started smoking

ok i used to smoke but i quit a year before i got pregnant with the twins. since they turned 10 months old i have started smoking again. i was with my best friend who smokes and i was having a total meltdown that day. i am a sahm and DH was being no help to me when he was coming home after work. nobody has ever helped me with the kids ever and still doesn't. the few friends i have which is like 4 one who lives out of state all have kids of their own who are older and in sports so they have no time for themselves let alone to help me. so dh is useless and i am full of stress and resentment toward him. he has gotten better helping me out lately. when he comes home he winds down for a half hour then comes out with me and the twins and stays until i put them to bed. he cooks basically on the grill so i don't have to and on his days off we all get out of the house wherever i want to go. so anyway i started smoking. NEVER infront of the babies EVER. i also change my clothes and wash hands and face before i go near them. i want to quit but that is all it is a want. i am stressed and need something to calm me down and i turn to that.

am i a bad mom for doing it cuz i feel like i am. i don't leave them alone running around so i can smoke and i don't neglect them so i can either. i smoke more when DH is home because i can get away for a couple minutes easier.

 

:hug99: being a SAHM is extremely stressful. Have you thought about looking for other ways to vent your stress valve? Maybe exercising ardon: Maybe go for a walk alone at night when DH is home instead of going for a smoke? I'm totally NOT judging you, promise, but I have become almost obsessed with the idea of wanting to live forever since having children. I want to live to see them grown, and I want to be a GRANNY! I smoked in college and am terrified that I've done something irreversable to my body that will come back to bite me one day. There would be no going back to it for me now, there is too much evidence that it will kill me.

 

I know it's easy for me to say, but please, please find some other method of stress relief. I know it's hard -- my babies are the same age as yours, and I have a 4-year-old -- and, I haven't had time to post in weeks. Too busy, and too stressed.

But, you know the smoking could kill you, right? Whatever guilt you feel now would be thousand-fold if you end up with lung cancer. You have two babies that depend on you. I know smoking is an addiction, but you were able to quit for so long -- why go back to it?

 

Oh boy... this is a tough one. You're not a bad mom. You love your kids and want the best for them. That makes you a good mom. But you are choosing a habit that is unhealthy for you and could have affects on your children in the future. Right now you're able to sneak away and smoke when your kids are napping or your DH is home. What will you do in two years when they no longer nap? What will you do when they smell smoke on you and ask you about it? (because this will happen. Even if you change your clothes, a non-smoker can still tell you've been smoking) What will you do if they see you smoking one day? What will you do if they start pretending they're mommy and put pencils in their mouths as if they're smoking?

Do you see where I'm going...? It's completely understandable that you're stressed and are turning to something for comfort, but taking up smoking again has consequences for your life, your health, and your children that other habits don't.

I wish I had a better habit I could suggest, but somehow telling a mom of toddler twins to take up running or yoga sounds silly. Whatever you decide, good luck!

 

No you are not a bad mom. This is coming from the other side : I know smoking kills but my grandfather is 83 and smokes 2 packs a day and has since he was 13. Some peoples bodies can handle the smoke. But anyways, I know for a fact if my DH started smoking again, I definately would. I smoked for 7 years. I quit when I got preg. with the twins and have not started back. The thought of smoking has crossed my mind. But smoking is definately hard to quit. That is what keeps me from starting back. And if I ever want a smoke, I smoke a cigar---which is rare. If I were you though, I would quit ASAP b/c the longer you smoke, the harder it will be to quit. Also, get your DH to tell you not to when you want one.

 

i do know the consequences of smoking and yes i do want to be able to see my grandkids and help out my kids so i can become the annoying MIL HEHEHE JOKE. i have tried not to one day and get all jittery inside and edgy. i will quit and i am looking into ways that will help and i have a quit date of by October 1st. i just wanted to post my stresses and weakness and hopefully get some support. i am so stressed out and i just don't feel like me anymore. i yell at DH all the time for just about anything. his friend of 20 years came home and all his buddies got together to hang out. his friend comes home 1X a year. i got pissed because it was last minute and said oh yeah fine at least you can go at a whim. i love my babies and i am going to quit but damn why does it have to be so hard to stay quit? anyone who used to smoke have any suggestions?

 

I dont have any advice. I have a very similar story. Quit when I became pregnant and things were so stressful for me that 1st year I began to have one every once in awhile when they turned one and that turned into every night after they were in bed. Just last month, I had to quit cold turkey (with my dh- I brought him down with me unfortunately- he was doing so good until I started my randomness). I know so much how it lessens stress. Things are not stressful anymore so that may be why it was easier for me to stop. I hope you continue to get good advice.

 

I smoked prior to being preggers with the babies, I quit while preggers, I started again when the babies were like 5 months old. I would limit myself to one after they went to bed at night. I quit again a bit ago when we got the babies Christened. I figured that by Christening the babies I was promising them that I would raise them in a healthy environment that would promise all sorts of rewards for their future. Smoking seemed directly in contradiction with the hope and faith the Christening stood for.

My DH still smokes and has just gotten a prescription for Chantix to stop smoking. Ask your doctore about it!

You are a great mommy!

 

I used to teach smoking cessation, so let me try to remember some of the things we used to talk about in class. You've probably heard all these before...

Get something else to put in your mouth....like sugar-free lollipops.
Change your routine. Like if you sit and smoke after you eat, get up immediately and take a walk instead.
Add up how much those packs cost and put that money towards something you really want, just for you.
Do deep breathing. I know it sounds funny, but apparently some of the relaxation you get from smoking
actually comes from the inhaling and exhaling. Even non-smokers can benefit from deep breathing exercises.

Sorry, that's all I can remember and none of those seem very original. When I get stressed, I buy shoes.

 

The issue is not smoking. The issue is resentment towards your DH and feeling you are alone.

I smoked on and off in my 20's for a few years and all the while knew it was bad for me. I also said that it 'calmed' me down...but actually it didnt. When I quit it took a long time for that taste to get out of my mouth / throat / nose (you ex-smokers know what I'm saying).

Since the twins I would never go back to smoking. Not just because of them, but I care for myself more than wanting to wreck my health.

You thought it was important enough to quit when you were preggers, why not now? They watch you all the time & may end up smoking too one day, just out of curiosity..mom does it so it must be ok...

I'm sorry you are having it so rough, I'm also all alone with them during the day. I have no family or friends that help. And I know how stressed out one can get. But please reconsider giving up, I think you want to because you posted this.

Also, get together with Dh and talk about your issues. Talk & don't blame. Find a resolution..Don't give up until he understands what you are feeling and going through. Also try to understand what he is going through...

Smoking is not your best friend..it may tell you it is but it's not.

You gave birth to twins and that takes a lot of courage and bravery...you can beat this addiction!

 

Please please PLEASE find a way to work through this stress without smoking. I was what I consider a social smoker in my late teens/early twenties but really only did it while drinking, after big meals, or with coffee in the mornings. So I don't feel I have the right to say it should be easy for you to quit because I'm sure you smoked more than on those occasions. However, this is a sore spot for me right now as I am losing a loved one to lung cancer (due to smoking) that spread to nearly every organ in her body before it was even detected. As a pp mentioned, yes, some people's bodies miraculously hold up to the damage that smoking can cause. But many many others can not and it's not a very wise gamble to take when you have children who need you and will continue to need you for years and years to come. That said, you are by no means a bad mother. Please don't think that. The fact that you even feel the least bit guilty about it and go through so many measures to ensures your children are not exposed to it proves that. I know plenty of people that light up in the CAR with their kids. I just hope for your own sake that you're able to find something to replace the cigarettes because it's clearly unhealthy. Good luck and try to talk to your husband about what the lack of communication and uneven share of responsibility is doing to your health. :hug99: