Surviving Twinfants

In light of all of the recent threads on new mommies trying to keep their "heads above water" in those first few months, Nicole(seamusnicholas) :clapping: suggested that we create a sticky that offers our own personal stories of the madness, and also tips and tricks that we used to used to survive those first crazy months with our twinfants! This will be a great resource for our expecting moms to read up on, and our new mommies, who are "in the thick of it". So please share you stories of frustrations and joys, failures, and triumphs, and encouragement! (If you have replied to a recent thread, feel free to copy/paste into this one!!If you have smilies in there, I will go back and fix them.)

Some examples of things to include would be:
Personal stories of the sheer exhaustion colic solutions, reflux solutions, feeding solutions, PPD stories, examples of how family and friends were able to help, anything above, below, and in between!

Thanks for your help FY mommies!!! :hug99:


HERE is a link to 10 Secrets on Surviving the First Year with Twins by Elizabeth Lyons
(courtesy of the author)

Other helpful links for twinfants on TS!

 

The twins aren't my first kids, so I was prepared somewhat, but not fully! Here is a bit of what I learned...

Help
I had a hard time accepting help with the actual babies, but the things that really helped me were the friends that brought over meals when the babies were new. I had meals for a whole week when we first came home! That was so helpful! Having help with the laundry, washing bottles, keeping my other kids busy, and taking them to their various activities was also very helpful.

PPD
I suffer from chronic depression, and even though I know this, I still did not really see it coming. It hit me hard in the hospital about 3 days after I gave birth. Looking back, the depression began somewhere during the 9 weeks of bed rest. I was put on medication immediately, even though, at the time, I was breastfeeding.

Sleep
I was never one that could "nap when they napped". I had 3 more kids to deal with for one, and it seemed that there was ALWAYS one baby awake! I did, however, do everything in my power at night to get them to sleep, whereever! Emma slept in her swing for the first 3 months...ALL NIGHT! And Jacob slept with me, he was a baby that needed constant contact to be settled. I never regretted a second of it either! They had no trouble transistioning and they were sleeping well in their cribs by about 5 months old.

Schedules
My babies were on a 3 hour feeding schedule from the beginning. It was one of the only things I had control over! I fed them both at the same time, which was a real time saver! I tandem bf in the early days, and then bottle fed them both by getting a regular bed pillow and laying them both on it in my lap. If one needed to burp, I would just lay that baby up on my chest and just being upright would usually do the trick.

Colic
Jacob started becoming colicky around week 2. Every night, he would scream his way through dinnertime. Some things that I tried that would work occasionally were walking and bouncing(this worked the best), the swing, a warm bath.

Reflux
This was one of the worst things I have faced as a twin mom. My twins both had reflux to the point that they just refused to eat at around 2 months. They were arching, screaming, pushing bottles out, at every feeding, which left everyone in tears, including me. It was one of the hardest things I have ever been through as a mom. The old saying that "babies will not starve themselves" does not apply to reflux babies. To top it off, my peds were very unsympathetic towards me, and many times I left the office in tears because I felt like noone was listening to me. My babies were so hard to feed! I felt like I did everything short of stand on my head and hold the bottle with my feet to get them to eat, and believe me, I would have, if it would have worked! Finally, at 4 months, I saw a different ped, and she was my angel, she finally got the babies on the right meds, and things turned around. They finally started eating like normal babies!! No more tricking them into eating!!

CIO
I have used this method with all of my boys at 6 months or later. Jake was waking 8-10 times a night at 6 months for a pacifier, and I was so exhausted that I just could not do it anymore. He was exhausted too. It took 2 days of him CIO, no more than 20 minutes at a time, and he is a wonderful sleeper now. I know this method is not for every mom and every baby, but it has worked so well for us.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel and for us it was at about 4 months. Things just slowly got easier. Before that, I felt like things were pretty much out of control...which is very disconcerting for a control freak!! Twins are such a blessing, but those first few months are sure rough!

 

I sometimes don’t even like to look back on the early days! People always said around month 4 it gets better and I remember thinking that 4 months will never come. Every day got better with a few bumps in the road.

When we took our boys to the Dr. around one month, he said straight forward, "the honeymoon is going to be over soon and they will begin to get fussy..." A couple days later we said, this is what he was talking about!

That time was horrible for us. Sleep deprivation was huge. They cried ALL the time (eneded up having reflux). I wish I knew what reflux signs were because I would have taken them in to the ped. sooner. They cried during and after feedings and even though at times they were reallt hungry, they would not eat because they were in pain.

The hardest part is figuring them out and unfortunately that takes time. I could not take it when they were both crying. Swings really helped. They slept in their car seats and swings until 4 months (worry about breaking habits later!).

We have been playing the same CD since they were born called Johnsons lullaby CD. When they were really young, I would hold them in the rocking chair and put the music really loud. It was calming for them. I also used a noise maker in their room.

I think it is important to know that most twin moms go through this and those that dont are very lucky. It is nothing you are doing. It is the simple fact that there are 2 tiny babies that are just trying to figure everything out themselves. Keep coming here with questions. If they are both crying and you need a break, put them in another room and give yourself a few minutes. Also, take ALL the help you can get. Try to get out of the house by yourself and get a coffee or take a walk around a local store. It is important to have a break so that you can take them on!

I hated it when people said to nap when they napped. I always had a reason not to nap like get organized or clean the house. Looking back I think to myself how foolish I was to not sleep when they were.

I would suggest to have dh expect to help from day one. Mine helped from day one so it became kind of like an expectation. I think it would be harder for a dh to help after weeks of the babies being here if he did not help from the beginning. My belief has always been that although he may go to work in the morning, you have the responsibility of taking care of 2 babies during the day. You need just just as much sleep as he does.

Oh, I want to add that I cried very often and I felt better afterwards!

All the craziness is worth it. In a few months, their little personalities will be coming out and you will be able to say how lucky you are to be a twin mom!

 

The first two months were total chaos. I'm a first time mom diving in head first, and without the help of my mom and MIL and the support of my husband, I don't know if I would have survived it. In the beginning, there was no schedule--we fed them when they were hungry, usually at different times, and at night they would constantly make grunting noises which I just couldn't sleep through. They had their days and nights mixed up--which thankfully fixed itself on its own. I remember one night desparately trying to get them to go to sleep. I had tried just about everything. I finally put them in the double stroller and walked in circles around the living room. They loved it! They were wide-eyed, just watching me, as if almost amused at my efforts!! Things actually got better once the help left and I was able to work it out on my own, though I truly missed having those extra hands! There were a couple more weeks of sleeplessness, but once we put them in their own room, at about 2.5 months, it was much easier for me to sleep. And them too, because I would get them when they made noises but they were really sleeping and I woke them.

Now, they wake twice at night and for good around 6:30am with about three naps a day. We finally have a routine, and believe it or not..they're the ones who set it! Now I just gotta get them out of the swings at night and into their cribs!!

 

This is a great idea -- I do feel like I've written the same things in response to numerous posts, and it would be great to have it all in one place. (You could even publish it!)

This topic is so huge (and like PP said, sometimes I don't even like to think about it), I will try to handle one thing right now and come back later. So: Things People Did to Help:

1. DH's office organized a meal rotation -- every other day for the first 2-3 weeks, someone showed up at our door around dinnertime with a meal. This was awesome in itself, but was even better because we did not have to keep track of it. DH would get an email or phone call each day saying "Bob is bringing your dinner tomorrow at 7:30" and all I had to do was open the door and carry the food to the kitchen. (Sometimes even that was challenging enough.)

2. DH's parents paid for us to get a night nanny, 2x/week for the first 10 weeks. This was a HUGE expense and I know most people can't afford it (we certainly could not have on our own), but if you can swing it at all, I highly recommend it. Just getting 2 decent nights of sleep a week (even though I had to get up to pump at first) made the difference between just being incredibly freaking tired and being completely insane. Plus, when the babies were asleep she did our laundry, dishes, anything she could do without waking us up.

3. DH's sister and her husband (or sometimes other friends) came over most Friday nights to do a bottle-feeding around 9-10pm (after I quit BF at 5 weeks -- though they also came over before that, just to help out). We'd call them in the afternoon and say "It looks like the feedings are going to be at 7 and 10 tonight" (because we could never tell more than a day in advance). They'd show up at 7:30 just after the feeding, we'd hand the babies over and go immediately to bed, and they would watch a movie or something until the babies woke up for the next feeding. They'd feed, rock them back to sleep, and then stay as late as possible (like 12-12:30) before waking one of us up to be on duty again. That meant we both got 4-5 hours of sleep!

4. DH's brother or his wife (who have 2 kids of their own) took turns coming over on Saturday mornings to do the first feeding around 7 a.m. They would let themselves in and just rock whichever baby woke up first until the second one woke up, then wake one of us (DH and I took turns on this) to help with the feeding -- then we'd go back to sleep and they'd stay and rock babies until the next feeding.

5. My parents stayed with us for 2 weeks (weeks 2-4) and did round-the-clock baby nursing. They actually slept less than we did, plus they cooked and helped with chores.

As you can see, we had tons of help. I'm sure we would have survived without it, but I credit our families and friends for the fact that when I talked to people during the first few months, they always commented (with amazement) that I seemed relatively functional. I didn't feel functional, but at least I was together enough to make a good show of it!

Alden

 

First and foremost...You will survive!!!!

I really don't like to think back to the very beginning as it was horrible! Oh, I feel like such a terrible mom for saying that, but it is true! It was pure H*LL!

Sleep Deprivation was the worst for us!

It seemed like all you did was tend to them 24/7. There was no sleep at all! Dh would work and run home some between his calls to help. We were both exhausted. It's amazing that you can survive off of so little sleep. I remember crying A LOT! And I do feel somewhat like I didn't really get to have that special time with my babies one on one like a mother of a singleton would.

Yes, it does get better...much much better. When? I honestly can't remember. At the time, it seemed like it lasted forever, but I'm sure that's not the case.

The only thing that kept me hanging on at the time was the fact that my wonderful MIL would come over 1 night a week and spend the night getting up with the girls. She would come around 7 pm and tell us to go on to bed (which we did). I lived for that one night and it got me through each week knowing she was coming soon.

I think there are a few key things that can help but you on track a little faster. Stay on a schedule and putting to bed at an early hour instead of trying to keep them up late, hoping they would sleep later. I finally figured out my girls were overly tired and I started moving their bedtime up considerably earlier and it got a lot better.

I never had a real issue with feedings (I did not breastfeed though).

I obviously did suffer from PPD and it got extremely bad by 6 month. I have never been a depressed person or suicidal or anything like that. It started with small things, like when DH would get home, he would tell me to run to get us some dinner just so I could get out for a small break. I would be in the car driving and think, I'll just keep going. And I want go back. I would cry a lot. By 6 months, I was having severe suicidal thoughts and then I started having suicidal flashes in my head where I could acutally see my self doing it. It startled me beyond belief. Luckily, my DH took me very seriously and I immediately saw my doctor. She also took me very seriously and I started medication. It did not take long for me to feel better and after a while I was able to stop the medication without any problems.

I think any mom of twins knows how hard it is and can relate. I can just say I don't know how moms of triplets or more do it! Hats off to you!

Now, as I said earlier that I feel like I missed out on spending more time with each one like a mom of singleton would...this is true, but the trade offs now are well worth it. My girls now call to each other and grab each others hands and run around and play and hug each other and laugh. There is no trading that! It is magical and wonderful and beautiful! It makes it all worth while!

 

Not being my first babies, I knew it would be difficult, but I wasn't prepared for how much.

The very beginning stages of an apnea monitor due to reflux, two billirubin lights, daily blood tests to check billirubin levels should have been my first clue of the level of need for two babies. Then, teaching them to nurse while making sure they got enough to eat became marathon feeding sessions. I would pump, make the baby try to nurse, then feed the pumped bottle. Then repeat with baby #2. I had to bf due to food allergies each of my children has had, so at this point I couldn't supplement with formula (I could, it just had to be the super expensive kind), and worst of all, I couldn't treat myself to any of my comfort foods (I was milk, soy, egg, and wheat free for these boys).

Then, add the sleep deprivation. I wasn't sure my husband and I were going to make it through those first couple of months. He complained because he's never had to participate with feeding any other babies, so it "grumps him out" to have to feed these two (I did supplement at night on occassion so he could help). He would fall asleep feeding the baby, and the bottle would thump on the floor (thank goodness it wasn't a baby). I would ask him what he was doing and he would reply "I don't know, feeding the baby?", and his hand would be holding an invisible bottle. I would alternate between tears and laughter in my delirious state over those nights (it truly happened repeatedly).

I am a person who has a hard time accepting help and admitting my weaknesses. But, I had so many people offer to help with the babies, and I accepted every single person I could. They would come and sit and hold the boys so I could spend time with my other kids, or do laundry or whatever. I had people offer to clean, which was very hard for me. But, I found if I had a list prepared ahead, it was OK (things like cleaning the fish bowl, the floors, washing the stick factor off kitchen chairs, etc). I even let my MIL fold laundry and would only refold a few items. So, never turn down help- even if it's to hold a baby. Then you can hold one guilt free over the other not getting the attention.

Eventually it does get better. I spent a great part of each day (and still do) praying for patience. I thank God for all my children and realize he truly doesn't give people what they can't handle (and I think I had a lesson in humbleness in here). Sometimes it becomes completely overwhelming, and that's when you cry, and vent on here, or even yell at your dh (I think they get it). You get through, and then when you see those sweet smiles or hear those joyous belly laughs, you realize it's all worth it. You can do it!

 

My twins are my 4th and 5th kids - I thought I knew what was coming :lol: ! I don't know if it was the c-section (all 3 of my boys were vaginal deliveries) or just having 2 newborns and very little help but I felt like I had been hit by a train for the first few months -


I quickly learned that doing whatever worked at the time was the best way to do things - I still live by that motto!!

nothing has to be perfect! I used to be a perfectionist - right down to ironing my kids playclothes! these days the dryer works as an iron and if it doesn't around here you better choose something else to wear! My van is my house's mini me! I keep a bag with 2 outfits, diapers and wipes and even an extra shirt for me ( I learned that one the hard way!) in it at all times - this makes "quick"( :rotflmbo: ) trips to the grocery store a little quicker! You don't have to try to be super mom - you already are!

as for CIO - I suck at that - truly I am a softee for crying babies and they know it (and have since they were 2 days old!)

my 5 month olds refuse to nap - so don't ask me about that either I have no idea how to get them to other than put them in the car - and sometimes that doesn't even work!! but I will tell you - if they are napping it is worth cancelling any plans to let them nap and nap with them - I find that if I have to clean the bathroom it is easier to do it with screaming babies than it is to do it so tired that I can hardly move! and it gives me more patience with my kids to have rested a bit - which is good since they will be the ones to choose my nursing home eventually!

whoever said you can't spoil a little baby is a big fat liar - it is totally possible! but you better hold them as much as you can because while your pregnancy drug by and every day seemed like 10 years - once your babies arrive - you will blink your eyes and BAM! they will be 5 months old! next thing you know you will be picking out prom dresses or planning a wedding -
so just remember a spoiled baby that wants to be held by no one else but you and refuses to nap is much better than
a teenager that wants a tongue ring. so enjoy your babies!!

keep your winter babies at home as much as possible - my 10yr old almost died as a result of RSV (he was 20 days old)- it will be hard and you will feel like a prisoner and think of millions of ways to change your living room (but don't worry you will never have time to make any changes so your money is safe!) RSV is serious and your babies will get bigger and warmer weather will come so that you can venture outside.

TS is a lifesaver - great advice but more importantly great friends who know exactly what you are going through - you can ask a question and no matter what time it is - you will get an answer! - I thank God everyday that I found these ladies - they have helped me out so many times - if in no other way than to put a smile on my face - and trust me that is priceless.

CONGRATULATIONS on your twins - it will be the hardest, frustrating, most WONDERFUL, SWEETEST and fullfilling thing you have ever done!!

:hug99: , Heather

 

Jordari gave me her permission to copy her reply from another post. Thank you!!

QUOTE
Sending you a big hug - we have ALL been there. It is overwhelmingly exhausting, and you think you cannot possibly do it one more hour, one more day - and then you do.

agree w/previous posters: the key is:

- accepting, and learning to ASK FOR, as much help as possible.I used to be incredibly independant, until i couldnt' do it all. When i was on bedrest i learned that if people offered help, to ask for what i needed. Laundry was a big one. Remember - you probably feel good about doing 'good deeds' and helping others: give them the oppty to do the same. If you make knownw what you need - esp. MEALS that are easy to grab and eat, specific house stuff (I love the poster w/the laundry instructions - great idea!), etc, people are generally happy to do it.

- Get whatever paid help you can afford; even if it's once in a while. If it's at all possible, keep in mind that , remember that throwing some money at things at this juncture will help you later. We had a night nurse a few times in teh first two weeks - frankly, I didnt' love it, as it was extremely expensive and i had to be up every three hours pumping, but- in retrospect, to have someone else do the feeding and changing and burping and holding refluxy babies so all i had to do awas pump was a big help. I just wasn't really cmfortable having someone i dnd't know taking care of my girls when they were still so new to me - but you can definitely get recommendations from local folks.

- the whole 'nap when the babies nap' was a myth to me, although i've started to do it a little.

- MAKE SURE YOU EAT and drink- this is really key, especially if you are nursng and pumping. I know that for the first six weeks or so i was not taking in enough, and it really made a difference; sure i lost a ton of baby weight, but i was a total rag. Once i started getting in calories (some of them good, some of them simply a half package of double chocolate milanos! - i felt better.

- Find a way to enlist your DH. And when he tells you that lots of women do it all alone, tell him to take a flying leap. sorry, they have NO clue - ESPECIALLY if you are pumping, your body is simply POURING out energy. It's overwhelming and exhausting. I had to have a mini-meltdown w/my dh when he complained about being woken during the night (after i gave up trying to do it all myself); dealing with two babies after being PREGNANT w/two babies and delivering htem is WAY more difficult then getting up and going to work. I told him taht work was a freaking spa vacation compared to what i do all day, and that he had to suck it up - it's only for a few months. Welcome to parenthood, buddy@ (sorry, i'm probably projecting some of my old resentment - things have gotten much better)

You may be sick of hearing it, but it DOES get better. You're doing a better job than you think. And weirdly, the time will go fast - my girls are 12.5 weeks and i can hardly believe it.

Finally - come here and vent: we all get it!

 

CHJH has given me her permission to copy her reply from a previous post. Thank you!

QUOTE
I have NEVER managed the "nap when the babies nap" thing - and my guys are almost 4 months old!
I was just like you for the first several weeks, and sometimes I still have crazy days. You're a much better person than I am though - I gave up pumping at 4 weeks. I just couldn't find the time. I had to do it 8 to 10 times a day to get enough to do even 40 - 50 % of what the babies needed (my supply evidently wasn't that great) and I just didn't have time or energy. My advice is this: TAKE ANY HELP YOU CAN GET. If someone calls and offers help, give them something to do, even if it's picking up something at the store. No task is too small, no person is too far removed to be put to use! Have a list ready for when people drop by, so there's no excuse. My list looked like this:

Yes, I'd love some help. You can:
1. Load/unload the dishwasher.
2. Wash and sterilise some bottles, then put them away for me. (I had a list of sterilizing instructions - I'm crazy about germs).
3. Wipe the counters.
4. Put on a load of baby laundry (I had a list of specific washing instructions right down where the washer is) or fold the wash I did earlier.
5. Wipe down the sink in the bathroom.
6. If you really love me, vaccuum.

I would honestly take help from anyone and I didn't feel bad about it (well, I did at first but that wore off!).

I would also recommend being insanely organized. Before bed, get your breakfast stuff out (or give this job to your husband). Tea bag in cup, cereal bowl and spoon ready - anything. You just have to make time to eat. If you know the babies are going to be bathed after the next feeding and you have 2 seconds now, get out the tub, towels, etc and have them all ready in case you don't have time in an hour. Do you have a 2-floor house? I would have died without my "sattelite" baby station on the first floor - a pack and play with change pad and everything I needed. It looked terrible in my dining room and it wasn't appetizing to eat beside a diaper pail but it was just survival!

Also, if there is ANY spare money, hire yourself a helper. I have a mother's helper 12 hours a week (a luxury, I know). My in-laws asked what they could do to help...they pay for the mother's helper.

The first few months with twins are crazy - especially if you have a colicky baby like I did. Just do whatever you can to survive. My babies would only sleep in their stroller during the day so we took up to 4 walks a day. Did I feel like walking four times a day? No. Did I feel like have a break from crying 4 times a day? Yes - so I walked. My neighbours must have thought I was crazy.

I have also found it useful to stock up on items I use all the time so I don't have to do as much washing. I have about 1000 bips (my babies are bottle fed), 2000 receiving blankets (I have a couple of pukers!), enough bottles for about 2 days, and 6 sets of bedding (again with the puking!) - it has been a big investment, but I figure I can pass most of it along afterward.

Good luck, sweetie. Feel free to vent any time.

 

I didn't really have alot of help in the beginning - it was pretty much me and DH at least at night and he was VERY helpful in fact he wanted to do more and I felt guilty as he was working and I was on maternity leave so I felt I HAD to do more of the night duties (and I should have let him - but hindsight is 20/20)...my mom would come down during the day one or 2 days a week or I would pack us up and go to her house - or to the mall or WHEREVER she could/would meet me for a few hours - I found out after the twins were 8 weeks old they were milk formula intolerant - which explained my sons projectile puking issues...once we switched to soy he was much better!! So always go with your instincts..I knew something was wrong but I never could figure out what and I should have called the pedi earlier...

also try to get out at least a few times a week - with or without the kids....its amazing how wonderful a trip to Wal-Mart or Target can be!!!

let them sleep where they will - be that a PnP, carseat, swing or bouncy...sleep is most important and usually around 4 mos or so you can transition to the crib with very little difficulty - and by 4 mos they should be into a good sleeping routine...

 

[SIZE=14pt]There has been *awesome* advice given in all the PP's.

I just want to add a story of how we (my DH and I) did it with NO help from anyone. (so anyone else out there in a similar situation will know that it CAN be done!!)
:huh: Really.

Once both our boys were home from the hospital (2 weeks for Colin, 3 for Ryan) we quickly realized just how overwhelming this was going to be. I was nursing, pumping and we were supplementing with formula at first. Well, the lack of sleep and stress from the situation soon decreased my supply to the point it was just killing me to see how little was in each bottle after pumping. :cray: Which only made me feel worse in addition to everything else going on.

My parents live in FL, my husband's lived in NH. My IL's came up to see them when they were still in the hospital, and would visit for a few hours every other week or so after they were home. My parents did not see them until they were 3 months old, when they visited for a week.

Outside of those (rare) times, it was just me and DH. The only way (I now believe in retrospect) we made it was by doing shifts. Once DH returned to work, we decided to do this so that each of us would get a solid 6 hour break and sleep.
So, my break was from 8 pm-2am, and his was from 2am-8am. (his work hours were 9-6). Even with that time, it was still hard, but getting some sleep made ALL the difference.
I was not one of those that could "nap when they nap" as I was always on edge waiting for one or the other to start fussing and need something. And my guys were fussy, like tag-teamers from the beginning.

They came home from the hospital on a 3-hour feeding schedule and that is what I kept them on. I made some schedules on MS word to track each one's feeding time and amount. We stuck to this until they gradually went longer and longer between feeds overnight. (which was great for me at the time as I would get up out of bed at 2am, and go lay on the sofa waiting for one to wake up!!) They slept through the night for the first time in mid-July, so at 4.5 months they did.

Once they were consistent with sleeping all night, we stopped the shifts and started them on a night time routine that we still follow today. Being consistent from such a young age has really helped in my opinion. That, and the book "happy sleep habits, healthy child" by Marc Weisbluth. It has made me a firm believer in how vital sleep is, and how the lack of it can really affect every aspect of their awake time.

So that is the end of my tale. :hi:
[/SIZE]

 

Ok, I guess I will post my thoughts to this subject. I waited a while to do this because I don't want to scare any new mommies or expecting moms off. BUT, I need to say that having twins is and will continue to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

My twins are my #2 and #3. My first had colic for 3 months every night from 5-11pm. He would cry and cry and cry. He also had a milk allergy and actually was on Neocate (the more elemental formula you can get for a $40 a can!), and he never took to bfing either. All this while I was recovering from my first c-section and it was a very painful recovery. I also continued to work. I decided to start a Masters program that ran one weekend a month for 2 years straight. At the same time, I went through infertility and finally did fertility treatments for an entire year while raising my oldest. I even gave myself my own shots! I got pregnant the twins and continued to work til 36 weeks, went to school and stayed with my oldest with minimal help from my DH.

So needless to say, I thought it would be difficult with twins but it was far and away worse than I had imagined. I remember the first fews days in the hospital being my favorite days. I slept well (with Ambien!) and my second c-section went much better as I planned my recovery and pain management ahead of time. The babies were so good in the hospital. They bf well and they supplemented at night. It was great.

Then I went home and the year that I refer to as he!! began. I had very little help. My DH was laid off for 4 months and just got a job 1.5 months before I gave birth. Needless to say, he had no vacation or personal time other than on the twins' birth day and I was left alone for the first three months I was off from work. My mom and sister occasionally came over and took my oldest out. My sils came over and took my oldest out too. At least he was never upset about the twins getting a lot of attention. He had a lot of attention those first three months. But I was left at home. I was sad and lonely. The bfing ended up getting worse. My milk never came in and Patrick (who was low birth weight compared to Kevin) was crying all the time because he was soooo hungry. He was not gaining weight. So I switched to formula. It took a while to get that under control as Patrick had reflux and was sick all the time. Later on, we discovered that Kevin had it too; he was just less vocal about it. Patrick cried unless he was eating off and on for 2 months! It was unbearable. I thought I could handle it because of John's colic but all day every day really got to me. At about 2.5 months, he subsided and things seemed to be getting better. They both started sleeping at night and the nap thing, well that took longer. However, as soon as I started getting the nap thing down, Kevin suddenly reared his ugly head. By 4.5 months, he was crying off and on all day long unless you were holding him. I had returned to work and DH was responsible for them at night. They cried for bottles and during baths. It was never ending.

At about 6 months old, my DH got laid off again. He was off for 4 months! And during that time, he held Kevin so much in order to keep him from crying that Kev developed a horrible case of separation anxiety that we are still battling. I have found that both of my twins are better for DH, my mom, my sister, even the babysitter, everyone else except me. They usually cry and whine and moan around me most days. I still love them though but it is very taxing on the mind. They do laugh and have fun but I have noticed that they tend to feed off the each other and whatever emotions each other are having.

I never would have gotten through any of this if it was not for my oldest DS. He is my buddy, helper and cuddly bear. He has been patient and understanding with me and his brothers. He loves them and hugs them and tells them everything is going to be ok. When I want to cry because the day is going so bad, I look at him and realize that he needs his strong mommy. He (and the twins) needs to know that I am going to love, take care of him, provide and protect him no matter what is thrown at me. My mom, my Dh and my sister have been constants in my life and very patient with me. My temper has been short and my patience is thin these days and so I thank them all for not leaving me. I know I have not been the most wonderful person to me around.

I have managed to finally finish my coursework for my Master's and continued to work. Next year I am working full time as a teacher. I still think that raising the twins is harder than all the others things I have accomplished in my life. I still am extremely grateful for them and I would not change a thing about them, even though I have way more gray hairs to show for living with them this year! I know my story is not that positive. But I wanted people to know that there are cases where it is not always wonderful. But that's ok. You will get through it. I am living proof of that. B) :love0028: :umm: :crazy: 8P

 

The twins were my firsts. I just knew it was going to be a breeze, babies are easy, right? WRONG. I was so completely WRONG.

The C-section was a mess. Why would anyone have an elected c-section? I just don't understand why you wouldn't want a vaginal delivery, and opt for majoy surgery! Sure the pain goes away, but not quickly... it took me about a month to get back to my usual self. 2 weeks after it was easier to get around, but I was still sore. Taking care of two babies, and being sore and hard to get around, is HARD.

Help:
I had a hard time accepting actual help for the babies as well. I would rather someone come over, with a lunch plate, or volunteer to do something around the house. That was what I needed help for.

PPD:
I didn't have PPD. Atleast I don't think I did. I did have my bouts with unexplained crying, and getting very nervous, very easily. I suffered from and anxiety/panic attack when the boys were about 10 months old and was put on Paxil for it. It helped VERY much.

Sleep:
What's sleep? Ha Ha. There was no napping when they napped. When you finally got them both down at the same time, one would wake up! It was merely impossible. My guys didn't sleep through until 4 months, and still sometimes woke up once a night for something to drink.

Schedules:
VERY good idea. I had my guys on one by 4 months. We did the same routine, and I tried to keep a schedule, but they don't really start getting it until 4 months. It is good to keep them in a routine, it keeps babies happier. We did feedings every 2.5-3 hours for the first 4 months. Then at 4 months, they went to eating every 4 hours.

Reflux:
One of my twins had it. IT was horrible! He would start his fits at 5 PM everyday. It would sometimes last for hours! During the day he wasn't as bad, but they say it is worse at night. They were right, whoever said it, LOL. During the day, he wouldn't eat real good, we had to hold his tongue down, and put the bottle in. It was hard. Then, after a bottle, he would spit it right back up. He would sometimes arch his back, scream... he was in pain a lot. He was on Zantac and Reglan, and that did seem to help some, but not completely. What really worked, (and was much cheaper) was to put mylicon (or the off brand) in each and every bottle. That helped with gas. My MIL (when she was alive) use to say the best cure for colic or reflux was to boil an onion in water, and give them an ounce of two of it in a bottle, once it had cooled off. She said boiling it in tea worked just as well. I never tried it, but I seldom wonder if it really worked. Her daughter's (my SIL's) swear by it. Jack's reflux got better at around 6 months. It is nearly non-exsistent now.

I remember there was one night, when he got choked, and we thought we were going to lose him. We called for an ambulance... he was blue and purple... we finally got the spit up out of his throat, and he began breathing again. IT was horrible. Talk about the scariest moment of my life.

CIO:
I haven't had to use it. I would have, if I had to, but I didn't. My guys were pretty good sleepers.

Naps:
I didn't really have a set schedule for naps in the beginning. I just let them sleep whenever they slept. That was easier. They knew what they wanted, I didn't, LOL I went by their cues. Usually, they would nap 2 hours after their last nap.

 

Not too much to add to the previous posts but one thing that I did that save me some precious minutes was give them bottles cold. We messed around with warming bottles for the 1st 3 weeks using a bottle warmer (waste of $40) and just putting them in warm water from the faucet, etc, etc but it always seemed to take 5 minutes or so each bottle and if you multiply that by 16 bottles a day...well, it adds up. I had help the 1st 2 weeks (my husband, then my mom) then I was on my own. I think it was sometime in the 3rd week when one baby was screaming bloody murder for her bottle that I popped it out of the fridge and in her mouth and never looked back. Luckily, our two have never had problems with reflux or colic and took right to the cold bottles. Our entire family, except for my SIL (who just spent 2 weeks fighting with her 1 year old to go to cold milk) though I was a MEAN MOMMY but I didn't care; I was happy and my girls were happy and that's what counted! Occasionally I will still give them bottles warm so they are versatile kids - they take their bottles cold, room temperature, and warm. This way when were out and about I don't have to worry about getting the "perfect" temperature.

Also, for a time we have our babies on 2 different sized nipples do to an over enthusiastic suck of one. The sizes on the Avent nipples are hard enough to read in full light at 2pm much less in semi-darkness at 2 am so we ended up putting colored rubberbands around one baby's bottles to more easily tell them apart.

I highly recommend getting a stroller that car seats fit into (we have the Graco DuoGlider). It helps when you want to escape from your house (I didn't leave my house for 12 straight days one time during my maternity leave - it was cold and when DH was home from work in the evenings I wanted to get in a nap, not shopping!) so you can leave your (hopefully) sleeping baby in their car seat to transition them to the stroller and into the store - priceless!

Other than occasional weekend visitors we did not have help - we highly recommend working in "shifts". One of us would do early shift (say 10pm - 2 am) and the other got late shift (2 am til 6 am). Once I stopped pumping it guaranteed me 4 straight hours of sleep - an unbelievable feeling!

 

Night feedings (this is me taking it one thing at a time again ):

Contrary to what a lot of people do, DH and I both got up for every feeding. He would have been willing to do it on his own, but I hated the thought of being up by myself in the middle of the night and trying to feed two screaming babies. Plus, I never (by nature) sleep more than 2 hours straight anyway. And there's no way I could have really slept through a feeding without the aid of sleeping pills (I did take Ambien when our night nanny came!).

So we took shifts, for everything except the actual feeding. Here's an example:
7pm: Feeding
7:45: DH gets Sarah to sleep and dives into bed. It takes me till 8 to get Amy to sleep, after which I empty the dishwasher and make sure the bottles are ready (in the fridge) for the next feeding. Then I eat something, check on both girls, and lie down on the couch (the girls were sleeping in the dining room, in bouncy seats).
8:15-9:30: I sleep (if I don't have insomnia).
9:30: Amy wakes and starts to squirm. I carry her back to the couch, prop her carefully on my lap, and she goes back to sleep. I doze.
10:00: Amy gets really insistent about being fed. I put her down (screaming now), start the bottles warming, and go wake DH. Then I change Amy's diaper while DH wakes (if necessary) changes Sarah. Then we each feed one baby and rock her back to sleep.
10:45: I get Amy to sleep and dive into bed, while DH does the same sort of tidying and prep work that I did at 7:45. Then he lies down on the couch.

Repeat every 3 hours, with parents switching places each time.

After the first few weeks (when things were not nearly this organized), if we considered it to be "night" from about 7pm to 9am, we were able to get 5-6 hours of sleep (total -- in 2 or 3 increments) on a good night. On a bad night, it was more like 3-4 hours total.

I highly recommend a night nanny if at all possible. Yes it is weird to have someone in your house, but you will not care if it means you can sleep (even if you have to get up to pump or nurse).

One other thing that helped for us was having a sense of humor, even in the middle of the night. When both babies were screaming, DH would pretend to be an orchestra conductor. Whenever I went to Target, I bought a new pair of silly socks to wear at night. We printed out the lyrics to Christmas carols (the babies were born in November) and tried to memorize the words. Anything you can do to keep your spirits up!

 

My babies are only just going on 7 months, but sometimes I feel like it's been 7 years! But that's only on bad days. And the bad days are so few and far in between now. And to think, I did IVF....so I did this to myself on purpose! And I had no help either. Everyone is filled with good intentions before the little ones get there.

Anyway, what everyone said previously is spot on. And somtimes, just knowing that someone else out there was feeling EXACTLY like you are is comforting. Yes, you will cry. Yes, you will fight with your significant other, Yes, you will be up at 2:00 in the afternoon, still wearing your pj's....from 2 days ago. But only sometimes. On the other hand, sometimes you'll be saying, wow, I feel so much better today, or wow, twin a or twin b slept really well, or didn't fuss so much, etc., etc.

So just hang in there and keep it at the forefront of your brain that the hard stuff does pass. It really does and you'll be just fine. Just know that withhin a couple of weeks, you look back and say to yourself, Whew! I got through it.

Oh, what worked for me as far as getting some form of normalcy in our home. Routine. Whatever routine you want. Start with a morning one and as they get older, start adding more. Our evening routine is the best for us...baths, bundle up and bottles. Even if I don't wash them in the literal sense, their little bodies touch warm water every night at 7:00 p.m. and then a little lavender lotion, p.j.s, their last bottle. This became a ritual by 41/2 months.

Big hugs to you. I remember being at my father's house (about 45 mins away) when they were just 2months old (so we were in the thick of it) and I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to leave the comfort of having people around me. I wanted to cry and say to my dad, please don't make me go back to our house! It really is just sleep deprivation. And when you get that first hit of a 3 or 4 hour (in a row) night of sleep, you will see that normalcy is just sleep time away!

Again, big big big hugs to you......

Oh, yeah, one more thing....one of my twins had colic....GRIPE WATER. Love it. It worked for her.

 

Thanks for this post. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My twins just turned 5 weeks today. Yesterday I thought I was going insane, but I know they are good babies for the most part and we will all be fine. I have taken all the advice in regards to accepting help. The minute someone comes over I make sure they sanitize their hands then I basically hand the babies over, lol
Also having one of my sisters or DH do all the sterilizing is a lifesaver. Something so small seems like the biggest chore to me. I'd much rather breastfeed or bottlefeed a baby then do that darn sterilizing. And we have the easy microwave kind, lol!!

 

I have really tried to forget the first 4 months... they were extremely rough with the usuals...colic because of the reflux, sounding like elephants while they slept so nobody else slept and the seemingly constant pumping. My mom stayed for a week or so after their birth and my husband could only take another week of leave, so things got dicey real quick, I actually called him at work one morning at 0134 so he could hear the screaming that began at 1030 the night before. Plus, my maternity leave was for only 8 weeks and that was with taking 2 extra weeks of leave. Once I had to go back to work it just got ugly...

My husband had to deploy in January and I was on my own...that sort of made me realize that I could do this because I had to. I put everyone on a strict schedule and did not deviate from it. It was a boring 5 months, but they were going right to sleep when I put them down at night and after the first couple of weeks not waking up, they took scheduled naps on the weekends so I could get laundry and chores done and I learned to love my crockpot.

It seemed like I got to the point where I knew things were getting better but the overall thoughts are:

CIO - you just gotta do it or you won't sleep at all.
Schedules - be rigid about them and if you do have help and you are paying for it, MAKE them do what YOU are paying them to do.
Sleep - do it and don't feel bad about it.

We don't have any family within 8 hours of here, so buying my mother a plane ticket to come out for a week was the best money I have spent, ever. I learned to not be scared to ask her to fly out from California if I needed her here.

Don't worry, things get better and you'll look back and realize just what you made it through - with or without someone there with you.

 

I loved reading the replies it made me see how wonderful i actually have it. My babies have been so good for me. Savannah had gas pretty bad for like one week but after some gripe water and gas drops she is a new baby. They both sleep very well at night. They are 12 weeks today and i want to stop time and make them stay this small forever. Then i snap out of and say i better not say that because i long for the day to hear mommy i love you and i know that is coming one day!
I have to say that we have done this all on our own and i would not have it any other way. It truely has not been bad to me at all. I was prepared to have a colicky baby, one that never slept, me PPD, bad c-section( the section and first few days in the hospital were not fun but not horrible) and in fact it turned to be the compete opposite and i am thankful. It is more enjoyable than i ever imagined and having these two little lives gets better and better everyday.
So the day for them to sleep all night is coming i see and that is what i look forward to the most, all night sleep. This post made me see that having them in the PnP is ok, and how i do things works for me so that is fine. I will stop second guessing myself now. LOL... Thanks for the uplift and to the new mommies, i hope your experience is as wonderful as mine because i can say that i would take twins anyday. One pregnancy, B/G twins and we are done and they are such a joy. I feel blessed because we were doing IVF one last time and go two babies so now they always have each other.
Oh and i returned to work full time last monday and with my mom caring for them that has went well too. LOL... Good luck everyone!

 

QUOTE(Stellaluna @ Jun 16 2007, 08:41 PM) [snapback]295228[/snapback]
[SIZE=14pt]There has been *awesome* advice given in all the PP's.

I just want to add a story of how we (my DH and I) did it with NO help from anyone. (so anyone else out there in a similar situation will know that it CAN be done!!)
:huh: Really.

Once both our boys were home from the hospital (2 weeks for Colin, 3 for Ryan) we quickly realized just how overwhelming this was going to be. I was nursing, pumping and we were supplementing with formula at first. Well, the lack of sleep and stress from the situation soon decreased my supply to the point it was just killing me to see how little was in each bottle after pumping. :cray: Which only made me feel worse in addition to everything else going on.

My parents live in FL, my husband's lived in NH. My IL's came up to see them when they were still in the hospital, and would visit for a few hours every other week or so after they were home. My parents did not see them until they were 3 months old, when they visited for a week.

Outside of those (rare) times, it was just me and DH. The only way (I now believe in retrospect) we made it was by doing shifts. Once DH returned to work, we decided to do this so that each of us would get a solid 6 hour break and sleep.
So, my break was from 8 pm-2am, and his was from 2am-8am. (his work hours were 9-6). Even with that time, it was still hard, but getting some sleep made ALL the difference.
I was not one of those that could "nap when they nap" as I was always on edge waiting for one or the other to start fussing and need something. And my guys were fussy, like tag-teamers from the beginning.

They came home from the hospital on a 3-hour feeding schedule and that is what I kept them on. I made some schedules on MS word to track each one's feeding time and amount. We stuck to this until they gradually went longer and longer between feeds overnight. (which was great for me at the time as I would get up out of bed at 2am, and go lay on the sofa waiting for one to wake up!!) They slept through the night for the first time in mid-July, so at 4.5 months they did.

Once they were consistent with sleeping all night, we stopped the shifts and started them on a night time routine that we still follow today. Being consistent from such a young age has really helped in my opinion. That, and the book "happy sleep habits, healthy child" by Marc Weisbluth. It has made me a firm believer in how vital sleep is, and how the lack of it can really affect every aspect of their awake time.

So that is the end of my tale. :hi:
[/SIZE]

 

Hi Stellaluna,
Just wanted to know what kind of sleep strategy you used and when you started to use it. I have 8 week old twin boys, and I don't know when to start easing up on the soothing before bedtime and start a technique that will enable them to fall asleep somewhat on their own. Any suggestions? I am new to this website, but find it great to read what people have gone through and commiserate!! Thanks, Naomi

 

So much to say...hmmm...where to start.

If you have a c-section, realize you cannot be super mommy by yourself. The lack of sleep and pain just about sent me over the edge. Make sure DH knows he has to help when he can. I realize work, etc makes things tough, but if you have two of you, it really goes a lot better.

1. Take the help when offered. However, I always made clear that unless I specifically ask for help with the babies, I need help with my house (laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc).

2. "Try" to sleep when they do...I know it's hard. We all have so many other things to do (wash bottles if bottle feeding, pumping if pumping, etc) but do try it every once in a while.

3. I always got up a few minutes before the babies in the morning, just so I could have a few moments to myself. Had to do it for me. Just sit on the porch and drink some coffee...then let the day begin. I also always got myself dressed, face washed, etc, before that first morning wake up. Otherwise, I would have been in the same clothes for days on end.

4. If you choose to breastfeed know that it is hard to do(I had many a breakdown over breastfeeding). I just have weaned off the breast at 8 1/2 months. It was very difficult due to their size, latching problems, engorgement, etc. Talk to a lactation consultation...do it. It will help. I had to use nipple shields in the beginning to help with latching. After about 4 weeks, I finally got a hang of tandem breastfeeding. It takes time, and you should definitely invest in a good twin nursing pillow if this is your goal. Also set up a nursing station. Mine was on the sofa, where I would turn on the tv and keep the phone and a bottle of water handy because those early nursing sessions take forever. I would put both boys to my right on the sofa next to where I was sitting. Put on my nursing pillow. Pick up one son and put him on the pillow and pick up the other and put him on the pillow. Then latch one, and latch the other. That's how I set up things to nurse when by myself. If I needed to burp, I unlatched both, burped one, back on pillow, burp the other, back on pillow, relatch both until done. Like I said, takes practice and come up with what works for you.

5. Having easy to fix or frozen meals will save your life. For me, at least, I didn't have the energy or time to cook but was always starving.

6. Buy enough bottles to rotate out a days worth if bottle feeding or supplementing. Otherwise, you feel like all you do is wash bottles.

7. I spent lots of time in the car driving the boys early on...only way to get them to sleep sometimes. I just did it, and once asleep, brought them in the house in the infant carrier and left them alone. If you move them, you will wake them and all the driving was for nothing.

8. I tried to follow a schedule from the beginning. Feed every 3 hours (and by the time your done, it's almost time to start over). Tried to do a little bit of eat, play, sleep. Of course, early on, they just mainly ate and slept. I'm a firm believer in changing diapers before eating...mine would not settle down well to eat if they were wet or dirty.

9. We worked in a night time routine with bottle (now bottle then dinner), bath, story, and bed and it has worked wonders now. It took a while but now the boys know it's bedtime after their bath, they enjoy their story, and when they hit the crib, they're out.

10. Crying is okay...I did it ALOT. You think you can't do it, but you will. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel about 4 months old. They weren't near as fussy, ate better, slept better, were more interactive...it will happen.

11. If they only sleep in the bouncy, swing, etc...let them. You can move them out of those things later...let them sleep where they will. I don't think any harm will come of it.

12. Learning to clip little baby nails is hard. I knicked Jonas once and I thought he would never stop bleeding. I just say this because it happens and those darned nails are so little and sharp. It will get easier to clip...early on, do it when they are sleeping. Once mine were able to sit in the bebepod chair, I clipped the nails there...now I put them in their highchairs and clip.

13. When my DH would get home, I would get everything ready for the next day. Bottles out and ready(filled with water), formula measured out in those formula dispenser things, pacifiers out in the strategic locations, etc. I would do that then so the next morning I could get up and have everything ready so if one woke up screaming I didn't have to run around trying to get everything ready. I also set up various diaper and play stations. Most every room in my house had diapers, wipes, and a couple of little toys. That way, I didn't have to go searching around for stuff and if I needed to change a diaper, I could do it right then and there.

 

I read all of these and see myself in so many posts!

Our story: C-section, 35 weeks gestation, small babies, one with acid reflux. . .The day we came home from the hospital, the dishwasher broke. Of course being broke with two newborns, we ended up doing dishes by hand (and bottle after bottle after bottle) for about 4 months before we bought a new (used) one. Of course, a month after being home, our washing machine broke as well, so we couldn't do laundry!

I never asked for help. Looking back, I realize that I probably should have. I do ask for it now, but mostly to my sister who will take them for a weekend. Maybe if I ask for it more, I could get some housework done!

People always ask, "How do you do it?" I explain to them that I have my priorities set. Kids and animals first, then my husband, then myself, then chores and grocery shopping. I make sure that I take time every day to just sit and crochet (my frustration outlet) after they go to bed.

In my opinion, the hardest part is that my husband and I work different shifts in order to be with them as much as possible. Which means that I don't get to see my best friend but Friday nights and Saturday and a little bit on Sunday. Sure they cost a lot of $$, diapers, formula, babysitting, food, clothes (since they are *really* long) but we're making it. Although sometimes I'm not sure what "it" is.

 

This is a great post--I wish I had read it before my babies were born.

It's hard. Here are some of my experiences and what I wish I had known at the time.

The first six weeks were incredibly hard. I had an unexpected c-section after 16 hours of labor. The c-section was not as bad as I thought it would be, honestly. I would never want to get one, but I'm glad that they're available, and I had a terrific OB.

My DD had a bad latch from the very beginning. They both lost weight after birth because my milk didn't fully come in for almost two weeks, from exhaustion. One of the pain medications--I didn't figure it out for almost two weeks--kept me from sleeping except for a few minutes at a time. I was more tired than I ever remember being before.

After trying and trying to get them to gain weight, I finally started supplementing them with formula. I am happy for this choice (not really a choice at the time) because I knew they were getting the antibodies they needed, and the pressure was lifted from me always worrying about them starving. I continue to mostly breastfeed with some supplementing. It's sort of a middle of the road option, and it can work. However, I felt terribly guilty at first because I was really committed to breastfeeding (and I still am). The EZ-2 nurse pillow has helped with nursing and bottle feedings.

My advice: Find what works for you with feeding, and don't feel guilty if you have to adjust your plans.

When my milk came in, I was feeding my DD one day, and thought she fell asleep. I pulled her off the breast, and looked down at her. She was blue and not breathing. Thankfully a nurse friend was staying with me, and she got her started. After a night in the hospital and a number of tests, a nightmarish couple of weeks with a monitor started. It was an older model, and it would go off with a piercingly loud sound when I changed her/burped her/fed her/picked her up/put her down. This drove my DS insane, and he started wanting to feed constantly. I wanted to feed on demand, so I let him feed until I was cracked and bleeding. An older breastfeeding mom finally told me that it was okay to comfort him with things other than feeding.

My advice: find an older, experienced mom or two you can talk to (here and in real life if at all possible). And use common sense.

During the first few weeks, accept and ask for as much help as you need. People love to see the babies, and often are willing to bring food, help with a chore, etc. People at our church brought us food for almost a month. Sometimes people would stay and watch the babies to give me a chance for a shower, or do something I wasn't allowed to do with the c-section. A few precious people stayed overnight and watched the babies between feedings so that we could get a good night's sleep.

My advice: accept (even ask or beg for) help.

After those first few weeks, things got much easier. From the beginning, my DH has been completely on board with me, helping with feedings in the middle of the night, changing diapers, etc. I would be insane if it weren't for him.

My advice: DH's--help the mama out!!

As far as sleep goes, we've swaddled since the beginning, and still swaddle. We tried to establish calming bedtime routines since the beginning, and we really watch for signs of sleepiness for naps and bedtimes. We're comfortable with some flexibility We've never CIOed, we're not comfortable with the way that is used in some instances. Our kids have been sleeping through the night, with tiny blips for their first cold and teething, since about three months old.

My advice: learn your babies' signals, find something that's safe and that works for you and them. It is possible to not CIO for some babies and some families. But I know some babies have more difficulties sleeping than other babies. You just have to find what you're comfortable with and what works best for you and your babies.

I could say a lot more. But as other people have said, take some moments each day and just enjoy your babies. Even in the craziest times, we have some beautiful pictures we took of the kids, and fond memories of them. Hug them, snuggle them, talk with them, play with them. Don't beat yourself up if you're feeling exhausted or weary, but actively try to find moments that help you remember why you love having them. I try to find at least one cute or funny thing to tell my DH about them each day when he gets home. It's so worth it. It could be 10x harder and it still would be worth it.

Random thought to end with: one thing my DH initiated, which has been so special for us, is a journal of our family time (he began it when we first started dating). Even just a sentence or two for something we did together triggers our memories. He has a computer file, and every so often, we'll print it out with pictures and bind it. He just printed out one from when they were a couple weeks old until now. And it's amazing how fast they've grown, and what different little people they are now. So precious!

 

Here are my two cents on surviving the first few months

[SIZE=12pt]Ask for Help[/SIZE]
Get help from anyone and anyone who is willing. DH went back to work two days after we came home from the hospital, and with three kids under two I was a wreck. I had no idea how hard it would be, and silly me I thought I could do it all alone. I ended up in tears crying for my mom to come help me, which she thank god did. You need help in those early weeks, so don't be stubborn like me and try to do it alone unless you have to!

[SIZE=12pt]PPD[/SIZE]
I didn't have it but I had about a good three weeks after the babies came that I cried ALOT, had panic attacks, and wondered how I was going to raise three kids. The feeling went away, but I watched to make sure that my emotions didn't get worse or last really long. Twins are overwhelming, so I think you can expect a rollercoaster ride of feelings in the beginning, but keep an eye on yourself.

[SIZE=12pt]Lean on your spouse[/SIZE]
I leaned on my DH alot in those early weeks for help and support. With my older DS I did everything, but not with the twins. I told my DH I need your help as much as possible or I am going to go crazy. He really chipped in and helped a ton once he realized exactly how hard it is to have twins. Your should be a team with your spouse, and working together is really what helped me make it through the rough times.

[SIZE=12pt]Remember it doesn't last forever[/SIZE]
When your in the thick of the rough times it can feel like the crying/feeding/changing/lack of sleep will never end.....but it will. Things will slowly start to get a little easier, and you will get to know your twins and how to handle them. Before you know it you have time to sit and type something like this because all three of your kids are napping IMO getting on a schedule is key, and once that happens you will get a little "me time" which is so critical to have. In an blink of an eye my older DS went from a baby to a two year old, and all the rough times with him are distant memories. Do whatever you can to get through the tough times, and remember that things will only continue to get easier and more rewarding!!!

 

Our girls were not our first children. We have 2 boys and a girl in the mix as well. But at first while I was pregnant, I had no clue how I was going to do it with two babies. Once they arrived, the mommy in me kicked in full force and took over. Yeah, I had the sleep deprivation, lack of help, and was always trying different routines while going out in public and having to deal with "the world" and their questions. But I enjoy every minute of being a twin mommy, just like with my other 3 babies!

Sleep Deprivation
For sleeping I found that it was just easier for my hubby and I in the beginning to sleep in the same room with our babies. After about three weeks I decided that they needed to be in their own room! I heard every sound and that wore me down waking up at every sound or loud sigh they made. I was out of bed with any kind of cough! So, since our room was connected to their room we made the move. Well they hated the beds and I ended up in the living room with them in their bouncey seats. I let them sleep in those things and switched them to their swings after about 2 weeks and back and forth depending on how long the batteries lasted--lol. Needless to say I started sleeping well with about a 4 to 5 hour stretch every night and I would wake up more alert and able. I would just try it out and if it works then go with it. I did this mainly for my husband since he had a full time job and needed his job.

I did this for about 4 months and then started giving them their naps in their beds during the day. Once they were comfortable with the beds I tried them on the beds at night after about a week. They were sleeping in their own rooms at least half of the night and then before too long one of them was in there all night and then both. They were use to their room at about 5 1/2 months. Then I could sleep good after that. Avarey usually was sleeping all night from 1 month old but it just depended on where she was sleeping. But the major key to getting them to sleep in their rooms for us was the micro fiber blankets that we received at the baby shower. They were big enough to cover their bed mattress and they won't sleep all night with out them. Go figure, I have two more blankey babies!

Lack of Help
I didn't have much help in the beginning. My husband has to work all the time and I have no family here where we live. I still don't but to get through that I made sure that both girls were fed at the same time holding one and propping the other or holding both bottles. I didn't let them cry unless it was absolutely necessary like to change them or bath them. They hated their bath times then but now they love water. Anyway, They ate from the same spoon at every meal once we started solids unless they were sick. I kept one awake for the bath of the other and then vice versa with a paci, or bottle (usually feeding one with a propped bottle while the other was in the tub) and switch. This made bed time go so fast! Because once they were fed it was just laying them down for bed and they were out like lights. Most of the time though I would feed one and then immediately the other change both and then put them down for their naps or let them play etc. But on those rare occasions I would feed both at the same time by myself. As they got older and they were holding their own bottles or cups they have been easier to maintain. I can bathe both at the same time now At 10 months old. All meals are easier because I don't have to make two bottles, warm them, grab a spoon and mix this nasty concoction that doesn't look like let alone smell like food, get them into their seats, and hassle with their clothes or bibs ( I have never really used them but maybe two times ). Now I can make them a plate of whatever we are eating and they are doing well! We haven't found any food that cause reactions except the juices so far. They won't get any more juices for a while.

Going out in Public
This was always a major concern but I have managed to master this obsticle with confidence. I plan ahead and get things ready usually within the week of the trip out of the house. I never realized how much I love organization until after our girls were born. I LOVE ORGANIZATION! I can't stress how important it is to be organized for your trips out of the house! I always pack the diaper bag the day or night before I have to be out of the house. I make my check lists the week before and check them off that night as I finish things.

Car seats, stroller, toys, diaper bag (2 extra outfits per child, at least a days wroth of diapers just incase, bottles, powdered formula for bottle feeding, or portable breast pump, 2 extra blankets, 2 bibs, socks, mits, pacifiers, cereal, measuring utensils for cereal, spoons, baby wipes, medications, sirynges, hair barretts, hats, etc.) Once you have the essentials in the diaper bag don't forget your cell phone if you carry one. Oh and you don't want to forget a few of those little mini trash bags for the nasty diapers. There is a dispencer that holds a tube of bags rolled up and it is great for on the road changes. just take one bag for two diapers! It's about $4.00 at Wal-mart and extra rolls of bags are 3 for $4.00 or so. I think that each roll is about 36 bags or so.

You know how sometimes it is great to have two of everything? Well, using one set on the road and leaving one at home is a great use for this. I pack a toy bag for trips. All of their favorite toys that fit in a small bag maybe the size of a small purse. My kids are not allowed to eat in the car unless we have to be on a longer trip than normal. Milk smells horrible after it has been spilled in between the seats!

Getting ready for questions
I usually get the "you got your hands full don't you" and I am always ready to shock them and so I say (if I have all three girls), "Well, I have 2 other sons and would love to have more kids". That usually gets me the "your crazy look" and they leave me alone. I have actually gotten to the point where I don't even look at people unless I know them. I just keep going and getting what I need without stopping. Someone has to litterally get in front of me to get me to talk. I don't do this out of meanness but I am just trying to keep from hitting someone for the next stupid comment--lol. And believe me you will hear a lot of strange comments. So get prepared. Our girls are fraternal and they look nothing alike but I always get "Are they twins" "how far apart are they" or the most annoying while they are WEARING pink! "Are they boys are girls". So being prepared can help you keep your cool on the road.

There are many other things that can help you in the raising of twins but you will never be prepared for it until you are actually living it! No book on the planet is going to prepare you for taking care of twins! You can only experience it first hand and either enjoy it or deal with it. The only manual I follow to raise my kids is the Bible. No self help book will ever do it for me. But I hope that this helps someone in some way!

Lots of love and prayers to you new mommies!
Meshell

 

Well, we aren't completely out of the woods yet (my twins just turned 3 months) but we are through the sheer **** that was the first 10 weeks!!

Stories of sheer exhaustion:
DH and I were hallucinating during the first month. One night I put my heating pad wrapped up in a burp cloth on the nightstand. In the middle of the night I opened my eyes and saw this bundle on the nightstand and thought to myself, "Why the **** is there a baby on the nightstand?!" I was completely freaked out. But I was SO EXHAUSTED, that even though this bundle was no more than 2 feet away from me, I could not move. I made my husband get up and go over to see why this "child" was there. Oh -- and the babies were next to me in the co-sleeper at the time so it was clear that neither baby was on the table. Yeesh.

Colic solutions:
Oy. It WILL get better with time. Keep loving your child through it -- try to smile at them every once in a while, even when you want to throttle them. Also -- this demonic little child can turn into a sweetheart -- my daughter had colic and is now a smiling, cooing, giggling and (for the most part) happy little girl.

reflux solutions:
Prevacid.

feeding solutions:
Two boppies, propped bottles. This always works for us when they both need to eat.

PPD stories:
I am going through it now, actually. Right after the babies were home I had the baby blues for about a week and a half, and one day it just went away. I had a good couple of months mood-wise after that, but now it is back but a little different. With the baby blues it was utter and complete depression. REALLY bad, but short term. I didn't want to have the babies, I didn't want to be a mom, I thought my life was over. Now, I have different feelings. I am short-tempered, feel hopeless, feel like a bad mother -- not all the time, but when I do I fall apart. I am going on anti-depressants and am confident that things will get better.

Off to bed now! Hang in there!!!!! It's the hardest thing I have ever done but I am so incredibly in love with my children. It gets soooooo much better!!

--Meredith

 

The first few weeks and months with twins were easily the hardest in my entire life, but also the most rewarding.

SLEEP:
Sleep whenever they do. Even if it is in the middle of the day and there are 10 people at your house, sleep. I got to the point where I would ask our neighbor lady to come over and sit for a few hours just so I could sleep. It made a huge difference in my outlook on everything. It really helped me to get 4 or 5 hours in a row. Even if it wasn't at night if there was someone else to help with a feeding so I could sleep through it those few hours made a huge difference.

TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF:
Be sure you remember to take care of yourself. This means trying to get a shower every couple of days, brushing your teeth, combing your hair, putting on deoderant and washing your face. It's amazing how you forget to do these basic things when you have 2 babies to take care of. Sometimes brushing your teeth can be the best feeling in the world. Remember to eat. This was really hard for me since I always felt like I needed to be doing something for the babies. Have people bring you EASY food. Things you can microwave or just warm up quick in the oven. I cooked a lot of meals and froze them before the babies were born, I wish I had done more. Tip the pizza guy well and once they get to know you it's amazing the nice little things they will do for you.

FEEDING BABIES:
I tried breastfeeding. I was bf'ing and pumping and I quickly realized that it was not going to work for us. It was hard for me to let go of that dream, but in the end it ended up being the best choice I could have made. My PPD got a ton better, my boys finally started gaining weight, it was easier to get help for feedings and our schedule became much easier to handle. They ate every 3 hours for the first 4 weeks and then every 4 hours for the next couple months. By 3-4 months old they were eating every 4-5 hours during the day. My boys had slight reflux and we started putting rice cereal in their bottles at 2 1/2 months. This made them constipated so we quickly changed to oatmeal. My boys still (at 9 months) get oatmeal in their bedtime bottles. It made for much happier babies and less spit rags to wash. We had a lot of luck with the playtex drop ins. Super easy and less to wash. We used the slow flow nipples for the first 6 months or so and then switched to medium flow. At 9 months the fast are still just too fast for my little guys. We use the tri-cut nipples for the cereal bottles (I did have to make the slits a tiny bit bigger). 2 boppies are essential for doing feedings by myself.

SLEEPING BABIES:
The boys slept okay at first. They were in our room in a pack and play together and we learned pretty quickly that it wasn't going to work for us. They didn't sleep well there and we didn't sleep well either. At 2 weeks old they moved into a shared crib in their nursery. I could actually see them when I was laying in our bed so I was okay with that. We all slept better then. They would go for about 4 hour stretches at night from the start. By 3 months they were waking each other up in the night and they moved into their own cribs. This actually helped and they started sleeping for a 6-7 hour stretch at night which was great since I went back to work at the same time. By 7 months they were sleeping for a 9-10 hour stretch at night (which they still do at 9 months) which means DH and I finally got back onto a regular sleep schedule. I had nights where one or both babies slept in the bed with us and I had nights where I really didn't want them in there. I was afraid to try CIO for a long time since I was convinced they would wake each other up. I finally broke down and tried it when they were about 8 months and it has made a HUGE improvement in the quality and quantity of our sleep. Thye are both champs at laying down sleepy and falling asleep on their own now which makes for a very happy mommy.


PPD:
Mine was horrible at first. I was panicky about everything and was so sleep deprived and upset about bf'ing that I didn't know what to do. I cried a lot and DH had a really hard time dealing with me. I finally realized (after speaking with my Aunt who is a psychologist) that a lot of my problem came from my fear that something was going to be really wrong with them since they weren't gaining weight which fed back into my struggles with breastfeeding. She was the first person that told me it was okay to let go and that I wouldn't be a bad mom if my plan changed. That helped me a lot, realizing that I was no longer in total control. Letting go of the control and realizing that to be a good mom I had to feel okay was what really helped me get through it. By about 6 weeks pp I was feeling pretty good.

HELP:
Get as much as you can and don't turn any down. My MIL stayed with us the first few days which was great to have someone else there at night. Then my 16 year old cousin came everyday for a month and did my laundry, dishes and general picking up around the house. My mom came a lot just to hold babies so I could get some sleep. My aunts came and helped with the babies in the same way. Family and friends from church brought us quite a few meals. Whenever anyone called I always asked if they could pick up a box of wipes/pack of diapers/bottle liners/gallon of milk/loaf of bread etc. It helped so that I didn't have to run to the store as much.

GETTING OUT:
Since my boys were born in the summer it was easy to get outside for walks. We went for one almost every afternoon. We also went to Target a lot just so I could get out of the house. It was good for me to do that. It got me used to the questions people ask and I learned really quickly how to keep people from touching the babies. I also became really comfortable taking them both out by myself. It was easier then than it is now that they are older!

THIS TOO SHALL PASS:
I kept repeating this to myself the first few weeks. Every time we thought we had something figured out, it would change. It does change as they get older. Certain things get easier, they start sleeping better, eating better, becoming more interactive and eventually they'll say mama and it will make your heart melt. All things change you just have to figure out how to go with the flow and follow their lead and ypu'll survive just fine.

 

I reached out to the helpful and understanding TS members during my first few weeks of twin motherhood and found a great deal of support here. In keeping with that spirit, here is my post of my story, what I learned, what helped me.

PPD story:
My boys were delivered at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia. They had great weights and were very healthy with apgars of 9. I didn't fare so well. I was under observation for bleeding too much and they talked about taking me back into surgery to try to seal up the incision again and also talked about a blood transfusion. About 24 hours later my platelets were a little higher and the bleeding was much better. My blood pressure remained a concern until 4d pp and on that day the doctors sent me home from the hospital. The next night I started convulsing and my bp was up to 196/102. I was readmitted back into the hospital the next day with HELLP Syndrome and that was where I spent the next 4 days. I had to stay on bp medication and rest a lot for about 2 months after.

What I learned from my early PP days:
1. Those PP belts can be comfy and really help support the belly and bring down the size of the belly BUT I wore it against my skin and got a terrible rash!
2. I had nothing really comfortable to wear and the hospital gowns weren't working for me. Next time, if there is one, I'll plan ahead and have some of my own nightgowns.
3. Visitors in those early days are HARD!!! I was bleeding a lot and spent a great deal of time topless for breastfeeding.
4. IT IS POSSIBLE TO HAVE PRE-E GET WORSE AFTER DELIVERY!! This happened to me but it was a big ordeal being taken seriously enough to be seen by a doctor that didn't dismiss this since the first doctor I saw believed that delivery always cured pre-e.
5. Stay in the hospital as long as you can and make sure everything is 100% before going home. One bp reading is not enough to determine a trend.

Breastfeeding:
I wanted so badly to exclusively breastfeed. I didn't know that spending a minimum of 2/3 of my time would be the requirement for my babies and that it still wouldn't be enough to give my boys what they needed. They both had difficulty sucking enough milk out of me as they never seemed to empty my breasts but weren't getting enough. They did much better with the bottle. Dh and my mom were also able to lend some better help with bottle-feeding. I'm still working on the guilt, but as I look back I just don't see any other choice I could have made without putting my babies through a difficult very hungry time.

What I learned:
1. If you plan to bf, have your EZ2 pillow with you at the hospital.
2. Visitors in those early days are tough (I said it before and will continue to say it). They interfere with your ability to eat, sleep, and nurse your babies.
3. Don't be so hard on yourself. Take care of yourself and your babies by whatever means you can.

Feedings:
For breastfeeding I loved the EZ2 Twins pillow.
For bottle-feeding I put each in a boppy and then tandem fed that way while pumping hands-free at the same time.
For pumping hands-free I just bought several cheap nursing bras and tucked the breast shields into the triangle flaps over my breasts and they were held in place - cheaper than a "fancy" hands-free bra meant for that purpose.
When the boys were a little bigger, I bought some bottle-holders (Elephant Ears at Amazon) and used those for the morning feeding while the boys were in boppies. This allowed me to have a little breakfast and get myself going for the day.

Help:
I didn't have much of it and I'm still recovering from a lot of the "help" I received. Don't let people put things away for you without your supervision. Otherwise you'll be looking for things for many months to come. Help would have been more helpful if they had done actual cleaning instead of tidying (like mopping floors, dusting, etc.). Help would have been more helpful if I had someone to help me eat and get me glasses of water. Some days I would go the entire day without food or water. Also, having help come meant that I didn't get sleep during sleep opportunities. I felt I had to "visit" and that I wasn't really getting help.

Most of all:

All babies are different, you are different, and you know your babies best. Go with your instincts. You were chose to be a twin parent because you would be good at it!

 

I did not enjoy the first 6 months but I was lucky in that my twins seemed to take turns in being hard work!

HELP
I had help from my parents for the first 2 weeks and MIL from weeks 3-5 then DH & I were alone for a week and it was sheer misery. It had been pre-arranged, but when the twins were 6 weeks old we packed up and went and stayed with my ILs in their country house 1.5 hours away from where DH & I live. DH stayed as he had to run his business. I stayed with the ILs for 7 weeks and the help was tremendous and took the strain off. MIL looked after one baby and I the other in that time. When we returned home, when the twins were 3 months old, we hired a lady who still comes today. She comes every afternoon Mon-Fri and 2 mornings a week for a couple of hours. I work in that time.

PPD
Im still not 100% sure if I got this but I suspected that I did but I didnt go to see a doctor about it. I didnt know if I had it as I was at the ILs and felt terribly alone and put it down to that. My parents live in the UK and DH was 1.5 hours away and there I was stuck with 2 newborns and going nuts although I was lucky enough to have help from MIL. I didnt have anyone to talk to - no internet and no phone (only my mobile and the bills were HUGE!). Once I was back at home, I still had bad days but I seemed to pull through. Looking back, maybe I should have seen a doctor to talk about my feelings. I still dont know to this day why I didnt go.

SLEEP
What sleep? I was a walking zombie for the first 3 weeks. I was on the go night and day and only got about 3 or 4 hours during the day and hardly any during the night. When MIL arrived she took one look at me and insisted she was going to do the night shifts so I could recuperate. I owe her big time for that as I started to feel human again. DD started going longer stretches at 6 weeks - about 6-7 hours - but DS woke every 3 to 4 hours to feed. By 3 months they were both going 11.30pm-7am and both babies sttn for 12 hours at 4.5 months and it changed everything! Mine have always slept in their cots though DS did occasionally nap in his swing when he was small due to gas.

SCHEDULES
Mine were on a 3-hour routine from the moment they were born. We woke them day and night, as recommended by the hospital doctors, for feeds. At 4 weeks, they moved themselves to 4 hours. We stopped waking them in the night after a week or 2 and let them wake themselves for night feeds but we still woke them for feeds during the day. We continued doing that to about 4 months. I used The Baby Whisperer, by Tracy Hogg, as my guide and it worked wonders. I put mine on an E.A.S.Y routine but was flexible with it and adapted it to their needs.

COLIC & REFLUX
I think both babies had this. DS was bad for the first 6 weeks and would regularly scream in the afternoons and nights for 1-3 hours. I remember one day when he just couldn´t sleep properly and woke every 20 mins screaming. That went on for 12 hours and it was an awful day. DD screamed her way through the days starting from about 5-6 weeks until about 6 months. Her worst time was between 2-5 months. We had both babies tested for reflux and both came back negative. As DD was constantly spitting up, the pedi also had her tested for a milk allergy which was also negative. Turns out she was just a gassy baby. DS went through a rough patch also at around 4-5 months of being really gassy. Things greatly improved after 6 months and now wind is no longer an issue.

CIO
I´ve never done this basically because I dont feel 100% confident or comfortable about doing it and because I´ve not yet had to do it. When DD was going through her non-stop crying phase I stayed with her, she was in her carry cot, until she cried herself to sleep. Just a few days ago I left DS to CIO during the day and after 30 mins I took him out as I couldnt bear it anymore. He wasnt affected by the experience but I was. I felt awful. However, I´m realistic and havent ruled out the possibility that I may have to do it one day. I am hoping not though!

TIPS & TRICKS
When they were young and cried and cried, I would take DS into a darkened room with no visual stimulation, hold him (as if were going to BF him) and rock/sway forwards and backwards whilst either humming softly or making a "ssssh sssssh" sound. With DD I´d do the same but also jiggle her bottom a little and cover her eyes with her blanky. Both would have their dummies (i.e. pacis) in.

DD went through a phase of not wanting to eat as she was overtired. I would rock her, as described above, with her dummy in then quickly swap the dummy for the bottle. 9 times out of 10 she would drink the whole bottle! I used this technique with DS when he got ill with a throat and ear infection.

When colic got bad, being tummy down helped - either in their cots, under supervision, or in my arms.

When DD cried at being put down, at 3-4 months of age, I´d put her in her brother´s cot or simply turm her the other way (head where her feet used to be). The change of scene used to work. A musical toy also did the trick.

Everyone told me "dont pick them up when they cry otherwise they will get used to being in your arms" Absolute rubbish! I always picked them up and comforted them. There was a stage when I comforted DS in his cot but I always went to him. Today, both are independent sleepers and self-soothers.

DS is an edgy baby and needs to know Im around and will cry out in his sleep during the night. Sometimes I need to go to him, others not. DD is a calm baby and rarely needs me in the night. The main thing is to get to know your babies and know that what may work for one mum may not for another, so trust your instincts as you will often be right!

 

THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALL THE GREAT SUGGESTIONS LADIES-I COPIED AND WILL BE PRINTING FOR FUTURE REFERENCE WHEN MY BABIES ARE HERE! It is so nice to know there are women out there willing to give their time to helping us soon to be "newbies"! THANKS AGAIN!
Dana

 

I am a new mom to fraternal twin girls they just turned 3 months old and so far things have been pretty easy, they were born healthy and at a great weight, the first 2 months sleep was a little hard they woke up every 2 -2.5 hours to eat but would immediatly go right back to sleep, right before they turned 3 months they started sleeping through the night they go to bed at 10pm and wake up for a 6 am feeding then go back to bed till i wake them up at 8 am. They were both born with reflux but after reading the other posts i guess its a different kind of reflux, b/c they wouldnt refuse food they would eat fine but after they would eat they would asperate the formula and start choking to wear they couldnt breathe and i would have to litterally beat them on there backs to get them to breath agian ( very scary) but recently the doc put them on prevacid and i love it!!! They are sleeping in there own cribs and instead of choking 3-4 times a day they are choking maybe 2-3 times a week. Im hoping they will grow out of it.
My girls dont act like they even now the other is there every mother of twins i have talked to they have said there twins needed each other and acted nervous if seperated my twins dont seem to even notice if you seperate them any body else have that problem? im a little worried about it so advice on that situation would be great!




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What is CIO?

 

It's shorthand for CIO. One of several forms of helping teach your baby/babies how to self soothe/get to sleep on their own