thanksgiving w/4 month olds

just curious but how many of you are not looking forward to thanksgiving toting your little ones to and from grandma's house, especially when you don't necessarily get along with your in-laws and your MIL thinks you hate her and prevents you from seeing her grandkids and your SIL thinks you are a b****?

if you are taking them out to a thanksgiving dinner how long are you going to let them stay out?

it's looking like 10+ people are going to be at my in-laws this thanksgiving and MIL is seemingly accomodating everyone but DH and i and we are the only ones with kids. she's having her dinner late so that the other two siblings can eat dinner in the afternoon w/their families. this would usually be fine IF we didn't have kids. i don't really want them out of the house for more than 4 hours and especially no later then 7pm. reason being, the boys get cranky if they are up for more than 4 hours and want to sleep. if they are overstimulated (which they will be with a brand new surrounding and 10 different people wanting to hold them) and cry for a half an hour before going to sleep. (we are bringing their bouncy seats but they don't usually sleep in those anymore and i guarantee that the first wimper or fuss from the boys someone will rush to pick them up rather then let them be so that they can sleep) the other reason being i don't like to stay out late since i'm the one that has to get up at the crack of dawn to feed them and prepare their bottles for the next day before i go to bed and i like to be able to relax for more than an hour before i know it's time to feed babies and go to bed myself...is that totally unreasonable??

 

I am trying to not have anxiety about it (but it is waiting, and the anticipation of it all is worse). But, we are too going to my uncle's and then to my mil house for thanksgiving. Hoping that we can stop by our home for a break for the girls. Luckily the girls have already met all the people at both houses, but still get overstimulated. My uncle's house is clean and their food will be good and it will be mellow. MIL's not so much and of course this is the last place we will be. I mentioned to my husband that maybe we could take seperate cars so that I could leave with the girls because he likes to stay late, and he poop-pooed the idea. My girls are 7.5 months and if they were 4 months, I would probally not even bother! Besides, I can take or leave the feast.

 

:headbang: yeah i mentioned the taking two cars deal too and he didn't like it. he said "fine, don't go. i'll take the kids and you stay home" so obviously that's not really an option. this is just so stressful for me because even though i married into this family they aren't my family and don't care for me that much. DH loves the holidays and loves to be with his family and attend family functions but the majority of them are just not nice people and are very judgemental. so it's frustrating and stressful and causes a great deal of anxiety for me to go there. he keeps saying that he wants this to be a stress free day but going over there is about as much fun as getting shot in the foot.

 

Well, I feel for you I really do..... But I think you are using your babies as an excuse to not hang out with a family you really don't like. I don't mean to sound confrontational, I am really not, but I don't think the babies are neccesarily the issue. I think you and your MIL really don't get along, regardless of the occasion. I have chatted with you before about THEIR crazy behavior, LOL. I wish your hubby was a bit more supportive for you. However, you DID marry into this family, knowing they are who they are, so I think you are going to have reconcile that in your mind and just deal with it. I mean, what else can you do? Your hubby sounds like he doesn't see any of it as an issue, so if you continue to make a big deal out of what that side of the family does, you may just find yourself alienated from the entire group - hubby may then just become resentful. Do you really want to contribute to the mess THEIR behavior is causing?

Having said that, do what's right for your babies. Holiday's shouldn't be stressful. They are supposed to be about family, love and support. EVERYONE should give a little, your MIL and yourself included.

My two cents.... please don't think I am being critical, I just have come to the place in my life where I really don't care about my family drama anymore and I just IGNORE my MIL'S horrible behavior....and you know what? IT FEELS GREAT!!!!!!!! Good luck to you!

 

you are probably right and no i don't take this as being confrontational at all. the babies are a small portion of a much bigger problem that i have with the in-laws.

not so much. i'm going to try and "kill em with kindness" this thursday. i'll let you know how it goes. is it OK if i PM you with what's been going on? no problem if you don't want to hear about it, i wouldn't blame you if you didn't. just need to vent a little.

thanksgiving is very important to DH so i'm going to suck it up and just deal for the sake of making him happy.

nope not critical at all, just a dose of reality. thanks. and i would LOVE to get to that place you are in and not caring anymore...can you teach me how? lol

thanks!

 

How late is your MIL having her dinner anyway? I agree that it is rather inconsiderate of her to bend over backwards for DH's sisters but not take into account the fact that you guys will toting along 4 month old twins. However, since your DH really looks forward to such family events I'm not sure what you can do but suck it up and go, unfortunately.

Tomorrow evening we are going to my parent's for an early Thanksgiving dinner, since we'll be spending Thursday with DH's family. My brother and his family will also be there (3 and 6 year olds in tow), but at least dad asked me what time dinner should start, since we have the little babies this time. I said 5pm so that we can hopefully get the boys home and in bed between 7:30pm and 8pm. Of course, this dinner will suck for other reasons, LOL. Such as the fact my mom and dad apparently haven't talked in 3 weeks and he told her to find another place live, which she can't afford to do because her only source of income is what we pay her to babysit. Oy, what a mess. Wish I would have known all that BEFORE *I* proposed that they have a damn Thanksgiving dinner, LOL. At least we'll have a nice, peaceful dinner with DH's family on Thursday, aka the normal people, ha.

Good luck!

 

PM me for sure!!!! Good luck! You can do it! You gave birth to twins right? Thanksgiving will be a piece of cake.

 

dinner is somewhere between 5-6pm and since they usually run an hour behind schedule it probably won't be until somewhere around 7pm. grrrrr.

and giving birth to twins was a piece of cake compared to dealing with the in-laws...i had a planned c-section (so no actual labor pains), totally numb from the waist down for hours and then morphine and percocet so no pain at all...give me those and then thanksgiving would be a piece of cake...lol

 

I'm not sure how close your in laws live to you, is it possible to suggest doing a lunch with your MIL this year (probably too late now) because the babies are so little? I agree with Molly Elizabeth and to try your best to ignore what annoys you about your MIL and enjoy the holiday and showing off those beautiful babies who are going to be the hit of the holiday. Your boys might surprise you and do really well with all the attention and distraction. Plus with all that family around, you might actually be able to sit down and enjoy eating a dinner while somebody else coos over the babies. Hang in there, Momma!

 

no can do, dinner is already scheduled somewhere between 5-6pm. she is accomdating BIL and SIL with their schedules without even thinking about DH and i and having 4 month old babies. i understand that BIL and his wife will be having dinner with his wife's family but that will be much earlier in the day as will SIL and her boyfriend's families dinner. it would have been nice and considerate if she asked us what might work with us before putting us on the back burner and just setting a time. 4pm would have accomodated everyone especially since dinner always runs an hour behind schedule.

well they are teething right now and have huge crying fits during the day and evening so i'm worried about that too. i'm also worried that the boys will get a lot of dust and dander into their lungs since MIL hasn't cleaned her house in years and there are literally inches on dust on all surfaces of her house. they will be in their boppy seats during dinner or being fed by DH and i depending on what time we actually end up eating. there are just certain people there that i don't want touching my kids, they are dirty and smokers and i don't want my kids around that, you know? i'll get through it though.

thanks i'm gonna try!

 

Since you are not eating until late, can you go over there late, say 4pm? That way your boys can nap at home for a good portion of the day and maybe if they get that good sleep, they will be ok with being awake for a longer period? I don't think it is unreasonable for you to take two cars if your inlaws live close by. You will still be trying to have dinner with the family but you can also keep up your babies' schedule. Of course, I stopped speaking to my MIL since week 3 of the babies lives for the crap she pulled so I feel no need to get along with her just because she gave birth to my husband.

 

that's what i am shooting for. they eat at 6:30am, 10am, 2pm, 6pm and 9:30pm everyday. when their schedule gets thrown off they are much more difficult to feed and get fussy. either way one of us, DH or I, will have to excuse ourselves from the table to go to another room to feed the boys at 6pm. i'm really hoping that everything will be ready to eat at 5pm but something just tells me it won't be done until 7pm.

yeah, DH thinks i am a schedule nazi but it works and keeps everyone happy so why mess up a good thing? besides we are the ones with the babies, and twins at that, under 6 months old...people should be trying to work around us not the other way around...at least that's my opinion.

man, i wish this was even an option for me. sadly it's not.

 

Luckily we are spending Thanksgiving with my family so I don't have to worry about the crazy in-law side of things (DH would beg to differ because he and my mom don't get along, but they coexist peacefully). Since we only live an hour from them, my parents just keep a portacrib and a pack n play at their house and whenever it is nap/bedtime we adhere to our schedule. In fact, we often stay the night at their place if we know that things are going to run late because our two are slaves to the 7 PM bedtime. My advice would be to bring a pack n play, put it in a dark quiet room away from everyone, and when it is time to put them down, do it. Just tell everyone that babies this age thrive on routine and if you go off of it then it throws everything (eating, sleeping, etc) into a spiral of badness. Good luck and try to enjoy the holiday. You don't ever have to like your in-laws but you are stuck with them, so try to find some good in the situation and use the serenity prayer as a mantra that you can keep saying over and over in your head. It's better than :headbang:

 

So how did it go?

We made it- barely! But we did it. The second one at night was chaos, but until I thought I lost the keys at the last moment, we made it.