Terrified of dogs....

I hope someone has some advice for us! One of our twins (3 years old) acts extremely afraid whenever a dog (especially a large dog) happens to pass near her while we're outside (playground, walking trail, sidewalk, etc.). Our other daughter is fine. We don't have a dog; I think this fear started sometime last year when a large dog barked excitedly as we passed on the sidewalk - she got terrified (shaking and all that).

I have been trying to talk her through this fear every time we pass a dog, but it doesn't appear to be helping her. She shakes, cries, and will run away if we're not holding her.

We're in big trouble because we're staying with the In-laws (for 2 nights!) in 2 weeks and they have a dog. Has anyone had any success with certain methods? Obviously we will attempt to introduce her to the dog slowly and not rush her... I am dreading this trip.

 

I don't really have any advice; I actually have the opposite problem. My son just LOVES dogs, which makes me nervous when we're out & he sees someone else's dog that I don't know, he just wants to love on all of them!

I would just take it slow, and keep her near you.....maybe if you're holding her, so she's up higher than the dog it might help. I was thinking about it the other day when we were at a wildlife shelter & there were lots of bears there & my dh said something about them looking like giant dogs.....I myself was pretty nervous to be so close to them & I thought, "This is probably what it's like for a kid to be close to a dog".

 

Marcus has recently gotten over his fear of dogs. Can your in-laws put the dog away in a room at first? For Marcus, he was OK if he knew the dog couldn't get to him, and just gradually got used to it. Now he isn't bothered at all. Good luck.

 

I would try showing her how fun dogs can be...probably by example.

Let her see that you, and maybe even her sister, can pet and play with the pooches and be fine. Lots of "nice doggy". Maybe she could watch from a safe place (thru a glass door, another adults arms, etc).

 

Mine are a lot younger, but Sarah is scared of dogs (for a similar reason -- she was in the stroller and one came rushing across his yard and barked wildly at her through the fence) and we make sure to pick her up every time we're near one. She seems much more comfortable to be both higher up and safely in someone's arms. I know you can't do that all the time at your ILs, but maybe if you do it at least for the first day (and also make sure the dog is totally under control, no barking/licking/etc.), she'll gradually get used to him.

If you're lucky, maybe being around the same dog long enough to get to know it will actually help -- if she gets used to the dog and then sees that dogs can be nice? You can hope, anyway.

 

Jessy used to be afaid of dogs and we just kept exposing her at a distance. Her on one side of the fence and the dog on the other. That way she could get used to the dog and the dog could get used to her. Is an extra bed room that they can put the dog in at times while ya'll are there? What kind of dog is theirs? Maybe you could get some books on dogs and show her all the different dogs there are and stress that their dog is a nice dog before the trip. We do have a problem with the girls being afraid of cows because one of them has charged them but they are only afraid of the one that charged them not both cows we have.

 

To be honest I would be wary of picking her up every time you are near a dog. I've known a couple of children who were wary of dogs and so their parents would pick them up if any dog came near, and it actually made the problem worse. It's as if by picking the child up you are validating the fear. So the child is already thinking 'dog=scary' and then every time you see one coming towards them you grab them and pick them up, and they think 'I was right, dogs must be scary/bad because mum won't let me near them'. Does that make sense?

I would do like pp suggested; get some books with dogs in and just talk about dogs alot before you go, try to just work it in to everyday conversations. Maybe you can get a photo of your in-laws dog and put it somewhere she can see it everyday. Talk about how nice the dog is (I assume this is a child-friendly dog) and about how you care for a dog-the kind of things it likes to eat, where it sleeps e.t.c. You could also take turns with pretending to be a dog-make it into a game-or get a cuddly toy dog to play with. I would also explain why dogs sometimes do things that seem scary (barking/running up to people), compare it to when she is excited/happy. For example do they run to the door when you/their dad come home? Tell her that the dog is feeling like she does and just wants to say hello and make friends, and explain that the dog doesn't understand that she doesn't like it or gets a bit worried. Another thing that might be useful (that I have taught my big girls) is to teach her to stay still and quiet. Explain that if she runs the dog might think she wants to play chase. Basically try and get her to see things from the dogs point of view.

I'd ask your in-laws to have the dog on a leash when you arrive, just to make sure she can meet it on her terms. Maybe one of them could sit holding the dog at one end of the room and then the rest of you could start at the other end and work your way towards it. At the end of the day you will only be there for 2 nights, if necessary the dog will just have to be restrained when she is up/around.

 

At least your trying to help him which I commend you for. My nephew is petrified, and hes never even had any experiences like you have mentioned. He climbs over couches to get away from our dog. Shes big, yeah, but very sweet, doesnt bark, and never jumps. Hes also known her since he was a baby, so I guess it makes no sense to me...

My BIL and SIL encourage it unfortunatly...dont really try to help him get over it. Its sad, I hope you can help him...Dogs can be wonderful things for little boys!!!

 

No great advice, though one of our twins (2 and 1/2) is also quite scared of dogs. I hope your inlaws can help you out by limiting the dog/ child contact during your stay.

We had a big dog charge our stroller last year and have had one afraid of dogs boy ever since. I am trying to get him past it despite my own fears (I had two separate dog bite incidents as a child--one with a relative's dog not used to children when I was 3 and another with a stray dog that knocked me down on the way to grade school.) My son likes to look at dogs in books, likes his stuffed animal dogs, etc., but still gets upset about dogs that bark at us when we go for a walk. I usually try to explain that the dog is saying "hello" to us. Then I try to get the boys to join me saying "Hi doggie, how are you" and so on until we can get past them. My son seems to be getting a bit less panicked about dogs, but I think this is something we will be working on slowly for a long time. Funny, how the other son, with almost identical experiences likes dogs much better.

 

My ds is scared of cats. My friend has 2 cats and one day it walked on the back of her sofa (no where near him) and he started screaming! Ever since then everytime he sees a cat he gets all upset and scared. Its so strange as he has never had a bad experience with cats before everyone he has seen has just walked by him. What makes it really strange as we have 2 big HUGE German Shepherds at home that he spends all day jumping on and that doesnt bother him!

To start with i would get your Inlaws to keep the dog on a leash close by them. Then maybe sit in a room with all of you in it including the dog so she gets used to the dog being in the room. I would then maybe get your DH to sit and stroke their dog and you to sit with with your dd to show that it is friendly and wont hurt her. Gradually working her up to being around it x

 

Thank you all for the great advice! Unfortunately for me, In-laws would NEVER put their dog into another room (*sigh*). A leash won't even be acceptable to them.

But, I have begun talking all about the dog (her name, color, type of dog, etc) in the hopes that she won't be as panicked. I like the idea of presenting a dog treat; I think that might just bring my dd out of her panic!

 

My girls were at the park and a dog owner of 3 dogs were letting them run loose. The little one came over and started barking and jumping at one of my girls which caused her to panic and cry. The owner simply said she's a friendly dog and didn't try to call her dog back. This caused some "trauma" esp for Jas and it has been hard to change.

I've taken them to the pet store a few times to see all the different animals and they seem to really enjoy that. We spent Easter at my stepbrother's family and they had 3 large dogs...one was a Weimaraner and the other two were just as big. They are very friendly baby tolerant dogs but it took a while for them to get used to them. My stepbrother took the time to show them where and how to pet them and within the hour they were willing to try!! So I think slowly introducing the dog and showing them how to interact with them might help.

My husband and I are actually hoping they will remain cautious about dogs or any animal for that matter because although most are friendly, there are some that will bite.

Sharon

 

My daughter, now 9, was pushed down by a yellow lab in the park when she was 3. The dog was perfectly nice and just wanted to play, but it started a long traumatic experience for her. We were never around dogs very often and the problem just got worse. At age 8 she wouldn't go to birthday parties or friends homes if the had dogs, even if they were tied up or placed in another room. DH and I were getting very worried that it was truly affecting her emotionally. I searched the internet and read numerous things about introducing them to dogs at a distance. Like maybe taking them to the pet store and looking at animals in cages, or taking them to the park and at a long distance watching dogs and talking about them. My daughter was sooo terrified that whenever she saw a dog she would start to shake. It was really really scary! We dog sat for my BIL for 2 days and kept the dog gated in the kitchen. This was actually really helpful. 4 months ago I went away with my daughter to a dance competition. While away my husband bought a puppy for my 5 year old son's birthday. At first she was FREAKED out! After about 2 days she was petting him. After 2 weeks, she was holding him and carrying him around. We were both amazed. Just the other day we were at a home and a stray dog walked passed, we were prepared for her to freak out again, and guess what....she didn't!!!! It was the best therapy! I didn't want to have a dog yet, especially because the twins are so young, but it has totally been worth every penny, every mess made, every bark at 3 am! I'm not saying you're going to have to get a dog, but I think it's best to do alot of interacting with them from a distance at first, then closer. Good luck! It was just as hard on me as it was for Mykenna.