Talking about Daddy when DH is away

For those whose DHs travel a lot...

If your kids are too young to understand where Daddy is or when he's coming back, do you talk about him while he's gone? If I mention Daddy, their little eyes light up and they start looking towards the door, and then it breaks my heart when they realize he's not actually about to walk in. So I just don't mention him while he's gone.

He's usually only gone for a few days, or at most a week, at a time, so I don't really worry that they'll forget about him. (Although he's taken 4 trips in the past 6 weeks, and they are definitely showing more of a preference for me than they were before.) But he always asks me if I told them that he misses them, etc., and I feel bad if I say no -- so I feel guilty either way. WDYD?

 

Maybe he could phone them when he is away. Then you can tell them Daddy is calling and wants to talk to them. Even if they don't talk back to him he can tell them he loves them and misses them.
You could also try looking at photos of all your (close) family, naming all the people and talking about them (what they will be doing, how much you like to visit them etc).

 

I really think that you should look at some long distance phone plans that allow Daddy to take part in the bedtime routine, by phone, say goodnight and tell them he misses them himself. I think this would be a treat for them and for him. I DO feel for you. I can't imagine not having DH around for days at a time. It sounds like a very tough situation. Also, how about a web-cam? Then they could see Daddy too?

 

Alden, I usually call him while we are getting ready for bed (he's gone last week and this week) and he talks to them on speakerphone. He tells them he loves them and he'll see them on Sat. etc....

They notice more and more. They get up and go into our room looking for him and say "Daddy Truck" when they look out the window. Sometimes it's sad!

 

My DH is a police officer and works crazy, long hours and lots of overtime. The boys started the habit of asking for him months ago and it has only increased as they've gotten older. They see his shoes, his jacket, his side of the bed, and they say "Da Da?" Or they look out front and watch for him. It breaks both my heart and his! I also tend not to initiate dialgoue about him, but if they ask about him I confirm "yes, those are Da Da's shoes" or "yes that's where Da Da comes home" but I usually follow up with "Da Da's not home right now. Da Da went bye-bye." You'd think that would upset them, but they seem to understand and move on.

Interestingly, they also ask for me whenever DH has them and I'm gone (which is RARE!).

 

I know I'm a little behind in responding, but I had to share what we did. When my DD was 4 months old, my husband resumed his schooling 2 hours away. He lived on campus, so was only able to come home every couple of weeks. When he finished his last year, my DD was 12-20 months old and really understood that Daddy was gone a lot. I talked about Daddy all the time. Every night we would look at a picture of Daddy and give him a kiss. My DH called home many nights to talk to our daughter and she really liked that even though for a long period of time she didn't say much. I always told her where he was and why, and that he loved her a lot and really missed her. The day he was to come home, I would tell her - usually just an hour or two before he was due to arrive. It worked well for us during a truly stressful time and it kept him an active part of our family and kept his relationship with his DD strong.

 

Thanks everyone -- I will definitely have DH start talking to them on the phone. I had been assuming they were not old enough to get anything out of that, but they certainly understand what the phone is for (since they mimic us talking on it), so maybe something will sink in.

Unfortunately we can't do that for this trip, because he's in Germany. But as long as he's in the U.S. (which is most of the time), we have free long distance on his cell phone, so we can definitely make it work somehow.

 

I know this is different then your situation but Dh left when my girls where 18 months for Iraq. Some things we did to help them when they asked about him and just to keep him " in the home" when he was gone was.. I put a picture of him next to their beds. When we kissed one another at night we included Daddy's picture. We video taped Daddy reading some bedtime books to them and a few nights a week would listen to daddy as he read at bed time. We also got some recorders from build a bear and recorded Dh saying good night to each one and he loved and missed them. Had them pick a bear and place it in and they knew they could push a paw and Daddy's voice was in it. Although they where young I think this was helpful to them and it made Daddy part of our routine without him having to be there in person.

 

Hey Alden!

My dh works crazy hours so I dont have too. He does not travel but is gone before they get up and not home until after 8pm. So they go 3-4 days sometimes w/out seeing him unless I pack up the crew and visit for lunch (which is chaotic and not really helpful lately. Once Spring comes we will meet again at a park and have lunch again. that is wonderful for all of us). Anyways, they love to talk to daddy on the phone. I am trying to teach them that he works and its ok to miss him. They are like GLUE to him on his days off though which is so cool. That would be cool if you could get them to cyber 'see' eachother at bedtime!@