Tantrums and Seperation Anxiety

OH (Sigh)!!!

My DD is having major issues with seperation anxiety. She screams when I leave the room!! I read somewhere that it peaks at 9 months and then again at 18 months. So, assume this is completely normal. She has ALWAYS had seperation anxiety when we have left her somewhere (babysitters, church nursery, etc....). It got so bad at around 8-9 months old (she would scream for the whole hour) that we quit going to church for awhile because we couldn't handle both of them in the service either. I thought she would grow out of it, but it seems that it has only escaleted. I know there has to be others that have dealt with this. Please tell me it will end soon!!!! I am getting worn out! I feel like I never get a break because I can't leave her with anybody, but my DH who, of course, works full-time.

I am also dealing with TANTRUMS!! Which, once again, I know is expected at this age. It just seems the tantrums have gotten longer, bigger and louder. I think they seem worse this week because the seperation anxiety has gotten so bad. However, my DS can throw a pretty big fit himself and he is not having the same anxiety issues as his sister. I have read the book "Happiest Toddler on the Block" and trying to do what he recommends. I am speaking Toddler-ese and using the Fast Food Rule, but apparently I am not finding the "sweet" spot. I don't know what I am doing wrong, but rather than help them through the tantrum and getting them to end it more quickly it seems (the exact opposite is happening) they are escalating. I am not talking about fits when they don't get what they want, but more like battles every single time I need to get them dressed, change diapers, brush teeth, etc.... How did you or how are you dealing with tantrums at this age??????? Talking them through it doesn't seem to help because I don't think they actually get it! Any advice is appreciated!! Thanks!

 

Jack can have really long, loud, horrible tantrums. It seems to come in phases. He will go a couple of months without one and then one week he will have two or so a day and then they disappear as quickly as they came. I used to try the whole "do you want this, do you want that, if I stand on my head and kick my right leg in the air and eat a banana upside down will you stop..." thing and it NEVER works. What does work for us????? I make sure he is on the carpet or somewhere safe. I sit beside him and tell him he is mad and encourage him to use his words to say mad. I then just let him go at it. I sit near him and every once in a while rub his back and tell him I love him and that I am right here when he is ready for a hug. Sometimes it takes 10 minutes sometimes 25 and it has even lasted up to an hour before. Eventually, one of those times that I tell him I am there for a hug he will reach out to me and let me hug him and then it is over. That is what works for us. I know it is frustrating but just try to remember he probably does not even know what he wants so it is generally useless to try to figure it out yourself, you will drive yourself nuts. Just love him and wait for him to be ready to be comforted.

That is just my opinion.

 

:hug: How difficult these stages are. My kids all did/do the seperation thing. I tried everything to make it better for each of them, it never worked. Around 4, they each outgrew it somewhat (Izzy still cried everyday for the first semester of Kindergarten-so it took her a little longer). It's hard!

It sounds like you have a tough time with transitions at your house (changing activities). I don't really have much for advice, except to have a real routine of when you do things (like get dressed, brush teeth-that kind of thing) so they know what to expect. Other than that, yes, tantruming is normal, and hard! If it becomes really difficult, call your ped and talk to him/her about it. I'm sorry :hug: Hang in there, and do vent to us whenever you need to!!

And like pp said, just making sure they are in a safe spot, and being there when they are finished are the important parts. With my experience, there is nothing YOU can do to stop it, the child is the one in control of it. Hopefully they will lessen as communication develops more!

 

The separation anxiety definitely gets better. I think it peaked for us around 18 mo, so you're right on schedule! But it has gotten a LOT better lately. I can actually go upstairs or down to the basement for a minute without end-of-the-world, "Mommy has abandoned us forEVER on the frozen tundra!" screaming. They're still clingy, but it's a lot, lot better now. There is hope! :hug:

 

Oh yes....I am an absolute firm believer that you would not survive in a household of multiples if you did not have a routine. We definately have a routine. I think that is what is so frustrating. We do the whole morning routine the same way every morning and every morning I am thinking to myself "Why, why do you fight me on diaper changes and dressing EVERY morning. It is the same struggle EVERY morning!" I have tried distraction, ignoring it, time-outs.....I am running out of ideas. Hopefully, they will grow out of it someday. I am just hoping that it will get better as the communication gets better. It is just hard when you start your mornings out this way.

Glad to hear the seperation anxiety should get better soon!! Thanks!!!!!