Spouse with depression

My husband has been told he is bipolar for the last 5 years. He's been on meds that have kept him pretty stable until recently. I believe the stress of knowing that we are having 2 babies at once plus the fact that we have had to deal with TTTS and fetal surgery and ALOT of stress for him at work right now has overwhelmed him. He told me he was not feeling well and needed to be seen again (at least he recognizes this when it happens). We switched doctors because his previous one is now too far away.

He went in last week and the psychiatrist seeing him doesn't think he is bipolar, he believes he is major depressive and told him that the meds inteded for his previous bipolar diagnosis can help in cases of major depression. He's always tired too and has been told he has a mild case of narcilepsy so the new doctor put him on a new drug called Provigil that is supposed to help "wake you up" to get through the day. He was really hard on and agitated with the kids yesterday and wonders if the new med is part of the problem.

I hate when he has to go through trial and error to find the right meds. The side effects aren't fun and sometimes they make him feel worse than he started out. He was just fine on the other meds for 5 years and now it feels like we're starting over again.

The thing that bugs him (us) is how people are always telling us how hard it's going to be having 2 at once and comments like "I'm glad it's you and not me". This has been my hardest pregnancy and especially with what we are dealing with in terms of DH we are pretty sure he's going to have a vasectomy sometime soon after the babies are born. People not aware of our situation really don't help with their comments but we don't feel the need to go off and tell everyone what we are dealing with. DH is having anxiety about how we are going to handle things when the two of them come.

Has anyone else had a spouse who has dealt with long term depression? Thanks for listening, some days are so difficult.

 

My dh was majorly depressed after our girls were born. I thought that it was an odd occurance and a one time thing but now looking back on the years I think he has suffered for much longer than we thought. I think the stress of 2 babies was the straw that broke the camels back. He was very worried about how we were going to be able to manage going from 3 kids to 5. plus he was being transferred from Atl to NC - we ended up not going because of the depression and boy it was ROUGH!
I still hate to hear the better you than me comments and the you have how many? comments. Actually having twins has not been a huge financial strain at all. I understand why they get depressed, having to make sure the bills are paid and everyone is fed, clothed, sheltered and happy is not always easy or fun and when medical problems are thrown in the mix it is worse- like a tornado that you cannot escape from. My dh is off of his meds right now but should not be, I hate for him to go back on them because the trial and error thing is a nightmare - sometimes I feel like going on something myself because having to be the strong one all the time sucks.

sorry for the ramble - I understand you totally.

having a set of twins has been the most amazing thing ever - just wait!! it is obviously more work because there are 2 but it is twice the joy too!having kids that are close in age is fun but the same age is priceless!

:hug99: ,
Heather

 

My DH doesn't have longterm depression, but we too have had to deal with the constant anxieties of TTTS and me being on bedrest (home, now hospital) while he holds down the fort with three children. He goes through little bouts of depression and some loneliness. I can tell when the stress really starts eating at him, and he will have some difficulty with the kids.

I'm so glad your DH recognizes it though. I hope his meds work efficiently for him soon. That's rough.

As far as people saying stuff about how hard it's going to be. . . I despise those comments. I find the people who say that most are people who either (1) don't know what to say OR (2) had easy pregnancies and very few challenges in life - if any - and found postpartum to be the most challenging thing ever. I'm not saying that it will be easy, but after you've had to face challenges (like TTTS), there's some relief in finally having the babies safe - even in NICU - and challenges are seen with the perspective that "this is temporary" and you know you can get through it instead of dreading it and letting it bring you down.

You've been very tough to deal with the things you have dealt with. . . other parents might've wilted at what you dealt with. You and DH can have the confidence that you know taking care of two babes outside the womb is a blessing after dealing with the TTTS.

 

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. It makes me feel better hearing from others in similar situations, especially knowing that you all are moms of twins and know what it's really like.

DH woke up in a little bit better mood this morning and that has helped everyone here around the house. He will go back to his doctor on 6/2 and hopefully we can get him what he needs to help him feel better soon.

 

I have to ask this. Was he taken off of a medication at the same time as going on the new one? Sometimes the withdrawal from one can cause issues.

 

QUOTE(denali_ice @ May 26 2008, 01:35 PM) [snapback]793542[/snapback]
I have to ask this. Was he taken off of a medication at the same time as going on the new one? Sometimes the withdrawal from one can cause issues.


Nope, they've got him on this new one on top of him being on his old ones. The doctor is going to gradually increase the dose of 1 of his meds and try to gradually get him off one of the others.

 

My DH has major depression, and always has (since his early 20's). He also is borderline bipolar too. We also had to deal with a TTTS diagnosis and 5 months of bedrest, all while having a 16 month old. He see a person for medication management (not a psychiatrist) and also a counselor to deal with his depression. He is on medication that we "tweak" if we need to. In general, he's been on the same med for a while, and it's been fine.

Anyway, it was a very tough time, for both him, and me. He had full-time responsibility for our DS in addition to dealing with his feelings. Truthfully, I think that helped. It was summer and he was off (he's a teacher), but for that summer, he had to take care of my son the whole time and get out of the house, and I think that helped him to stay active and right. When he went back to school in the fall, he had to do a lot of the stuff when he came home, and was always busy.

When the twins were born, we split up, he took care of my son, and I took care of the twins. We brought in help to help with my son while he helped me with the twins. It's hard, but accept all the help that is offered!

I encourage you to get your DH to a counselor. Not a psychiatrist - maybe he just needs someone to talk to about his anxiety/depression in addition to the person that helps with the meds. I've found this to be SO important with my DH's depression - it's a combination of the meds and the counseling that helps the most.

Both of you CAN handle it. It was a difficult time, the pregnancy and the first couple months, but you CAN do it. MY DH really stepped up to the plate, kept his depression under control with the meds, and we've gotten through it. He was in a pretty good place pre-preg, so that made a difference, though. But it was quite a roller coaster - to my surprise he really came through, and stayed healthy because he knew he had to. I'm glad your DH recognizes he needs to get seen - that's sometimes the hardest part.

PM me anytime, I know what it's like to have a DH with depression - it's not easy for anyone.

jenny

 

hey i dont have a spouse whos depressive ...i am bipolar and can really relate to what you are saying my doc changed my meds once and it was hell on earth for my family so i changed docs and went back on the old meds which helped but since i found out i was pregnant i have been off meds all together and i am seeing my doctor every week and having talking therapy once a week so i am seen twice a week and i seem to be managing so far ( not wanting to tempt fate by typing i am doin great lol)

my DH is my rock and without him i dont know where i would be!
so no advice really just wanted to let you know i am thinking of you and i know our situations are different but similar all the same
Karen x

 

I have compassion for what you are going through. My husband has depressive episodes and is on medication. He has recently been feeling the depression which worries me at this time, 33 weeks into an otherwise great pregnancy. It is a very uneasy feeling not knowing what is going to happen or how long this may last. I am sure that you have had your amazing ways of handling it in the past so just have faith that everything will be okay. I try not to react when this occurs because reacting with my own fear makes it worse. Keep your chin up and good luck! You will come out of this as I am sure you always have.

 

Depression runs in my family, and my dh's. I had a broken neck and herniated disc that went undiagnosed for FIVE years (yes, FIVE) and my depression got soooo bad I was put on mood stabilizers and other meds also used for bipolar disoredr. Every time a med or dose was changed it just increased my negative symptoms, and nothing seemed to work. It wasn't until I made some major life changes and got talk therapy plus seeing a psychopharmaocolgist (a "meds" only doc), and decreased off all major meds except one antidepressant plus adderral that I git better. Oh, and got diagnosed and had neck fusion surgery!

ADD and narcolepsy also runs in my family, and having Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue (developed from long-term injury) caused me to have to start taking something to keep alert during the day. I tried Provigil, but it made me ancey, nauseous, cranky, irritable. I swtiched to Adderral, and not only did it work without the negative side effects, it enhanced the efficacy of my anti-depressant. Both my sisters had the same problem with Provigil also.

When I started TTC, I went off all meds except Effexor, which is what I take to manage depression. Effexor is one of the only anti-depressants that works on both sertonin AND noriepinephrine. I did not get any better until I started it, so I believe the difference in the chemical it works on made a HUGE difference for me personally.

I have had a difficult pregnancy so far (lost my triplet--now pg w/ twins) and have had ZERO depression. In fact, I haven't been depressed majorly bad in like 2 years. But I know it can come back with a vengeance, so I try to stay on top of it.

I really, really hope this info helps. I feel for you and dh, and hope he can stabilize soon. PM any time you want. I really, truly do understand.

 

QUOTE(Heather Jo @ May 26 2008, 07:47 PM) [snapback]793897[/snapback]
ADD and narcolepsy also runs in my family, and having Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue (developed from long-term injury) caused me to have to start taking something to keep alert during the day. I tried Provigil, but it made me ancey, nauseous, cranky, irritable. I swtiched to Adderral, and not only did it work without the negative side effects, it enhanced the efficacy of my anti-depressant. Both my sisters had the same problem with Provigil also.


Dh has been thinking that the Provigil is also making him irritable and has written a list of how it is making him feel so he can share it with his doctor. He wrote down the name of the other med you mentioned to discuss with his doctor incase the Provigil really ends up not working. He's only been on it for 2 days and will give it a little more time. We'll just have to watch what happens.

I'm sorry for those who have to deal with this either because they suffer themselves or have a spouse who suffers but I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in this thing.