Stopped Sleeping at 20 months?

Hi all!  I'm having some sleep issues over here, and I was wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom.  
 
I have 22 month old boy/girl twins.  They have always been tough sleepers.  They currently share a bedroom.  My daughter was in the hospital for 3 months, starting at 10 weeks old.  I was staying with her, while my son was at my parents' house.  (They would bring him to visit and my mom and I would switch off staying so I had plenty of time with my son.)  We were visiting my parents when my daughter got sick, so we were away from my husband for that time.  He came to visit every other week.  Because of this, we really missed prime sleep training time.  When we got home and everything was back to normal, I did not want to leave them in their cribs alone because we were all separated for so long and I felt guilty.  Finally at 14 months, we couldn't slip them into their cribs anymore without waking them up, so we did CIO.  It only took 3 days before they were falling asleep at bedtime on their own.  They were sleeping all night and naps took longer, maybe a month before everything was good.  Since then, it's been a dream!  They were sleeping 7-7, and napping from 12:30-3.  I was finally rested and sane.
 
All of a sudden, my son stopped going down for his nap.  At first, I thought it was a fluke, so I picked him up and laid him down in my bed.  We were renovating the kitchen when this happened, so I thought the tools were waking him up, or he was feeling stranger danger, or something related to that.  After that, he cried every day, and I picked him up everyday, because I didn't want to drive the workers crazy with his crying. He would fall asleep as soon as I laid with him in my bed.  Well, I'm sure you can guess where we are now.  He is crying through naps and now I have the added fun of him waking up between 3:30 and 5 every day.  I also started picking him up in the morning, mostly out of exhausted confusion, but also because I didn't want him to wake his sister. (She sleeps through this during her nap, but will wake up in the am.) 
 
So here is where we are today, which is 2 months later:  I have been leaving him in his crib during naps, and he cries the whole time.  I'll go in sometimes to tell him to take a nap like a big boy in his crib, but it seems like it makes it worse.  This is the second day, which means it's his second day in a row without a nap.  I tried sitting on the floor next to him in his crib today, but he would not lay down.  I also tried this a week ago, but after 3 nap-less days I gave up, because I am just exhausted and him crying through his nap means I also couldn't take a nap, and I was seriously losing my mind.  This morning, I left him in his crib to cry.  I went in to tell him it was still nighttime, and I'll come get him in the morning, but that didn't do much.  He cried for 45 minutes before he fell back asleep.  He woke his sister, and she did not fall back asleep.  (She didn't cry, she likes laying in her crib talking to herself.)  I ordered a toddler wake up clock, so maybe that will help?
 
So has anyone had a similar issue?  Any advice?  How long should I let him cry during naps?  When will I not be so tired all the time?  We have no family help at all, so I don't get a break, and I'm reaching my breaking point.

 

My boys stopped taking naps before they were two. It was BRUTAL.. I had no break during the day, so I can completely sympathize. Sleep can be very frustrating because the second you have it figured out, the little boogers change it up on you. I wish I had spent less time fighting it though; we spent months trying to enforce nap times to no avail, but what I think I should have done is found a way to get myself a break and let them work out their sleep habits on their own. Maybe instead of the crib, your son can have a "quiet time" during the day to watch a favourite tv show or whatever while you get a rest or get something else done. Or let him lay in bed with you. But if he's waking early, I would probably cut his naps altogether in favour of having a better night time sleep.
 
I would also try to find a play group/babysitter/part time nanny/mother's helper/one afternoon of a day home or daycare a week? If your partner can handle them, go check into a hotel for a good night's sleep and get some rest so you can at least think clearly. Depending on your financial situation, there may also be other resources in your community that will get you some help too. It might seem like a bit of an investment, but your sanity is completely worth it.

 

Thanks for your quick reply!  Did your boys start napping again?  That's good to know that you wouldn't fight it as much in hindsight.  We are considering a day of day care.  Actually my husband is all about it, and I'm trying to convince myself it's worth the money for the sanity, but hearing it from others helps.  I'm having trouble finding a place that will do one day, so I think I'll look into all your suggestions as well.  It's so nice to hear I'm not the only one that struggles with this!

 

Mine went through nap phases. My rule of thumb is that they didn't have to nap, but we will have rest time. At their age it was in their crib, but later on (4ish) one would read downstairs on the couch and often nap after quietly reading and listening to classical music, while the other napped/played quietly in his room.

They actually went back to napping last year and before kindergarten I had to break them off the habit! So he may not need one now, but may go back to it in summer after a long morning at the pool.

Jen is spot on with time to yourself. I found MOPS to be beneficial as it's for mom's but has childcare. It have me time to connect with mom's locally without my rambunctious boys to look after.

 

This could be a complete shot in the dark, but is he cutting his molars?  Might be causing him discomfort.  It would be nice if a simple dose of motrin would solve your problem!!    Sleep issues... I feel your pain!!  Good luck!

 

Molars were my first thought, too.
 
The other thing you might consider is make nap time later.  It's amazing sometimes what difference it can make putting them down 15 or 30 minutes later.
 
My kids stopped napping entirely by 2.5, and from about 20 months to that time was dicey.  Some days they would nap, some times not.  My rule was if they didn't fall asleep after 30 minutes, we called it a wash and did something quiet instead for awhile.

 

 
Nope.. from then on it was the occasional nap in the car if they were really tired after some activity, in which case I will admit to driving around and around and around to keep them quiet for a while :lol: They're generally good night sleepers though, but they still go through phases of where I feel like no one is getting any sleep at all. Definitely look into daycare, or now that college is getting out for the summer maybe there's some young adults looking for a steady babysitting gig. Maybe someone who can come and take them for a 2 hour walk during (what used to be) nap time. You're definitely not the only one who struggles with sleep issues; I think it's probably the thing people post about most often. As with everything, you just have to adapt and make sure that you're not wearing yourself out.

 

Thanks to everyone for taking time to respond!  I'm at the point of the day where I feel like I'm going to fall over, so hopefully I'm coherent, haha.  I don't think he's ready to drop his nap, he's just refusing to take it unless he's in my bed with me.  After reading your responses and thinking it over, it sounds like I'm fighting a pointless battle.  I really wanted him to nap in his crib, but I just don't think it's going to happen for now.  I left him to cry today, and he was clearly exhausted and a mess.  After I took him out, he wouldn't leave my lap and ended falling asleep HARD.  So i think I'l just help him to nap for now.  I DO think I'll fight him on the early waking though.
 
As far as his molars go, he is is totally getting those right now.  He has always been a terrible teether; I've been told I was too.  I've been medicating him as needed, but it hasn't been every night.  It doesn't seem to matter, he's waking within the same window with or without the Motrin anyway (I'm sure it's after it wears off).  I feel like I wasn't sufficiently warned about teething, hahaha.  I guess it seems like a combo of teething, new language skills, and control over his surroundings.  
 
I'm totally looking into getting some sort of help, because I can't continue like this.  Looking for a student is a great suggestion!  I've never heard of MOPS, and found one down the street, so thank you for that suggestion too!  You all have been a great help, thanks again!