Split them up or no?

Hi Everyone -
so, we live in Germany, and it's very common here to put your kids in daycare at a pretty young age. Our boys were about 19 months when they started with four hours/day, five days/week. They have great teachers and are generally very happy there. We were lucky to be part of a new group that had just opened, so there were four teachers for 12 kids for all these months. Starting in May, their group will be divided into two groups with two teachers each (and a few new children joining in due course). One of the teachers pulled me aside today at pick-up and asked how we would like to handle it with the boys. The teachers are completely open-minded, but they gave us the option of them either staying together in one group or splitting them up. The two groups will still have a lot of time together and if we are not happy with our decision, the daycare will be happy to change the arrangement afterward. The boys have really different personalities and we do try to create opportunities on the weekend for separate outings.
So, my question: what would you do? Do you have your own experience to share? We're conflicted and would love some advice!

 

At two, I would leave them together unless that interferes with play. My twins are seperated in Kindergarten at 5, but were together for their two years of preschool. It was the second year that we noticed that one was 'leaning' on the other more and it was causing issues. You know your kids best... at two years old, they still play alongside of kids, and not really actively together.

 

How much time would the two groups spend together? When the groups are separate would they be in completely different rooms or in the same area just focusing on different things?
If you'd said the two groups were going to be apart for all or most of the day I would say keep them together as they're still so young. But if they would still be spending most (70-80%+) of their time together and just split up for a few things (e.g. teacher-led activities, story time) then I'd lean towards having them in different groups because it might be quite nice for them to get that little bit of time apart.

It's great that the daycare are wiling to be flexible, I'd probably give them a try at being split up. If they don't like it you can put them back together. Good luck deciding.

 

I would also leave them together at age two. As for older kids, there are two schools of thought on the separation issue. It used to be the rule that twins were automatically placed in separate classrooms when possible, but the consensus is now that parents and school administrators should make a decision on a case by case basis. The advice I've received from educators and psychologists is to keep them together in pre-school and start them together in kindergarten and early grammar school. If it appears that they've become too socially dependent on each other or if the academic progress of one or both of them starts to lag (either because (1) one twin is not as academically gifted as the other and seems to suffer depression or anxiety as a result or (2) the twins seem to be competing with each other academically and ignoring the rest of their class), then separate them.

 

My two are in a great situation where they are in the same classroom, but have different teachers and different "sides" of the room if that makes sense so they see each other throughout the day but have the opportunity to do their own thing and bond with their own teacher. They do sometimes seem to need or want to be with each other so the teachers will let them join up on one side, but usually they are content to be in the same room working on different things and I really don't think it would be a big deal if they weren't in the same room. Prior to this they were at a small home daycare and I think being a bit separate has been great for them - they don't fight as much when they get together after school or on weekends, they talk better because one isn't doing all the answering, and they seem to be gravitating towards different friends which probably wouldn't happen if they were together because they would just let my bossy one be the social butterfly. I work at a preschool, though, with quite a few other sets of twins and when the split room thing isn't an option most have been separated and there is one pair that have to be taken to see each other throughout the day and miss each other terribly and would surely do better in the same room so it seems to just depend on the personality of your kids.

 

That is how it is with my boys. They started preschool on their 3rd birthday since they both needed to continue speech therapy. I know I'm not the norm, but I wanted them seperated. I have a VERY bossy, take charge one and a laid back, do whatever one. It was frustrating being at home ans asking the laid back one to do something and have the bossy one swoop in and do it.

They have been seperated for 3 months now at school and I have seen a huge difference in my quiet DS. He's talking more and become more social.

And I do notice when we get home from school they are much more playful with each other. There is less fighting and a lot more turn taking.

 

I will be curious how I end up deciding what to do with ours... I'm leaning towards keeping together until I see the need to separate. I liked the pp's view to keep together through the first few years of elementary...

one reason I am definitely leaning to keeping together in K and maybe 1st grade is that in the K program at the school we'll most likely go to, they have very different teaching styles and lots of parties and other events that parents would need to be involved in... I cannot imagine having to go to two sets of class rooms! I'd be at the school multiple times a week! anyway, that's a selfish reason for me, but too much pressure on me to be involved would probably end up just being too much.

good luck deciding.

 

I haven't read the other responses, but at 2 they are still practically babies. I would leave them together...I (personally) wouldn't even question that.

 

i think since they have some time together and at age 2 they would be fine to separate. My youngest at 2 goes to daycare and isn't with her sisters who are 3 yrs old. I think sometimes with twins they spend so much time together that we don't see that they need time apart as well. Yes they are different -- mine are day and night but I think it fosters independence from each other and teaches them to find friends on their own. They said if it doesn't work you can switch back. Try it for say 2 weeks and see how it goes.

Heather