Stop judging our decision!

I am SOOOOOOO sick and tired of getting snotty comments, remarks, and outright ignorant judgment from people because I am sending my September 1st babies to Kindergarten. None of the (idiots) that have made comments know my girls. I have spoken to HUNDREDS of people over the past 3 years in hopes of making the right decision. This was not taken lightly simply because they are within the cutoff guidelines.

Their preschool teachers said there isn't a single reason to hold them. The K teachers that screened them said they are right on target. So, why do people have to be so nasty to me? :grr:

I needed to get this out because I feel like one more negative comment and I'll likely go off. :aggressive:

:blush:

 

Michelle, I had to make that decision too. My boys were born at the end of July but their due date was Sept 6th which would have made them too late for the cutoff date. I thought about it long an hard and made sure to talk to the pre-school teachers and they all agreed that the boys were ready .. and they were !
Aside from Jaydens special needs (that have NOTHING to do with his age) .. they have both done great.

I've said it before .. I've met your girls and they are both very bright and mature. I can't see how holding them back will benefit them .. they deserve this opportunity to be with kids their age. If you held them back, then they would be going to school with kids a year younger than them. Jill had to stay home an extra year (Sept 16th is her birthday) and she HATED being the oldest in the class. She turned 6 days after K started and many of the other kids just turned 5 .. she was miserable.

You're doing what you think/know is right for your girls and I'm fairly confident that if you didn't think it was .. then you wouldn't be doing it !

 

I'll probably be facing the same thing next year since my kids are late August babies and d@mmit, they WILL be going to Kindergarten.

I think that the other parents are secretly scared that your younger children are smarter, more beautiful, and more ready for K than their kids are, and will do much better than their kids.

 

That's crazy! I thought I would be facing ridicule if I didn't hold my kids back a year. They are June babies, as was I, and if they are ready at 5, I would like to send them for sure. I went at 5 and was so very glad. I can't imagine graduating from highschool a year later than I did.

 

OMFG! You are sending your wonderfully intelligent and very mature 5 year olds to Kindergarten? How awful of you!!! You are insane!!!

I've told you before those two would be bored with another year of preschool. They are so ready for kindergarten and are going to love it!!

 

I faced the same thing. My kids have a September 21st b-day. The cut-off is October 1st. We ended up homeschooling, but I still got comments about how young they were. They were already ahead of their peers and I can't imagine holding them back! I still get funny looks when I say they are going into 1st grade this year. It doesn't help that my kids are kind of small.

 

Sorry, Michelle! :hug:

Unfortunately, when you have a "close to the cut-off kid", you are judged either way. Lennon is a July 14th bday with an August 1st cutoff. We held him back (and quite honestly, we knew we would from pretty close to the minute he was born - being a boy with a late b-day) - he was ready, he would have done fine, I'm sure. Emotionally, it would have been more stressful for him to go as a 5 year old -and he's really anxious, the extra year gave him another year to mature. But, we got criticism for not sending him. "He's so ready!" "He's so mature." "He'll be bored in preschool." and so on.

I'm not sure why people feel it is their business. :unknw: Unless you are the parents, the teacher, the principal, or the child - why does it matter to you when he/she starts Kdg?

 

Ditto this.


My two are Oct born and will start 1st (we are pretty sure) in a few weeks at 5 turning 6. I *do* have some reservations, but they really are not grade related rather a mix of many little things-- a majority related to moving around so much and the differing school systems. I am already anxious enough about school....everyones 'opinion' doesnt help matters any!!

The people that I really do WANT to know what they think have been open-minded and supportive of whatever choice DH and I make and presented valid points that I have considered.

Most of the negative comments have been unsolicited and are pretty stereotypical instead of tailored for a particular situation or child.

We would have jumped at a chance to do K last year at 4 turning 5!! Go for it!!!

They will have a blast!!

 

How did you get away with getting your twins' to K when the cut off date? Did you have to make a formal letters, and etc. ? I send an email to the school district asking them if they would screen my twins' because they are so ready for K. They missed the cut off date by 4 week (after), Sept 1st is the cut off date, their bday is Sept 30th. They have been going to preschool in the last 2 years at 3/4 yrs old. Now, they'll be 5 soon and have to start preschool "all over' again. I was concerned about it because their preschool teacher at the parent/teacher conference she stated they are both ready to GO and knows all of things they need to know for K. My son is more advanced than my daughter but they both have the maturity.

Per email, they told me they don't screen until they are 1-2nd grade, secondly there is no such as putting the kids in K when they missed cut the off dates. *We are in Illinois

Good luck!

 

Kaelyn misses the cut off by 5 days and we are having to hold her back. Good for ou for doing whats right for your girls!! I wish K could go to kinder this year and not 4k.

 

I think because its so prevalent anymore these days that if your child is born anytime between May and August to hold them back...they actually have a kid that was on their T-Ball team that turned 5 in March (2 months before mine) that is not going to K until NEXT year at 6 years and 6 months!!!!! His mother claims the school "holds back" all boys until they are 6 - I called BS on that but the mother is very snooty and has $$$

she's sending him to private K this year and then regular K next year so essentially he'll do 2 years of K when his peers will be in 1st grade - he won't graduate high school until he's 20!

 

I just had this conversation today at a park with some moms. They were leaning toward holding their boys back.

Now I don't want to send kids who are ill-prepared to kindergarten, but I do fully expect my boys (born Sept 7 with a Oct 1st cutoff) will be ready to go at 4 turning 5 shortly into the year. I figure at some point some kid will have to be the littlest or the youngest in a class. Maybe both. I don't want to hold someone back for the sake of holding them back and really don't feel that maturity is just age-based.

 

The public school will likely enroll him based on age (which would be 1st) next year. If there is any question on readiness-- then the school will probably assess him and then place in academic appropriate grade (likely 1st again if he had done K). I have even heard of that happening and the schools pushing a kiddo that did private K that was enrolled in K into 1st 1/2 way through the year or skipping 1st after K and placing in 2nd, etc. March Bday is totally age appropriate for K unless there is some unique situation (which do occur).

 

Thanks for letting me vent and discussing this with me. You ladies are FAB! :grouphug:

Absolutely. :hug: We have some friends going through the same. In our playgroup, there are 5 of us that consistently get together. 3 of us are sending ours and 2 aren't. The ones that aren't were strongly urged from their twins' PS not to send them, they felt they definitely weren't ready for multiple reasons. They are also late summer babies and are being judged, just as you are. It's so sad people feel the need to make negative comments about our parenting decisions.

Ummm, we're not. ardon: Our town's cutoff is "born ON OR BEFORE September 1st", so that is my girls. Some towns around us are 8/31 and others are 12/31.
This is exactly why we didn't start PS until last year. We figured if they were not ready to go, they would have another year of PS, some sort of longer Pre-K program, and would only have 2 years.

That is exactly what I was thinking Amy. I find that a lot of our friends/neighbors that we know through the town all sent their kids on time because they felt they were ready.
Wow, wow, wow about sending him to K at 6.5!

 

:rofl: This made me laugh!! Suuure, that's it. :lol:

 

she's sending him to Catholic school so she'll probably be able to put him in K anyway...

 

Two years ago we had a very heated debate in here about "red shirting".
Our cut off date is 12/31, so my girls born 9/24 are well within that. They were 5 years 11 months old when they started first grade and they've done fine.

I'm one to say the cut off date is the cut off date, unless your child has been evaluated and the professionals decided s/he needs to be held back.


ETA:Actually people around here are the opposite--people with January and Feb babies try to get fake birth certs saying they were born in December so they can get them into school a year earlier.

 

Oh, here we go. lol

Our district's minimum age for Kindergarten is 5 by September 30th. Compulsory School Age here is 6-18 (or younger, if graduated). There is no requirement to send a child to Kindergarten when they are 5, so waiting until they are 6 is not holding them back. I think it should really be a case by case decision made by the parents.

In our family - my oldest is a June baby, my twins were born in October. Both of my twins are more ready for Kindergarten at 4 years, 10 months than my oldest was at 5 years, 2 months. We didn't send her when she was five, she wasn't ready. Her preschool teacher also recommended that we not send her, which was good to know, but we were already planning to wait so it wasn't that much of a factor. It had nothing to do with being afraid of the other kids. I know that was in jest...but I thought this was a thread about not judging others' parenting choices? You can have kids tested to start early. They only missed the cutoff by 24 days. Honestly, if there weren't so many kids here that are 6 before they start K we may have considered that. I'm not going to put 4 year olds in a class with 6 year olds.

 

My best friend sent her daughter to school early...she started as a 4 year old and turned 5 in Sept...she is now a freshman in high school and is doing awesome. If my girls had made the cutoff date I would send them. We even discussed private school just to start them early, but it just didn't work out. My girls loved preschool, but they already knew a lot of the stuff that was taught (letters, numbers, etc) and I'm convinced that they would have done great if they had been in K last year. Michelle, it makes no sense to me why people would even volunteer their opinion. You know your girls best, they'll be fine!

 

HERE is a link to states, mandatory school ages, Kindergarten age entry & if K is mandatory.

I think it will help some people see the VAST differences in states and the 'requirements'.

Some areas (like ours) will place your DC in 1st if they are 6 before the cut-off date regardless if they have done K. Our current district does and it would be difficult, though not impossible, to place them in K if I wanted to.


A PP stated you could do early entry----well in some states you can, some you cant. Some states have MANDATORY K, some do not, some require kiddos to start anywhere from age 5-7.

There is so much fluctuation that I think it is so hard to for anyone to declare anything right or wrong. It would be so much easier of it was a national cut-off with screening for late/early entry for either side of that date. K should also be more similar around the nation (1/2 day K, all day, young 5s, play-based/academic, etc). Kids are so transient these days that moving a few times can really alter the educational patterns- especially if they move in/out of areas that have late/early cut-off dates.

I think that is the only way to help parents make an informed choice for their child is if all the states have (like 1-12th) the same pattern and rhythm. So therefore we are comparing apples to apples instead of apples to oranges.

Such crazy different requirements make no sense and if you have read my other posts, I personally have found they VERY frustrating in try to find the correct placement for my kiddos. There is simply too much variation between states for K, ages, curriculums, day length, etc. Many Ks are play based still, others are very very academic. That would affect into the choices I made for my child, I can imagine all of us consider that as well. For sure a 1/2 day play -based K would be great for the majority of old 4/young 5 : but an all day heavy academic K may not be a good choice for a majority of old 4s/young 5s.

As always-- there will be exceptions. Which is why so many areas also do K screening to help make that choice.

What would work for a child in one state may or may not be the right choice in another state for the exact same child. So it is really really difficult to get into a 'hold/send' argument since the programs we are all looking at and compulsary school ages are so different.


Though I ,personally, do agree ** if a child is the correct age-- the cut-of date should stand unless determined otherwise by professionals - be it preschool staff or Kindergarten evaluating staff (be it to wait a year or enter school early) **

The schools have a wealth of information at their fingertips and it behooves us, as parents, to use them as resources to make informed choices rather than asking our neighbors, recall our own K year, or our friends. Yes, personal stories are great-- but they are based on that child, not yours. Even the same children in the same family may benefit from two different options when they are K age. The evaluators know what academic, social, and physical skills todays kiddos need for that particular Kindergarten program. They can and do, suggest some age eligible kiddos wait a year and/or attend a young 5s program in the interest of the kiddo and their current development.


Even with a background in education, I am agonizing over what our local professionals are suggesting for my DCs. Either choice I make I have my doubts, so I am trusting them to know the curriculum, school , and based on the information I share with them- then they , in turn, will make a suggestion that I can follow or not.

 

Our cut off is sept 1st. If it was later I'd have sent the girls to prek early if I could have. They are really far a head of their class mates now

 

You know how I feel about this :hush: I give you alot of credit for not biatch slapping these people as I don't see why in the world they feel they have a right to say anything to you about what you do with your kids... but that's just me. I'm sure if the teachers felt the girls weren't ready they would have said something. I'm with Bex and think they are just jealous your girls are younger and smarter.

 

Exactly! We have had countless people tell us what would be best for our girls, in a conversational way. Again, people that don't know them personally. But the ones that tick me off are the ones that give me that "Oh my GAWD you are SENDING THEM" look when I say they are born on the cutoff and we're sending them. It's just crazy!!

I want to!! :aggressive: But I feel that I need to slap a fake smile on because you never know when you'll cross paths in town later in life!!

 

KCMichigan @ Thanks for link and your valuable information!

 

It is crazy that people give their opinion when they don't know your girls. You know your girls best and need to do what you feel is best for them. :good:

I'm not sure how accurate this information is, I know for Maryland it is outdated, our cut off is Sept. 1, not Nov. 30 as this states. Nov. 30 back in 2003-2004 school year. But it has been Sept. 1 since the 2006-2007 school year (it does list Sept. 1 at the bottom, but doesn't suggest it is the cut off now at first glance).

 

Sorry, you are having such judgements thrown at you. IMHO, your the parent...YOU get to decide! I get all kinds of awful unsolicited judgements about homeschooling and what grade my children are in. It stinks! They are happy, learning, and excelling. That should be the only thing that matters. I hope they have a wonderful year!

 

I wasn't too overly sure about sending Peyton to K last year either (her bday is Aug 15th). But, she did perfectly fine!Don't listen to others. You know your kids, as do their preschool teachers and the K teacher screening them.

 

I'm sorry any of you have to deal with those types of comments. People are stupid.

The comments that are getting to me are in regards to our decision to keep the boys in the same class for Kindergarten. Honestly, even if you are a twin, have twins of your own, babysit twins, your BFF is a twin . . . if these boys aren't YOUR twins, shut up. And if you aren't even a parent of twins . . . :aggressive: My DH and I put a lot of time into making this decision, talked extensively with their pre-school teachers, and Sunday School teachers, and feel we are doing what's best for our boys. I am really tired of listening to unsolicited advice/comments in regards to our decision.

OK. Vent over. Back to the original topic!

 

I truly don't understand why anyone would say anything or even start to think that you are doing the wrong thing. You are sending your girls to K exactly when they are meant to go. They are within the right dates, they are ready, so you are sending them. No problem for anyone! I am just glad we don't have a September 1st cutoff here, I can't imagine my two waiting until next year to start K. They are beyond ready (even if I am not!).

 

Thanks ladies! :friends: Your support made me feel better!! :grouphug:

 

Yes, we are getting this comment A LOT!!! In our case change 'boys' to 'girls' and the exact same scenario

"why they are in the same class?? How will the develop their own personalities??......"

UGH! People- they have plenty of personality, trust me.

DH and I also requested together this year and I dont want to have to explain myself to everyone why- no of their business! The principal of the school, PreK teacher, and DH/I all think it is best for now.

 

and I'm getting sh!t because I'm separating them!

 

Same here Amy. People just feel the intrinsic need to stick their nose where it doesn't belong and give unsolicited advice no matter what.


ETA: Michelle, you know how I feel. Your girls are MORE than ready. :wub:

 

It's so much easier to parent someone elses kids, isn't it? The fact that so many of us get crap about our parenting decisions burns me up. However, as I was getting ready to type about how nosy people are, I realized that really, hasn't it been this way since the day our kids were born? Hasn't there been a host of people making judegments over just about every parenting decision we've made? Bottle or breastfed. Too many naps, too few naps. Too much coddling/attention, too little. When we started each baby on solids. Starting preschool or not. When we turned the carseat to forward facing from rear facing. The way we discipline our kids. Seriously, the list is endless!

As my kids got a bit older, and I relaxed into my new role as "Mommy", I grew a tougher skin and learned to let things roll off me to the point where I barely noticed anymore. Now we're facing this 'big' decision and the questions, then judgement is back. I guess I need to get my tough skin back on and just let it roll off me. The questions and judgement are always going to be there . . .

 

It absolutely has! I was thinking the same thing recently. But I have to say, I haven't been judged as harshly before. Little comments have been made along the way about decisions I've made but the ones I'm getting now are downright rude. Those are the ones that are hard to get over.

I agree tho, time to thicken up the skin again.