Tantrums and frustration

When Sophie is playing with a toy, wether Jack wants it or not he steals it off her. Now to begin with she didnt bother and just went off to play with something else but now she is finally starting to fight back. She screams at him in frustration and tries to snatch it back off him. Even if he just comes near its like she is shouting at him to back off because she is playing with it!

So then Jack starts to have a tantrum! He throws himself on the floor and screams and kicks his arms and legs untill he realises no one is paying attention and then gets up and goes back to what he was doing.

So my question is ladies should i split them up whent hey are fighting over toys or let them figure it out theirselfs? What do you think? x

 

I would let them work it out. The ealier they learn to share, the better off you will all be.

 

Let them figure it out. Good Luck, I'm going through it with my boys. (Sigh) Sibling rivalry.

 

As long as they are not psysically hurting each other, I say let them work it out. I'm glad to see that dd finally put her foot down and isn't letting ds taking everything away from her. And I think your ds is just reacting in such a way because he is so used to just doing it and now he's realizing that his "I'm taking that" behavior isn't going to fly anymore. Just let him do his tantrum thing and maybe eventually he'll just realize there is no point in freaking out each time.

 

my pedi said to let them work as much stuff out as possible. Mine have just started to hit to protect their ground and that gets them an INSTANT timeout.

 

I let my guys work it out. If they BOTH begin to act inappropriately, then whatever they are fighting over becomes MINE for the day!!! ardon: They learned to get along and share! Or at least fight over it civilly, LOL!

 

I could've written your post, word for word!!

It depends on the situation, what I'll do. If they're just hollering at each other, I'll stand back & let them work it out (watching them, though.) If they start hitting or pinching (or, for DS, pushing her over) then I'll step in. If I stepped in over every single fight.....well, that would take all day! Sometimes I will go ahead & sit down with them & try to get them to share. Usually what happens is DD will have a toy & DS will take it from her. DD screams & hits DS. I try to get him to share & give the toy back to DD.....who then plays with it for 20 seconds & drops it. Soon as she drops it, though, it's DS's turn.

 

I don't intervene if it's just yelling. I actually think that's a good sign that they are learning to use their words (or at least their voices) to try to settle things before it gets physical.

But I do step in (as much as possible) as soon as they actually start fighting. I think of it as teaching them tools that they can use to settle things between themselves -- I don't believe they'll "learn to work it out" without any guidance. I don't want them to think that might makes right, or to get away with grabbing and shoving, even if the other child gives in without much of a fight.

If someone has a tantrum because she lost a shoving match or isn't interested in taking turns, I ignore it.

 

This has become an hourly (okay, every 20-minutes) issue at our house. Nick is the bully. He wants whatever it is that Joe is playing with. Joe used to just walk away and go find something else, but now he shoves back and they are BOTH biting, pulling hair, and hitting.

I don't know how yours are, but mine (at 17 mos) really aren't ready to understand cause/effect (i took Joe's toy, he pushed me, I pulled his hair, he hit me), let alone a consequence (like timeout for doing any of those things).

I think that managing this behavior will get easier as they approach 2, but that makes for a very long 6 months of hair pulling, biting, and hitting with no more parental defense than "We don't..." and distraction. I also think that the twin dynamic is was more at play with these issues for our kids than those with singletons. Most older infants/young toddlers don't live with another of equal cave-man coping skills to give/take beatings from during their second year.

 

I let my girls work it out unless it gets physical, which happens way to often, then it becomes mine.

 

Thanks guys. I think i will leave them to it as long as it doent get physical x