Struggling with differences in learning

I know that we aren't supposed to compare our children, but I worry about the future implications of one being labeled (smart, dumb, etc.) and the other not. My son and daughter are in preschool, in different classes. My son can identify all of the alphabet letters, knows the sounds each letter makes, can count to twenty, etc. My daughter has yet to get the alphabet song correct and could care less about the puzzles, books, alphabet games, etc. that my son is obsessed with. She is much more social, and does not seem behind at all to me but I have started to worry that something may be wrong since she seems to have much less understanding and interest than her brother. Is it normal for twins to have radically different "academic" competency? I fear that I am doing something that is perpetuating him continuing to progress and her deciding that if he knows it that she doesnt have to or that she doesn't understand as much as him so she will decide that learning is just not her "thing." I have, to this point, just treated it as they are different children and are developing in different ways, but thought I would ask to make sure that I am just not being naive and need to start working more diligently with her!

 

My two are like this, but it is DD that is more advanced than DS (our concern was reading as DD is reading at a crazy level for her age). I asked the peditrician about it at their 4 year check up. She said if you only had DD right now, would you be worried about where he was? The answer was no. So I tried not to worry and compare them, but I know that is tough. Within the last 2-3 months, my son has done so much better. I just don't think he was ready, but once he decided he was going to do it, he did it and is doing great. Each kid learns in a different way and at their own pace and I think as long as they are hitting the major developmental milestones, they are doing great.

 

That was a worry with mine, and one of the bigger reasons why I always had mine in separate classes. So the comparison wouldn't be there for them on a daily basis. One of my boys read--I mean really read at 3.5 years old (we found out when he was reading Curious George to himself at night). The other didn't really read until 1st. Now they are in 4th and both are way ahead of their grade level, and pretty much the same in all areas of academics.

 

Mine are like this also. I finally realized that I have a studios one and a creative one, and am learning how to nurture each personality. I would definitely not worry about it, unless the teachers think there's a problem. :hug: It's SO hard not to compare.

 

You have to accept that for DD, she is interested in other things. That doesn't mean she isn't learning (in her way) the alphabet song but right now, it is not a priority for her. Also, at this age, girls are more social than boys (I saw that with DS#1's preschool class). Give her about a year to work out the social mechanics and she will focus on the academics. I know it is hard not to compare but even by K, kids catch up to each other. It is hard to wait and see but I think you will be happy about what you see in just the next few years.

 

This really is normal, and you're off to a great start by ensuring you treat them as separate individuals with separate learning patterns. KJS said it perfectly - if you just had (insert either child), would you be worried about his/her development? If you can say no to each then your kids are absolutely fine. If one is so far ahead or so far behind that they're not on par with their peers, then you might want to assess whether that child needs additional help. It does sound, though, like your kids are both within the developmentally appropriate range - just very different kids.

Isn't it weird how different twins can be?