Tantrums/discipline at 12 month?

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by skovarik, Apr 25, 2009.

  1. skovarik

    skovarik Active Member

    My bigger of the twins Will has become a monster for about two weeks. He has begun screaming if he doesn't get what he wants, flails his arms, and smacks at his brother and anyone else around him. Do I just say no, or slap his hand, or yell, or just pull my hair out? I have no idea what to do to stop it or calm him down. I try to distract him but he hits at me and then turns to his brother. How do I deal with this? I have no clue what to do! HELP!
     
  2. DATJMom

    DATJMom Well-Known Member

    At a year old, there isnt much you can do IMO except give a firm "No, we dont hit!" (or whatever the offense is) and redirect to something else. We had lots of tantrums from 12-15 months due to them really not being able to communicate their needs and wants. Hang in there. It is a very trying time.
     
  3. luvinit

    luvinit Well-Known Member

    12 months is tough because their communication skills are so limited. I would remove him and either put him in his crib, play and pak or high chair til he calms down. I would tell him "no"before removing him so he begins to understand the concept of actions/consequences and discipline. Good luck.
     
  4. HeyThere

    HeyThere Well-Known Member

    This isnt the favorable opinion, but oh well.

    I spank.

    All of my kids received their first spanking around the time they started crawling. When they would start to do something, I would say "no" they would look at me, understand, and do it anyway. In your situation, I would get down to his level, tell him firmly that we dont act like that, spank his thigh, then hold him until he calmed down.

    JMO.
     
  5. BRMommy

    BRMommy Well-Known Member

    At 12 months, I don't think any sort of discipline is going to sink in. I would remove him from his brother, so he doesn't hit him. Then either distract him with something else or just ignore his tantrum. The good thing about this age is that they easily forget what made them so upset.
     
  6. twinboys07

    twinboys07 Well-Known Member

    PP's have great suggestions. It's best to just redirect at that age. Maybe he is teething? I know mine act especially ornery and lose self-control when they are in pain from teething. :hug: Hope it gets better soon!
     
  7. HeyThere

    HeyThere Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(BRMommy @ Apr 25 2009, 07:33 PM) [snapback]1288510[/snapback]
    At 12 months, I don't think any sort of discipline is going to sink in.


    I disagree 100%! When my oldest started to crawl, we had a "no kitchen" rule. He started to crawl into the kitchen, he was told no and redirected. When he did it again (like 2 seconds later) he got a spanking (age appropriate of course) and was removed from the area. He didnt go back. It was a few days later he tried again. Again he got a spanking. This went on for maybe 2 weeks. Since then I have not ONCE had to spank him or redirect him from the kitchen. He will be 7 next month. So to say it doesnt sink in is crazy! (IMO) Obviously disciple can work... you just have to do it.

    I hear a lot that disciplining before two is a waste and I am a testimony that is not true! I did most of my disciplining before they were 3.5 and it has stuck! Whatever method you choose, start young and be consistent!!
     
  8. AimeeThomp

    AimeeThomp Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    QUOTE(DATJMom @ Apr 25 2009, 04:00 PM) [snapback]1288252[/snapback]
    At a year old, there isnt much you can do IMO except give a firm "No, we dont hit!" (or whatever the offense is) and redirect to something else. We had lots of tantrums from 12-15 months due to them really not being able to communicate their needs and wants. Hang in there. It is a very trying time.


    I re-direct a lot too and I also put my girls in time-outs for 1 minute, in their cribs. They totally understand what a time-out is and they don't want to go there!
     
  9. Jenn G

    Jenn G Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(HeyThere @ Apr 29 2009, 06:34 PM) [snapback]1293974[/snapback]
    I disagree 100%! When my oldest started to crawl, we had a "no kitchen" rule. He started to crawl into the kitchen, he was told no and redirected. When he did it again (like 2 seconds later) he got a spanking (age appropriate of course) and was removed from the area. He didnt go back. It was a few days later he tried again. Again he got a spanking. This went on for maybe 2 weeks. Since then I have not ONCE had to spank him or redirect him from the kitchen. He will be 7 next month. So to say it doesnt sink in is crazy! (IMO) Obviously disciple can work... you just have to do it.

    I hear a lot that disciplining before two is a waste and I am a testimony that is not true! I did most of my disciplining before they were 3.5 and it has stuck! Whatever method you choose, start young and be consistent!!


    To me, spanking is a form of bullying. It's using agressive behavior to get results and I think it sends the wrong message. I never understood spanking because of that- if you want your child to stop hitting their sibling, for example- how is spanking them sending the right message? It's ok for me to hit you but it's not ok not for you to hit your brother. I'm sure you've heard this before, and I mean no offense, really, I actually appreciate your honesty, but I just don't get it. :unknw:
     
  10. nateandbrig

    nateandbrig Well-Known Member

    re-direction is what we do here as well. Hitting is not allowed in our house--by anyone. I would remove the one being hit and find a toy to play with... Ignoring the one that's hitting. For my kids, the more we draw attention to something the more they do it.
    Good luck, this is a tough age!
     
  11. Leighann

    Leighann Well-Known Member

    I would be firm, but don't yell. Giving negative attention will not help extinguish the behavior. Be consistent, firm (No hitting!), and then redirect. If he hits his brother, be firm, and then give brother lots of attention so he sees that hitting is not rewarding at all.

    This age is SOOOOO difficult because they are starting to have some skills, have no judgement, and they have few ways to communicate. My DH started calling one of our DDs "A big bundle of Id" at that age. She just wanted what she wanted NOW and didn't care who got in her way. Once they start communicating more it becomes easier. :hug:
     
  12. meganguttman

    meganguttman Well-Known Member

    UGH! It was like they turned a year and learned what a tantrum was! We had biting issues around 11 months and I did two things. When a bite would happen, they had to sit on the mat in front of the door for 30 seconds. Just being sat somewhere by me was punishment enough. We also started really focusing on teaching baby sign language. It helped them ease their frustrations b/c they could tell us more. I didn't do any program, just taught a new word once they picked up on the one I was teaching. I started with "more" and then "eat". Around 14 months Jake started this horrible screeching when he needed help. We taught him "help" and saved our hearing! I used this site to learn how to do the signs, but there are many more with the philosophy and more signs out there.
     
  13. mairoge

    mairoge Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(HeyThere @ Apr 29 2009, 06:34 PM) [snapback]1293974[/snapback]
    I disagree 100%! When my oldest started to crawl, we had a "no kitchen" rule. He started to crawl into the kitchen, he was told no and redirected. When he did it again (like 2 seconds later) he got a spanking (age appropriate of course) and was removed from the area. He didnt go back. It was a few days later he tried again. Again he got a spanking. This went on for maybe 2 weeks. Since then I have not ONCE had to spank him or redirect him from the kitchen. He will be 7 next month. So to say it doesnt sink in is crazy! (IMO) Obviously disciple can work... you just have to do it.

    I hear a lot that disciplining before two is a waste and I am a testimony that is not true! I did most of my disciplining before they were 3.5 and it has stuck! Whatever method you choose, start young and be consistent!!



    I agree with you. I am a firm beleiver in spare the rod and spoil the child. However, I don't really do it when my twins have their tantrums. I guess I just let it slide becuase I am at work all day and perhaps they are just missing me ( that's what I'd like to beleive) My sister is always telling me to get it out of them know before it gets out of hand later.

    I must also say that my mother believed in spankings. But to me, it was always worse hearing her discipline me verbally when I did something wrong rahter than spank me. Her words usually had more of an effect.
     
  14. happychck

    happychck Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(Jenn G @ Apr 30 2009, 10:45 AM) [snapback]1295208[/snapback]
    To me, spanking is a form of bullying. It's using agressive behavior to get results and I think it sends the wrong message. I never understood spanking because of that- if you want your child to stop hitting their sibling, for example- how is spanking them sending the right message? It's ok for me to hit you but it's not ok not for you to hit your brother. I'm sure you've heard this before, and I mean no offense, really, I actually appreciate your honesty, but I just don't get it. :unknw:

    i agree... every book i have read on parenting/disciplining toddlers so far has very good arguments against hitting children. i don't see how a child can tell the difference between being "spanked" or being hit. i'm not sure i can, either. i'm glad you feel it's worked thus far, but i also don't get it.

    at this age, redirecting is still the key. also, a few books (like happiest toddler on the block) talk about time outs starting at 12 months. my parenting class teacher believes we should only use "no" for safety issues--because if it gets overused then it loses it's meaning. and, children will overuse it to us when they get the chance!.... i know none of us have much time but i do highly recommend happiest toddler. it's full of great suggestions in simple, easy steps and it's really easy to read (it was my "car book" to read while the boys slept!).

    gl! we're all w/you:),
    jl
     
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