Table Manners

I'm strict when it comes to table manners. However, I wonder if I'm being TOO strict with my 3.5 year old boys (side note, DH & I agree on table manners).

So, can you tell me what you allow your kids to get away with at the table? What do you definitely NOT allow? And how do you discipline while at the table? How does that differ when you're in public or does it not?

I'm just curious if we're being too strict & asking too much of them...so I'm wondering what others are doing with this age group! Thanks!

 

I require them to sit in their chair or on their knees. I discourage playing with their food. If they taste something and don't like it, no spitting it out. They have to ask to be excused (it's super cute when they say, "Mommy, may I please be escused."). And absolutely no whining at the table. None. They get a warning, and then they leave the table to air in time out until they can behave. They have to eat with utensils where appropriate and use napkins. I gently discourage talking with their mouths full or interrupting others.

What I don't worry about: proper utensil use, napkins in lap.

ETA: Same rules out. I have left restaurants when they were whining and behaving badly.

 

Similar to PP. Must sit on bottom or knees. No laying on the table or having other body parts on the table. Utensils when appropriate. No talking with your mouth full. If you want more of something, you must eat what you have and ask appropriately (I discourage...I want more...and try to encourage can/may I have more please). Must ask to be excused. No whining, yelling, or touching other people at the table.

I don't get worked up over talking at the table or having perfect utensil use or some spillage. I also do not expect them to clean their plates...you must try some of everything and most things require that they take 4 bites (since they just turned 4). The biggest issue at our table is touching each other or their stuff...stop touching each other already. Haha. If you cannot do the things I expect, you are made to leave the table and sit at another table and eat by yourself. That usually works well for us because they don't like to be apart from everybody else.

 

No standing on the chairs at this point. Working on using napkins and not their shirts to clean off hands (DS... ugh). Using utensils and not fingers. Ask for more and not help themselves.

We don't force them to eat. Overall they are pretty good though (except DS who just gets up and is done after a couple bites but he doesn't have the words to ask to get up yet. When he does we'll make him ask).

 

I've been much looser about table manners. For one thing, I have different expectations at home vs. at restaurants or other people's houses. At a minimum:
- sit on knees or bottom
- if you don't like something, just don't eat it. No saying "yuck."
- try not to interrupt when someone else is speaking (they still have a lot of trouble with this at age 5)
- you may get down once to go potty; if you get down again you are done
- use a napkin, not your shirt (again, still an issue at age 5)
- use utensils, not your fingers (ditto)
- ask politely if you want something

I will put up with a fair amount of whining as long as it doesn't cross over into outright temper tantrum. I would like to be stricter about this, but I have one DD in particular who is absolutely devastated to be sent away from the table (no matter how much she appears to be unhappy about being there). So I let her stay as long as it's at least tolerable to be in the same room with her.

 

We are pretty consistent with our table "rules", but I'm less vigilant when I'm not actually sitting and eating with them (ie. snack time). Our main rules are :
1) Sit in your bum, facing your plate
2) No eating with your fingers (unless it's finger food) or gargling your drink.
3) No saying you "don't like this". You can push it to the side and/or say "thank you but it's not to my taste", but you always have to try at least one good-sized bite.
4) If you want dessert (which ranges from an apple to a cookie, nothing too fancy) then you have to eat at least most (I'd say about 3/4) of the food on your plate. If you've asked for seconds you have to finish those before getting dessert.
5) If you choose to not eat or eat really quickly you still need to sit nicely at the table till everyone else is finished.
6) Ask to be excused and clear your dishes to the sink when done.
We haven't really had whining or crying at the table for a year or so (touch wood!) but when we did they got a warning and then if it continued they had to go to their room till they could calm down and eat nicely.

 

Pretty much what the others have said.......

*We use boosters, but when they don't have them they must sit on knees or bottom.
*No playing with food.
*No blowing bubbles with drink.
*No talking with food in mouth.
*Must ask to be excused.
*Use utensils when appropriate (for the most part).
*Say a prayer before eating.

 

They still sit in booster chairs and buckled in cause they have proven to me they won't sit for long with the freedom. They do know how to stick a napkin in their laps, though funny enough, neither DH nor I taught them to do that. They are not allowed to throw their food. They will go to time out. They get warnings if they bang the table with their fork or play with the plate. They'll get their food taken away if they play with their food or plate. They'll get their drink taken away if they play with that too such as spitting the drink out. They have been pretty good about it. They are now learning to hand their plates and cups to us instead of shoving them across the table when they are done. It's a process, but with reminders, they do a good job. They do like to play with each other. I give them some leniency with that cause it's too darn cute as they do start telling each other how much they love each other and make each other giggle. But, as it carries on too long, I do stop them and get them to eat more food.

 

my expectation is that they are pleasant and dinner time be enjoyable. This means sitting in your chair and not getting up 100000 times (hard for a 6 year old), using age appropriate methods of feeding (utensils), no whining, no yelling, no saying mean things. No interrupting. No asking for more of something when you still have some on your plate. I don't require them to ask to be excused but they will indicate when they are done and we let them go from the table. I am currently working on enforcing the behavior rules because 3 kids at the table changes the dynamic a lot. We are following the guidelines in "feeding with love and sense" so I basically offer them dinner and say nothing else about it once it is on their plates.