Take them or leave them? What would you do?

My husband and my 15 year old son, told me today, how much they would like it if the girls didn't go on our vacation and cruise in 2 weeks. My parents have offered to keep them while we are gone, however, my mother, and I barely talk. She will have all of my routines and schedules thrown out the door before I've even left, but I guess that's what granparents do..

I've been telling the girls all about the ship and the ocean, fish, etc. and they are very excited, even though they probably won't remember this vacation, I will, and want to share it with them. I don't know how many more vacations I will be able to enjoy with my soon to be "16" year old either, and wonder if I owe it to him to give him my full attention. The ship offers a "Camp Carnival," program, so daycare is an option too. I can just see it being difficult, and not so much of a vacation for all of us.

What would you do?

 

I understand how important it is to have quality time with your son. But I personally would not do this for three reasons:

1) I would not leave my babies (which essentially, they still are) for two weeks.
2) I would not leave my babies with someone that I did not have a very close relationship with (I am assuming since you don't talk to your mom much that the kids don't either).
3) It is a family vacation and ALL members of the family should be included.

Just my opinion.

 

I second the previous post!!! Different situation with us, but when our daughter was about 20 months and an only child at the time, we went on a cruise and it was a wonderful experience. She loved it and did awesome. We didn't use the babysitting service- but we put her in her nightie and went to the shows at night with her and sat in the back- she always fell asleep and we at least had some entertainment in the evening hours. (the daytime day-care wouldn't allow children under 2 but we loved showing her everything on the islands, etc.)
I think it is great to have a family vacation - your son will appreciate it later in life- if he doesn't now!!
Sure it may be more work- but you won't have a messy schedule to come home to if your mom changes everything too!
I hope you have an excellent time whatever you decide.
Lanie

 

I would not leave the twins - they are too young to be left, especially with someone who is not totally integrated into your life. No offense, but I think it was pretty selfish of your 16 year old son to ask such a thing. A 16 year old is not a baby who cannot control his jealousy - he should be old enough to know what incredible gift it is to spend time with family. Explain to your son that many things you have done for him & with him may not have been exactly what you would have chosen to do with your time, but you loved him enough that you never considered it a sacrifice. He will be grown soon & have all the time in the world to have a "toddler free" vacation. Take them all & have a great time!

 

My twins are 2-1/2 and they have been on three cruises. I don't think there is any better way to travel with babies/toddlers or kids. This is your vacation too, and I can't tell you how magical it is to have that quality time together away from the stresses of every day life, where someone else is doing all the cooking and cleaning and all you have to do is enjoy each other. You can spend alone time with your husband and your son as well - in the evening your twins can go to the babysitting (they'll be sleeping anyway) - and maybe you and your son can do one of the adventurous excursions together, just the two of you.

I don't think you'll regret bringing your twins, but it sounds like you'll regret leaving them behind.

Have a spectacular time!

Best,
Mia

 

Wow, that is selfish!

There is a very big difference between planning a vacation for only the "adults," and planning a vacation for everyone, but at the last minute telling some that they can't go. I don't care if they are "only two years old."

I don't think I would have been nice when that suggestion was made. I would have popped off with something along the lines of, "If we're talking about leaving two people at home, I'd rather leave the selfish ones behind and go have fun with my girls."

Not cool.

 

QUOTE
There is a very big difference between planning a vacation for only the "adults," and planning a vacation for everyone, but at the last minute telling some that they can't go. I don't care if they are "only two years old."

I agree, I would not leave the girls behind.
I think your husband and son missed the boat (no pun intended) on going without the girls. If it was something they really wanted then they should have brought it up at the start of the planning process not 2 weeks before you leave. It would be bad enough if the girls were too young to understand (say one year old or younger) but given that you have been talking about it, and they are excited, it would be mean to just say 'no, you're not coming now' and leave them, IMO. Add to that the fact that you don't seem happy about them staying with your mom and I think you have a very bad idea.

I would do like others have said and plan to spend some one on one time with your older son(s), either with the girls in daycare for a couple of days or in the evenings when they are asleep-does the cruise offer babysitting services?

 

QUOTE(Twin nanny @ Jun 24 2007, 11:57 AM) [snapback]305062[/snapback]
I agree, I would not leave the girls behind.
I think your husband and son missed the boat (no pun intended) on going without the girls. If it was something they really wanted then they should have brought it up at the start of the planning process not 2 weeks before you leave. It would be bad enough if the girls were too young to understand (say one year old or younger) but given that you have been talking about it, and they are excited, it would be mean to just say 'no, you're not coming now' and leave them, IMO. Add to that the fact that you don't seem happy about them staying with your mom and I think you have a very bad idea.

I would do like others have said and plan to spend some one on one time with your older son(s), either with the girls in daycare for a couple of days or in the evenings when they are asleep-does the cruise offer babysitting services?


Yes, they have babysitting services. I agree with all the pp's, especially, since they offer babysitting.

 

I think 2 weeks is a long time to leave them. Maybe at some point you could maybe do a weekend trip with ur son if u want to give him some individual attention.

But this trip sounds great and for sure a family vacation. I think ur DH is being a little Selfish, I can understand ur son thinking that but ur DH to back him up.

Go an enjoy ur family vacation and I hope ur DH and son are ok with ur decision.


amanda

 

I would take them. I know it's hard with older children feeling like the twins spoil things or slow things down, but I've had to tell my older DD that they are part of the family too and we can't always leave them at home, and she will ask if we can do to dinner and leave them at home. And I think for a family vacation this is especially important, after all they are part of the family too, why shouldn't they go?

2 weeks is a long time to be away from them and I think they are old enough that there will be plenty for them to do too. I have had some friends who have gone on cruises with their young children and they've all had fun.

But my main argument would be it's a family vacation and they are part of the family.

 

QUOTE(twoin2005 @ Jun 24 2007, 03:46 AM) [snapback]304926[/snapback]
I understand how important it is to have quality time with your son. But I personally would not do this for three reasons:

1) I would not leave my babies (which essentially, they still are) for two weeks.
2) I would not leave my babies with someone that I did not have a very close relationship with (I am assuming since you don't talk to your mom much that the kids don't either).
3) It is a family vacation and ALL members of the family should be included.

Just my opinion.


I agree with this post whole heartedly. I have 4 children and yes, it would obviously be easier to vacation without the babies. But it would not be a family vacation AND I would not enjoy missing my babies severely for 2 weeks (neither would DH or DDs). It would sadden me to leave them behind and it would mess up their schedule. Babies take comfort in regime and for it to go out the window along with "Where is Mommy (and all the fish?)" would be too much for me to even consider.

I would go as a family and in a few years, do it again and enjoy it even more.
Also, many cruise ships have child care so you could go out at night with DH or DS , if comforatble.

 

At 2 years old I would not take them. However, my family is very close, so spending 2 weeks with grandparents would be more fun for my kids than going on a cruise.

We are taking a cruise next year and all 4 of us will go, but our kids will be 6.5 by then.

 

I would not leave my 2 year olds for 2 weeks. It's too long!!
As a matter of fact, we are actually going through this same dilemma ourselves. We want to go on a 7 day cruise with 4 other couples, but none of them have kids. This cruise wouldn't be till October 2008, so our kids would be 2 1/2. It occured to us that we could leave them with grandparents, but the kids don't see them much and routines would also be out of the window. Our decision, we will take our sitter with us, of course that means a big financial undertaking, but if we don't do that, then we just won't go. I think I would just be miserable if they don't come because I would be worried the whole time, so the only way is to bring someone along who will watch them some of the time. We plan on paying all her expenses but no salary, she is a young student so I think she will agree because she would like going so much. We'll give her some time to herself too, but mostly she will be there to work. We actually haven't asked yet, cause our trip is so far away and other things could change, but if all stays the same, if our sitter can't come then we just can't go.

 

Our cruise is only for 7 days, however, I realize that 7 days away from the girls would seem like a month!

 

QUOTE(twoin2005 @ Jun 23 2007, 09:46 PM) [snapback]304926[/snapback]
I understand how important it is to have quality time with your son. But I personally would not do this for three reasons:

1) I would not leave my babies (which essentially, they still are) for two weeks.
2) I would not leave my babies with someone that I did not have a very close relationship with (I am assuming since you don't talk to your mom much that the kids don't either).
3) It is a family vacation and ALL members of the family should be included.

Just my opinion.



QUOTE(~rosie~ @ Jun 24 2007, 12:06 AM) [snapback]305015[/snapback]
Wow, that is selfish!

There is a very big difference between planning a vacation for only the "adults," and planning a vacation for everyone, but at the last minute telling some that they can't go. I don't care if they are "only two years old."

I don't think I would have been nice when that suggestion was made. I would have popped off with something along the lines of, "If we're talking about leaving two people at home, I'd rather leave the selfish ones behind and go have fun with my girls."

Not cool.


We just all went on vacation: My parents, my sister(13), me and the twins. We all enjoyed it. We went to seaworld, the zoo, the riverwalk and swimming constantly. We all had fun and it was no harder than the day to day dealing at home. I wanted to take the girls on a cruise but we are waiting till they are a bit older and can go to activities instead of "daycare". I would take them in a heart beat though if we were getting one free!

 

There is no way I would leave my girls home, espically since with the cruise so soon you have already paid for them (and on Carnival Kids are the not any cheaper than an extra adult)

 

I have to buck the group and say that I would leave the girls home. I don't think it is selfish of your son and DH to want time without the twins so you can all enjoy the time without having to chase a toddler all over the ship. Toddlers are much happier in their own surroundings, and even if they get off of their routine, wouldn't that happen on the ship as well? Also, maybe it will help your relationship with your mom, to know that she knows what your days are like, and maybe give her a greater impression of all you do.

 

QUOTE(Maytwinsmom @ Jun 24 2007, 08:05 PM) [snapback]305398[/snapback]
I would not leave my 2 year olds for 2 weeks. It's too long!!
As a matter of fact, we are actually going through this same dilemma ourselves. We want to go on a 7 day cruise with 4 other couples, but none of them have kids. This cruise wouldn't be till October 2008, so our kids would be 2 1/2. It occured to us that we could leave them with grandparents, but the kids don't see them much and routines would also be out of the window. Our decision, we will take our sitter with us, of course that means a big financial undertaking, but if we don't do that, then we just won't go. I think I would just be miserable if they don't come because I would be worried the whole time, so the only way is to bring someone along who will watch them some of the time. We plan on paying all her expenses but no salary, she is a young student so I think she will agree because she would like going so much. We'll give her some time to herself too, but mostly she will be there to work. We actually haven't asked yet, cause our trip is so far away and other things could change, but if all stays the same, if our sitter can't come then we just can't go.

You don't need to think of paying your sitter. I think it's a dream for every sitter to end up going on vacation.

I'm on the fence here. I would not leave the children if I wouldn't feel 100% comfortable with their sitter, but I would leave my son if I know that I can trust the sitter.

Good luck in your decision making.

 

I still have probs leaving my kids overnight (we do but not often) and they 8 yrs old so I would definately take them. I would be worried of the fact it was a cruise (on a boat surrounded by water) and probably would not of chosen that type of holiday but then again I get sea sick so a cruise would definately not of crossed my mind.

Good luck with your decision. I know people who go away with their kids and enjoy themselves. Everyone is different. It is what you are personally comfortable with.

 

I think that is really selfish and rude of your husband and son to bring this up so last minute. If this is how they felt, they should have brought it up when you were planning the vacation.

I would still take them. I could not leave them with someone I didn't feel totally comfortable with.

 

QUOTE
I have to buck the group and say that I would leave the girls home. I don't think it is selfish of your son and DH to want time without the twins so you can all enjoy the time without having to chase a toddler all over the ship.


I agree! I dont think it is selfish to leave them home. It just depends how comfortable you are leaving them.

 

QUOTE(sharongl @ Jun 25 2007, 02:43 AM) [snapback]305607[/snapback]
I don't think it is selfish of your son and DH to want time without the twins so you can all enjoy the time without having to chase a toddler all over the ship.

I don't think it's selfish of them to want time without the twins, but I do think it's selfish and impractical to only bring it up 2 weeks before departure, when the trip is planned and the twins have been talking about going and encouraged to be excited. If nothing else surely the person who would be keeping the twins deserves more notice.

 

I can totally understand why your son and even your DH would want to vacation without the "babies" -- but to bring it up 2 weeks before the trip is not helpful to anyone. Plus, the thought of leaving them behind after you've been talking it up and they are excited about it just breaks my heart. I know they would not remember it in a few years, but they'd be so sad right now.

I am a notorious wimp about doing anything outside the regular routine with our twins -- we're going on our very first vacation in September, when they'll be 2, and we're just renting a house 45 minutes away from our own house! -- but having planned it, I would go through with it as planned. (Maybe you can plan a weekend in the fall with your son? That would also give your mom a chance to take care of the twins for a shorter time.)

QUOTE(TwinsItIs @ Jun 25 2007, 04:19 AM) [snapback]305748[/snapback]
You don't need to think of paying your sitter. I think it's a dream for every sitter to end up going on vacation.


FWIW, there was a discussion about this a few months ago, and I said then (as did a lot of other people) that you SHOULD pay your sitter to go on vacation with you. Sitters don't go on vacation so they can have a great time -- they go to work -- and should be paid (unless they volunteer to give up their regular salary for that time). Would you expect to forfeit your salary for 2 weeks if your boss sent you someplace fun but said you had to work the whole time?

But it sounds like this is moot anyway in your situation -- I just had to get my 2 cents in. :blush:

 

In this particular situation since you have already talked about the trip with the girls.. no I would not leave them. But if on your next trip you decide to not take them then I think that is fine, although I personally could not be away from my children for 2 weeks.

 

I am a rebel apparently but I would leave them, however I would never have planned to bring them. My DH and I just did a vacation and it was therapy for our marriage and we needed it. IMO the schedules and stuff can all go out the window for a bit and it usually isn't a problem. I didn't think my DD would eat but she did and it was OK. In the end you need to be comfortable with whatever you do.

 

QUOTE(Minette @ Jun 25 2007, 09:43 PM) [snapback]306747[/snapback]
FWIW, there was a discussion about this a few months ago, and I said then (as did a lot of other people) that you SHOULD pay your sitter to go on vacation with you. Sitters don't go on vacation so they can have a great time -- they go to work -- and should be paid (unless they volunteer to give up their regular salary for that time). Would you expect to forfeit your salary for 2 weeks if your boss sent you someplace fun but said you had to work the whole time?

But it sounds like this is moot anyway in your situation -- I just had to get my 2 cents in. :blush:


That was my original post about what to do with the girls. We took a trial run in April to Reno with our nanny who had been employed with us for 6 months. She is no longer employed with us after that trip, and I'm glad to have found out before the cruise. She became an extra child for me to babysit and was no help whatesoever.

I just know that my husband isn't going to be helpfull, he doesn't even help at home. And he will use anything they do to say "see, we should have left them at home." I'm just trying to please him, and make everyone happy, but I can't always do that.

 

I would leave them if I had reliable, safe alternatives. Having your Mom wreck their schedule in a week isn't appealing, but having some quality time with oldest and DH would be really nice!

 

QUOTE(lrothrock1 @ Jun 25 2007, 06:42 PM) [snapback]306822[/snapback]
I just know that my husband isn't going to be helpfull, he doesn't even help at home. And he will use anything they do to say "see, we should have left them at home." I'm just trying to please him, and make everyone happy, but I can't always do that.


I'm sorry, but he and your son should have brought it up sooner. I can understand the teenager not wanting babies around to drag down the fun, but DH? I would flat out tell them that this trip is already planned, you are not comfortable with your parents keeping them, so too bad. Perhaps we can plan a trip in the future without the girls. I admit I am a travel wimp and honestly, at this age I wouldn't even been thinking of something like this, but since it is already planned, do it. Your son will have plenty of activities to do without the girls. He's of an age where he can go off and do his own thing. You and DH can use the babysitting service a couple nights for some alone time. It just sounds so sad to have a family vacation that's not the whole family.

 

That is so unfair! Firstly, they should have said something sooner and Secondly, the kids are 2, they understand what you have been saying, you have to take them! When you get back, send your husband and son on a cheap weekedn trip to a nearby rollercoaster park or camping trip! Or better yet after the Family cruise with the twins too, you take the girls somewhere cool like distance relatives who would love to see them and leave the men home alone like they wanted!!

 

i would never leave my twins at that age. and i would be surpsrised if my dh suggested leaving them home - i can understand a teenager, but still...they are part of the family. i would bring them and hubby and son are going to have to make the best of it. good luck whatever you decide and have a great vacation

 

I would take them, its not fair to them to not be able to go on a family vacation. You could always plan an event with just your son another time.

 

I'm bucking tradition too as DH and I are going to Hawaii in September sans twins - they are staying with my parents for the week (and they may wind up taking them to see family on the West Coast anyway)...

I don't think its wrong to want to have an "older person" vacation but they should have said something earlier!

 

I would never do it. All of my children come on all of our vacations.