Stupid SAHM Comment

I'm going to be a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding next year and this past Saturday I attended her engagement party. There are five bridesmaids including me and we're all between 26 and 28 but we live and work all over the place. Anyway, I was talking to a fellow bm who is finishing up her last year of medical school. After I asked her all about her career in which I actually had no interest whatsoever, she asked what I do. I explained to her that before the boys, I was a junior high school teacher but that I am now staying home with the boys. She had the NERVE to ask me..."so what do you do? change diapers all day?". Can you believe that?! I had so many ugly thoughts going through my mind. When I finally picked my jaw up off the floor, I told her that she as a soon-to-be medical professional should know that taking care of a infant entails far more than changing diapers. I just had no idea how to react to such an ignorant comment. I get so tired of trying to defend my decision to stay home and take care of my children. I CHOSE to do this. I didn't drop out of high school, get knocked up and decide to mooch off of others to survive (not a blow to anyone who did). I have an education, I had a career that I enjoyed at that time, and I am exactly where I want to be in my life. I wish people knew how ridiculous they sound when they bash women for assuming a traditional female role. I've even heard that we as a group are taking a gigantic step backwards for femenism. If I recall correctly, femenism is just as much about the right to CHOOSE as it is equality and I have CHOSEN to temporarily remove myself from the workforce to raise my kids! Ok, sorry to ramble. It just makes me angry.

 

I'm so with you on that one. I am so happy for the decision I made to stay home, and so grateful for my husband who works so hard so I'm able to. Next time someone makes that ignorant a comment, I would offer to have them come over and take care of them for a day and THEN ask you what you do all day!

Reyna

 

I've dealt with that a lot in the past 7, almost 8 years. (Has it been that long? :icon_eek

I find people fall into 3 groups.

Group 1 appreciates SAHMs. They may not what we do all day but they know it's hard work!

They tend to say things like "I could never do that!" or "My mom was a SAHM and she said getting a job was like a vacation!"

Group 2 thinks that SAHMs lounge around all day eating bon bons on the couch while watching soap operas, spending all her husbands hard earned cash on useless internet purchases, or gossiping on the phone with friends while her children play blissfully at her feet or are completely ignored.

They tend to say things like "It must be nice not to have to do anything all day." or "So you don't work?"

Group 3 thinks that SAHMs are wasting their time and that all they do is change diapers and carry screaming babies, which is The Most Awful Thing Ever.

They tend to say "So you just change diapers all day?" or "Ugh, holding a crying baby all day is not for me, but whatever makes you happy. "

I always want to smack the last 2 groups upside the head.

I'm sorry you feel like you have to defend yourself. Unfortunately it comes with the territory of SAHM-hood. <_<

 

Oh for goodness sakes...what an ignorant comment. Is she living in the dark ages? You should reply "well, no...I don't just change diapers...I watch soaps and eat bon bons too duh!"

 

I got a lot of that when I first started staying home. It's so tough to endure that kind of rudeness, especially when your heart is really in it. I'm sorry she treated you that way. Guess a doctorate doesn't come with a certification in tact. She'll have terrific bedside manner, I'm sure. :lol:

I'm tacky. I probably would have asked her if she changed bedpans all day.

 

I havent run into a group of people who are rude yet.. Everyone has been jelous (i know i didnt spell correctly) That i get to stay home with my kids.. I am very grateful that my DH works so very hard to make it so that i dont have to work.. (and i get to go shopping... which i would do anyways.. just on the weekends..)
It wouldnt be possible without his parents house though...

I dislike rude people and i hate it when they talk about things that they dont know about..
Like when nurses say are they ID? Uhhh hello.. b/g twins...

 

Wow, I can't believe that she said that! I am a working mom and know that the SAHM actually has a million more duties than any profession out there!!!

One of my very good friends is planning to quit her job soon. After the long Thanksgiving weekend, she and her DH were dreading Monday as usual. BUT, then he said: "Oh, but you'll soon not have to worry about Mondays anymore... you'll be on permanent vacation!" And he wasn't kidding around or joking.

WOW. I'm getting ready to clear many lunches for her when she does become a SAHM and needs to vent!!!

I'm glad that you said something back to that bridesmaid - and I'm sure you thought of plenty more to say after the situation passed.

 

Ok, I'm not sure if TS allows jokes, but I got this in my email box a few weeks ago and it is completely appropriate for this string:
Enjoy!

A father came home and found his three children were outside, still in
their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon , and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor,a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand
was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.

Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

 

QUOTE(Her Royal Jennyness @ Nov 26 2007, 11:26 PM) [snapback]510104[/snapback]
Group 2 thinks that SAHMs lounge around all day eating bon bons on the couch while watching soap operas, spending all her husbands hard earned cash on useless internet purchases, or gossiping on the phone with friends while her children play blissfully at her feet or are completely ignored.

That's what I do all day. :rofl: People just don't have a clue!

 

My standard response is:

"I sit on the couch while Nolan feeds me bon-bons, Meghan rubs my feet and Liam fans me"



I have been on both sides of the equation. I worked until the twins were two and now I stay home. Believe me, one is not easier than the other. There are days when I wish I was sitting in the office chatting with my co-workers rather than refereeing a fight between two 2 year olds.....but I wouldn't trade this time with my kids for anything.

 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh to be young and naive again!! One day she WILL understand. Maybe she will end up with multiples :laughing:

 

QUOTE
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh to be young and naive again!! One day she WILL understand. Maybe she will end up with multiples


BWAHAHAHAHA!!! :girl_devil: Now THAT'S a thought! She better watch out, there's some karma coming her way... :lol:

What a rude and naive comment. I can't imagine a harder job than being a SAHM - but I wouldn't trade this job for anything in the world!

 

I also have not come across to many rude comments about "the twins" or SAHM, but I am new to the 2nd role. I generally find that most "strange" comments (you know the ones that make you scratch your head) are out of curiosity or jealousy. I ALWAYS get the.... how do you do it? boy your hands are full! Many people have outright told me they are "so jealous you are able to stay at home with the kids"
I would take her comment as that. My response would be along the lines of yeah diaper changes are AWESOME!

 

Agh! That would make me sooo mad! I think your response back to her was perfect!!!!
I work part time and let me tell ya...the days I'm at home with the boys are my FAVORITE days, but also the most difficult and exhausting. I'd like to see how the medical school chica could handle two active babies all day! :lol:

 

How rude, people should realize that unless you can "walk a mile" in somebody's shoes you should not comment on how their life is!

I have a few friends that like to comment on how "lucky" I am to stay home. Yes, I am lucky, but it was a decision we made. I put my career (teacher) on hold, to stay at home. My husband works very hard, but we both gave up things so I may stay home. I would NOT trade this time with my children for anything money can buy!

So, turn on your favorite soap, put your feet up, eat bon bons, and forget that comment! :lol:

 

I love my job as a SAHM. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but I love it. I think once the babies get older it will be easier. What people dont realize is that when you are a SAHM you dont get days off or any time for yourself to relax. I used to work 12t hours a day running a restaurant and that was a lot easier than this by far. Now I am working 24/7. No time off.

 

Wow. I stay home too. Although attending a Christian church I tend to get the impression that caring about having a career at all after having had children is shameful to some people. This is the group I haved the most difficult time with. I liked working, just not now, so I must be weird to them. I haven't gotten too much from the other side...yet .

 

Wasn't there just something published about how much SAHM's would make if we were paid? I swear it was about $250k a year. Can't get that eating bonbons and watching soaps!