Taking Care of Twins--Alone

Hi everyone--I'm new to this site and am excited to post and share my experiences, as well as provide insight for others! I have 7-week old boy/girl twins that I'm madly in love with. My issue is that I'm taking care of them by myself--no family around to help out--during the day and I'm having a rough time. I have a wonderful husband who is helpful when he comes home from work and will feed up until 1:30 a.m.--then I'm on from that time until the rest of the day. The sleep deprivation is definitely taking its toll on me. Last night the babies were crying and fussing more than usual throughout the night and I had a meltdown, which upset my husband.. My question is, for those of you doing it alone--how are you managing the feedings/burpings, fussing, sleep schedule/naps, awake time, etc... Do you have a schedule you abide by or any tips you can offer? I would love to hear from you. Thanks! Lea

 

Hi Lea! Welcome to TS, glad you found us!! Congratulations on your Twins!

I took care of my twins by myself quite a bit as my husband is gone for 2-3 days at a time for work. At that point it was just survival mode. I did whatever it took to maintain my sanity, if that meant that they slept in their swings...so be it. Have you tried Happiest Baby on the Block for the night time meltdowns? That helped us tremendously! When your husband comes home from work is there anyway he can take over baby duty for a couple hours so you can catch a nap? The newborn phase was definitely the hardest thus far, but I promise it does get better. Hang in there!!

 

At that age.. I was just trying to get sleep. when ever i could. I put them into swings.. all the time..

I didnt get a schedule until about 6 months old.. and then their sleep started getting better..

I didnt have any help either.. And my parents live close by.. and my DH works from 5am-9pm... Its tough but its doable.. It really does get easier..

If you need anything please PM me! :hug99:

 

Hi Lea. :sign0016: to Twinstuff and congratulations! That was pretty much us. I slept from Eight pm-1a, and then I was up for the day. Although I would catnap here and there when the babies were both sleeping at the same time. Do you go to sleep when he comes home? I know that even if you do, it's not enough sleep :hug99: . If you don't, I would suggest that you do. I would take every opportunity that you can to sleep and get some quiet time by yourself. You are in the thick of the newborn phase and it will not last forever. Please don't hesitate to post questions!

 

Welcome to Ts!

Congratulations!!!

I always hated it when my husband would leave in the morning and counted down the hours till he got home in the evening. By the time he would get home I was normally crying and handing the babies right over. At the stage you are at, you just have to try to make it through. As each day passes keep in mind it does get better. I did not believe anyone when they said that. I thought everyone was lying. But it did get better.

Dianna

 

My DH was deployed a month after the boys came home from the NICU and my mom left at the same time. I did whatever I had to do make it through the day. My boys didn't sleep through the night until they were almost 8 months, but I always napped when they did. I found out that my boys couldn't be awake any longer than 90 mins or they would have a meltdown and I couldn't get them to sleep. I let them sleep in their infant carriers and that way I could rock them both to sleep. I wouldn't say we had a "schedule" other than eating every 3 hours until they were 7 months old. Hang in there. Once they hit 5 months things seem to calm down.

Just wanted to make sure you know that while you are up at weird hours you are not alone. If you find you have a minute in those wee hours come on here and you'll find 4-5 other moms online. Just knowing others were going through what I was gave me a lot of peace of mind.

:hug99:

 

I agree with others that at that stage I was just in survival mode. My two slept in their swings for almost the first three months.
And there were plenty of days I'd thought I'd just go crazy. But really around 3 months things started to change for me. They started to have a much more predictable schedule and that made all the difference for me. Hang in there, you'll get through the rough patch.

Welcome to TS!

 

QUOTE(mommymeg @ Jul 30 2008, 07:26 PM) [snapback]905252[/snapback]
Just wanted to make sure you know that while you are up at weird hours you are not alone. If you find you have a minute in those wee hours come on here and you'll find 4-5 other moms online. Just knowing others were going through what I was gave me a lot of peace of mind.

:hug99:



That's exactly what helped me get through the toughest times and that's where you're at...it does get easier. Just knowing that you're not really alone helps...other Moms have been there. Getting sleep is the most important thing and I wasn't good at it - do your best to nap when the babies nap and try to get a little time for yourself each day. Any breaks would help me - even if it was just walking outside for a breath of fresh air (on my own) when DH got home from work. He didn't always understand how much this meant (b/c he was tired, worked hard all day, etc.), but I did my best to convince him that I needed me time and he needed to support that!

Welcome to TS!!! Congratulations on your babies!!!

 

Welcome to TS and congrats on your twins! You are in the thick of it, and things are really crazy. But you knew that already. :hug99: I think you've been given some great advice already, and I just want to wish you the best making it through the first crazy few months. :hug99:

 

So much of what everyone has said is exactly what I felt/feel and went through and such good advice too. :hug99: My babies were never really on the same nap schedule and still only have a bit of overlap. I had terribly bad luck with catching any sleep during the day. We did the shifts a few nights/week and I lived for that sleep! My DH used up all his sick time when the babies and I were in the hospital. My mom was working and would come occasionally and help and let me sleep. I really hope you can get some good stretches of sleep :hug99: It really will get better. I got some great advice here that made a huge difference in getting us there but it still took until 6 months for my babies to be somewhat predictable.

 

Welcome! I can remember feeling the same way. It is okay to have a few meltdowns, I know I had my share of tears. I used swing and bouncy chairs to help them sleep, anything so they could sleep and so could I. Looking back the first two months are still kind of a blur.

 

Hang in there!! You are at a very rough point right now. It WILL get better. I'm in the same situation as you. We have no family here and friends aren't any help either. DH works nights, so he is gone from 1:30 pm to 1 am. It is nice because he does the night feeding!

Don't worry about a schedule or ANYthing reight now. Don't worry about cooking or cleaning. DH can do that. Your only job is taking care of your babies. My Maya was in her swing a LOT during this time because Sofia was very needy. I started to feel bad and now they have switched The swing was a savior and the bouncy seat. Oh, I also just had them with me on the couch the whole day around that point of time. I got 2 of the boppy newborn loungers and put one on each side. That is also where I feed them. It was nice because they would be there and if they would fuss I just grabbed one. We would sit there all day and I would watch movies. It WILL get better, I promise! One of the best things I did when my twins were 7 weeks was get out one night to a MoMs group meeting. It was AMAZING to have a few hours to myself and it was great to talk to other twin moms! DH had to take the day off work, and he still does every month so I can go.

Hang in there!!

 

I'm pretty much in the same stage as you are right now without any help. . . except add 3 other children under the age of 8 years old to the mix! But I will say, my firstborn singleton broke me in as far as the sleep deprivation goes. So I am able to keep my sanity these days operating under the belief (from experience) that it does get better, this is temporary, and it IS hard being a mommy at this stage - but you can do it!

My twins have a little weird cycle going on right now. They will have two wretched days where they just want to be held/nursing constantly and don't want to nap. . . those nights are rough too. I might get 30 minutes uninterrupted sleep if I am lucky those nights! And then they'll make up for the sleep loss for themselves the third day. But I CAN'T nap during the day when they do because my other kids need me to be awake! It is hard, and I don't get anything else done. I hardly have time to eat, potty or bathe myself!

My take on it is that they are having some growth spurts AND developmentally, they are starting to be awake more. After a week of this, I'm at the point where I feel like I have to start "helping them learn" to go to sleep on their own and move towards a schedule. I have to function for the sake of the entire family, so here's what I'm doing. . . easing into the whole sleep-training and schedule thing already. I'm not rigid about it now at all. I am spending time observing their patterns and cues right now. One of my babies is larger than the other one, seems a little more advanced than his brother, so I'm working with him a bit more on this. He just seems a little more ready. . . his sleep/wake times are more noticeable.

I read the sleep articles that are posted in the first year information at the top of this forum. And my pediatrician has given me info in the past that helped me. . . I think a lot of it is just observing subtle cues and encouraging the babies to "catch the sleep wave" as I like to put it. It takes a few months, maybe more-maybe less, to see results. But for now, helping the babies gently and gradually learn to fall asleep when they are showing signs of drowsiness without my aid (via nursing, swinging, pacifying, vibrating, whatever) is my goal. Even if they only take a 20 minute nap, the goal at the beginning of the nap is to help them fall asleep on their own.

Currently, I'm NOT letting them "cry it out" unless I am positive that they are really, really tired. . . and I'm only doing this with my larger baby for no more than 10 minutes.

When I get up for the day, I also make sure I send the babies signals that it's "wake-y time" so that they know their days from their nights. I don't try to put them in a shady room during the day. . . they will nap downstairs with all the noisy siblings, the TV going, and in the light coming in the windows. At night, I go up to bed at the same time, turn down the lights and keep things dark even when we wake for feedings. I'm not real cuddly with them at night when they feed: I send the message to them best I can that, "It's down to business of eating, then back to sleep." These things have helped me in the past with my other children. But it does take time.

I remember with my first child those night time wakings were depressing to me. I felt like the only person on Earth awake. I just had this lonely, no-one-can-help-me sort of feeling. Now after other children, the wacky schedules have become normal. Still difficult to wake when I'm so tired, but I don't feel alone anymore.

I'm feeling it too. Twin newborns are harder than a singleton newborn (which is a hard enough situation), and I can attest to that experience now. You are doing well. . . I've had a couple of 2 am meltdowns myself as of lately!

I hope some of these ideas will help you. . . even if they don't work right away, at least I feel like "I'm the Mama" and taking some control by being proactive. Some people might disagree with what I'm doing so early, but really, I'm just trying to gently help my babies learn some good habits. I do let my babies nurse on demand too.

 

the best piece of advice anyone ever gave me was to sleep when your babies sleep. That means when they nap, you nap. The other thing that helped with the sleep deprivation was that my husband and I took turns at night with the feedings. He would go to bed before me, so I would take the late night feeding, then we would take turns alternating nights who got up 2 am'ish, and then he would feed them in the morning when he was getting ready for work, so I could sleep a little longer. That way, instead of 2 hours in a row, we were getting about 4 hours sleep in a row and it helped a lot.

The one thing that's certain , is things eventually get better.

 

Welcome and congrats! I remember being where you are and feeling exhausted and sometimes wanting to tear my hair out. It gets so much easier over time. As others have said, swings, bouncers, etc. are your friends right now. Sleep when you can. And let me share with you the best piece of advice I got from a mom of older twins when mine were first born: Sometimes you just have to let one cry.

 

At that age it is all about survival. It does get better, not easier, but better. I think that you just get more able to handle all the needs and you work out a system... Not to mention that as they get bigger they need diaper changes less and they have fewer feedings so it may seem impossible now, but it will get better! I think I started to notice that things were easing up between 8 & 12 week so you are almost there. If you are nursing them I would say get to a local breastfeeding support group and make friends with the Lactation consultant, they are great and they will help things go more smoothly for you at home too... I found that feeding them together whenever possible was the easiest for me. I am not sure how it is with bottle feeding, but with breastfeeding I would just feed whenever they were hungry and I would try to get them both on... Our routine looked something like this:
Wake - Change - Feed - Change - Sleep - wake --- I did try to get them on the floor about once a day for a few minutes ( as long as they would stand it, and read to them at a feeding or two, but it is really just survival early on... We have all been there, and I think that we can al say that it will get better, it is just right now that it feels like you will never sleep again... trust me, you will! You are doing great... Also, you may want to find a local twin group so you can meet other twin mommy's face to face!

 

I'm at home with my girls all day also, until Friday when I go back to work as a teacher (not looking forward to that!). I saw that others mentioned boppy pillows, these are great because I'm able to bottlefeed both babies at the same time. Sometimes one will be a little upset when I stop to burp the other but it is a huge help to be able to feed them simultaneously. When we first left the NICU we were on a strict 3 hour feeding schedule, which meant waking the babies up all through the night if they didn't get up. To deal with this, we would both stay up till 9, then my husband would get up and do the 12 am feed, I would take 3 am, he would feed them at 6 before leaving for work, and I got to sleep till about 8:30 in order to feed them at 9. That way we both got a good 6 hours in.
Now that the girls are feeding on demand and not as often, it can be a little more hectic. They also are not sleeping as much as they used to so a swing and bouncer have become our new friends since I can't hold them at the same time. Unfortunately, sometimes one baby just has to cry if I'm trying to soothe the other. They are getting pretty good at taking turns. I wouldn't call the easiest job in the world, but you will eventually get settled into more of a routine.

 

Welcome Lea! I can't tell you any more than what the previous posts have already mentioned (survival mode, swings, bouncy seats, sleep when they sleep, etc.), except that I went (and still go) to a support group for mothers with twins. There is also a support group at the same location for singleton moms, but the woman who started this group had twins herself and knew there needed to be something different for twin mommies. Anyway, if you have ANY time or energy, I would look for something like that as well, even if it is a singleton support group. I just felt like it was the only time I was in an atmosphere where others understood.

At that time, I also negotiated a really long shower every night when things were a little more settled with each baby. My DH would have a bottle of pumped milk and/or formula in case of an emergency while I was in the shower, but usually he didn't need it. It was just amazing how much I looked forward to that 20 or 30 minutes of just complete alone time. The hot shower also helped tremendously.

BTW, to make you feel better, there was one night right around that age that I literately went to bed at 9pm by myself and told my husband to deal with it and that I was going on strike for the night. It only lasted until maybe 1 or 2 in the morning, but I was just so exhausted and was not even able to think. The next day he looked at me really pathetically and said he would do anything he could to make sure I did not get to that point again. It was my lowest point! Now, they are going to bed at 8 pm and my DD sleeps 8-10 hours and my DS sleeps 3-4 at a time. It does get better! Hang in there!!!

 

Welcome, you are truly in the HARD part right now! We have all been there, and it drove us all crazy too! I think we have all had meltdowns, some of us on a daily basis!! Taking care of twins is overwhelming hard!
Dh and I would take shifts, he would take the early evening shift while I slept and I would take the early morning shift while he slept. It is not great, but at least both of us were able to get some sleep.
Tips I got from this site to help with two screaming babies - turn on music, put them in their car seats and rock both while holding soothers in their mouths. Or put one in a swing while you take care of the other one. Mine really liked music, or when I sang to them. Mine also liked white noise or a vaccuum cleaner next to their head, so I would but dd in her car seat with a vacuum going right next to her head, it helped to calm her instantly (if you don't have a vacumm to use, try the ceiling fan over your oven, or a hairdryer).
One lady on here would hold both girls and bounce on one of those giant exercise balls.
My dh use to put one baby in a baby bjorn carrier while holding the other one, and he would dance around the room. Or take them outside, as at least if they scream it doesn't seem as loud.
yes sometimes they both scream, but at least you are doing your best trying. I would take things day by day and there were days that I took it hour by hour or minute by minute. And, if you need to, put them both in their crib where they are safe and go take a shower to give yourself a small break.
Try hard to sleep when they do, take naps when they do. I had a hard time with this because I was too anxious that they would wake up to actually sleep myself.
Try and get outside everyday, even if it is only for a few minutes or a walk around the block, I know the fresh air always helped me.

Good luck and come back here for support, the ladies here are great! It does get better, I promise!

 

I dont' have much to add, except stress that if you're bottlefeeding, try to have DH do at least one of the feedings at night by himself so you can get a 4-5 hour stretch of sleep--that helps so much!

You're doing great and congratulations on your twins. Once they do start sleeping better at night (and napping during the day), it's totally different and you actually have energy to enjoy them!

 

Everything mentioned has been great. The boys' dad worked nights, and I would cry my eyes out when he left...knowing the nights and most of the day were all to me. Its hard, but you do get through.

Yes, sleep when they sleep. I never did...and I regret that. Cleaning and other stuff can be done any other time.

Hang in there, congrats on your new cuties!

 

Hi :wavey: ,

:sign0016: As you can see you found a great site, and as everyone said… “You’re in the thick of it now”… I remember people saying that to me and all I wanted to know was the exact date I would be out of it…. We got out of “it” pretty early (BUT DH works at home and can help when I absolutely needed it)

GL with everything, I’m in So Cal as well…

Elizabeth

 

Congratulations! I am in a similar boat BUT i have help and I still feel like you do! My sister is here from Liverpool helping me out since the twins were born but it's still so so challenging. She came with her 2 yro so she can only do so much. Worse still, they are so not anywhere near close to STTN so sleep deprivation is a way of life. DH helps tremendously but we are all exhausted. I look forward to that time when it gets easier. I know it will because i have a 7 yro but it's still very very challenging. Hang in there!!!

 

Sometimes I'd sleep in with them until 11 am. If the night was a mess I'd feed them nursing/bottle formula and I'd crawl back into bed and sleep. Often one was in bed with me either beside me or on top of my chest. I found putting a pillow under each elbow prevented me from rolling in my sleep. Just keep trying to nap -- so put them both down after a feed and into bed for you. Even if you don't sleep you might just get a bit of a cat nap. Also I found a weird obsession with cleaning just after I came home and a fellow twin mom said she had the same thing. Not sure if coming early deprived us of that "nesting instinct" and we were making up for it. So that calmed down and I also got a housekeeper. Find the time to read ---or watch the video Happiest baby on the block it was a real life saver at that time. I found that 6 weeks post due date things really started to calm down.

heather