Stop with the Fighting!

The past few weeks has been horrible with fighting. What happened to my girls who played together and got along so good?? It seems like some sort of switch got flipped and now they can't play together more than just a few minutes without WWIII breaking loose. I am soooo hoping this is a stage, but it's went from two little girls who can play for hours together in peace to two screamers, pushers, and fighters. I am soooo glad that I have decided to split them up for preschool...the fighting is killing me! They are also not doing their chores like they once did. They just refuse to help; they have currently not seen any of "their shows" for two days now because they just refuse to do things they are asked to do...and little things at that. Time out has helped very little and the only thing I know to do is take priviledges away....any suggestions?

 

It gets old real quick, doesn't it?!? My two must have entered it early. It seems like I am always breaking up fights. Usually because Cooper gets too aggressive. Right now I am seperating them. If they start fighting, they have to go into their own rooms and are not allowed to play with each other for awhile.

I think splitting them up for preschool will probably help alot. Not that I have first hand expierence, but I was just talking about this with a friend of mine who has ID twin boys and she said splitting them up was the best thing they ever did. They play well together and are so excited to see each other by days end.

 

OMG, I was just coming here to post the exact same thing. I guess it's good to know that it's the age! They are actually playing fine right now (I snuck away) but I think their record for this weekend is 10 minutes before the screaming starts.

I have managed to wait out a couple of fights -- I just say something like, "If you guys want to keep fighting, I'm just going to stay in the kitchen." They yell and shove and pinch for a few minutes and then they get sick of it and figure out some way around the issue. I always swore I would intervene if there was violence, but if I jump in as soon as someone shoves or pinches, I would be breaking up a fight every 5 minutes.

If I can manage to stay completely hands-off, some of the time they actually do figure out a way. It often involves Sarah giving in, which I'm not too happy about, but she usually comes up with a way to save face while still placating Amy. I figure this is something they need to work out between themselves, because they have to get along for the rest of their lives, even when I'm not there to mediate.

Or, sometimes I take a toy away, or force one of them to go to their room for a minute. Or sometimes, in my really Supermom moments, I manage to be silly and creative and distract them, but that's really hard to do when my patience is running short.

Anyway, I feel your pain! Hang in there, I'm sure this is a stage like everything else!

FWIW -- they haven't fought during the whole time it took me to write this. :laughing:

 

Yep, me too. It's been over every little thing. Clothes, toys, who gets to be first, who won the race, then the winner "can't be in my game anymore" (says the loser). I've been telling them they have to work it out themselves because I can't seem to come up with solutions that make anyone happy. Or I threaten to take away a toy or something, then usually one of them will give in so the toy doesn't go away.

 

So glad to know that it's not just me!! I think maybe I have been intervening too much. It seems all I do is break up fights or arguments. I think I'll start backing off a bit on the intervention and see if that helps some.

 

Another thing I read in "Your 4-Year-Old" (which I keep mentioning in different threads :ibiggrin: ) is that four is the age of superlatives -- the fastest, the biggest, the beautifullest -- and bragging. They can't seem to BOTH be fast or BOTH be beautiful -- someone always has to win. This is probably harder with twins because they don't have a younger sibling they can be more "whatever" than, but they don't have an older sibling who might humor them. I'm just speculating.

Also, BTW, just as I finished writing "They didn't fight in the time it took me to write this" in my post above... someone came into the room crying "Mommy, she...." :laughing:

 

:laughing: Oh, Alden, sounds like my house!!