that was short lived :(

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Help' started by 3plusTwins, Dec 6, 2012.

  1. 3plusTwins

    3plusTwins Member

    I had a feeling it would be vanishing twin and it seems that is what it was. the ultrasound today showed 1 baby, 1 heartbeat, and the second sac was about half the size it was 2 days ago. I can't thank you ladies all enough for the support you offered me when I came here. I'm so happy for all of you who were blessed with twins. Apparently it was not in the cards for us. I'm having a hard time because everyone is trying to make it sound like I should be nothing but happy about the one baby that is healthy and my emotions are no where near that simple. I am happy for the surviving twin, yes, and I know it was early, but that doesn't take away the feeling of losing a baby, even if it was really early on. Part of me hopes for a miracle, that I go for my 20 week ultrasound and BAM there will be two babies after all, but for my own sanity I am just moving forward with the doctors prognosis: my body will absorb the other sac. He doesn't even think there will be any bleeding because it happened so early and because it's already so much smaller. I will just move forward with the idea there is only one baby. Thanks again for all the support up until now.
     
  2. AmynTony

    AmynTony Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry :hug:
     
  3. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. It was a pleasure meeting you! You seem like a pretty awesome lady and I know that you'll find peace with the different outcome. It's totally normal to mourn the loss of what you hoped for. :grouphug:
     
  4. 3plusTwins

    3plusTwins Member

    Thanks, ladies <3 <3 <3 I'm glad I had you ladies by me through this.
     
  5. 4jsinPA

    4jsinPA Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I am so sorry. That is so tough. I have been there and the mix of emotions is so heartbreaking. The good news is that you have an amazing little miracle growing. Allow yourself to grieve, my family had a hard time understanding why I was so upset when there was good news too. :grouphug:
     
  6. daisies

    daisies Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry.

    Before we adopted our children we had three moms who we talked to seriously. They each in the end decided to parent. I did not even carry those children (and always knew that they were 'not yet ours') and still i grieved the loss of each of them. I can only imagine what you are feeling.

    Don't let anyone make you feel you shouldn't grieve. For a brief time you carried that baby. It is okay, it is right, to feel that loss. From what i hear from other moms they always carry their lost children in their hearts.
    I have two little girls and one beautiful little boy (who i held) that will always have a place in my heart.

    Then, when you are ready, celebrate that you have a baby coming.
    I wish you peace.
     
    2 people like this.
  7. twinmom2dana

    twinmom2dana Well-Known Member

    God bless your heart. Grieve in your own way, a lot of us have been there. When I look at my last little one who's twin we lost around 12wks, I wonder what if. I allow myself the moment and wrap myself in the peace of knowing that Josiah made it safely through. When you're ready to celebrate, we will celebrate with you. :grouphug:
     
  8. AKilburn

    AKilburn Well-Known Member

    I'm SO sorry :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  9. Mom2VLS

    Mom2VLS Well-Known Member

    I'm so very sorry. :hug:
     
  10. All these women have given such good advice. You must grieve. It may help you to talk about the twin you lost to your family and this little one growing inside, though it might feel strange at first. Our children call their sibling by name all the time and it is very healing for me that they won't ever forget him.
     
  11. ward

    ward Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry!!! :hug: regardless of everything else you should still take the time to give in to your emotions. Prayers and Blessings to you and your family!!!!!
     
  12. rayceryin12

    rayceryin12 Well-Known Member

    Sorry for you loss. :hug:
     
  13. 3plusTwins

    3plusTwins Member

    Thank you all. It's been rough. My daughter (age 6) cried, too. I can't help but hold onto hope that somehow at the next ultrasound they will see two babies, but I am still trying to move forward as though that won't happen. I keep "talking" to the twin and saying, "If you're still there, come back. You will be SO loved in this life." That is probably ridiculous that I even do that because I'm not really a spiritual person at all, but I always feel like my lost children are "around" for a while (and not just in my memory. like they are actually still THERE if that makes sense). Maybe I just have a hard time letting go.

    we leave for vacation today (9 year anniversary) and there is this black cloud hanging over me. I guess this was just not the result I expected. I expected either good news, or that it's too early to say for sure--not the news that there will definitely be no twin and that my body will absorb the second sac.
     
  14. 3under2!

    3under2! Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry.
     
  15. lharrison1

    lharrison1 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    :hug: I am very sorry to hear about the vanishing twin diagnosis, I know you were excited and to have any other outcome is heartbreaking. Thinking of you and your family.
     
  16. 3plusTwins

    3plusTwins Member

    Thanks ladies. I can't help but still hope the ultrasound missed something. It was early (5 weeks 6 days) so maybe the second sac looked smaller because it was a different machine they used or they didn't get as good an angle or maybe they just weren't trying to look at it because it didn't have the obvious baby in it that the other sac did. I don't know. I probably need to let go and move on. I cried when I first found out but now part of me just keeps thinking, maybe the twin is still in there. It will probably hurt all over again at the next ultrasound, but I can't help but hope. I've read stories of people do had multiple u/s and didn't see their twins until 8 or 12 weeks.
     
  17. MNTwinSquared

    MNTwinSquared Well-Known Member

    Hugs! Sorry for your loss. I did the same thing after my vanishing twin. Every ultrasound I asked the tech to make sure there was not two of them. It didn't help that I measured HUGE!!! I had an ultrasound at about 8 weeks. One baby measured 7.5 weeks and the other 6.5. BOTH had heartbeats.

    Know that you did NOTHING to cause this.
     
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