Tantrums

So for the past month Nicole has been throwing MAJOR tantrums in the morning getting ready for school. Yesterday she tried to claw the skin off my hands, today wasn't much better. I'm sure I only escalate the problem (I talk to much at her, then I badger her, etc.) Any ideas on how to get her up and out without either of us breaking down into tears?

Right now we have a rewards chart. At the end of the week if they have a certain number of stickers for achieving certain goals, they get to go pick out a book at the store.

 

Have you asked her if she likes school and gone about the issue that way? I know you guys just moved to the UK, so is there something that she misses from the US? Is she having culture shock? A hard time understanding people at school?

 

(advice from a 2.5 yr old twins so take it for what it's worth) ... could you sit her down privately and with a pad or pencil say... "i have a problem I need some help with" "I need to be able to get everyone to school but there are alot of problems in the morning" " can you think of ways we can change things so I can get everyone to school on time ?" Then YOU write down all the ideas she comes up with -- brainstorming. Then YOU tell her which ones just won't be possible and that you need to strike off the list. Then discuss which ones are left and to choose which she prefers.

Yeah read this last night in one of my many books ......


Heather

 

Does she have a uniform? If not maybe picking out her clothes the night before would help (you could pick out breakfast too). Does she wake up on her own or do you have to wake her? Is she generally off and going as soon as she's up or does she take a while to warm up? Perhaps you could get her up a little earlier than usual so that she has time to get ready more slowly. You could try setting a timer for her to do things (a sand one would be good as she could then see the time going by) so that you're not having to badger/nag her-although that could backfire if she does nothing and then you're more rushed.
You said you have a sticker chart for them. If your goals are quite general maybe you could break the morning one down for her into a separate chart (eg instead of 'get ready for school' have 'eat breakfast' 'brush teeth' 'get clothes on' 'put pyjamas in wash basket' 'brush hair' 'put shoes on' 'put coat on and get school bag') and have a reward that she gets right away, something little like getting to pick the music you play in the car.

I also agree with pp's that I would talk to her/her teacher and see if there's something bothering her about school. I really like the idea of asking her what she thinks would help her to get ready on time.

Good luck.

 

As usual, I like all of Zoe's suggestions. :good:

At that age, we started doing as much as possible the night before, and it helped enormously. Now they pick out all their clothes and sometimes even their hair doodads and lay them out in the bedroom. I also get all the breakfast stuff ready, right down to figuring out how many spoons we'll need. That leaves me more time to deal with the kids.

Remember to talk about expectations during a calm time -- just after dinner or something. Think of how you will handle it if she does pitch a fit, and explain to her (gently but firmly) what will happen. Then remind her of it in the morning before she starts getting upset.

For the really awful fits (which mercifully have diminished, but were really bad around 3-3.5), I stick them in their room and tell them they can come out when they are done screaming. If they want some help calming down (hugs, etc.) I give it, but usually when they're really mad, they push me away. There is just no way to reason with a child in that state, and the more you try, the madder both of you will get. So reason with her when she's calm, and wait her out when she's having a fit.

Oh yeah -- the other thing that helped was just realizing that I was going to be late to work sometimes. If I can make myself let go of the time pressure of "We have to get out the door!" it keeps me from putting that pressure on them, which makes everything worse.

Finally (if it helps), just remember that this is a stage and it will get better. There isn't a magic fix that will solve the problem instantly, which is a bummer, but OTOH, time will do a lot of the work for you if you can just hang onto your sanity until it does! :hug:

 

I think this is part of the problem for me. We had a really good day today. I woke her up a little earlier and let her lay in bed for a bit while I got Auburn up and dressed. She just kind of watched and added peanut gallery commentary when necessary. When it was time to get up, she whined a bit, but eventually we got up and out. It helped that daddy offered to walk her to the bus stop today if she got dressed. I think she is definitely feeling a little insecure right now. Yesterday she asked about the "house with the brown door." That was our old house. Normally she seems pretty well adjusted, but I think I've been lulled into thinking that she might be having an easier time of it than she really has been. I'm going to try taking a chill pill this coming week and see if that improves things. She's normally really easy going, so it's probably me that needs the kick in the pants.

On a side note, Auburn has started picking up an accent already. She asked to take a "bahth with her zehbruh." (A bath with her zebra.) Pretty soon she'll be needing to translate English to Texan for me.