Split the twins for K and feeling guilty

Hi Ladies,
So DD/DSIL had decided fairly early on that they wanted to seperate the boys for K. We have all discussed many times and felt good about the plan. Yesterday they went to the meet the teacher lemonade social and found out that each one has a set of ID's in their class. DD left feeling bad about the decision to seperate. The boys seemed to be fine with the plan but Corey did mention he would be missing Cameron. They will have PE together. Each has different needs and in their daycare they were always lumped together as "the twins". Sometimes I even wondered if they could tell who was who so I still think they are doing the right thing (for them ) but I want to say some magic words to make her feel better about the decision.
Who knew this would be so stressful!!!
Thanks!
Lindy

 

You're doing the best thing. They'll be able to get their own friends and have a better sense of their identity, and they'll appreciate their time together more (ie, less fighting). I'm splitting mine this year as well (only pre-k).

I know that nobody wants to hear my story, but I was in the same class as my sister from 6 to 14. It sucked. We were 'the twins', fought a lot, had the same friends (and you know, when one of them starts to hang out with one more than the other... ), then different friends and the heartaches that issued (when one of us was with the 'popular' ones and the other was not, but still in the classroom so no way to avoid it)... I only felt happy at school at 14 when I got to get my own friends. I always had best grades but really, there's more to school than academics, IMO.

Really you'll save them a lot of hurt in the future, even though there's probably less drama involved with boys... So even if it's a bit hard at first, it will be worth it, I promise.

 

It is stressful. :hug: I'm separating mine this year (1st grade) and its not going well. If they seem to be fine with it, then run with it!! :hug:

 

Why do you think no one wants to hear your story?

I for one appreciate it! I'm separating for reasons I imagine could happen to my girls, which you mentioned. So I can tell you I appreciate it!!!! :hug:

 

Thank you so much for the reassurance. It's great to hear it from someone who's "been there done that". The fighting is one of the key elements to the decision so thanks for that reminder. We love to hear your story

 

We kept the girls together for prek and k. They are seperated now for 1st. I decided to split them because of how competitive they have become here lately. My girls are in classes right a cross the hall from each of(standard policy at the school they are in). They do some activities together and have the exact same home work as they are taught from the same work books. It has really helped with their arguing at home. They still met up for recess with their friends from last year who are in other classes. They each have several friends in their own classes too.

 

I loved to hear your story. Sometimes I think I know what my twins want but I enjoyed hearing that from a twin. I have struggled every year with should I seperate them or not. So far they have been together but I am starting to think I want to seperate them.

 

My twins' have bad behavior when they are together. You know your kids, you've been deciding this for a long time. You've put a lot of thought into it. I think you know deep in your heart that you are doing the right thing. I am an identical twin and 'we' were pretty quiet and shy kids. We were seperated in schools. I think in our 12 year grade school history, we had two classes in high school together. My husband and I seperated our twins because in their second year of preschool, one relied on the other and that one did NOT want to be relied on. It has gone beautifully!!! Any issues were all in our heads! They know they'll see each other at lunch and gym class.

To Fran: I did not know you were a twin. Please share!

 

Mine are getting along so much better now that they're separated for 1st grade. (They were together all through daycare and in K.) They always did fine in class together, but fought a lot at home. They grumped a lot during the summer about being separated but since the first day of school, we haven't heard a peep about them wanting to be together.

They also seem to enjoy having their own experiences. Not only is there not the competition over who gets to tell me first what happened that day, they seem to like telling each other.

And mine aren't even identical. No one had any trouble telling them apart, but in our case it was more that we didn't want everyone constantly comparing them.

And Fran, I appreciate hearing your story too!

 

Thanks for all of your replies! Fighting is one of the big reasons the decision was made to seperate. They got along with everyone except each other in pre-k. So today was day one and they did ok. Corey is pretty shy and hides behind Cameron so it was a bit tougher for him but they made it through the day fine. Wouldn't it just figure that the sets of ID's in each of their classes were boys? There are 4 sets total in K and C&C are the only two seperated. I'm excited to see how each of them grows individually without the other right there next to them all day!

 

I think they are doing the right thing. We made the decision to separate them because they fight alot when together. They are also terribly competitive. I just know they would make the teacher's life h3ll if we kept them together. Plus, one of our guys is fairly shy. His brother really overshadows him, to the point where I have to tell brother to shut up and let shy guy speak. They share a room, play the same sports and generally want to do everything together. I can't imagine having them in the same classroom as well. They'd never get a break from each other!

The decision was really made for us in pre-k. J broke his arm and had to stay home a few days. A refused - refused - to go to school without his brother. I carried A into pre-k, without his shoes because he refused to get completely dressed. He was just terrified at the idea of not having his brother to shield him. The teachers raved about how A came out of his shell, just in those few days without J around to hog all the attention. We've never looked back and never regretted the decision.

I do subscribe to the idea that children don't know what's best for them. We listen to their opinions, but ultimately Dad & I make the decisions based on what's best for them. This is one area we wouldn't budge on. Their opinions on separating or staying together are the narrow view of an 8 year old. Again, they don't know what's best for them.

 

My girls were together most of preschool (except when one was PT'd and the other wasn't). I separated them for kindi, mostly to keep them non-competitive academically, because one of them is really far ahead academically and the other is right on track. But what I didn't expect, and what I am so glad happened, is that they got along better after spending the school day apart. Bonus! Now that they've been together all day, everyday, all summer, they are fighting a lot and I'm glad school starts soon!

My brother and sister are twins and they were always separated as well. My girls had a lot of twins in their school of 9 kindi classes, but all of them were separated. It's the parent's decision here, although the school does recommend separation. L was one of 3 twins in her class alone!

 

I hope it went well and it is fairly standard to serparate twins-- especially if they look similar and/or have different academic/social needs.

Our DDs are together and have been since preschool....for us, this has been a good choice. But that said, DH and I are questioning if we did the 'right' thing. For us, after discussion with the schools- it was agreed that it would OK for our situation and our twins. Though the schools do prefer to split twins there was not a solid argument other than that is what they usually do. Most kids and parents did not know our DDs were twins until well into the year. They look different, function totally separately socially with different friends/interests ,and have almost identical academic skills. One would have been moving to her twins room for academics constantly so it made more sense to have together. Also one DDs special need was requested that we surround her with supportive friends. Her twin and two other little friends were the best choices to help prevent bullying. The only time my twins interact a lot is 'if' the other one is getting picked on/in a situation that they need support (which I think is fine- there is NOT a dominant twin at all). They have different friends and choose different activities to participate in.

I think no matter what-- parents will always be curious and maybe hesitant to change up anything.

:grouphug: Each set of twins is unique and as a parent you do what you think is best!! I am sure once the year gets rolling, you will be satisfied with your choice.