the bad influence kids

I have 2 year old twins and a 6 week old infant. I just recently started getting the twins out for playdates (I had a rough pregnancy this time around and wasnt able to get out much). Some of the playdates have been through our local twins club and others with friends that have kids close to the same age. My issue is most of the kids behavior is out of control! Destructive, defiant behavior. And most of the parents dont do anything about it. Correction, I guess yelling accross the room and ignoring unwanted behavior is acceptable to some parents. My kids are no angels, trust me. But, I am strict with them. I am doing my best to raise good, well mannered, well behaved kids that I am comfortable taking anywhere alone. My husband works a lot and most of the time it is just me and kids. So I have to be able to handle taking them all out alone, and that really depends on the twins listening to me and following directions. But even after a couple of playdates they have started copying these bad behaviors. I really want to get the kids out and "socialize" them. Recently I took the kids to a large playground that was very busy with kids of all ages, and my kids just kind of stood around and didnt really play that much. I think they were intimidated by the activity. I felt horrible! They were being pushed around and "run over" by all the other kids (older and younger). So I really think that they need to get out more and play with other kids. But, wow! I dont know if its worth it if they keep picking up on all the bad behavior. I am still looking for playdates with moms that have a similar opinion on discipline, but so far im not having much luck. My husband thinks I am just being to picky. Opinions?? Suggestions??

 

really??? nobody has anything to offer???

 

Keep trying! You will find the right mix. When mine were little, they were easily intimidated by large groups and boisterous kids. I remember one time physically holding another child so he would stop throwing blocks at another child and the parent did NOTHING! So we tended to stick to smaller parks. We also did several mommy and me type classes through our local rec center. We had great luck with those and it was a great place to meet other like-minded moms.

 

I think my girls were around 2 when we taught them that different kids may have different rules. So if we are somewhere and other kids are hanging from the rafters it doesn't mean my kids can- and if they try they'll get a warning and a time out. What if you hosted a play date (although that might be hard with your infant), that way you can control the situation a little more.

Ps: I'm sure there are times my kids might be considered a bad influence too...at the park throwing sand. Whoops! Telling potty jokes on the playground. Oops! Jumping on my furniture.yikes.

 

I completely agree with all of this. I always told (and still tell) my kids that just because other kids are allowed to do something, it doesn't mean they can do it too. It is a great life lesson, because you will face the same issue all through elementary school and definitely into high school as well. I started explaining it to my kids as soon as they were old enough to listen. If you can find friends with a similar discipline style, that would be definitely be ideal but, if not, it is still worth getting them out & around other kids!

 

Yeah, it's hard sometimes with different parenting styles. I've found that teaching my girls that you follow Mommy's rules even if others aren't helps.

If you belong to a church or other type of thing where there are more like minded parents, maybe you can set up a playmate with just one or two other kids, you might be able to have less chaos.

We also go to smaller parks where sometimes we are the only ones.

My kids are really shy too, so sometimes it's hard.

Good luck!

 

I dunno, I think if you're waiting around to find the right parents who discipline exactly like you, well, you're gonna be sitting for awhile. I pride myself on being on top of my kids and raising them right, but you know, I've also been that parent who has an off day, doesn't see my kids doing something naughty, and may have been deemed "awful" for it. I think you have to approach the whole thing with an open mind. Kids are going to see behavior, both good and bad, and they will have to learn how to behave--with our guidance of course. You can't shield them from poor behavior, but you can make an example of it and educate them on proper behavior.

 

I have found that my friends and moms from my MOPS group tend to have discipline styles that are fairly similar to my own. That said, I know there are times when I should have disciplined my child and haven't. I, too, have a baby and sometimes I have let behavior slide when I am in the middle of nursing her.

 

I agree with both Tina and Leighann. My kids are frequently told just because other kids do certain things, doesn't mean they can. You can't control what other parents do or don't do, the best you can do is take care of yours.
I also wanted to add that my kids are very shy as well and I know when there are other kids on the playground, my kids will hang back until they start feeling comfortable. I just remind my kids to take turns with the other kids and play nice...sometimes I have to remind them over and over again.