Taking them to playground by myself = disaster

I had a really terrible experience taking them to the playground by myself today, and I'm still upset about it.

I am pretty much very brave about taking them out alone anywhere (store, YMCA, gymnastics center, etc). It is hard but I do it because I have no other choice. DH is gone all the time working and we have no family here. Today it was SO nice out and we'd had a rotten day and I thought it would be nice to drive to a local playground and let them burn some energy. I'd taken them to the playground alone before and it was tricky, but I managed.

The place was packed with other kids and parents, and I quickly realized there was a lot going on and it was going to be much harder to keep track of both of them and keep them safe. They now go in opposite directions and are much better climbers (and runners) than they used to be. I was starting to panic a little bit while helping Jake climb some stairs and keep an eye on Ben. The next thing I knew Jake lost his balance, hit his chin on the stairs and bit his lip hard. There was blood everywhere all over his mouth, but I could tell it was superficial.

Still, he was shrieking uncontrollably and bleeding and I knew we needed to leave. I tried to carry Jake and lead Ben by the hand, but Ben wasn't ready to leave (rightfully so) and pitched a fit. I was standing in the middle of a busy playground with two crying children, one bleeding everywhere. Not one person even looked my way, which was made it all the more humiliating. I scooped up Ben and walked with both of them crying all the way across the field to get back to the car. We were there less than five minutes.

I cried all the way home and swore I'd never take them to the playground alone again.... it made me frustrated and mad and sad.... here it was a nice day and I just wanted to take my kids to play. Why does it have to be so hard? I love having twins, but I wish that some things were just a little easier. I did library storytime with them alone yesterday, too, and that was also a near-disaster... I am determined not to be stuck in the house day after day and I try to push myself to be adventurous with them... but today was too hard.

Anyone else venture to the playground or other similar places and manage to survive? Does this part get easier? I'm so bummed.

 

I really feel for you. It is so hard at that stage and "yes" it does get better.

I used to keep guiding them together, kinda like rounding up sheep haha.. or tuck one under my arm while I helped the other and visa versa. It is difficult and especially with it being busy. I can't believe nobody helped you!!

Hope it gets easier



amanda (jorja and jessica 3)

 

i notice your boys are 19 months. You mean i have another 7 months of being completely stressed everytime we are at the playground?

other parents love it, a time for them to stand together and chat. Me? im continuously running from one end of the playground to the other, sweeping one in my arms as i bolt to the ladder, or the swing with the other.

it is STRESSFUL.

 

Sarah, honey I am so sorry this happened. I wish I was there to help you. Hope Jakey is ok.

Love, Mom

 

After one or two similar (minus the actual blood) I decided to only take the girls to church playgrounds which usually have much more tiny toddler friendly equipment. I called around to several churches and now have a list of which one's I can use and what times, since some have pre-school. Most of them don't have the big openings at the top where they can fall, and one church even has all plastic Little Tykes type equipment, totally non-threatening but with lots of slides and such. And usually no one else is there which is the best part!

Also, if I don't take them to one of the church playgrounds, I will take them to a park with walking trails but no play equipment, so we can burn the energy with a great walk but no threats of the dangers associated with the play equipment.

I totally know what you went through, it is sooo hard!! It is just as hard for us to do the Target, Wal Mart, or any stores now because they go bezerk if I stroller them, but they still want to go in all directions if they walk.

In summary: I save all the difficult stuff till dad is around, which he travels a lot so that's not too often. Oh well, this too shall pass!

 

I just wanted to give you a and say I feel your pain! Having twins is truly a gift I treasure but I do mourn the loss of the freedoms that one baby at a time brings. Especially at this age.

I also wanted to say I'm sorry that your little guy got hurt and no one even helped. Unbelievable!

-Kimberly

 

We have had the same type of experience at the park. As much as I would love to take them all of the time, I simply can't be in two places at once, so I have to wait for DH. When you throw our 4 yo into the mix, the park is really impossible. Come to think of it, the only reason we get out to so many places is because I keep them strapped in the stroller, but I can feel those days coming to an end, too. to you, and you are definitly not alone!

 

My heart breaks for you! My boys are 16 mos and I don't know that I would be brave enough to take them out by myself, besides the grocery or target/walmart. It makes me so anxious just thinking about it! We've gone out in the front yard a couple of times and it freaks me out. They are so quiet but move pretty quickly and in opposite directions like you said.
I always try to tell myself that it's no more difficult than people who have two+ kids but IT IS! I'm so sorry for your stressful day and that your littl one hurt himself. I cannot believe no one helped or even offered. If we lived near each other, I would meet ya' and we could help each other.
((((hugs)))
faith

 

I'm on my own with mine, and I'm very shy, but I find that it's very easy to strike up conversations with other parents and there's always at least one or two who will help me keep an eye without even being asked.

Me: "What a darling son/daughter you have" or "Which is yours?", then, "I'm here alone with those two...I'm hoping to leave with at least one of them..." or, "it's tough being outnumbered".

I'm also not beyond yelling "help!" in a playful way when I need to suddenly get to both at the same time, so someone will run to the rescue of one of my girls. Other parents are usually really willing/wanting to give assistance, but I think everyone tends to give people their space unless they ask for it.

Also, I've learned that the stroller goes with me everywhere so I can strap one in, and go grab the other, and for when they refuse to walk because they're upset (which is always at the same time!).

Still, I completely empathize with those times where it's soooo frustrating, and I'm really sorry. But keep at it - it does get easier with practice!

Best wishes,
Mia

 

I'm sorry you had such a rough time. But please don't decide it will be a disaster every time! You said you had taken them to playgrounds before and it was OK, if challenging. This was just a bad time. Think of it this way -- if every family that ever had to carry a screeching child out of a restaurant never went out to eat again, no one would eat in restaurants until their children were in middle school. And also, kids can hurt themselves at playgrounds even if both parents are there to watch just one kid. Things happen.

Maybe just wait for a day next time when it won't be as crowded. And keep doing stuff! It is good practice for them to learn how to behave (easy for me to say, I know, since mine are younger than yours) and the more you do, the better you all will get at it.

I can't believe no one helped you though. But sometimes when things are really busy, that actually makes it less likely -- because it's easier to look the other way, and other people are all busy keeping an eye on their own kids.

Hope tomorrow is a better day!

 

I am so sorry and can totally relate! I drove home crying from the library today after a morning of total meyhem- fighting over books, screaming at the top of their lungs while all the nice Moms with their perfect 1 baby were sitting in a quiet cirle having story time. Everyone looked at me like I had no control of my kids or my life. Well, that's the way I felt anyway.
The playground thing is SO hard but you just have to keep doing it...it will get easier. Right?
Again, so sorry about your experience. I feel for you.

 

Ugh. That does sound miserable! I do have to agree with taking the stroller everywhere - even if they don't want to be in it, if I have to strap someone in, I can force the situation, and then deal with the child who needs help/attention.

Last summer a girlfriend and I went and scoped out all the parks in our area to find parks that aren't immediately adjacent to busy roads and have really toddler-friendly play structures. We went looking with our kids in tow and were looking with the eye that I had two 19-23 month olds (over the course of the summer), one of whom tends to bolt. It was great because we were able to nail down a *great* park and then invited everyone we know to play on Thursday mornings. Definitely takes out the spontaneity of just going to the park on a nice day but I know that when we go to this park, my kids can go and go without any imminent danger.

What's your yard like? We put up a temporary fence last summer and it was the best forty-five minutes we've spent. Now I can open the back door and let them run their hearts out while I pop in and out getting snacks, starting dinner, etc.

Good luck and keep trying different things until you find a good scenario!

 

It has not been warm enough here to go to the playground. I'm lucky that the closest playground to my house is a little playground that is gated in. There is no were for them to run, yet they can burn off steam.
Another think I have done is make plans to met a friend with a child. This way there is an extra set of eyes even thought they have their own child to watch after.

 

I am sorry you had such a bad time, at least you made the effort. I am too afraid to go to the park on my own at this age. I just wanted to let you know that we are here and understand! I don't have any friends with twins so this is the only place I can come to read about others that share my fears and experineces! Lets hope it will be easier this summer when they are a bit older!

 

I remember how hard it was at the park when my two boys were around your children's age. It got alot easier when they were about 21 or 22 months old when their sense of balance got better. Also, falling from the play structures a couple of times taught them to be careful and to hold on tight with their hands.

As an alternative the playground, I sometimes took them to the tennis court and let them run after balls. It was alot easier to deal with them in an enclosed space and it was good exercise.

 

Luckily mine are still afaid of grass and won't go into the grass even with shoes on so they only have one way off the patio which makes it easy to keep track of them. They are getting pretty adamant about going outside now that it is warming up (was like 70 something today they went barefoot w/ sundress on). Mine enjoy tormenting the barn cat and dog but Jessy is afaid of the baby calves(well not babies but they aren't full grown yet)! Mine really enjoy wagon rides. Hope things get better and that his lip heals fast!

 

Thank you all so much for your replies. I am glad I am not alone.

I've pretty much decided that at this age, it's just a bad idea to take them by myself to the playground. It had been awhile since I had last taken them and they are just completely different kids now-- so much more active and mobile. And they also are at the age where they have no sense of self-preservation. Keeping them safe is my #1 priority, and at this stage I just don't feel like I can do that on my own in that type of setting... and now that I'm convinced more than ever that most people are in their own little worlds, I don't feel comfortable depending on them to watch out for my kids as well. I am however going to a search for a more toddler-friendly place, so maybe that will work.

In hindsight, I realize I should have used the stroller, but it doesn't do really great going across fields so I just left it in the car. Learned my lesson there!

Thanks again.

 

You are such a wonderful mother! It takes so much time and energy to do the things you do! I'm not brave enough yet! So sorry that nobody bothered to help you! Having twins is hard, but it's the good times, that are so much more rewarding. I too have been in similar situations, and I also end up crying! Don't give up, it will all pay out in the end! Good luck!

 

I commend you for taking them out alone. I agree with you, I hate being cooped up in the house all day, especially when it is nice out. You keep it up!! They may not be able to appreciate all the hard work you are putting in now, but one of these days, your boys will praise you for it. There aren't many out there that would venture such a trip. I admit, I am not that brave and definitely look up to those who do.

 

Are there any twin mommies groups in your area? We go to the park and playgroups ~ library ~ all the time BUT NEVER alone. We tend to travel in packs! It is much easier with other twin moms because they understand the work that goes into twins. We have children of all ages so we can all stand at different places on the playground to help which ever child needs it. I feel much more comfortable with my twin moms than with my singleton moms because they are used to watching more than one baby!

We get lots of curious stares from the other moms but they are getting used to us now.

 

I agree with your last post, where you said to try to use the stroller, and you should keep trying to find things that help make it easier! But I would KEEP TRYING! It gets easier the more you try...a lot of it is all about trial and error.

I have had similar experiences as you at the park but for some reason I keep going back! Mainly because I just can't stay inside...I have to try to get out. I have had days when they both ran in opposite directions the entire time and I swore I'd never go back...times when DS got knocked down from an older child swinging and knocking right into him...times when I nearly had a heart attack because there were so many children, I couldn't locate MY child.

It really helps to go to the park when it is not the "busy" time...for our area, the mornings are really busy, but the afternoons after naps are less busy, so I go then. Also, it helps to dress them in bright colors so you can spot them easily among a crowd. I really feel like everytime I go, I get better at managing the situation or whatever it is, and it gets better. And also, around 20+ months, my two started listening better so when one would run off, I could call their name and ask them to come back and they would. Before they either ignored me or purposefully disobeyed because they thought it was funny.

Anyway--all you can do is keep trying and keep tweaking it as you learn how best to handle the given situations. I do agree with PPs, it does help to go with other MOMS or a friend, you can watch your kids together.

--Karen

 

I have had the same problems. My DH works days (and sometimes into the eves), so I feel I am stuck inside a lot...esp in the winter. My boys are now very fast, and hard to control sometimes. They know how to listen, but often choose not to, simply because they are testing boundaries. I take them places I KNOW arents crowded...there are a few parks here, and if I have to drive longer to get to one thats more deserted, then I will do that. Also, I take them to the mall during the days its not busy....for example...like a MOnday morning...its slow, and only the older folks are out (and other moms). I normally push them until we get to a large area where they can freely run and its not a hazzard. Its hard, but they get excersize in a relativly confined space.

My husband and I just moved to PA, with a considerably large piece of land. Its our goal to make a safe environment in the yard for them to play all day without issues. If they fall, I can easily attend to him in the house, while the other boy plays in the gated yard. This probably will cost some money...but, I say when you have holidays coming ask for things like water tables, sand tables and out side things. I also got some of the stuff free from moms of older kids, garage sales and ebay. We will most likely spend some big cash on a good swingset (trust me, we dont have that mcuh) but its worth it, esp, now that we have another little one coming...I can sit and watch them play and still care for my little one.

Im sorry you had such a bad experience...I have had them too. I do feel a little cheated sometimes too...esp when the Moms of ONE kid sit and stare at you, esp with pity or disgust. I have a lot of friend moms, who talk freely of food shopping, going to the mall and back with no issues, and I secretly envy them at times. All I have to do is look at those boys though and think how lucky I am.

I have been there...and MANY hugs to you...I think as they get closer to 3 things do get better. Heres lots of patience dust your way. Thank god for TS huh?? No one else would understand!!

 

Looks like my boys are a couple weeks older than yours but I know EXACTLY what you are going thru. I, too, am concerned about going to a playground without additional help. My boys go in separate directions and don't listen worth beans. They just want to explore everything.

A stroller wouldn't work for us. If I even attempt to get them into it, they have hissy fits. I wouldn't be able to put one in the stroller and buckle him in and still keep an eye on the other one.

I do admire your strength in taking them with you! This is something I am going to work towards.

We try holding their hands to walk with us, but they just sit down and scream.

We are in the process of fencing a large portion of the land around our house (have a small farm) and then I will just let them run .... and pray they start to listen and respond to us soon.

Thanks for sharing this with us. At times I feel that I am the only one in this boat as I don't know anyone else with twin boys and the ones I know with either girls, or boy/girl seem to have less of a trying time of it.

Holly

 

I feel your pain. While I've never had any catastophes at the park. I've had them elsewhere. My husband has a demanding job & all our family is across the country. I take my kids everywhere by myself.
I am amazed everytime people watch chaos breaking out & don't even bother to help. Garrett ran out the front doors of the church the other day. The greeters held the door open for him!!! They mean well, and thought I was right behind, but I wasn't.
I have left the park before dragging one kid out while the other screams & no one even looks up.
I try to do things with friends etc., but sometimes we need fresh air!!!

 

Oh I totally feel your pain!

My guys are so difficult to manage right now. Frankly, this is by far the hardest time of all since they have been born. However, I will add, it is also alot of fun as well.

I had the exact same "drama" last week. I tried to take them alone to a park. UGH! I ended up driving around and found a fenced in park, which DH and I took them to today.

For me, they are now at the point where they dont want to be in the stroller/cart/whatever nor do they want to hold my hand. Its a free-for-all/run everywhere frenzy! So unless its a MWF when nanny is here, we dont go anywhere anymore.

I just pray that this stage ends soon-for us all!

 

You are not alone. I took my kids to the park on yesterday because it was so nice. We did well on the swings. Took them to the playground and it changed. They did well for a while and then they took off in different directions. My son towards the basketball court and my daughter towards the swing. I just took off running after one and the ran towards the other. I am sure it was comical and I am also sure I injured "something". We used the stroller but my thoughts as I was leaving..."I have got to get some leashes or harnesses". I am going to keep trying though because the (a) they like to be outside and (b) I am still trying to lose the baby weight. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

 

I know it was scary, but keep going. I take my boys with my 2yr8mo old daughter and it is very stressful, but I think it is really good for them. One thing I have found - take them to the same playground for a while. My guys now know how to navigate certain sections really well and I know which areas are the dangerous ones. Also, I keep a small first aid kit in the stroller. This way if one gets cut/bumped/bleeding, you can deal with it right then and there and not have to worry about getting back to the car. Jack had a good fall last week and really needed to be comforted/cleaned up. I put Liam in the swing and asked the mom in the next swing to push him a few time while I sat with jack & cleaned him up.

Other tips: use the swings alot! we go in and out of them the whole time. 5 minutes in the swing, 5 minutes climbing. Bring bubbles, they are great for keeping them in the sandbox. Also, lots of snack breaks.

Good luck.

 

The good thing about this message board is that everyone here can relate, and that always makes me feel better when we have something like what you described happen! Recently the boys started holding my hand and letting me lead them places--this has made it easier to go some places. But they still fo course go two different directions at the park, so we have done a few things--always bring the stroller, and only go this one park that is completely fenced in and hardly anyone there. There are some very cool parks in Chicago that we just can't go to if I'm by myself, which is too bad. The other nice thing I found was a park and rec. play group in the evening--the other moms (and dads too) are wonderful about watching out for everyone else's kids. Good luck with your activities, don't give up!

 

aww Im so sorry it went so badly!

at the playgroup i go to there are only about 10 mummies, if one of my girls hurts themselfs i wont be the only mum helping her hehe, we are like a big family, its good.

try finding another/not so large playgroup and see how you go.

 

I tried the playground a few times at that age, and then I realized we'd all have a lot more fun in our own backyard, in a more controlled and safe environment. It really does get better, and you'll be able to do a lot of activities alone with your kids. The turning point for us was around 2.5, when they could really understand what we were doing and began to get a grasp of how to behave.

Hang in there!

 

How ironic....I took my 3 younger kids to the playground yesterday on my own and it was a disaster. When it was time to leave, I had 3 kids throwing tantrums, running in different directions, and a group of moms staring at me. Finally, one grandmother who was there with her grandson ran after Puck for me since he was running towards the street.

I haven't been on my own since last Spring, when Puck fell on the stairs and ended up with stitches in his forehead!!

With that said, I have no advice for you...just know that you are not alone

 

I soooo FEEL your pain! I love twins as well, but that is the one area I "wish".... just to be able to get out more. Maybe you can scope out some better suited parks in your town?? Ours near to us has a big fenced in grass area.....there are no play structures but my kids dont mind, they love to play with the trees, grass, and DIRT! And its basically a big super yard, I dont feel as much anxiety as a regular park. Playgroups are good too, the less busy moms do help out a lot.