear that, but you get so caught up in the day to day, especially with the other 4, you don't always take the time to enjoy them.

 

Making a task for myself for the day... It does not matter how big or small it is (cleaning a bathroom, blow drying my hair, going to a store), that makes
me feel accomplished at the end of the day and each day a little bit different.