Still struggling with the boys

So, it's been a while since I've posted something, but I'm sure some of you remember the troubles I've had with my boys since...well...BIRTH! LOL. The struggle continues. I'm having issues getting them to listen and behave and they are not responding to any reinforcements I've tried. I need more ideas. Sticker charts have not worked. Time outs have not worked. Santa's naughty list has not worked. (Yes, I'm getting that desperate). Snack money earning hasn't worked. This is really continuing to be a strain on us as parents and even as a couple since we are often in bad moods. Does anyone have anything that has actually worked? To sum up their personalities/issues:

Short attention span
Short fuses
Back talk
Don't listen at all

Well, there's more but I think that's enough. If anybody has any suggestions for 4.5 year old boys, I'd be grateful. I mean, I know we're doing something right because they are pretty good at school, but I at least need them to start being tolerable at home. Thanks!

 

I have 3 year old girls so I am not sure how much help I can offer. I know I have read, Raising the Spirited Child and 123 Magic and both have helped us greatly. We still have bad days, but it is soo much better than before.

:hug:

Btw, I have tried the Santa thing, it didn't work here either. :laughing:

 

Yep, I second 123 Magic. We use it with all of our kids and they listen. They know that when I start saying "that's 1" that they better shape up or there will be consequences. Are you being consistent?

 

Check out Setting Limits for the Strong-Willed Child. He emphasizes the difference between soft consequences that children tend to ignore, and being consistent with hard consequences that will have an impact.

 

I know how hard it can be! Patience is the number one suggestion for your own sanity. The other, most-important, thing is to be consistent. We do timeout with our kids and we are firm with our rules. We give a warning and if the behavior doesn't stop immediately, they are put in our time out area. The clock doesn't start until they're sitting quietly. We do 1 minute per year of age.

Good luck, I hope you're able to make progress!!

 

I agree with PP's... 123 Magic is great, and whatever you choose - be very consistent. Good luck!

 

Same here. :good:

Good luck Momma, I know how trying these kids can be. :hug:

 

Be sure not to forget positive praise! Sometimes it is so hard, especially on the most trying days - but I believe it works. If you suddenly start praising them as much as possible they will respond. Find even the smallest things at first. Also, watch out for boredom, keep them busy!

 

I want to thank everyone for their suggestions. The one thing we are is very consistent. I guess that's why I'm asking this question again. They are CONSTANTLY in time-out. It's like they truly haven't learned over the past 2-3 years and DH and I are losing our minds. We have used 123 Magic for about the past 2 years or so. We are ALWAYS counting to 3. Seriously. It's almost a joke now. I know they aren't necessarily the brightest bulbs on the Christmas tree but it's getting a bit ridiculous. LOL. I will look into a couple of the other sources mentioned. Any more ideas, please share!!!!

 

:hug: Sorry you are having such a hard time!

 

Well, our twins share the same birthday and year. Mine are fraternal and I am dealing with only one like your two and I'm going INSANE! My other one is very easy thank goodness.

I'm honestly not finding a lot that works and I've read the sources people had suggested. Consistency is important, but sometimes you just get kids that are born with a certain personality. Ethan spends a lot of time in timeout in his room -- mostly to calm down (both him and me). I did start a rewards jar (with marbles) and posted a list of good behaviors that they earn marbles for and bad behaviors they lose marbles for. I picked a few behaviors that were most important to me. I made the rewards things they love -- time on Wii, the computer, new books, a special time with just mom or dad. That seems to work at changing some of his behaviors. I will also grant marbles on the spot for something good they did or just because. The boys don't like not getting the good marbles and it becomes a little bit of healthy competition between the two.

For mine, I also know that he thrives on routine and knowing what is coming -- not that he doesn't adapt to change well. So...the more routine our day is, the better he does.

I wish I had more to offer, but am dealing with the same thing and struggling for answers. Like yours, Ethan is the calm, easy one in class. I about fell over when the teacher told me this!

I hope you find some answers soon and please share if you do. It really does take a toll...

Mendy

 

My boys are 15, 13 and 11 YEARS old and they still act awful. I swear they are trying to kill us! I am here to tell you that my girls are not much better. It was so bad when my boys were little that I had all 3 of their hearing tested - I just knew they had to be deaf.