The Angry Child (Bedtime again!)

So, I've been more lenient about naps. They have started to stress me out because IF (she) they go down for naps, then there is a big fight at bedtime. So, yesterday, even though I knew that they could probably use one, I settled for an hour of quiet time (in front of TV) instead. Last night rolled around and it was the 'normal' bedtime antics. Delay & playing for her. DS isn't so bad, but he isn't the best either. So, I did my warning that if they played anymore I would leave. That didn't help. So, I left. If I would have said 'mommy sleep' and gave her a kiss it MAY have been better but I didn't. I am tired. I am frustrated. This has been going on for over 6 months and I'm sick of it. So, if you didn't guess, she screams. She throws a tantrum that lasted 2 fricking hours. I tried to 'reason' with her during that time, but once I left, she was back at it. DH tried his normal 'swats,' but that was inefficient as well (duh). Luckily DS sleeps through. Tantrum includes screaming, pounding on wall etc. I did even try to slip her some benadryl, but that didn't seem to even help. :angry: I am just so fed up with this. I'm sorry that this is a broken record for me. I just don't know what to do. DH isn't much help.

 

My little ones are about the same age as yours, and they are still taking naps and they do get very talkative at bedtime. My DD is very strong headed and she will right out tell me to leave her alone or just screams at the top of her lungs. AT bedtime it is always the same in and out of bed at least 1 time it is so draining. It seems to be getting better you just need to set down the law and leave them alone to go to sleep. WE have put on a night light and that seems to keep them in bed better and when they keep getting up we shut the light of which upsets them and then they stay in bed. Good luck.

 

QUOTE(Mommyof3in05 @ Jun 4 2008, 07:54 AM) [snapback]809043[/snapback]
WE have put on a night light and that seems to keep them in bed better and when they keep getting up we shut the light of which upsets them and then they stay in bed. Good luck.

That would work if they BOTH were issues. I tried taking away our nightlight once and DS threw a fit. He seems to be terrified of the dark. Don't know. If they were in their own rooms, it would help, but that is not an option. Thanks for your response.

 

Jackie - I haven't seen some of your other posts. Have you tried giving her a few books and letting her know it's OK to read quietly in bed for a while before she falls asleep? I read that you can't separate them, and that's tough, but could you maybe hang a curtain between their beds to give the illusion of their own rooms? Let her have a small lamp next to her bed and let her fall asleep at her own pace. Sounds like she and DS have different sleep needs, and perhaps making her feel like you acknowledge those will help her calm down on her own? Just guessing.

I do know that when they shared a room we got to the point that one of us had to sit in there until they fell asleep or they (She) would be up for hours and keeping DS up also.

DD is our tough one, and we fortunately have the room to separate them right now (wouldn't if another child came along but that seems unlikely ) She did better after we got her in her own room, and even more so after we allowed her to have a small lamp in her room. I do find that Benadryl during a tantrum takes a few hours to work - unfortunately. Most likely, after 6 months of this, this phase will pass soon, but I totally understand your frustration and just plain tired of this feelings. Hope something works for you soon.

 

Just wanted to offer hugs. I have no suggestions, but I sure wish I could help. My boys have been sleep fighters and terrible with CIO... we're not at your stage yet but I know the desperation & frustration of lack of sleep and inability to get your kids to sleep. You need some good sleep and respite from all of this-- especially with a new baby around! Is it possible that she's doing this as a form of acting out because of the new sibling? (I don't know how long this has been going on)

:hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

 

I really feel for you, I'm no expert here as my girls are just starting to sleep thru the night some nights. We have never done CIO and have at 1st rocked them to sleep and then lay with them. About a year ago we gradually started to come out of their rooms and made it into the hallway, If DH is home by himself they will now let him go into living room, if its me then all h.ll breaks lose and I have to stay in hallway where they can see me.

So my suggestion although maybe not a good one, could u sit beside her until she settles not saying anything and gradually move closer and closer to the door, it would be quicker than 2 hours I think.

 

Did you do the "Kate" approach? I think there is a wiki about it!! Tell her what you expect during the day.

Ok, at bedtime, we are going to take a bath and get our pj's on then brush our teeth (you could make a chart that shows pictures of what happens) and read 3 stories. Then it's in bed and quiet and time for sleep. You'll get two hugs and two kisses and then Mommy is going to leave the room. That type thing...I don't remember the exact thing.

I wouldn't sit IN the room. I would sit OUTSIDE the room. Only stop them if they are trying to LEAVE the room. I have read that it's fine for kids to settle in their own time. Give her a book or two in her bed and maybe even a little soothing music (that they can only hear if they are quiet!).

I'm sorry you are still struggling with this!!! :hug99: Showing frustration and anger will only backfire. Try to make DH stay OUT OF IT! Since he can't keep his cool with the swatting and all. I know you are not cool with that - so tell him to let you take care of it and he can take care of the baby. If they know they are getting to you, they'll keep going. LET HER have a tantrum! Tell her you'll check on her when she's DONE with the tantrum! Don't go back in unless you think someone's getting hurt. :hug99:

 

I'm so sorry you are going through this. We do have some of the same problems. I have settled for quiet time in their room during nap time. Most of the time they do both fall asleep after about an hour. At bedtime, we do a routine (like pp's mentioned) where we finish with singing songs. We do ABC, twinkle-twinkle, ect and then I close the door. They do play for a while and chat. Depending on the volume of them, I'll say "quiet time" or "sleepy time" and I increase the frequency as the night goes on. I will do one additional "tuck" after they have been put to bed but that is it. DH and I discussed with both of them our bedtime expectations and we just have to stay consistent. Yes, there are nights when it takes literally hours to go to sleep but we don't "give in" to their requests. No potty, no drinks, ect, unless there is an extreme situation (sickness or unusual behavior) that is curious. They have gotten much better recently and I think they are getting used to the expectations and that we won't give in.

I know how hard this can be! They have to share a room and it is difficult on both of them at different times for different reasons. Just stay calm, stay focused and remember who is in charge.

 

Hey Jackie,

Both Z & H do this and I am in the process of plain skipping naps because, like you, bed time is horrible! Some of the things that I do, that mostly work are:

1. When they come out the first time, I tell them that it is bed time. They can go to sleep when they are ready, but they have to stay in their room and be quiet. After that, I just clamly (not always easy I know) and without a word put them back in their room.

2. Skip nap time all together. That has to be especially hard for you right now with a new born and needing the personal rest time. Instead, I have quiet time with a video or books.

3. Instead of making leaving the room because they are playing a threat, just flat out tell them, it is time for mom to sleep. Goodnight, I will see you in the morning. I love you. Then leave. If they are playing and staying in their room,(barring throwing things or something like that), let them be. They will fall asleep when they are ready.

You can control bedtime, but alas, you can't control when they are ready to sleep. I also like preparing them for bedtime during the day. Also, if you don't already have a regular bvedtime routine that is the same every day, try to create one. The angrier I get, the longer things go because they just feed off of my craziness. So, I TRY to stay calm and quiet.

Good luck! I hope that it gets easier soon.

 

QUOTE(j&jtwins @ Jun 4 2008, 12:07 PM) [snapback]809634[/snapback]
So my suggestion although maybe not a good one, could u sit beside her until she settles not saying anything and gradually move closer and closer to the door, it would be quicker than 2 hours I think.

Thanks everyone for your responses.

For the last 6 months, I have been laying on the floor near the door until she settles. There was a time when I could leave after ds settled and dd woudl be fine with it, but not anymore. Last night we laid in bed listening to an hour of tantrum before dh went down and "said" something to her. I don't know what but there were no swats involved. My EI (early intervention-speech) person is going to work on a personalized book for us. Hopefully that will help. Yesterday they did not take a nap so it was a shock that she was so defiant. They are currently napping (after a bit of a cry). :cray: Now it is my turn. :cray:

 

I know where you frustrations are. In pps post I talked about the nightlight. DS is really good he only gets out of bed when DD gets out she seems to cause all the issues. Do you read to them at night? Is there anything that really helps her to settle down? Did it get worse with the new baby? I really hope you find something that works.

 

OMG its sounds like Lauren down to every word. She almost killed me with insanity at that age. She did every thing. I got mad one night and said no more. Dh was working at the time.....5000km away 3month stretch. I was over tired. I said in a mad mommy determined voice...NO MORE. Took about a week of me leaving and satying out. And she got it. Helped the other one was well when she wasn't sleeping and wanting to play.
Don't talk to her, don't offer things, hold tight. Lauren's tantrums left me with headcahes the size of a mountain.