Sudden onset of Separation Anxiety and Tantrums

i am new to this forum and thank goodness i found it!!! i have 3 yr old girls (my only children) and we are going through the "normal" behavioral issues, but our situation is very unique now. i tried to put a brief description of my story in my signature, so hopefully you can see it and will get the idea of my condition.

it has been almost 6 months since my injury and things still are quite back to normal yet. since we got back from my 2 week stay in the hospital (back in december), my daughter Rianne has become very clingy to me....always wants me to do this, that, and the other (not dad). my other daughter, Reilly, is very carefree and luckily doesn't mind all the attention i give to Rianne. but recently, i started driving again, which happened to be after they were home with me (and help) for the week of spring break. when i started driving them to school again, Rianne started with..."i want to stay with you, don't go mommy, i don't feel good, i want to go home". she was always so excited to go to preschool, so i was taken off-guard when it started. on top of that, now whenever i leave them with my parents or my husband's she FREAKS OUT (Reilly of course has no problem)...crying, screaming, and kicking, to say the least. to the point where i am almost in tears myself and don't want to go, but know that i need to. her fits gets so bad sometimes that she gets into terrible tantrums...throwing toys, pushing over chairs, etc. these fits usually only last about 1-20 minutes and then she is fine.

but i am concerned about it, nonetheless. our family has been through ALOT, and we are all still trying to adjust. so i don't know if what she is going through is still a residual effect of "our" recovery or if this is common for 3 year olds???

any input is appreciated. thanks moms!

rebecca

 

Hi Rebecca,

I don't have any advice for separation anxiety. Mine have been going through it since 9 months and they are now 22 months. I hope some of the other wonderful parents on this sight can give you some suggestions.

Wow, your story is amazing. I cannot imagine the physical and emotional pain you and your family have been through in the last six months. I will say a special prayer for you tonight.

Best of luck!

 

Since they were old enough to remember the accident, could it be post traumatic stress? Does she associate the car with the accident which means she lost you during your recovery and she is afraid of losing you again? If it continues I would suggest having her talk to a therapist who specializes in kids with trauma. Hang in there...you have been so strong!

 

I would have to say this is actually the normal 'phase' at their age w/separation anixety and again this also could affect after having you been in the hospital / physical therapy for some quite time and is afraid to leave your side that could post a traumatic right there with the girls.

FYI: My son went through sep/anxiety from 15 mos to 17 mos but then he gotten better slowly and still has a bit of s/anxiety at times.

Your story is heartbreaking but at the same time you're stronger than ever! We will be praying for you to get through after everything!

D, w/Rianna and Justin (19 mos)

PS. We almost share the same daughter's name! Our daughter's name is spelled 'Rianna' and often time people think it is 'Brianna'. Do you happen to go through that too? I didn't think there would be someone out there almost the same name. Yay!

 

Wow, that is a lot to go through. I'm glad you were able to recover so well from the accident.

Honestly your daughter's clingy-ness could be related to the accident, a normal separation anxiety phase or a combination of both.
It might help to explain and go over with her exactly what will happen, where you will be and when you will be coming back. So for example with going to preschool you could tell her "This morning you and Reilly are going to Preschool. Mommy is going to drop you off and teachers name will look after you. You can play with all your friends. Mommy has to go to the shop and buy some yummy food. Then I will come and pick you up after lunch." Obviously you will have to change the details to fit with your exact situation. You could even ask the teacher to tell you in advance what is planned for the week so you can talk about that with her and try to get her excited about the activities. You can do the same sort of thing when leaving her with your parents or husband; talk about what she will be doing, what you will be doing and exactly when you will be back.
Another thing that might help is leaving something of yours (like a jumper, small bag, non-precious piece of jewellery) with her for her to 'look after' until you get back.
Also (as hard as it is) it's better if you stay calm when she is upset and stick to a short consistent 'routine'. So a hug, kiss, "I love you, and I will be back after _____" and then leave.

Good luck!